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Commentaires écrits par
Horatio Horatio (Las Vegas, NV)

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1.0 étoiles sur 5 Did I miss something?, March 7 2004
This review is from: Fallen (Audio CD)
Evanescence is the new big thing in music for some reason. And either I'm going deaf, or there's something I'm missing about them. After hearing this last year when it came out (thank god I didn't buy it though), it turns out that they're nothing but hype.
For starters, there's the singer: Amy Lee. Everyone keeps going on about how good her voice is, but really, it sucks. When I first heard that god forbidden song "Bring Me To Life", I thought it was a joke. Listen to all the things she tries to do with her voice. It's like she has to show us what she can do before the song's over. It sounds way too forced to be given any attention. Then there's the song itself, which is nothing but one verse and a chorus repeated 20023974 times. Yeah Amy, we get the hint. And that guy from 12 Stones that's in it is even worse. He's like Papa Roach's singer combined angry version of the Goo Goo Dolls' vocalist.
Then there's...every other song which is just about love and all that. It's amazing how they can fill an entire cd with songs about passion and everything. It's almost like they went to a nearby middle school and had the kids tell them about how in love they are and *poof* instant smash hits right there. There are reasons why they chose Bring Me To Life, My Immortal, and Going Under for the singles- they're the only ones that even remotely stand out compared to the rest of the tracks. Hey, it's almost like they're a new Linkin Park. What's even funnier is that with all this critical praise they got with Fallen, they're going to be under pressure for the next album, and everything will be spoon fed to us.
The band seems to enjoy playing the same riff over and over again in each song. What's with the guitarist? He's like some wanna-be roughneck Chuck Norris lookin' bouncer and acts as the frontman for some reason. Go back to Alabama or wherever you're from buddy, ya'hear? Duh huh poridge.
I'll give the band one point though- they didn't freak out when 50 Cent interrupted their award speech. I don't get why he did that though..."best new artist" after being out for almost 2 years? But stay away from Evanescence and go find something that has talent. I agree with Kevin Daine: Amy, cut your wrists to show how "goth" you are and get it over with. It's people like you that encourage kids to go to Hot Crotch-Itch and put on ungodly amounts of eye liner.

No pads, no helmets..just balls
No pads, no helmets..just balls
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1.0 étoiles sur 5 Boy bands are too still around- look at these guys., March 7 2004
Let it be known that when I first saw this band's video on VH1, it was then that I invented the term "Ponk": pop-punk. Though, there is nothing punk about Simple Plan (or any other band 1994-now). In fact, I wonder how they even got thrown into that category in the first place.
So there I was, going through Amazon to find things to add to my list- "Pure Crap" and I see Simple Plan on the "best sellers" chart. I thought that in its own was bad, but then I saw that it had an average rating of 4/5 stars. What's wrong with you people? Has America's taste in music fallen that bad? How the heck can anyone listen to a band whose singer has just hit puberty. Seriously, no human being should be able to sound that bad while singing. I'd hate to find out if that's his talking voice as well.
We thought that boy bands were gone once Justin Timberlake went on with his solo deal, and Backstreet Boys were no more, but we were wrong. Boy bands merely took on disguises to try and fool the general consumer. Well, it worked. Instead of going "Girl, I'm gonna miss you all my life, girl, girl", they now go "WE ARE HARDKORE PUNKZ WIT' A SKATEBOARDZ DEK!!!1oneshiftone11!11". In fact, you could say that these new boy bands are the spokes people for AOL users.
I agree with one of the spotlight reviewers when they said that sometimes, bands form for no reason. This would be one of them. Had horrible bands like Good Charloette just suddenly gotten popular, I guarentee you that Simple Plan would not exist. It's sad knowing that there are groups/artists out there with talent that will never get a shot just because they don't have the typical shaggy hair and sing about skateboarding and college. I'll give them some credit though- they don't put on the stupid Crow make up like Good Charloette. In fact...*goes off to review them too*
And you know what? These guys won't be around 2 years from now. Once people get slapped with taste, Simple Plan will fade out just like the other boy bands before them. Just look at the All-American Rejects. They didn't last more than 2 weeks. Normally, I'd tell you to go listen to x band or singer, but I don't want to have ponk fans start listening to what I like. It'll be a cold day in January before that happens.

Golden Sun - Game Boy Advance
Golden Sun - Game Boy Advance
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3.0 étoiles sur 5 THE GREATEST RPG OF ALL TIME?? No. Not by a long-shot., March 6 2004
Maybe if you've never played any other RPG in your life you'd consider this the best there is, but c'mon, it's nothing new at all. And for once, I agree with Amazon's editorial review in that the story is incredibly basic and cliche. I've played quite a few RPG type games in my day (since 1994), and this one definately doesn't stand out one bit. While it has good visuals and some good music, it's missing the things that matter in this genre- good characters and a compelling plot.
It's up to a group of 4 kids to save the world from evil. Yeah, 'cause that hasn't been overdone. Not at all. And what's worse, they actually take a step down, and throw in the elements as a "major" part of the plot (well, what plot there is). What's funny is the first 20 minutes or so: the villagers in the town seem to forget that 2 of the main characters actually brought upon the potential destruction of the world.
The characters are all just incredibly stupid. I haven't seen such boring, linear characters like this since Final Fantasy 7 (read my review of that for the whole story). You have the main hero, who doesn't talk...which I don't have any problem with, but others here seem to. Garet, who never has anything smart to say, and the suggestions he brings up would bring death to the party immediately. And then there are the other two members of the party: Ivan and Mia, who aren't as dumb, but they don't have much to say after you first get them. All the additional characters never seem to do anything useful. Most of the time, you know where to go next without having to ask anyone...even if you're required to ask someone in a town in order to move on in the game. Reviewers that praise Golden Sun for "great character development" must've been playing some other game, or been on medication, because there's none of that here.
But there were two things that really irked me. One of them being the dialogue. Don't get me wrong, I always take my time and pay attention to the dialogue in other games, but here, it's damn-near useless. For every 30 minutes of dialogue, you only need to pay attention to maybe 2 lines. Everything else is just filler. And it doesn't help that there aren't any plot twists or double-crossings that you should be on the look out for. The other thing that bugged me big time was that the characters were all 'bouncy'. Whenever one would say something, the other characters sort of bounce up and down a few times while standing still and act excited. That got old fast. If it weren't so comical, I probably wouldn't have been bored so fast.
Golden Sun tries to be innovative with the use of Pokémon...I mean Djinn. They're creatures that represent each of the 4 elements, and you equip them to boost your stats, change job class, and unleash great summons. You can go into a fight with your Djinn set to 'standby' and unleash summons right at the start of combat, and take out most enemies in one turn.
As I said, the visuals are [even still in this year] impressive. It looks like a late-generation PSone game during the fights. I was amazed that the GBA could handle some of the summons here. The music is 50/50. Some tracks are good (especially in caves) while you'll forget others after you leave the area it plays in.
Ignore everyone that goes "OMFH THIS IZ TEH BEST GAME EVAR!!11oneshiftone1!!1" and don't expect it to blow you away, and maybe you'll get into it. I hope the other games in the series aren't as linear as this one. Maybe I expect too much from games these days, but look to one of the many other SNES ports for the GBA to fulfill your RPG needs. Heck, import Mother 1+2 (EarthBound) while you're at it. Golden Sun developers could learn a thing or two about a good game from that.

21 Grams (Widescreen) [Import] (Sous-titres français)
21 Grams (Widescreen) [Import] (Sous-titres français)
DVD ~ Sean Penn
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1.0 étoiles sur 5 A bad DVD-, March 5 2004
While this was a pretty good movie, but for some reason, the studio thought it'd be a good idea to remove the special features from this release. This is taken straight from IGN's dvd page (while I hate IGN, they're usually reliable):
March 04, 2004 - We're not sure why, unless a special edition is coming, but Universal Pictures has removed the extras for the film 21 Grams, starring Sean Penn, Oscar nominee Naomi Watts and Benicio Del Toro. The film ison March 16 for $26.98.
Imagine Quentin Tarantino trying to be serious, and you have 21 Grams. It's about three people: a dying mathematician (Penn) in a loveless marriage, a happily-married suburban housewife (Watts) and an ex-convict who has found God (Del Toro). All three lead their separate lives until a terrible accident brings all three of them together.
The film will be available in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen video with Dolby Digital 5.1 and DTS audio. There were two two featurettes: 21 Grams: In Fragments and The Making of 21 Grams. But now, Universal has removed all references to the featurettes on their media site. If we find out why, we'll let you know.
So unless a 2 disc special edition or something is coming out soon, I don't see getting this a priority.

Desperado (Special Edition) (Bilingual) [Import]
Desperado (Special Edition) (Bilingual) [Import]
DVD ~ Antonio Banderas
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5.0 étoiles sur 5 This is the single coolest movie in existance., March 4 2004
Without a doubt, Desperado is the coolest movie there is. It has everything: style, substance, great characters, amazing soundtrack, and not a single boring part in the movie. There are no sissy "dramatic" moments where there's a long period of silence, there are no confusing back-stories, there are no moments of great character development. No. This is a flat out, pure action-fest.
I'm sure you know the story by now, but if not: the movie revolves around the main character- El Mariachi. He's out for revenge against the men who killed his love from the first film. Once he arrives in town, it's non-stop action from there. Not a single scene drags on. More or less, it's a fun action film about people getting shot up, but it's not done over-the-top like some films released that year were. Robert Rodriguez is an incredible guy for getting this movie done in such little time, wich a sickeningly small crew. All the characters are well done and memorable. From Cheech Marin as the bartender, to the thug aptly named "Shrug" (since he gives at least two shrugs in each scene he's in).
And my god, you're never going to look at guitar cases the same way.
The sound quality is excellent here, though I'm sure it's better on the Super Bit version. The visual quality was (on a scale of one to ten) probably an 8 or so. You can see some grain and "jaggies" in some scenes, but if you're looking for that, then you're watching the movie the wrong way. If you want a movie to show off your 53207" flat screen HD tv and 5.1 DTS whatever they're called sound system(s), then get the Super Bit version. Desperado's full of explosions and gun shots.
The special features could've been better, but what we get are pretty nice. The commentary is by Robert (no other cast/crew members) and he really gives a good insight as to how the movie was made and how he used the same two guys for all the stunts: Hank and Troy. That helped him save money big time. He then goes on to say that if anyone didn't have more than 2 jobs in the entire movie, they really didn't need them. I thought that was funny since it's pretty much true. Watch the ending credits and you'll see for yourself- there aren't that many people. A fun fact that he mentions was that the machine gun and rocket launcher guitar cases were real, and fully functional. I found that hilarious. And he's not full of himself either about how the movie was made for seven million dollars either. Robert's a genuine cool guy, and a lot of directors could learn a lot for him. He doesn't talk much about what goes on the movie- the commentary's mostly a lesson in film making, but I still found it cool.
Robert does mention quite a few scenes that were cut and deleted, but none of them show up for some reason. One involved El using the crotch gun (seen in From Dusk Till Dawn) during the first bar shoot out. It would've been nice to see some of them, even if they would've made the movie drag on in places. We also get a feature on the 10 minute bar shoot out which is pretty cool. It shows how they went through the scene without many story boards, and got it done without any real trouble. Then there's the Once Upon A Time In Mexico sneak peek, which isn't anything special since that movie's out now. The actor bios are your standard dvd feature, but pretty up-to-date.
Overall, I give the movie a perfect 5 stars, but the dvd 4.25. Let's hope that a big box set of all three films gets made soon, with everything that we didn't get here. Buy Desperado for a fun experience, you'll be wanting more. Just don't expect Once Upon A Time In Mexico to be anywhere near as good as this one. Thanks Robert, you kick Ewok-ass.

House of 1000 Corpses [Import]
House of 1000 Corpses [Import]
DVD ~ Sid Haig
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1.0 étoiles sur 5 Rob, I want my money back., March 1 2004
Yeah, I liked this better when it was Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and not some modernized, "psycho" version. Sadly, I was one of the people who thought this was going to be a good movie when it first came out, and saw it in theaters. My god was I disappointed. I was tempted to walk out at so many times, but stayed expecting that SOMETHING good had to happen at some point. Nope, this is really just the single worst movie I've ever seen in my life. Yes, it's even worse than Double Dragon. In fact, most people I know will only call this "the 'h' movie" because we're ashamed to even speak the movie's full name.
In 2000, House of 1000 Corpses got tons of problems being made. Things about it being "too violent to play in theaters" and such. So it took 3 years for it to actually come out, and this is what we got. Thanks a lot Rob, I guess you live up to your name eh? The only even remotely cool thing about it was "Choptop" Bill Mosley from TCM 2. But even he couldn't save this horrible franchise (yes, there are going to be more made). There are no scenese of "excessive gore" or "graphic deaths". In fact, even the first Halloween was more graphic than this...thing. Heck, only about 12 people die in the movie. I expected people to be getting torn in half, ripped up, skinned, eye balls to be getting bit by zombies up close, veins to be torn out, etc. There was none of that. Any violent scenes weren't shown up close. I'm going to be nice, and "ruin" a part of the movie for you-
In one scene, a cop surrenders to a member of the killer family. He has his hands on his head and he's on his knees when the killer is holding a gun to his head at point blank. There is about 30 seconds of silence as the camera backs away very far, and then suddenly he shoots him, and you hear what sounds like some small firework go off, and a piece of his skull goes flying UP for some reason. There's no blood that comes from it at all. It was a cool looking scene because of the silence and neither guy was moving but I wanted GORE from this sucker, like I was promised. It was said to be "too grusome" but there wasn't anything good.
Actually, there was one scary part during the movie- about 10 minutes into it, a dollar fell from my pocket and I couldn't find it. Luckily, the lights came on at the end, and I got it back. That was too close.
Rob also decided to go gung-ho with the filters to give it an "older" tone. Had he used the filter through the whole movie, I would've liked it. But it changes from normal to filtered so many times that it just gets annoying. The music mostly his, how original. Way to stretch the diversity there Rob.
On a scale of one to ten, I give the move a 'w'. It's so bad that it goes into the alphabet and has no chance of seeing a number. The dvd extras (don't worry, I didn't buy the movie, but a friend showed me what it had) are decent, better than the movie itself even. They're all under 5 minutes though, mostly just making-of features, interviews and some trailers. The photo gallery has 100+ pictures, though I'm not sure why you'd want to remember watching the movie.
So if you just broke up with your boy/girlfriend, send them this to really get the best of the break up. But I don't buying this, you'd be putting money in Rob's pocket to help him make more. And we don't want that to happen.

Yoshi's Island: Super Mario Advance 3 - Game Boy Advance
Yoshi's Island: Super Mario Advance 3 - Game Boy Advance
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5.0 étoiles sur 5 One of the top 10 SNES games comes back, Feb. 28 2004
I remember when this first came out on the SNES almost 10 years ago and how it got rave reviews. I thought it was ok, but then again, I was in 5th grade at the time. Now that it's been re-released, I can see that it's probably one of the best platform games to come out on any system.
The game's premise is simple enough- baby Mario and Luigi have been seperated when the stork was taking them to their parents. Mario lands in a jungle where tons of Yoshis are, and it's their job to help him reunite with Luigi so they can get to their parents. Yoshi attacks by eating enemies, throwing eggs, stomping/jumping on them, and in some cases: transforming into vehicles (hoo boy). Watch out though, if Yoshi is hit, Mario flies off his back and you only have a few seconds to get him back before he gets carried off by enemies. When enemies surround you, this can be quite the rush since when Yoshi is hit at this time, he falls over for a second, making time more precious. But gameplay is easy- anyone age 10 and up can figure this out in no time.
The music is incredibly catchy. I liked it a lot better than Super Mario World's for the majority. You've got to love the boss music (especially during the final fight. I even learned how to play that on bass). Yeah, Mario's cry gets annoying at times, but if you're good, you won't be hearing it much. Graphics, I didn't think were very good when I first played this on the SNES. I always saw the Donkey Kong Country series as much more impressive, and couldn't get into the whole crayon-like designs. Now that I see the 'advanced' (at the time) CG combined with regular sprites, I can see how Yoshi's Island was one of the best looking games that year. Heck, it looked better than most N64 games. And as a plus- there isn't any slow down.
There aren't many extras put into the game. We get Super Mario Bros. (the arcade version)...for the 3rd time. Please Nintendo, stop releasing this thing. Nobody is going to freak out if you don't put it out on every Mario port. The game is a little fun, but even with 2-4 players it can only be fun for so long. I'm not sure but I think they threw in extra levels. I remember the SNES version had one extra level for each world if you got the max score, but here, there are two. That still adds some replay, as does being able to go back to every level to get high scores. And it seems easier to get 1-ups for some reason. 'weird.
Mario veterans should love this, or anyone that never experienced SNES classics definately need to pick this one up. Some levels may be hard for beginner gamers though. Heck, I still have trouble with some of the levels in the middle of the game. Like everyone else says, you can always start up this game after months, and it'll still be fun. And who knew that dinosaurs turning into trains and submarines could be so cool?

The Soul Sessions
The Soul Sessions
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1.0 étoiles sur 5 No., Feb. 28 2004
This review is from: The Soul Sessions (Audio CD)
*watches video for "Fell in Love with a Boy"*
How original, she just replaced a few words of The White Stripes' "Fell in love with a Girl" and made it sound terrible. What's this about her having a good voice? All I can hear is what sounds like a 40-year old elk being anally assaulted by a rusty cactus. Maybe if she knew how to sing without trying so hard with bending notes and everything, she'd get some respect from me.
I don't get how her being 16 makes her so impressive. Maybe fans of A Simple Plan and Vanessa Carlton have some new brain cancer that affects their taste. Though, to like those two, they must've been stupid in the first place. Her voice is nothing that I didn't hear in my choir back in 2001. And what's this? Her real name is "Joscelyn Stoker"? Wow, it's almost like she changed it just for marketing. If I were her manager, I'd have her change it to "Stoker" and have her wear a necklace of garlic. But if I were a music executive, I would never have hired this wanna-be in the first place.
Joss claims to be in the 'soul' genre of music. After what, being dumped at homecoming, but coming back full of inspiration after watching Rush Hour? Freakin' loser.
I don't know when this trend with "talented female singers" is going to end, but I hope it does. Joss Stone, I hope you fail, and you end up as an back up singer for Don Johnson when he tries the music business again. I'd sooner give money to charity before buying this album.

W.W.E. Originals
W.W.E. Originals
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3.0 étoiles sur 5 No it's not better than people think, Feb. 25 2004
This review is from: W.W.E. Originals (Audio CD)
My little brother bought this (thank god I didn't) when it came out and I was curious about the tracks. I wondered if any of the wrestlers actually tried at all. Well, they did, and it wasn't pretty. Yeah, I know this isn't supposed to be top 10 material, but really, did they have to embarass the super stars this way? And what was with the music? It sounds like low-quality keyboard/midi stuff. As a musician myself, I'm pretty sure that the only actual instrument used in this was...the turntable for Cena's theme. Everything else just sounded weak and too quiet.
Let's get the good things out of the way first: Stone Cold's segments actually are pretty funny. They're between himself and the music producer who was behind the album's creation. From Austin breaking an acoustic guitar because "it has no place in a rock song" to him finding out about changed lyrics, they kept making me laugh. Seriously, they could've just threw in more tracks like these and made it into a Stone Cold Stand-Up album and it would've been better. Next, John Cena's tack is just his theme that we hear on Smackdown, but it's still cool. The lyrics are good too, I could never really hear them on tv because of the huge crowd reaction. Eddie's theme is fun for what it is, and Lillian Garcia has a great singing voice, though the song they chose for her doesn't show it off. She really deserves an album to herself. Well, that's it for the good, now onto...everything else.
Oh Dudley the mighty have fallen. I didn't have that much respect for them before (mostly because of their repetitive work in the WWE), but this just did it for me. Take a Limp Bizkit song, which is bad enough, and take away the production value, and that's what you get here. They don't even try to put anything into the song. I ended up laughing more than being disghusted. D-Von sounds a lot like Shaggy 2 Dope from ICP though, that was surprising to me. Trish Stratus, I skipped this after about 40 seconds. I can't stand her in the ring, and her singing isn't going to help one bit. Rey's track was ok, but of course it's about being a latino, which is overdone. They should've let him try something else. The video for it was sort of cool though. Better luck next time Rey. Booker T has the most repetitive track. You've heard it on RAW by now, and I'm sure you'd rather hear the Harlem Heat theme that we've been hearing for the past 7 years again over that. Kurt Angle's song is funny the first few times you hear it. Of course, he doesn't really try at all since it's meant as novelty, but the "I don't...SUCK" chants get old fast.
Now it starts to get messy. Poor Lita, my favorite Diva (tied with Victoria), WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU!? This is supposed to be a punk song? It's just her singing (very quietly by the way) with slow guitar chords and the same drum beats. I'm embarassed to even mention it in this review. Sorry Lita, maybe you need to DDT the guy that wrote this for you. It's terrible. Chris Jericho, I'm going to pretend that he wasn't on this since he's nothing but show. When I heard his song, I was eating coffee cake, and it slapped the taste right out of it. Thanks a lot, prick. Rikishi, you're cool and all, but don't try to do a serious song again. You have a nice voice, but "Put a Little Ass On It"?? Damn man, show some dignity.
If you need a cd to listen to while you're depressed, go for this. It'll cheer you up in no time, especially after hearing Lita try to sound punk. That's about all there is to say about it and...oh, I forgot Stacy's track.
*crickets chirp*
Yep, I sure did forget to mention it. And I did a good job of forgetting too. And that was the best Christmas ever.

Viva! La Woman
Viva! La Woman
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5.0 étoiles sur 5 This is pretty out there., Feb. 14 2004
This review is from: Viva! La Woman (Audio CD)
I first heard of Cibo Matto after playing Jet Set Radio Future, and hearing the (censored) version of Birthday Cake on it. At first, I hated that song and thought it was one of the most annoying things I'd heard. But eventually, it grew on me, and I figured I'd give one of Matto's albums a try. So I went out and bought Viva! La Woman. Man is this thing wacked out.
Most of the album revolves around food, and in a very strange way. The drums are hip hop oriented, the electronics are demi-techno and jazzish at times, and the lyrics/vocals...well...I have no idea how to describe them. The accent is thick, and most of the time, the vocals are pretty calm. But sometimes without warning, Miho and Yuka belt out at the top of their vocal chords. It's pretty cool how they do it without being annoying. Though I'm not sure if I should take the lyrics seriously or not, they're well written and catchy.
Standout tracks for me were:
-Beef Jerky
-Sugar Water
-Birthday Cake
-Know Your Chicken (my god does this one have a screwed up chorus)
-Le Pain Perdu
Theme, to me, was incredibly peaceful. It's like music you'd hear when on your death bed. I wouldn't really put this album in any particular genre, it's not even really J-Pop. And I can't compare Cibo Matto to any other band, as they're one of the most original bands I've heard since probably Primus. It may take a few listens for you to like it, but if you go into Viva! La Woman with an open mind, you should like it right away. This isn't one of those albums that you listen to once in a while- it sticks to you.

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