I was born to Torgo and Daisy Mae in the small fishing village of Kapio, Minnesota USA nearly 30 years ago. I was an only child. It's near the vast,still unexplored part of the state that borders North Dakota. I grew up hunting buffalo and learning at the feet of frontiersmen and indians. I was a child genius who invented a form of karate, wrote a book of beat poetry, sailed around the world twice…
Read moreI was born to Torgo and Daisy Mae in the small fishing village of Kapio, Minnesota USA nearly 30 years ago. I was an only child. It's near the vast,still unexplored part of the state that borders North Dakota. I grew up hunting buffalo and learning at the feet of frontiersmen and indians. I was a child genius who invented a form of karate, wrote a book of beat poetry, sailed around the world twice and set the Guiness world record for most Cadbury creme eggs eaten in one hour(72!)-all by the age of 6. I graduated from Kapio High School at age 7 and a half and attended a local community college to study dentistry. I dropped out after 3 semesters to 'find myself' and roamed the world to await my calling. Ages 8-15 were a tough time for old lloyd. It was made worse by my belief that the tv show Doogie Howser was based on my failed attempt at dentistry. I've gotten over the whole mess since,having dropped all my lawsuits and attempts to gain royalties (I settled for a simple yet lenghty hug from my tv alter ego Mr. Neil Patrick Harris). During those tough pubesent years I roamed the world and found it to be a cruel and lonesome place. A string of failed marriages, an addiction to hashish (which briefly landed me in a Turkish prison) and a string of poorly recieved disco/polka records followed. Let me tell you,Portugal is no place for a thrice divorced 14 year old hash fiend who keeps muttering to himself how much he hates Doogie Howser! Really, it was the disco/polka records that punched my ticket home-I thought the time was right for that musical marriage but the Dutch saw things differently. I barely ecaped with my life. Back home at last, I worked at a failing White Castle in St.Paul,MN from ages 16-25. While not flipping 'sliders', I was creating elaborate soap sculptures, mastering the recipe for my homebrewed 'Veer' (a potent mix of vodka and beer) or playing semi-pro field hockey. During this time I also co-founded a non-religious (yet still sort of cultish) sect known as the Skull Brothers. Since all sect activities are top secret, this is all I can say. Also, much of this time was spent writing steamy romance novels that were translated into French and Russian overseas. Under the penname of Karla Loverington I became an underground sensation but retired when my controversial novel-'Something About Ivor and Steve'-was rejected by my publisher. For the past few years I've been living in Kapio again. I've become a hermit and rarely leave my small shack to do anything other than hunt for food, attend the occasional film that makes it up here or trade my soap sculptures to the indians. Life in the 'outback' is refreshing. I have time to reflect on my wasted potential and to continue my search for the perfect mail order bride. These cranky Amazon.com reviews are my first public statements since my luke warmly recieved autobiography(co-written with magazine editor Weside Amann)-'Of Sunshine and Blood'. It is curently out of print. Whether fusing musical genres that do not need it (I'm working on a techno/country/death metal album) or creating giant animals out of cakes of soap-it's all lloyd. The debauched child prodigy, the goofy folk artist,the future motivational speaker. The lover,the dreamer,the pawn and the king. If you ever see a 7 foot tall bearded fellow searching the Minnesota outback for an elk-say hi. It's me-lloyd mosaic. Just don't try to touch me. -l.mosaic
