Customer Reviews

She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

5 star:		(44)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

I've always prided myself on my oral abilities and often thought that I should write a book on the subject myself if I wasn't so lazy, since none seemed to be written by straight men or get beyond magazine-type tips. In short, no book elevated oral sex to art. So when I heard about this book, I was ready to hate it and dismiss it as fluff, but I read it over the weekend and it's really substantial and well-written. Dr. Kerner has put into words what I've always felt about oral sex and has even elevated it to the ranks of literature. It is written by someone who loves women and wants to show men how to translate that love into action. The book is really about much more than oral sex and the author brings a knowledge of female sexuality that is unparalleled. Every guy should read this, even if he thinks he's an expert, because it will inspire you to be even better. And not just at oral sex, but at appreciating the sophistication of female sexuality and how it's different than a man's. You'll learn things about women that you never knew before, and it's all fun and easy to read. Dr. Kerner dedicates the book to his wife, and says that in the world of mouth-music, she's his Stradivarius: priceless and precious. That comment says it all about his approach. This book isn't just about satisfying women, it's about cherishing them too and giving them true gifts of pleasure and intimacy. As Rhett Butler said, "you should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how." This book is for any guy who has a romantic streak, or wants to be inspired to have one.

If I was a man, and I needed to be told to flick my tongue when I'm down there, or rub it this way or that...well, maybe its me but I felt these were obvious techniques to try which your lady may or may not like. Can't a guy figure that out with each woman on his own? Isn't that half the fun? The title really has the best advice...the THINKING man.

As a woman reading the book, I can say that although some of these techniques might be enjoyable (although most of them I would just consider foreplay...they definite would not get me there), the MAIN important thing to satisfying me is what is going on in my head. Once my mind is in the right place my husbands technique is of secondary importance...and as long as he is somewhere in the vicinity and not doing anything too distracting I will be satisfied. For my husband and I, nighttime reading of erotica is what saved our sex lives. We can't wait to pull out the books (our favorites which never fail are Enchanted by Nancy Madore, Naughty Bedtime Stories by Joan Loyd and My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday). Reading one or two short stories relaxs me and helps me forget the problems of the day. Where I was almost never in the mood before I started reading at night, it is now a regular part of my life. Plus, the stories gave my husband and I an opening to talk about fantasies, and that has made things more fun in the bedroom too. If you really want to improve your sex life, get your significant other a pile of books. There are tons of them out there. The ones about fantasies are the best.

I can't marry Ian Kerner, but I can sing the praises of his funny, honest, liberating book. I've seen him a couple of times now on the Today Show and he's always dead-on when talking about sex and what's happening in America's bedrooms. I've even emailed him anonymously with a couple of sex questions and he's been really responsive and caring. Katie Couric won't say the title of the book on TV, but she's a smart girl and I bet you she's got a copy on her bedside table. Smart women like smart guys and She Comes First really is the thinking man's guide for pleasuring woman. It's about time.

I can do nothing but praise Ian Kerner's work, She Comes First. Don't think that it's training men to be more generous out of charity. It plainly explains WHY men should make sure their partners have been given ample attention as well as HOW to do so. This book brilliantly addresses issues of safety, effective technique, variety, philosophy, biology, psychology and so on. This work is the perfect blend of humor, humility, statistically-based facts, genius insight and creativity. You can feel illuminated just by the first few chapters and still want to take more in. I know this is definitely a great read for us guys and imagine women would likely enjoy learning more about how exactly their bodies are working. Pick it up now and hope for more from this author. Enjoy.

i originally heard about this book in jane magazine - it was pictured with a tshirt sporting the book title. i thought it was a great title and i LOVE the cover image - the out-of-focus banana in the background really makes the cover. but i didn't think much else, as my partner is generally skilled in that area.

then i heard ian kerner on howard stern - and i was totally piqued. i started thinking, this would be a great gag gift for the boyfriend - he wouldn't be offended, he'd probably laugh! right after the interview, my boyfriend called me and asked
if i'd been listening to stern just then. he wanted me to remember the title b/c he decided he wanted to buy it. i was like, um... you don't really need instruction... and he proceeded to tell me how insecure he was with his abilities and what a quandry my nether regions were and that it would just (at least) make for interesting reading.

so this morning, i went out to the book store (the first one didn't have it; imagine my entertainment at asking the little old lady behind the counter for such a title...) and purchased it as part of his birthday present. i was just going to wrap it but i was intrigued. being an avid reader (and an english teacher, as i've previously stated), i skimmed the entire book in about an hour before wrapping it. i LOVE LOVE LOVE it! and, i'm almost embarassed to admit, i was getting completely aroused just reading about my capabilities and the processes that were outlined! ladies, we are blessed with an incredible capacity for pleasure!!! men, it would strongly benefit you to understand how to "unlock" all of that!

even if you don't think you or your partner needs any coaching on the technical aspects of oral sex, it would still behoove you to read this book. plus, it is an interesting and entertaining read! ian kerner was a professor of literature, so he is quite a skilled author. again, i am an english teacher, so i feel i can speak with some authority on the subject. it would be hard to select my favorite points that were touched upon - but let me say that i was pleased to see him call out freud's bullying about immature clitoral orgasms. i love his own autobiographical info - i think it will really ease a man's mind to see that this is not some fabio-lookin'-sculpted-sweaty-greek-god, but, rather, a real person who has experienced trouble as well. i love the rope-a-dope/flat, motionless idea - a lot of boys don't realize the potential of just letting us do our thing; i love the detail with which he describes the clitoris - hell, i've got one and i had no idea it had 18 parts - how is a man supposed to know if i don't??? i love the detail with which he describes all of these techniques - i've skimmed through many a sex book in my times and none of them offer as much technical instruction!

basically i loved this book. i loved it so much that i had to write to ian kerner to tell him so. i can't wait for my partner to read it, and i REALLY can't wait for him to try out the new techniques. if he pleasured me so well before, i can only imagine...

on that note, let me state that this is an incredibly useable and useful book. and, again, even if you don't think you need it, you do! you will, whether consciously or not, benefit. happy reading, and, as ian says, "viva la vulva!"

I picked up this novel with the intention of learning something new about a pretty important, yet hush-hushed, aspect of life. The novels structure helped me to follow along and build up knowledge without getting too swamped with information to continue. What I learned was extremely interesting and applicable to real life - plain and simple. I have learned since, through applying my knowledge, that the steps to success are not necessarily universal (one technique does not get it done for every woman - due to mental, physiological or emotional factors not considered in the novel) in their order. Keeping in mind the 3 principles he provides, sometimes switching the method within the bounds of the readings is necessary to produce success. Though this does not take away from the fact that the information Ian Kerner provides results in a better informed reader and more caring and compassionate lover and friend. You are given the information - the lemons - it is you choice and foresight that will determine how you manipulate or turn this raw info into lemonade!

Enjoy!

The first section of the book contains good information about female sexuality. The remainder of the book is focused on performing oral sex on women. The book is worth buying for either part alone.

I was looking for a book that would help me be kinkier and hopefully teach me something about the female anatomy and the ways they experience pleasure. I read all the great reviews and praises and it seemed ideal and highly readable so I decided to give She Comes First a chance over a multitude of books on this fascinating and delicious subject. I was worried it would be one of those sex books who have a lot of words but don't say or teach us much. The reason She Comes First works is because the author Ian Kerner (a sex therapist with a PhD) makes those uncomfortable guys comfortable with the idea of cunnilingus and tells us why and how we should go down. I find his approach to this book to be refreshing because he really thinks of it as making love, and has a pleasure-oriented approach and has no problem making his points and ideas come across and comes off as a respectful well-mannered and educated gentleman and not as a sex-obsessed pig. He doesn't see women as objects and his objective with this book is basically to help men enjoy and appreciate the vulva in a different way and teach us a few things. The author genuinely seems to be of help to men and women around the world and I thank him for this.

Kerner succeeds at giving his audience the important resources and facts to know and doesn't rush in building up to the techniques and the action. He guides us through (and the 18 parts of the clitoris, that's right 18! Most of which you can't see). I suspect that even if you are a self-proclaimed expert you will learn from She Comes First and if you're a beginner this book will be of great help. Kerner talks about the clitoris as more than a love button and describes society as "Ill-cliterate". One of the best parts was the sings to recognize she is having an orgasm, often men can't tell the difference if she's a good screamer but the complete list that is given here is convincing and now I'm positive I can tell if a woman faked it with me. Some of the signs are obvious and some of them are not. There can also be times when you think she had or is about to orgasm but in reality you're scratching the surface and more time is needed. Kerner stresses a few times that the goal should be pleasure-oriented and not necessarily orgasm-oriented. A woman may not always orgasm but she will find it to be a pleasurable experience and want it more. The truth is there is a good percentage of women who can't get off simply on intercourse and oral is more pleasurable to them which is the entire premise of this work. The author stresses there are 3 parts to making love: foreplay, coreplay and moreplay, because if you're a male and you're done, chances are she's not. None of those should be overlooked, especially foreplay which unfortunately tends to be skipped by some men. There are three "acts" if you will, to She Comes First that combined make an excellent guide to oral sex and female orgasm and a fantastic read. That's probably the best part, the information is given in a manner that makes it captivating and interesting which some facts, statistics and cultural history thrown in. The book is NEVER a bore. One of my favorite parts is the following :"Hope is a fair maiden who slips through your hand. Recollection is a beautiful old woman of no use at the moment. Repetition is a beloved wife of whom one never tires of".

On a side note the only thing this book could improve upon is the diagrams of the genitals, I would have liked there be one that shows the aroused vulva as the author describes it (although he gives a fine detailed description). More diagrams, especially in different states of arousal would have been a nice touch but what's here is fine. I liked the diagrams that showed how to perform some of the techniques. They're drawn very well, obviously they're not pictures of the real thing but the depiction goes well with the overall vibe of She Comes First.

So ladies buy this book for your man, flip through it yourself and then "forget" it somewhere he will see it. Gents, you be well equipped to have this book in your possession... and read it. It's devoted entirely to her pleasure and you know she'll love it. Just remember it's about HER and not your EGO, take your time and make sure what's done really is done before you pat yourself on the back (if someone should do that it's her). The least She Comes First will do is make you realize that cunnilingus is often necessary for a female to orgasm, is pleasurable for both the male and female and give you techniques and tell you on specific areas to concentrate on. Excellent read, very recommended 5/5.

..then it's your turn. And so this is the premise of this very enlightning book on how to pleasure a woman. The author (Kerner) really gives good advice and isn't coy about it, either. I liked the straightforwardness language and have found this book to be useful in the bedroom. Likewise, I also enjoyed "Sex Machine"--Kane and highly recommend it as well.

It takes a real man to realize and openly admit he doesn't automatically know how to savor a woman's "cassolette." (Perfume box- oh, what a great term!)
This book will guide you deeply on the ins and outs you can't learn by watching porn, or talking in the locker room. For wetness sake! This book offers a cunning cunnilinguist manifesto, cites Marx, Rabelais, Kundera, Taosim, Shakespeare and Nabokov for the literary lover, has precise drawings for the curious cunnilinguist and even a cheat sheet for the harried lover. What have you to lose from reading a book on pleasuring a woman? Your innocence?