4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Roll Your Eyes If You Must, But Jump In Anyway
Finally after 12 years and fourteen worldwide very successful million copies, MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS comes out across the USA in the more affordable paperback. Rather than the typical "I liked it, but" format, my experience with the book was that I wound it liking it more and more as it went on, but the introductory chapters almost stopped me...
Published on Feb. 19 2004 by Allen Smalling
3.0 out of 5 stars must read but dry as dust
I dont know if i should bother leaving a comment for a classic that has been reviewed soo many times, but hek why not. My girlfriend made me read this book. I am normally a fast reader. This book took me six months to read! It is more painful to read this book than a text book. So you can probably read 1 page at a time. However, the information in this book is very very...
Published 5 months ago by H. Rastgar
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Roll Your Eyes If You Must, But Jump In Anyway,
This review is from: Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex (Paperback)Finally after 12 years and fourteen worldwide very successful million copies, MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS comes out across the USA in the more affordable paperback. Rather than the typical "I liked it, but" format, my experience with the book was that I wound it liking it more and more as it went on, but the introductory chapters almost stopped me flat.
In school we were warned not to write in "Glittering Generalities," yet Gray does his best to make a virtue of that. Who but a stand-up comedian would dare say "Canadians love Good Government, Americans love Liberty"? Or: "Californians crave B vitamins, Midwesterners crave protein"? Gray's whole thesis sounds just as simplistic at first. (In general, and with exceptions), Men are from Mars: Competitive, individualistic, not into "caring and sharing," wanting to be admired for their ability to hang tough and deliver the goods yet unwilling to communicate the fact they need admiration. And Women are from Venus: Craving respect from their men, looking for emotional bells and whistles and not so much material status symbols as their men might suppose, prone to cycles of emotional fatigue and dependent on their mates to cherish them. In the beginning it all sounded so like a 1950s Tupperware Party I almost gave up.
But I didn't, and eventually the book works, in no small part because Gray writes patiently and simply but not simplistically, supported by a huge pool of real-life examples from his own therapy sessions (and apparently lots of "plugs" from earlier editions of his books at its successors). It's hard to argue with people who tell you their marriage was saved by this book.
Gray deals with language a lot in this book, because "Martians" and "Venusians" speak different languages, and each is only remotely connected to English. (He even uses phrasebook-translation techniques at times!) If a man comes home mulling over something and seems withdrawn, his wife may ask him, "What's wrong"? He might say, "It's okay." This is Martian for, roughly paraphrasing, "I need to withdraw into myself (his "cave," Gray says), and mull over a situation. It may be a small technical matter or something more significant. I first have to isolate the matter, then chew on it, determine its scope, and try to solve it on my own. Trust me to have enough sense to try to solve it rationally, and trust me to have enough sense to seek advice from the right source if it's something I can't handle on my own. Please DO NOT keep offering help. That's a waste of your time and mine; and it's a double insult to imply that I can't solve most of my own problems and that you somehow would be better at solving my own problems that I am." So the woman cannot interpret "It's OK" into Venusian ("Please help me") or even literal English ("Everything's fine; I'm going to relate to you normally").
On the other hand, suppose Mars and Venus are in the car, getting ready to leave the house for a long-planned camping trip. Mars turns the ignition key; Venus suddenly sighs and says, "I feel all the life is being squeezed out of me. You NEVER do anything with me anymore." Mars should not, SHOULD NOT, respond to the challenge of "never" by saying "If I 'never' do anything with you, what the Hell do you call this trip?" Which would lead to hurt feelings, bickering, perhaps an all-out fight. And Mars probably has no clue his spouse is uttering Venusian dialect meaning something along the lines of "I'm at an emotional low. All the planning and packing has drained me. I need love and sympathy. Please show how much you care for me so that I can start re-investing my trust in you." His best response might be . . . no response at all. Or maybe something like "mmmm." (Gray is very big on non-verbal verbal communication.) Martians have to listen beneath the words, beneath the contract, and learn to hear the tone ringing through the context.
Sound difficult? It is. That's why it takes a medium-sized book to broach the subject; and my paraphrases, however glib, have been worked as much as possible to be accurate. Gray's theories are convincing in structure, attitude and -- as I've said above -- outcome. Not for everyone and not all the time, but maybe for eighty percent of American couples who aren't "newlywed or nearly dead." The mass of people who haven't given up -- who care about keeping their relationships intact -- especially those who come out of an argument truly puzzled as to why mere misunderstandings escalate into wars of words, or why their problem-solving seems to ground-out at the level of "S/he's always got to WIN an argument." This book is not just for stereotype Alan Aldas or Stepford Wives; to borrow a phrase it has worked for a lot of people who worked it and will continue to do so. Just don't confuse John Gray with Moses, lest the "Commandment-like" tone of his opening chapters put you off this very good and useful book. ;)
5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book on Improving Your Relationship,
This review is from: Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus (Hardcover)I really like this book. At a time where everyone wants equality for the sexes, it's vital to be aware of our naturally different temperaments.
In today's society, where we try to give everyone equal rights, equally chance, equal opportunities, we tend to forget that we are different. Books like this one by Dr Gray, remind us that no, you can't treat everyone the same. There is no total equality. Men will be men, and women will be woman.
And especially when it comes to intimate relationships between man and wife; how much more crucial it is--to be cognizant of one another's psychological differences and respect each other's natural needs, desires and wants.
Zev Saftlas, Author of Motivation That Works: How to Get Motivated and Stay Motivated
PS here is a cheat sheet for reviewing the ideas in the book at a glace.
Common mistakes men make:
Women Need THESE THINGS CONSTANTLY - EVERY SINGLE DAY - YESTERDAY DOESN'T COUNT!
Common mistakes women make:
4.0 out of 5 stars Exactly What It Claims To Be,
This review is from: Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex (Paperback)I read this many, many years ago and it rang true. I thought it would be good to read again and go back to the basics- help us to understand each other. I really enjoyed it and find it to be so true.
4.0 out of 5 stars Men and Women are different. it we meet each other i tis beautiful,
This review is from: Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex (Paperback)This is a must read an keep book for the library. Good good Good. I feel loved and blessed all the time
4.0 out of 5 stars Insightful,
3.0 out of 5 stars must read but dry as dust,
5.0 out of 5 stars Illumination,
5.0 out of 5 stars For every couple!,
5.0 out of 5 stars Perfect!,
5.0 out of 5 stars Worth your while,
This review is from: Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus (Hardcover)Once in a while a book speaks so strongly to so many people, that it does the impossible. It is popular and worthwhile. The best part is that this book gives simple pragmatic execrcises to change communication for the better. Get the book and stay married. Another great reading that I recommend is "In the meantime" by Vanzant
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Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by John Gray (Paperback - Jan. 8 2004)
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