Customer Reviews

The Dance Of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships

5 star:		(44)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Wow, I can't believe what an eye-opener this was, and I've recommended it to maybe 20 friends. Dance of Anger provides a clear explanation of many of the situations in which women find themselves feeling angry and not quite knowing why or how or who or most of all, what to do about it. Bottom line is, it is only by changing yourself within a relationship that you can hope to motivate (or just make it possible for) others to change and grow. Women are conditioned to stifle their anger or deny it, and this only leads to reactions in other areas that compound the situation. "Anger deserves recognition."
It's definitely not a quick fix, but it just may lead to long term solutions for the things that mightily bug us in our daily relationships with spouses, parents, children, co-workers, bosses, etc., etc., etc.
Read it and give another copy to a friend - or enemy!

I had already read "The Anger Habit," and I thought that book changed my life completely. I might have stopped there, having learned so much and been so much more at peace. I'm glad I didn't. "The Dance of Anger" is along completely different lines, but it still has taught me invaluable lessons. Mostly, I am learning what is my responsibility and what is not. I think I had things completely backward, as so many of us do. My whole attitude and perspective have changed. My husband is impressed with the changes in me and says he will read this book after he finishes "The Anger Habit." I consider this book a gift in my life, and I highly recommend it to anyone.

My therapist recommended this book and it has helped me immensely. As someone who was reluctant to engage in therapy or read self-help books, I was very surprised by what Harriet Lerner's book had to offer. Lerner explains that relationships are often stuck in patterns or "dances" and that these patterns repeat themselves again and again in times of anger. Lerner shows you how you can recognize and change your own patterns. Such changes lead to a greater understanding of self and healthier relationships. This book can really help you to see things in a new light.

one of the best books ive ever read. stop tying yourself in knots over someone else's behavior and its impact on your life, and start making your own positive choices. very highly recommended

Incredibly well put together. This is not a manual, it is a book of others experiences. Some of the individulas I could relate to, but others not. The decription of how as women we process anger was really good. This has helped me put a voice to how I feel and say what I need. I just wish Miss Lerner would do a follow up and add some new experinces.

This book is wonderful. It would be helpful to anyone - men and women alike when have just about any type of relationship problem. She is great about explaining that our relationships - when they are not at an optimal level get stuck in a pattern. Like an overfunctioning parent results in an underfunctioning child...hit home on that one. It isn't an anger management book, really - more that when you feel some anxiety in a relationship - it can be due to anger but more importantly a bad pattern of behavior. Even better, she gives examples of how to begin to "break" the pattern - or how she says "Dance" - you move differently and the dance changes! Great book - helpful for work issues, marital issues, and child rearing. Notes that unresolved issues with first family replay themselves in the family we make for ourself. You will not regret reading this book - written in such a way that is easy to read.

I challenge anyone to say "I have never done that before". We all do these "dances" she speaks of all the time, I don't care if you are a woman or a man. It doesn't have to be a husband/wife relationship either, it happens in all relationships. Her theory is sound and true and can very well help you to end these "dances" (fights/problems) you have with other people. It was *very* enlightening to see what we do actually spelled out for us because so much we do we do without realizing or giving 2nd thought to.

Read this book from beginning to end before trying this stuff. Secondly, keep in mind one very important thing...as much as you can change your attitude, others can change theirs and not always in the direction you hope they will. Her methods do work, but you must be prepared in some instances to "let go" of people that cause you strife if you plan to try to change these "dances" with whom ever you do this with. The reason is that maybe you don't want to let go of your mother or your friend or who ever, but they might want to let "you" go because they don't like the change. Now, she tells you that in the book anyway, but just ready yourself for it. I had a few friends that I either let go or they let me go and now I am feeling a little excluded. Sure, there are no more fights or "bad times" but that let go of the good too. I couldn't get an in-between. Mind you, this worked WONDERS with some other people I tried it on and actually solidified the relationships more. Just be prepared that you win some, you lose some...you can't change people to follow this "new" dance if they don't want to and it is always hard to let go.

This book had a significant impact on who I am today: a more self confident person who understands that the only person truly in control of my life is: ME!

I love the examples of how to handle conflict situations, as for those of us who grew up without a good example, knowing that we don't deal with situations appropriately is not so helpful if we don't get clues on how to improve.

A friend recommended the book and I have given it to friends since. Read this book if you are not afraid of change, as change is required. Change to be a happier person.

I have read a lot of psychology books, this one is right to the point and spoke my language. It gave me hope and the tools to make my life better.

The Dance of Anger is a classic in the field. It will help you understand your anger and change your behavior. I first read it over ten years ago and it was a great first step to transforming unhealthy anger patterns and improving my relationships. A great place to start. - Lisa Tener, co-author of Good and Mad: Transform Anger Using Mind, Body, Soul and Humor (Middelton-Moz, Tener, Todd, Health Communications, 2003)

This book was recommended to me by my therapist, who claimed it was an excellent book for helping women learn to deal with some of life's difficult situations. And it delivers! Learning the "dance" steps was so enlightening. Dr. Lerner helps the reader to understand complex interpersonal behaviors using language we can all relate to. Her section near the end of the book on "triangles" (an example is when your mother complains to you about your brother/sister, rather than talking to him/her directly) was equally helpful to me. I knew what the problem was in my family, but now I have an understanding of the underlying issues as well as how to avoid this very upsetting trap that some of us find ourselves caught in. This was my first Harriet Lerner book, and it's underlined throughout. I highly recommend it to anyone who is serious about wanting to improve her relationships. If you are not serious, however, if you only want some handholding, you may as well call a sympathetic friend instead. This book will greatly help those who are ready to work at their relationships, but the fainthearted will probably not benefit much from all it has to offer.