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Mr D. "Artist/Designer/Kibitzer" (Scottsdale, Az United States)

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Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde (Special Edition) (Bilingual) [Import]
Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde (Special Edition) (Bilingual) [Import]
DVD ~ Reese Witherspoon
Offered by importcds__
Price: CDN$ 4.87
82 used & new from CDN$ 0.01

1.0 out of 5 stars Stinky to the Max, Feb. 5 2004
Ok, I know what happened. Some prankster surreptitiously snuck in to the producers office and stole the original script and left a joke script that could only appeal to teenagers and Chihuahua's in it's place. The Prankster is now deceased. He died of laughter when they went ahead and made the movie anyway.
Once again our perky, plucky, privileged Beverly Hills valley girl / Harvard Law graduate, Elle Woods, is cavorting around in her pricey extravagant fashions and has found an extremely BANAL cause. It seems that Elle hired the most expensive private detective available, to track down her Chihuahua dog, Bruiser's, mother. Why? So the she(Elle) could invite her(Bruiser's mother) to her(Elle's) wedding. From the detective's information she(Elle) finds out that mother is a lab test animal for a cosmetic company and she is crushed (Elle). She can't possibly have the wedding without the attendance of her dog Bruiser's, mother. Do you get the enormity of the situation?
Great balls of fire
Having been unable to effect any action on the home front and even getting fired from her Law Office, our determined crusader lady heads to Washington to work on the staff of two faced, Congresswoman Victoria Rudd(Sally Fields), to submit legislation for the elimination of test animals within cosmetic companies and of course after navigating numerous obstacles and...well you get the picture.
I haven't seen a sillier movie since, well I don't remember but it's been a long time, maybe the Three Stooges. Silly is ok, in fact, it can even be good, if the movie is also funny. Madhouse, Ruthless People, and Road Trip come to mind as silly / stupid but extremely funny movies. Legally Blonde 2 wasn't very funny, it was a teensy bit cute and and has a decent sound track and that's why I gave it one star (1/2 rounded up).
The reason it was cute was because of Whitherspoon. She has an angelic appearance and plays this character to a tee, like she was born for it. She's either an excellent actress giving life to a dull movie or she's not acting. In any case she is the movie and I hope she won't be typecast for this part and get some serious parts in the future.
Another bright spot in a movie that was somewhat devoid of them, was the resurrection of Bob Newhart as Sid, Elle's Washington doorman. He was kind of her counselor and cheerleader.
In Conclusion, this is a bad movie, a veritable shell of the original

Kivenkantaja
Kivenkantaja
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5.0 out of 5 stars Viking Folk Metal by MOONSORROW, Feb. 4 2004
This review is from: Kivenkantaja (Audio CD)
I don't know if I can think of a band that has a bigger sound than Moonsorrow, maybe Blind Guardian, not because their music is similar it isn't. Their sounds are both larger than life. What the Hell am I talking about? I don't really know. Maybe it's the kind of music you could associate with a epic movie. Their songs are certainly epic.
Kivenkantaja is Moonsorrow's latest release and while 2003, for me, was a year of disappointing followups, this did not disappoint. Kivenkantaja, which means Stonebearer is another majestic recording in the same vein as their first two releases featuring long extravagant, bombastic, symphonic metal music based on Viking folklore delivered with a ferocity which would make Christofer Johnsson (Therion) envious and when the warriors join in on the chorus's it's magnificent.
Moonsorrow plays Viking Metal which is loosely termed as a sub genre of Black/Death Metal. I'll tell you right now if this were truly like Death Metal you wouldn't catch me writing about it. I like to think of it as Life Metal because it's so full of life. There are several other Viking Metal bands. This and Finntroll are the only ones I like.
Now, if you're waiting for me to describe the music, good luck. I could easier describe a magnificent sunset. The music is somewhat homogenous but each song is quite different. It has wildly variety tempos and intensities.
"Rauniolla" (meaning "At The Ruins") starts with some ghostly background voices, then all Hell breaks loose with heavy bass percussion leading the explosion into an immensely epic and melodic song with measured tempo and both excellent clear and also harsh vocals, plus great choirs and the typically folkish melodies. An outstandingly brilliant opener. Almost fourteen minutes long, seems like four.
"Unohduksen Lapsi" ("Child Of Oblivion") lookout, this ones deadly with it's fast extra loud infectious beat and raspy vocals and great atmospheric heaviness that surrounds beautiful melodies and if anybody ever tells you that keyboards, accordion and mouth harp can't enhance a song and add to the quality and atmosphere, tell them to check this out.
"Jumalten Kaupunki/Tuhatvuotinen Perintö" ("City Of The Gods/Legacy Of A Thousand Years") Here we go again with the big sound featuring heavy percussion, huge choirs plus the accordion, some fiddle and arpeggios, astounding!
"Kivenkantaja" Another massive sound with layer and layer of music and those drums are magnificent, here and throughout. Also included are the accordion, mouth harp, harmonium and fiddle to biggest possible effect
Tuulen Tytär/Soturin Tie" ("Daughter Of The Wind/The Way Of A Warrior") is introduced purely acoustic, with the fiddle, about a three minute interlude from the Bombast and then Boom, the Drums, the wonderful drums and electric guitars are back in force along with the choirs for about three more minutes, before going to a fantastic ethereal sound for a minute, then everything is back. I love IT!!!!!!
"Matkan Lopussa" ("At The Journey's End") an accordion lead then acoustic, while a subdued heavy drum beat reminds one of explosions in the background, with Petra Lindberg as lead singer, plus the choir, a traditional, slow Finnish folk song.
Conclusion:
Other than the big sound I tried to describe, this music almost seems like some kind of Scandinavian Hoe Down, it's really incredible. There are other practitioners of Viking Metal but they don't sound much like Moonsorrow, because of their big orchestral sound choirs and that the music is based on folklore.
In Short Moonsorrow is an invigorating musical experience. If this don't get your juices flowing, you're DEAD.

De Stijl
De Stijl
Offered by USA CD SELLER
Price: CDN$ 62.84
10 used & new from CDN$ 2.98

2.0 out of 5 stars I Give, What's so Great about White Stripes, Feb. 1 2004
This review is from: De Stijl (Audio CD)
You Know I seldom write one or two star reviews, so when I do it's usually as a counterpoint to a plethora of glowing reviews.
God knows, I'm not against glowing reviews. It's mostly what I write but when I think something is being over hyped, I feel a need to let readers know that there is disagreement and boy is there disagreement. I can't help it, I Calls Em The Waaz I Seez Em!
The reason I have this very overrated piece of #@^* is because I read some of the glowing reviews. In the end the music is as antiseptic as the scene depicted on the album cover.
White Stripes was recommended to me by an acquaintance and I'd read some good reviews on them, so when I had a chance to buy one of their many albums for under $10, I did. Now I've probably purchased over a thousand albums in my lifetime and my experience was that, even bad albums, had at least a song or two that you could get into. Unfortunately I couldn't get into any of the songs. Now I have heard and like Seven Nation Army on their Elephant album. Why I didn't get that instead of this one I don't know. At least I would like at least one song on that one.
Then I heard Jack White on the Grammies and he played the absolute worst guitar solo I have ever heard. So I give, what's so great about White Stripes?
I just thought you would like to know that just because White Stripes is popular, doesn't mean you are going to go ga ga over them and If you have and like Elephant, there's no guarantees that you'll like De Stijl.

Comalies
Comalies
Offered by Fulfillment Express CA
Price: CDN$ 31.01
29 used & new from CDN$ 5.27

5.0 out of 5 stars Please Amerca, LISTEN TO THIS AND ENJOY!!!!!!, Jan. 31 2004
This review is from: Comalies (Audio CD)
I've said it before so I'll say it again, watch out for these guys. They have what it takes to make it in America, having great radio friendly songs and a strong label in Century Media, so check them out!
Lacuna Coil has made a S/T debut EP and three full albums, chronologically, In a Reverie, Unleased Memories and Comalies and to be perfectly honest I can't say one is better than the other. They are the most consistent group I've ever come across. Yes their music is a little homogenous but I believe when the music is great, that is desirable. In any case, the music varies enough to keep things interesting and interesting is what you get!
Lacuna Coil is somewhat of an anomaly for an Italian band. Other Italian bands, such as Rhapsody, play epic power metal, Lacuna Coil devotes themselves to progressive, melodic, gothic style. Lovely singer Cristina Scabbia and singer Andrea Ferro share the mic and do a very good job at it. They compliment each other perfectly and give each song a special punch. Cristina's voice, while not quite on a par with other European divas such as Floor Jensen, is quite pleasant to listen to. It is deeper than some and a quality that fits Lacuna Coil's music(which is somewhat progressive)perfectly. Needless to say Lacuna Coil probably would not be where they are today without Christina.
I should point out that Lacuna Coil's brand of metal is not speed or even fast. Their tempo is generally in the medium/slow to medium range, which gives it time for slow minded individuals, like me, to absorb, sort of like Creed and like Creed, the music and delivery is powerful.
"Heaven's A Lie"
"Oh no,
here it is again
I need to know
when I will fall in decay"
"Something wrong
with every plan of my life
I didn't really notice that you've been here"
"Dolefully desired
Destiny of a lie"
"Set me free
your heaven's lie
set me free with you love
set me free"
So goes the fist verse and chorus of Lacuna Coils's brilliant, medium paced, hit single "Heaven's a Lie", which begins with a lush symphonic introduction, before Christina's sultry vocals along with a strong beat and Andrea's backing on the chorus's.
If I may borrow and paraphrase the title to an old 60s song "To Know Them is to Love Them" I think that explains all. YES, BUT WOULD I LOVE THEM? Fair question and I'll answer that by saying that if you like or love any of the following bands, Evanescence, Garbage, Roxette, Pat Benetar, Joan Jett, Concrete Blonde, even Stevie Nicks, yes, you would love them.
If my "Prediction" comes through, here is my next prediction. Watch out for Within Temptation, they are already on their way. I did a review on Within Temptation's, Mother Earth back in June. They are similar to Lacuna Coil but more strident, more symphonic and generally more up tempo.

Hearts Of Stone
Hearts Of Stone
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Price: CDN$ 28.99
8 used & new from CDN$ 11.99

5.0 out of 5 stars MEET SOUTHSIDE JOHNNY!!, Jan. 27 2004
This review is from: Hearts Of Stone (Audio CD)
As the saying goes, "Timing is Everything" and I can't help but feel that with a couple breaks and a little good timing, Southside Johnny might have become the big 70s & 80s mega superstar from New Jersey instead of the BOSS. Don't get my wrong, I love Springsteen. I just think Southside Johnny and the Jukes deserved better.
Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes were the second band after Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band to emerge from the New Jersey area. Though they carried a significant influence, including key personnel, from Springsteen and company, they were basically a White R&B brass band in the Bill Chase, Blood Sweat and Tears tradition.
This album is the most successful merger of old R&B with modern songwriting and sensibilities in the Jukes' catalog. "Hearts of Stone" features many great Van Zandt originals "Got to Be a Better Way Home", "Trapped Again", "I Played the Fool", "This Time Baby's Gone for Good" and my favorite "Take it Inside".
As evidence the Springsteen and Southside Johnny were close, Springsteen either wrote or had a hand in three of the songs.
As much as I like and admire Springsteen, I don't think I like any Springsteen album any better than "Hearts of Stone"

Hearts Of Stone
Hearts Of Stone
Offered by Vanderbilt CA
Price: CDN$ 28.99
8 used & new from CDN$ 11.99

5.0 out of 5 stars MEET SOUTHSIDE JOHNNY!!, Jan. 27 2004
This review is from: Hearts Of Stone (Audio CD)
As the saying goes, "Timing is Everything" and I can't help but feel that with a couple breaks and a little good timing, Southside Johnny might have become the big 70s & 80s mega superstar from New Jersey instead of the BOSS. Don't get my wrong, I love Springsteen. I just think Southside Johnny and the Jukes deserved better.
Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes were the second band after Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band to emerge from the New Jersey area. Though they carried a significant influence, including key personnel, from Springsteen and company, they were basically a White R&B brass band in the Bill Chase, Blood Sweat and Tears tradition.
This album is the most successful merger of old R&B with modern songwriting and sensibilities in the Jukes' catalog. "Hearts of Stone" features the most great Van Zandt originals "Got to Be a Better Way Home," "Trapped Again", "I Played the Fool", "This Time Baby's Gone for Good" and my favorite "Take it Inside".
As evidence the Springsteen and Southside Johnny were close, Springsteen either wrote or had a hand in three of the songs.
As much as I like and admire Springsteen, I don't think I like any Springsteen album any better than "Hearts of Stone"

Sahara
Sahara
by Clive Cussler
Edition: Mass Market Paperback
38 used & new from CDN$ 0.01

1.0 out of 5 stars Dirk Pitt and Sahara are................The Pitts, Jan. 26 2004
This review is from: Sahara (Mass Market Paperback)
Clive (Jive) Cussler is allegedly an Adventure/Action author. In reality he's somewhere between Fantasyland and the Outer Limits. Lol(leap of logic), this guys stories are sometimes bizarre to say the least.
Am I being too harsh? Hell, I haven't even started. I have tried to read three of Cusslers books and three times I have failed to finish them. Thats right I haven't even finished this book. I get to the point where I think this is so stupid, to continue to read this drivel, is to make me as stupid as I must be, to have bought this insult to my intelligence.(did you follow that? good you might dislike this book too!) So, if you're dumb enough to read this book after my 1/2 star review, you don't really want to know more than I'm going to tell anyway.
What's really excruciating is that Cussler can come up with some great imaginative plots and then he just blows them up by going over the top. I've seen him do it in three books. What he thinks is clever is really incongruous. I understand and want my Adventure/Action to be exciting, even improbable but Cussler doesn't do improbable, he's into three other I's, Impossible, Inane and Idiotic.
I know, you're wondering if I'm ever going to tell you about the book? If I have to, but first let me address why this book gets good reviews. To do that, I'm going to explain this phenomenon in a scenario that Jive/Clive himself could appreciate.
This is probably fiction but who knows? In any case you could find something this improbable in a Cussler book. Cussler is an Alien! Not from another country, silly, another Galaxy. He is the vanguard for a race of Aliens that hope to conquer and enslave us. They plan not to confront us, but to subvert us. Our Jive aliens persona is our famous author, which is coincidently the method by which they hope to subvert us. The hero of all of his books is a jive-assed turkey named Dirk Pitt, this is important. The words Dirk Pitt, when read over and over, hypnotize the reader, making them think what they are reading makes sense, hence the four and five star reviews. The occasional one or two star review come from those such as myself, that can't be hypnotized, so if I suddenly disappear, you'll know why.
Back to my scenario. With everyone hypnotically primed to react positively to the name Dirk Pitt, another Alien emerges on the scene named Dirk Pitt, announcing, after serving a short stint as Dog Catcher of Wonderland County, that he is running for President. Voila! he is unstoppable and we're all slaves. Impossible, don't laugh, hey it explains the good reviews and it's maybe just a smidgen more impossible than some of the scenarios in Cusslers books.
Zie Wonderbar Plotzie
This is going to be quick. Some sort of ocean going pollution is causing the destruction of all marine life. A by product of this is a disease, a raging epidemic that is driving thousands of North Africans into madness, cannibalism, and death. Our hero, Dirk Pitt and a beautiful UN scientist are off to Africa in a luxury yacht to investigate this phenomenon. They are sailing the yacht up the Niger River when they come to this city on the river......No! On second thought, I'm not going to describe the book.
He lost me in this book, when Pitt and his companion discovered the remains of a Confederate Ironclad in a dry river bed in the middle of the Sahara Desert. I cannot think of anything more obtuse, except what is discovered upon investigation, the mummified body of Abraham Lincoln.
The thing is, Cussler starts out very credible with some very good plots but can't maintain and eventually blows a potentially good read with totally off the wall stuff.
There you have it in a nutshell. If you can be hypnotized you will like not only this, but all Cussler novels and if you can't (be hypnotized)you won't like this book. (and you might help save the world from the aliens)

Redemption
Redemption
2 used & new from CDN$ 48.28

4.0 out of 5 stars Redemption - Blazing New Musical Trails, Jan. 26 2004
This review is from: Redemption (Audio CD)
Remember that old HBO comedy show, Dream On where the star (I never knew his name) would flashback to old Movies and TV shows. Guess what? Braindance does the same thing in their music, strategically incorporating samplings from movies and TV shows in their bizarre brand of up tempo dark melancholy progressive music.
Braindance centers around buff vocalist/lyricist Sebastian Elliot and hot lady guitarist/keyboardist/songwriter Vora Vor with new bandmembers, Robynne Naylor, keyboards, violin & viola, Andrew Bunk, 5&6 string bass guitars
Stygmie Von Skunk, percussive instruments
Braindance is acknowledged as a most creative, unique progressive metal band. They label their blend of art metal, goth, industrial, doom, and dark electronica, "Progressive darkwave". Every independent review I have read on these guys have given glowing recommendations.
Braindance is from the New York area and they are constantly playing gigs in clubs around the Big Apple. I know because, I get an email about a concert about every three weeks. Unfortunately, being in Arizona, it doesn't do me any good but if you live around NY, I'll bet they put on a Hell of a show.
Fear Itself was their first studio album, released in 1995. Redemption is a more recent album released in 2001, Redemption has 11 tracks totaling about 64 minutes in length. Both albums are quite similar and as mentioned before, the music is original and unique dark progressive metal often augmented by the insertion of movie dialog. In fact track #6, "Reduction", is nothing but samplings. It is a very interesting combination. The music itself reminds me of Peter Steele's Type O Negative and Marilyn Manson with a little Depeche Mode thrown in but the musicianship is more elaborate. In fact the music is exceptionally professional, with deep synth textures, throbbing drum beats, and chugging guitar riffs around Elliott's husky vocals. Come to think of it, the music kind of resembles that remarkably, unusual band of the eighties, Frankie goes to Hollywood. (no wonder I like this)
The album starts with "Refracture" a medium fast, heavily guitar and keyboard influenced number. "Resurrection" is slower and darker sans samplings. "Resurgence" is a medium fast song with a bongo beat, with few samplings. Reminds me a tiny bit of Gino Vannelli. The fourth track "Return",(which I didn't like much) is kind of an ethereal ballad. Next, "Relentless" one of the best song is an eight minute gem of variable tempos and styles including some eastern and latin. Track 6 "Reduction", is strictly dialog from movies and TV and "Resilience" is a nice medium slow almost power ballad. Tracks 8 & 9 are both instrumentals. "Remission", a medium fast number, has a very strong Frankie Goes to Hollywood feel, While "Requiem" is darker and mysterious, featuring a violin and viola. Next is "Reflexion" a slower song with some good guitar solos but not much else. The title track "Redemption" completes the album with a very Peter Steele sound in a slow hard rock mode and haunting vocals.
The lyrics generally cover standard darker themes like betrayal, broken dreams, pain, and redemption.
CONCLUSION
I rated this album five stars at first but when I averaged the songs I came up 4.3 stars so let's call Redemptiom a high four star album.
Their debut album Fear Itself is also very good so if you're looking for something totally different but not offensive this is your vehicle.
Similar Groups
Type O Negative, Marilyn Manson, Frankie Goes to Hollywood, Depeche Mode, God Lives Under Water, Lacrimosa

Pt1 Once And Future King
Pt1 Once And Future King
Offered by thebookcommunity_ca
Price: CDN$ 31.33
4 used & new from CDN$ 31.33

5.0 out of 5 stars I Love This Album!!!, Jan. 26 2004
Yes, I love this album. I've had it about three weeks now and I listen to it at least once a day. Even my teenage daughter sorta likes it. Shes says it's not as weird as the other music I have and sometimes force her to listen to in the car. The music actually varies from song to song with most of the songs falling in the melodic progressive rock category.
Once and Future King is a Rock Opera, loosely based upon T.H.White's classic King Arthur novel of the same name. This rock opera is the creation of Gary Hughes, the lead vocalist of the British AOR group TEN. O.F.K.,however, is strictly Hughes' baby, consisting of two separate and separately sold CDs, Part 1 and Part 2. I have Part 2 as well and it is also good but I prefer Part 1.
After composing this masterpiece, Hughes, who has been a guest vocalist on at least one Arjen Anthony Lucassen's* own rock opera's, borrowed a page from the master and enlisted Arjen and several other very talented guest musicians for his own rock opera.
*For those not familiar with Lucassen, he is the creator and genius behind numerous concept albums including Ambeon, Ayreon and Star One. Additionally, he has been a valued guest musician on numerous projects in addition to this album, having worked with Lana Lane, Erik Norlander, Rocket Scientists, Within Temptation and Glass Hammer.
Characters
Gary Hughes.............King Arthur
Lana Lane...............Queen Guinevere
Danny Vaughn............Lancelot
Bob Catley..............Merlin
Irene Jansen............Morgana
Sean Harris.............Sir Galahad
Damien Wilson, sings "Excalibur" (The Prologue)
Highlights:
"Excalibur",
Upon a pagan land in darkness came,
A black and heartless spawn of seed,
A cruel and wretched plague,
For the mists of time a king lay slain,
Basically an intro, starting out with a piano and bell solo with background thunder and choir reminiscent of a sound track, leading into a very accessible medium fast paced, melodic prog rock number with very catchy chorus. Excellent singing by Damien Wilson.
"Shapeshifter",
The perfect spell you could not resist,
I cast it well, beguiled and bewitched,
The evening fell and knocked like before,
But this time Hell had come to your door,
This is a great, great song in a mainstream rock vein, reminiscent of Garbage a bluesy number with just excellent vampy, singing by Irene Jansen and great backing vocals by the cast. Who is this chick? Well, I checked and she is the sister of Floor Jansen (After Forever). No wonder she's so good, Floor's arguably the best singer in the Galaxy.
Irene is apparently with a band called Karma. I will be checking them out!
"King for a Day"
True Gods, they sleep,
Locked in their mountain of dreams,
They wait for the call, for the hunger,
Thry must be freed,
This is slow rock song, almost a ballad, almost a waltz, a truly wonderful composition, beautifully sung by Bob Catley of Magnum. My respect for Gary Hughes is growing and growing.
"In Flames"
The time has come,
There's no other way now,
This Crime is done,
It tore what remained of our reason,
Another marvelous song, a medium paced, somewhat anthemic, ordered, marching style, rock number, with Bob Catley again lending his superlative style on the vocals. Great percussion and guitar.
Conclusion, there's only one conclusion. The music is wonderful and easy to listen to, the musicians are top notch and the singers are emotional and captivating so, buy, buy, buy, buy. And this one's not that hard to find for a change, so buy, buy, buy, buy!!!

In A Metal Mood: No More Mr. Nice Guy
In A Metal Mood: No More Mr. Nice Guy
Offered by Vanderbilt CA
Price: CDN$ 29.95
7 used & new from CDN$ 23.86

1.0 out of 5 stars One Star's too High!, Jan. 24 2004
I GIVE!
Is this a serious musical recording or a spoof?
It has a veneer of being authentic, with the big band sound and production and a few guest appearances by the original recording artists. Unfortunately, as either a serious recording or a joke it falls flat on it's face and the band marches over it.
What am I talking about? Pat Boone, that's who! The antithesis of the American way of life. The guy that would take us back to the fifties and Father Knows Best, The guy who made white bucks famous. White Bucks? Forget it! The guy who almost made Rock and Roll sound saintly.
If there are any of you who don't know who Pat Boone, is let me edify you. Pat Boone, is the embodiment of goo. He is Mr Right to a World of Wrong. He is the human incarnation of Dudley Do Right. He is the one the Pope confesses to. He is a beacon of light for morality. In other words, he's a GEEK, a DWEEB, a NERD!
Ok, I exaggerate, some might think of him as a role model but I can't help it, One too many doses of Pat Boone, and I need an insulin shot.
Pat Boone, was so close to being Elvis Presley. No silly, I don't mean really, I mean figuratively. Boone preceded 'The Pelvis' by a couple of years. He had Troy Donahue, good looks and a reasonably good voice and I'm sure he had as many hits but Elvis was infinitely more interesting. Whats more, Elvis's hits didn't seem forced. Of course he didn't stick around as long as the White Knight, so I guess there is something to be said for lifestyles.
Perhaps my current distaste for this individual, stems from the fact that he was somewhat of a fraud. Oh yeah, I'm ashamed to admit that I had all his phony Rock and Roll singles (they didn't have albums in the Bronze Age). The ones that were borrowed from Fats Domino, the Eldorados, and Little Richard. yeah, I had them all and I loved them. Hey, I was a stupid kid who grew up to be a stupid man but oh, so much wiser.
Pat Boone and the birth of Rock and Roll are almost synonymous (sorry couldn't think of a better word) so there was nothing to compare Pat Boone's, vanilla coated R&R songs until later, so compared to the other popular music of the day, it sounded pretty good. But in hindsight, Pat was out of his element. He should have been singing the idiotic and then currently popular music of the Bronze Age, like "Moooooon River", "Love is Blue" and the ever popular "How Much is that Doggie in the Window" and in fact, he did finally, with soupy hits like "April Love", "Friendly Persuasion", "I Almost Lost my Mind" and "Love Letters in the Sand" which leads me to believe he did indeed lose his mind when he went from "Love Letters in the Sand" to "Enter Sandman" and eleven other metal classics. Give me a break!
Ok, You're wondering what's the big deal if the guy wants to make an idiot of himself? Probably nothing, but accidently or purposefully, he is making fun of Metal as he makes a fool of himself, so this is personal. Hell, he never even successfully traversed the school of Rock and Roll and now he tries to fuse Heavy Metal with the Big Band sound, Arrrrrgh, it's awful.
So, now we finally get to the worst album I've heard in years, the album that is the alltime leader for gag gifts. Let's start with the pretentious album cover where we have tough guy Pat Boone posing as, as, as a biker I guess, with a leather vest, gold chain and an ominous gleam in his eye. Hey Pat, it's too late for that, besides who ever heard of a tough guy named Pat? If your name was Sue or Alice or even Marilyn, maybe but Pat? Furrrget it!! Arnold in a tutu would look tougher than you. Besides, I know you're older than me and that's old.
I won't bore you with a track analysis of this ridiculous music but I do have more too say. There are some that think this album is a riot. Hell, I think it's a riot but not because it's funny. It's funny because of the absurdity of it.
The thought of Mr. Squeaky Clean himself, crooning heavy metal tunes is revolting, but it even gets worse. Famous arrangers were brought in to take real Rock and Roll out and turn the heavy Metal into heavy Mush by introducing jazzy riffs and big band horn blasts. Much to my consternation, some of the artists whose material is covered, made cameo appearances. Guitarist, Ritchie Blackmore joins in on "Smoke on the Water," while vocalist Ronnie James Dio does the same on "Holy Diver."
This musical idiocy sort of works on a few songs. Boone's versions of AC/DC's "It's a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock 'n' Roll)," Hendrix's "The Wind Cries Mary," or Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train" almost sound like they were written for an overblown, slick style swing. The rest, However, don't work at all in this format, Boone just winds up sort of verbalizing the words and sounding totally incongruous.
Yes it is humorous for about the first five minutes. By then you and your friends that you brought it out of storage to play for have tired of it and you can take it out of your CD player and put it back into storage until next year. It gets tiresome FAST!!!!

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