Most helpful customer reviews
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3.0 out of 5 stars
ET Meets Alien, May 18 2004
For the price of an empty DVD case I picked up a horrible little movie that is so bad it's good. The movie is Star Crystal and can sort of be described as Alien meets E.T.A band of scientists find a strange rock on Mars. Inside are two things; an alien life form and a star crystal that acts as it's power source. Soon all of the humans are dead and the ship is picked up. A new crew is forced to use the ship as a life boat and the killing begins anew. One by one the humans are eliminated. With each death the creature grows in size and intelligence. Now that's the clincher. The creature becomes intelligent enough to know that killing is wrong. Truce and mutual assistance replace the fear and killing. Not too bad a plot, really. But wait until you see the acting! Dan Akroyd would not have had to make this one up for his Bad Cinema skits. After the acting comes the ship. Apparently there are only four rooms on the large vessel (only one sleeping quarters) and to get around you have to crawl around in storm-drain like tunnels about a yard across. If you want to watch a movie that was just made to be heckled and have popcorn thrown at, this one sure fits the bill. I would not be surprised to find out if this was conceived by the same forces (or lack thereof) that came up with Space: 1999.
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3.0 out of 5 stars
ET Meets Alien, May 18 2004
For the price of a blank tape I picked up a horrible little movie that is so bad it's good. The movie is Star Crystal and can sort of be described as Alien meets E.T.A band of scientists find a strange rock on Mars. Inside are two things; an alien life form and a star crystal that acts as it's power source. Soon all of the humans are dead and the ship is picked up. A new crew is forced to use the ship as a life boat and the killing begins anew. One by one the humans are eliminated. With each death the creature grows in size and intelligence. Now that's the clincher. The creature becomes intelligent enough to know that killing is wrong. Truce and mutual assistance replace the fear and killing. Not too bad a plot, really. But wait until you see the acting! Dan Akroyd would not have had to make this one up for his Bad Cinema skits. After the acting comes the ship. Apparently there are only four rooms on the large vessel (only one sleeping quarters) and to get around you have to crawl around in storm-drain like tunnels about a yard across. If you want to watch a movie that was just made to be heckled and have popcorn thrown at, this one sure fits the bill. I would not be surprised to find out if this was conceived by the same forces (or lack thereof) that came up with Space: 1999.
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1.0 out of 5 stars
ET's stupid cousin kills then becomes a born again christian, Nov 11 2003
If you ever have a large group of merciless friends over who love ripping apart movies, here's the perfect sacrifice. There are more goofs and false starts in this piece of sh*t than I ever thought possible. Astronauts exploring Mars in 2032 find a baked potato wrapped in foil, after spending around ten minutes of a ninety-minute film getting to know those astronauts they die. (The shuttle's air supply mysteriously turned off by an "unknown" force.) Now we jump to a space station, meet some more people, a few minutes later they all die when the reactor explodes. WTF! So twenty darn minutes into it we are finally set up with the "true" main characters, all five of them. (Er, six, but that's a different b*tch session.) We, the audience, know the baked potato cracked open to reveal a large quartz crystal and somebody's sock covered in ultraslime that supposed to be an alien. Nobody knows it's on board! The ship is equipped with a "heat source detection" display in the bridge, it looks like an old atari game, but the darn thing only works when the plot requires. One moment there are five little red "human" lights, then suddenly the little white "alien" light pops in and starts chasing red lights around. (Even worse than it sounds I assure you.) Billy meets the thing first, smacks it with a wrench, gets eaten. Next it chases Sherry around the room until she throws acid on it, no more Sherry. Cal runs back trying to help freaky girl, shoots, misses, tries to flee, dies. So for the last half of the film we have three characters entertaining (boring) us, that's right, three: Roger, Adrianne, and....Gar! When our two surviving humans finally encounter the alien it turns out he's a nice guy, only killed all those people to defend himself. (The previous shuttle crew was going to use a laser on the crystal.) If you can manipulate the ship's systems (in forms of turning on the defense shield and turning off the oxygen), how about communicating something like "No laser crystal." you stupid space slug. Killed Sherry for throwing acid on you? The thing was chasing her around the room, oh hell no, soon as Gar turned his back on me - dead Gar. Instead these two idiots end up befriending the creature, the end. Good riddance. Watching this film alone is painful, with a rowdy group of b-movie loving veterans, it's moderately fun.
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