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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Divorce is not the end but a new beginning.
The most painful and sad time of my life was when I was going through my divorce. Even though it was my decision to end the marriage, my heart literally ached and for months I cried everyday. I wondered, "why am I so sad and upset, this was my decision"...Mars and Venus Starting Over validated my feelings immediately. I learned that my sadness was part of the...
Published on Nov. 2 2000

versus
3.0 out of 5 stars A decent read, maybe a bit too long with a lot of fluffly talk.
The content in this book did help give me insight on the situation that I was going through. I did find that a lot of things could be said much more simpler and succinctly.

I found the part where Gray reveals how differently Men and Women may approach losses very fascinating and it enlightened me a lot. While I was reading this book I was reading 3 other...
Published on March 2 2012 by R. Chiu


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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Divorce is not the end but a new beginning., Nov. 2 2000
By A Customer
The most painful and sad time of my life was when I was going through my divorce. Even though it was my decision to end the marriage, my heart literally ached and for months I cried everyday. I wondered, "why am I so sad and upset, this was my decision"...Mars and Venus Starting Over validated my feelings immediately. I learned that my sadness was part of the grieving I needed to go through. John Gray describes beautifully how your mind/head tells you one thing (I am doing the right thing by leaving), but your heart is still in another place. He explains how your head wants your heart to catch up to where your mind is...that's not possible. I learned how to allow myself to feel the pain, sadness, anger and then move on. John Grey also explains the loss of your love support...not only did I miss my husband, but I missed the "safety net" of the love I had every day when I came home. With that suddenly gone I was left with some very raw, painful emotions.
I thought I hated my husband for lying, cheating and deceiving me. But through this book I realized I needed to feel those emotions in order to heal properly. I've emotionally forgiven my husband as a way to heal myself. I know I'm better off alone. I know I will find love again. Thank you John Gray!
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars If you fit into any of the categories, rush to get this book, Nov. 10 2003
By 
Blaine Greenfield "eclectic reader" (Belle Meade, NJ) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Mars And Venus Starting Over (Paperback)
Heard and enjoyed the taped version of MARS AND VENUS STARING
OVER by John Gray . . . the subtitle says it all: "A Practical Guide
for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce or the Loss of
a Loved One."
If anybody finds himself or herself in any of those categories, then
rush out to get this book (or the tapes) . . . you'll find a lot of
useful advice.
The first third is general information . . . Gray then presents material
relevant to women first, men second . . . I found the latter section
particularly valuable for what it had to say to me.
Among the ideas that I got from listening:
* The three steps for healing a broken bone are: getting help, resetting
the bone, and them giving it time to heal by protecting the bone in
a cast. In a similar way, the three steps for healing the heart are:
Step One: Getting help
Step Two: Grieving the loss
Step Three: Becoming whole before getting involved again
* [the four healing emotions]
Healing Emotion 1: Anger
Feeling then releasing anger reconnects us to our passion for love and life.
Healing Emotion 2: Sadness
Feeling and then releasing sadness opens our hearts to fell the sweetness
of love once again
Healing Emotion 3: Fear
Feeling and then releasing fear provides the ability to discern what we need
and can depend on now.
Healing Emotion 4: Sorrow
Feeling and then releasing sorrow provides the ability to discern what is
possible.
* Another way to process the four healing emotions is simply to ask
yourself these four questions. Often men find this an easier approach
in the beginning. By answering these questions, our healing emotions
automatically begin to come up. While answering these questions,
give yourself permission to feel anger, sadness, fear, sorrow, and any
other similar feelings.
1. What happened?
2. What didn't happen?
3. What could happen?
4. What can't happen?
If you wish to explore a little deeper, there are a few more questions you can
ask and answer.
QUESTION ONE
What happened that you didn't want to happen?
What is happening that you don't want to happen?
What has happened that you do not like?
QUESTION TWO
What didn't happen that you wanted to happen?
What is not happening that you want to happen?
What should have happened?
QUESTION THREE
What could happen that you don't want to happen?
What is important to you?
What could happen that you want to happen?
QUESTION FOUR
What can't happen that you want to happen?
What can't happen that you wish could have happened?
What can happen that you want to happen?
By asking these four questions or practicing the three parts of the feeling
better exercise, you will be better prepared to heal the waves of feeling
that come from your loss. With this technique, you will be able to remember
your partner without having to get stuck in painful feelings. With this insight
and ability, you are free to stay in touch with your feelings and complete
the healing process.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Not Sure How To Feel???, Nov. 18 2013
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
I just wanted to say that this book was good therapy! I highly recommend it towards anyone who just went through a breakup, who's feeling unable to move on...when moving on is inevitable. Well worth it!! :)
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3.0 out of 5 stars A decent read, maybe a bit too long with a lot of fluffly talk., March 2 2012
By 
This review is from: Mars And Venus Starting Over (Paperback)
The content in this book did help give me insight on the situation that I was going through. I did find that a lot of things could be said much more simpler and succinctly.

I found the part where Gray reveals how differently Men and Women may approach losses very fascinating and it enlightened me a lot. While I was reading this book I was reading 3 other similar books by different authors and this book is probably dead middle in terms of appealing to me. It might be that I just don't particularly enjoy Gray's style of writing.

The content provided is quality stuff nonetheless.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A wonderful guide, worth reading and rereading, Oct. 21 2002
This review is from: Mars And Venus Starting Over (Paperback)
Many books about divorce get as far as "this is a trauma" and "don't hurt the kids," and maybe give you the standard "positive thinking" advice -
but this book goes into emotional machinery, and how to really grow and not just cope.
There is much more to this book than a quick blurb can suggest, but one main point is: There are four negative emotions which need to be recognized in dealing with a major loss. These are fear, anger, sadness, and sorrow (grieving for hopes that are now impossible). It is easy to get stuck in one or two of these four, but the one of these we are not aware of is likely to be the hidden hook which is holding us back.
He also has a great many practical observations about ways rebounding men and women injure ourselves and others - the first one is that men tend to get involved too soon, and women too late.
This is a pop-psychology/self-help book, but don't underrate it - it's got enough to say (at least for divorced people) that I've reread it three times in the last month.
---------------
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Saved My Life., June 29 2001
By 
Mona Gracen (New York State, USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This book was very helpful for me when I went through a terrible period. I recommend it to anyone who is either going through a break up or a loss. It really helps to get in touch with all of your emotions - especially anger (which is sometimes very difficult to reach) - and get through the situation. I think I would have stumbled along aimlessly much longer had it not been for this book. I was able to let go of so much guilt, anger and sorrow. That was several years ago, and now the entire incident is behind me. If you need some help getting through something painful, please read this book - also get some professional help if you can - but definitely read this book.
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5.0 out of 5 stars The Breakup Bible, July 28 2002
By 
This review is from: Mars And Venus Starting Over (Paperback)
What's refreshing about this book is that it does more than just say "Don't call him!" or "Hang out with your girlfriends more." It focuses on your emotions and how you can heal them so you can move on eventually and find love again. It actually validates your feelings of anger, sadness, and loneliness and even calls them "healing emotions," necessary for healing your broken heart and moving on. Instead of telling you to completely forget about your former partner and not think about him/her all the time, he ENCOURAGES you to think about the good times and what you did as a couple. Gray goes into every emotion with great detail, and gives you plenty of exercises to bring them out so they can be healed. And as a woman, it's refreshing to read a breakup book that doesn't "male bash." It doesn't go on about why men can't commit, blah, blah, blah. Since it's for both men and women, it gives both sides of the story (and surprisingly--or not--we both go through pretty much the same thing!) . And it never says "there is no possibility you'll ever be with this person again, so get over it", but it does state you need to heal from the breakup first before considering getting back together with your former mate. This book will immensely change your life and the way you think about relationships. Most of all, it will help you get through a very painful part of your life...with your sanity intact!
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4.0 out of 5 stars It Helped Me., March 7 2002
By A Customer
Given the market of self-help books these days, it is still slim pickings to find something that might work for the average guy. This book goes a long way to help the average guy figure out all the feelings that go with breaking-up, divorce and death. Although there are parts of the book that are a little "touchy-feely", I would encourage someone to stick with it and finish. The section on the differences of breaking up between women and men is great. It helped me to understand I wasn't crazy and that there are right and wrong ways to approach loss. I'd recommend it to anybody who needs a little help to get over the hump of losing someone they love.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Great, Nov. 27 2001
By 
This book has been tremendously helpful, I have read it multiple times and learn something new every time. I would recommend this book to anyone who has found themselves newly single. It's hard enough to be alone, this book definitely helps explain the feelings.
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5.0 out of 5 stars WHAT - NO MORE STARS?, June 13 2001
By 
Sandra D. Peters "Seagull Books" (Prince Edward Island, Canada) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
Life would be so much easier if everyone had a John Gray looking over their shoulder! As a counsellor, I have unending respect for Gray's expertise and success, As a reader, I find his books are a learning experience based on fact and mind-absorbing, leaving much food for thought.
Based on my studies in psychology as well as one who did, in fact, start over many years ago, I can honestly say the information this author delivers may well be a lifeline in a turbulent sea of emotion. Considering the high divorce rate, the overwhelming number of relationships ending with the slamming of the door, and the vast number of individuals who experience the death of a partner, Gray's book gives hope and inspires.
Grey's advice on focusing on love rather than loss is a first critical step. Denial is not a wonderful thing; acceptance is. With the closing of each door, the opportunity to open another follows. Accept the relationship for however beautiful it was, or wasn't, and move on. Take strength and knowledge from what you have learned and the time you shared together (no matter how long or short,)and use what you have learned to grow.
Gray also looks at the differences between a man's reaction and a woman's reaction to starting over. Often, it is difficult for both men and women to trust again, or to simply pur the energy into starting over. By clinging to the past, you could be missing out on a life of happiness. When marriages end (legal or common-law) men often deal with this by attempting to recapture lost youth (depending on age) or by playing the carefree, no-strings-attached guy. Woman, on the other hand, often have a mental list of so many traits they do, or do not, want any future man to have (if indeed they ever want one at all, at this point) that they eliminate 99% of the men on Earth! Much of the frustration stems from our youthful days, of falling in love with an "image" of what we THINK a man or woman should be. Alas, in the real world, there are no perfect people; we all have imperfections and possess both strengths and weaknesses. Nothing in this life lasts forever, and life does not come with a guarantee we will always be happy.
Gray's principles can also be applied to those who have lost a partner to death, many are afraid that no matter who they find in the future, they will never measure up to what they had. It is unfair to yourself, to deny yourself happiness in the future. Rest assured, your departed partner would want you to choose happiness over sorrow.
Personally, and as a counsellor, if I was asked to recommend a book on starting over that is straight forward and written in plain, simple English everyone can understand, this would definitely be at the top of the list. I simply cannot say enough good words about "Mars and Venus Starting Over" or the author, John Grey; all his books are absolutely priceless. If your relationship is coming to an end, or has already ended, and regardless of gender or age, I highly recommend this valuable, insightful book. It will not only help you to better understand yourself, but will give you a clearer understanding of others.
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Mars And Venus Starting Over
Mars And Venus Starting Over by John Gray (Paperback - June 6 2002)
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