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TOP 100 REVIEWERon March 15, 2012
I was looking for a book that would help me be kinkier and hopefully teach me something about the female anatomy and the ways they experience pleasure. I read all the great reviews and praises and it seemed ideal and highly readable so I decided to give She Comes First a chance over a multitude of books on this fascinating and delicious subject. I was worried it would be one of those sex books who have a lot of words but don't say or teach us much. The reason She Comes First works is because the author Ian Kerner (a sex therapist with a PhD) makes those uncomfortable guys comfortable with the idea of cunnilingus and tells us why and how we should go down. I find his approach to this book to be refreshing because he really thinks of it as making love, and has a pleasure-oriented approach and has no problem making his points and ideas come across and comes off as a respectful well-mannered and educated gentleman and not as a sex-obsessed pig. He doesn't see women as objects and his objective with this book is basically to help men enjoy and appreciate the vulva in a different way and teach us a few things. The author genuinely seems to be of help to men and women around the world and I thank him for this.

Kerner succeeds at giving his audience the important resources and facts to know and doesn't rush in building up to the techniques and the action. He guides us through (and the 18 parts of the clitoris, that's right 18! Most of which you can't see). I suspect that even if you are a self-proclaimed expert you will learn from She Comes First and if you're a beginner this book will be of great help. Kerner talks about the clitoris as more than a love button and describes society as "Ill-cliterate". One of the best parts was the sings to recognize she is having an orgasm, often men can't tell the difference if she's a good screamer but the complete list that is given here is convincing and now I'm positive I can tell if a woman faked it with me. Some of the signs are obvious and some of them are not. There can also be times when you think she had or is about to orgasm but in reality you're scratching the surface and more time is needed. Kerner stresses a few times that the goal should be pleasure-oriented and not necessarily orgasm-oriented. A woman may not always orgasm but she will find it to be a pleasurable experience and want it more. The truth is there is a good percentage of women who can't get off simply on intercourse and oral is more pleasurable to them which is the entire premise of this work. The author stresses there are 3 parts to making love: foreplay, coreplay and moreplay, because if you're a male and you're done, chances are she's not. None of those should be overlooked, especially foreplay which unfortunately tends to be skipped by some men. There are three "acts" if you will, to She Comes First that combined make an excellent guide to oral sex and female orgasm and a fantastic read. That's probably the best part, the information is given in a manner that makes it captivating and interesting which some facts, statistics and cultural history thrown in. The book is NEVER a bore. One of my favorite parts is the following :"Hope is a fair maiden who slips through your hand. Recollection is a beautiful old woman of no use at the moment. Repetition is a beloved wife of whom one never tires of".

On a side note the only thing this book could improve upon is the diagrams of the genitals, I would have liked there be one that shows the aroused vulva as the author describes it (although he gives a fine detailed description). More diagrams, especially in different states of arousal would have been a nice touch but what's here is fine. I liked the diagrams that showed how to perform some of the techniques. They're drawn very well, obviously they're not pictures of the real thing but the depiction goes well with the overall vibe of She Comes First.

So ladies buy this book for your man, flip through it yourself and then "forget" it somewhere he will see it. Gents, you be well equipped to have this book in your possession... and read it. It's devoted entirely to her pleasure and you know she'll love it. Just remember it's about HER and not your EGO, take your time and make sure what's done really is done before you pat yourself on the back (if someone should do that it's her). The least She Comes First will do is make you realize that cunnilingus is often necessary for a female to orgasm, is pleasurable for both the male and female and give you techniques and tell you on specific areas to concentrate on. Excellent read, very recommended 5/5.
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on July 13, 2016
Long boring read.
I did not find this book to be written in a way that makes the reader want to continue on. It does have some helpful advice throughout but is difficult to want to keep reading for most of it.
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on July 1, 2004
I've always prided myself on my oral abilities and often thought that I should write a book on the subject myself if I wasn't so lazy, since none seemed to be written by straight men or get beyond magazine-type tips. In short, no book elevated oral sex to art. So when I heard about this book, I was ready to hate it and dismiss it as fluff, but I read it over the weekend and it's really substantial and well-written. Dr. Kerner has put into words what I've always felt about oral sex and has even elevated it to the ranks of literature. It is written by someone who loves women and wants to show men how to translate that love into action. The book is really about much more than oral sex and the author brings a knowledge of female sexuality that is unparalleled. Every guy should read this, even if he thinks he's an expert, because it will inspire you to be even better. And not just at oral sex, but at appreciating the sophistication of female sexuality and how it's different than a man's. You'll learn things about women that you never knew before, and it's all fun and easy to read. Dr. Kerner dedicates the book to his wife, and says that in the world of mouth-music, she's his Stradivarius: priceless and precious. That comment says it all about his approach. This book isn't just about satisfying women, it's about cherishing them too and giving them true gifts of pleasure and intimacy. As Rhett Butler said, "you should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how." This book is for any guy who has a romantic streak, or wants to be inspired to have one.
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on June 16, 2004
It takes a real man to realize and openly admit he doesn't automatically know how to savor a woman's "cassolette." (Perfume box- oh, what a great term!)
This book will guide you deeply on the ins and outs you can't learn by watching porn, or talking in the locker room. For wetness sake! This book offers a cunning cunnilinguist manifesto, cites Marx, Rabelais, Kundera, Taosim, Shakespeare and Nabokov for the literary lover, has precise drawings for the curious cunnilinguist and even a cheat sheet for the harried lover. What have you to lose from reading a book on pleasuring a woman? Your innocence?
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on January 5, 2013
I picked up this novel with the intention of learning something new about a pretty important, yet hush-hushed, aspect of life. The novels structure helped me to follow along and build up knowledge without getting too swamped with information to continue. What I learned was extremely interesting and applicable to real life - plain and simple. I have learned since, through applying my knowledge, that the steps to success are not necessarily universal (one technique does not get it done for every woman - due to mental, physiological or emotional factors not considered in the novel) in their order. Keeping in mind the 3 principles he provides, sometimes switching the method within the bounds of the readings is necessary to produce success. Though this does not take away from the fact that the information Ian Kerner provides results in a better informed reader and more caring and compassionate lover and friend. You are given the information - the lemons - it is you choice and foresight that will determine how you manipulate or turn this raw info into lemonade!

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on July 6, 2004
I can do nothing but praise Ian Kerner's work, She Comes First. Don't think that it's training men to be more generous out of charity. It plainly explains WHY men should make sure their partners have been given ample attention as well as HOW to do so. This book brilliantly addresses issues of safety, effective technique, variety, philosophy, biology, psychology and so on. This work is the perfect blend of humor, humility, statistically-based facts, genius insight and creativity. You can feel illuminated just by the first few chapters and still want to take more in. I know this is definitely a great read for us guys and imagine women would likely enjoy learning more about how exactly their bodies are working. Pick it up now and hope for more from this author. Enjoy.
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on September 20, 2007
..then it's your turn. And so this is the premise of this very enlightning book on how to pleasure a woman. The author (Kerner) really gives good advice and isn't coy about it, either. I liked the straightforwardness language and have found this book to be useful in the bedroom. Likewise, I also enjoyed "Sex Machine"--Kane and highly recommend it as well.
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on July 19, 2004
I read about this book on and practically broke my neck getting to the bookstore to buy it. I annotated it thoroughly--"Ooooh, THIS sounds interesting!" "If you do this to me for 45 minutes like he says, I will whack you on the head with my shoes to get you to STOP!" "No, he's wrong about this, what does he know? I like it!" "NO! No counting! This isn't pushups!" "Yes, I want to feel this way about you." "I DO feel this way about you."--etc.--then gave it to my Captain Marvel, who is still reeling (after all these years) from all the useful information--which, I might add, he's putting to excellent use. It's about time we got real about all this. Yes, as Kerner says, real men go down--no excuses, no arguments--and here's what to do there, and here's why.
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on May 13, 2014
very explicit well explained techniques and anatomy,i thought i knew how to please my wife .I was so wrong!!! You want her to beg you to go down on her(screaming orgasms) then this is it!!
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on July 7, 2004
the writing is fabulous, the points are well taken, that men often have a limited viewpoint about women's wants and needs...
men and women even have a limited vocabulary and working knowledge of cunnilingus, too... agreed....
ian gives us some formulas for achieving the end result. so, beyond the fabulous, self-depracating-at-times, funny, insightful, real ian, i have some issues with the content.
as a woman... i hate it when a man thinks he has a recipe for how to give me pleasure. almost inevitably i get bored. so ian gives us a recipe.
well, i guess men do like to have the directions.... and hate to ask, en route...
so i am afraid that this book would be misleading in the long run... in the short run, my partner and i may very well try out a few things, seriously modified to fit our tastes...for example, i hate flicking (too discontinuous)... but the gum press? never tried it and look forward to doing so.
thanks, ian! the world is truly better off for your contribution.
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