Customer Reviews

The Dance of Intimacy

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I think this is a remarkable book - a 'milestone' book for me. Lerner has great insight into how relationships work, understanding behaviour, the impact of families, and the past. She will introduce you to triangles and the impact of past traumas in your family tree. In my opinion this is not 'another self-help book', it stands apart from other popular psych titles. Two other thoughts: First, Lerner positions this book for women, but in fact it is general and should be read by all. Second: I suggest reading this book slowly, eg half an hour a day, and digesting inwardly.

I read this book several years ago, and it really opened my eyes to a lot of hidden dynamics in all of our relationships. Several years have passed since then, but thank goodness I bought it, as I plan to read it again soon. I recommend it to absolutely anyone. Read it - you will be glad that you did! I would not hesitate to pick up any of her books, after reading this one.

This book was an excellent read and in very good condition. This book is very helpful and insightful to understanding how relationships work, not just intimate ones. It is well written in plain language and very easy to understand. I would highly recommend it!

I had always told myself that I would never read a self-help book, but then my therapist recommended that I read "The Dance of Intimacy." I had been having trouble in my relationship and this book helped me tremendously in understanding myself and my boyfriend. I connected completely with Lerner's assessments of the people she wrote about and their relationships. Throughout reading this book, I had several significant "lightbulb moments." I identified with the situations in the book and although my problems have not been solved overnight, I am gaining a better understanding of what I have to do to be happier with my relationship.

After reading the Dance of Anger I was very eager to read this book. It is amazingly helpful. I especially appreciated the chapters on distancing, "overfunctioning" and how to bring up very hot issues with difficult people. I liked the author's realism, that she tells us that it's OK to move "at glacial speed" and that it's the direction and not the speed of travel that matters. She has so much wisdom and gives so much concrete advice without oversimplifying things. I also loved the chapter on "defining a bottom line" because it helped me make an important change in a relationship where I was complaining, but not really taking a bottom line position. Plus, Lerner is a great feminist in the best sense of the word.

I loved this book even more than The Dance of Anger. The author is so compassionate and clear, and she teaches specific ways to get out of the most stuck and painful places in relationships. While she always focuses on the reader to take the steps to change old patterns (no one else will do it for us), she never blames the victim. You feel like you're talking to a supportive friend or like you've found the best therapist in the world. To use a cliche, this book changed my life.

Having heard a lot of positive things about this book, this author, and her series, I had high expectations when I began reading The Dance of Intimacy. What disappointed me was that the book is a series of case studies, with little practical advise. I expected information on the dynamics of intimate relationships; what makes them work, what causes problems in them, and how to know if the only thing left for you to do is terminate that relationship. While there were a few interesting stories in the book, I did not find what I was looking for. Instead, I highly recommend Steven Carter and Julia Sokol's He's Scared She's Scared for a more comprehensive look at people who have difficulty with intimate relationsihps and commitment.

I read this book several years ago, and it really opened my eyes to a lot of hidden dynamics in all types of interaction. It has been a couple of years, but thank goodness I bought it, I plan to read it again soon. I recommend it to absolutely anyone. Read it - you will be glad that you did!

In searching for the true me, I came upon these books through reccommendation of a friend, who happens to be a councelor. I had read them again and again, finding new things out about myself each time. The subject matter, at times, was very difficult to read, due to the feelings it stirred from within me. Confronting real truths is a hard thing to do. However, the healing began with understanding "the dance". I would have never thought of it as a dance, because, looking back, I can not recall learning the steps to the dance, for I lived it everyday. We all become victums of what we live. The hope is in the future of who we can choose to become. We can change our pasts into brighter futures, and the books that Harriet Lerner has written will help anyone to do this. Not just women. I feel that I never really felt the beat before, maybe it is because I was "deaf" from past hurts. This will offer a new beginning and open your eyes, ears, and heart. I have lent all three of my books to others...Anger, Intimacy, and Deception, and non of them have ever been returned to me, for those people have passed them on to others as a helping tool as well. Some day I want to get these books again to keep in my own library. However, those who have read them, I wish you the best, and hope it helps you out as much as it has helped me. Thank you Ms. Lerner. What a difference you have made in my life. May new readers find comfort in finding and accepting the "Real Truth". It's worth the time and pain. Most of all you are worth it.

The title is very deceiving...it's not just for women, in that it has helped me see my marriage in a new light. Guys, if your spouse/significant other is unhappy with your marriage, or vice-versa, read this book. Just ignore the gender-specific and feminist ideals that Ms. Lerner sometimes includes. It is an excellent book that deserves high praise.