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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Supporters Find Answers in Allies in Healing
If The Courage To Heal is the sine qua non for survivors of child sexual abuse, Allies in Healing is required reading for partners and loved ones of survivors and victims.

Written in straightforward question and answer format by one of the authors of the best-selling Courage To Heal, Allies in Healing covers topics ranging from dealing with emotions (your own...
Published on June 24 1997

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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Hyprocrisy in Action
Having been a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I'm sure that the author is well versed in how it feels to be abused. However it is clear from reading this book that the author has no idea of what it is like to be a partner of an abuse victim. The entire book basically says that the abuse survivor needs to be in therapy and that whatever the survivor needs the partner...
Published on April 20 2001


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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Hyprocrisy in Action, April 20 2001
By A Customer
This review is from: Allies In Healing (Paperback)
Having been a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I'm sure that the author is well versed in how it feels to be abused. However it is clear from reading this book that the author has no idea of what it is like to be a partner of an abuse victim. The entire book basically says that the abuse survivor needs to be in therapy and that whatever the survivor needs the partner should give. This goes for decisions about sex (get used to no sex), work, and relationship issues. Basically the survivor is seen as too damaged to handle any stress and so all personal responsibility is absolved and the partner is expected to conceed all.
Does the author not see the hypocrisy? What made the abuse wrong in the first place was the lack of choice and consent in the act. If the survivor then grows up, remembers the abuse, and goes on to demand all power in the relationship due to their abuse (i.e., the survivor gets to make all decisions regarding when/where/how sex will happen) how is this not just like the original abuse? I know! Unlike the author I lived this scenario as a partner of a abuse survivor. My abused partner first started making demands in bed, and as she found this to be a powerful tool in ANY argument went on to claim the abuse as an issue in ANY argument we had. Suddenly the abuse became a reason not to give a massage, not to go camping, etc. Power corrupts, and given a trump card of unimaginable power that cannot be argued with I watched my girlfriend go on to use and abuse this power. This book mentions nothing about this and always assumes that the survivor is right in whatever they want.
I sympathize with survivors, I really do. I'm sorry it happened...., in my opinion. But bad things happen to lots of people. I cannot see how a complete lack of personal responsibility helps a survivor. What I can and did see that eventually caused me to leave my girlfriend was a corruption of power. I left her when she started to call me an abuser because I would not do exactly what she wanted when she wanted me to. I can't recommend a better book, but I certainly know that there is no way I want to end up a slave to an abused partner like most of the 'case histories' suggest will happen. (Boy, there were some pathetic people portrayed in this section of the book, and I'm not talking about the abused!)
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Supporters Find Answers in Allies in Healing, June 24 1997
By A Customer
This review is from: Allies In Healing (Paperback)
If The Courage To Heal is the sine qua non for survivors of child sexual abuse, Allies in Healing is required reading for partners and loved ones of survivors and victims.

Written in straightforward question and answer format by one of the authors of the best-selling Courage To Heal, Allies in Healing covers topics ranging from dealing with emotions (your own included) to confronting the perpetrator to sexuality.

Allies In Healing also includes the personal stories of a few partners of survivors. Written frankly, the book admits that not all relationships with survivors are destined for success, but also speaks of the incredible benefits of such a relationship.

For anyone who is a loved one or partner of a survivor should turn to this book first- it is the companion to Courage To Heal and will provide many answers to some of the most pressing questions.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars depressing and hopeless, Dec 1 1999
By 
Carl R. Menger "hm2menger" (Michigan) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Allies In Healing (Paperback)
The chapter on sexual relations says in so many words,"you'll learn to live without". It advocates giving the survior a "healing vacation from sex", but never says that things get better. All the "case historys" are of people still celibate. Thanks but no thanks, in my time of darkest despair, could they hold out just a little ray of hope? If surviors can never have a sex life, tell me now.
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4.0 out of 5 stars An allie and a survivor, Dec 20 2001
This review is from: Allies In Healing (Paperback)
I am a survior who is also an ally in healing. This book is quite good in helping you to help others. It is written by one of the authors of Courage in Healing.
I recommend reading this book if you are trying to help someone who is a survivor
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5.0 out of 5 stars Get this book for your spouse NOW :), Nov. 27 2001
By 
"spdrwoman" (Jacksonville, FL USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Allies In Healing (Paperback)
I'm a sibling incest survivor, and this book really helped my husband understand what I went through. I'd highly recommend it to the partner of anyone who was sexually abused.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful Resource for BOTH survivors and their allies!, July 6 2001
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This review is from: Allies In Healing (Paperback)
As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I am grateful that Laura Davis complied all the information from her workshops for partners into this book. It should be required reading for anyone in a relationship with a survivor. There are so few resources for partners and the survivor can't explain it all. Healing is a two person job when you're in a relationship.
The question and answer format makes it very user friendly. Read it cover to cover, or just pick it up when you feel puzzled.
As the author suggests, I read it first and found that it gave me words to explain some topics that I thought I'd never be able to express. Sharing this book with my fiance was not easy. But it drew us closer together and opened the door for wonderfully insightful discussion. It also gave me insight into what it is like for someone in a relationship with me. I learned to be more patient and compassionate. Understanding the after effects of childhood molestation are not simple or easy, not just for me, but also for my partner.
I love that Davis very forthrightly says that while not every relationship will thrive, there are wonderful benefits to being with a survivor. The partner is encouraged NOT to rescue or "fix" but rather to respect and grow with the survivor, perhaps even getting more in touch with their own wounded inner child and most importantly to get support for themselves.
For anyone who is an ally of a survivor, this should be in your collection for sure! I turn to it again and again just as I do my now ragged copy of The Courage to Heal. It is not for the timid however. One should be serious about their relationship before sharing this book.
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3.0 out of 5 stars Helpful but, March 14 2001
By 
J. Morris (nh) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Allies In Healing (Paperback)
This book has a pro-survivor slant. Don't expect great sympathy or support for your desire to be sexually active with your partner, or to hear how your partner is responsible for making the relationship work too.
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3.0 out of 5 stars It's got a good beat and you can dance to it but......, Dec 12 2000
By A Customer
This review is from: Allies In Healing (Paperback)
This book was suggested to me by my husband's counselor. The format is easy to read, no plowing through chapter by chapter. Remember though, this was written by a survivor. There is some very good advice for partners but it seems geared towards accomodating the survivor and not addressing the needs of the partner.
It is a good book, if your partner is well into the healing process. I don't recommend this book if your partner has just begun healing. If they've just started healing, read this as a companion book to Ken Graber's _Ghosts in the Bedroom_. I found some of the sections in _Allies in Healing_ helpful and enlightening. But when I got to the sections dealing with sex my heart sank. To be told to get used to being a nun/monk is more than a little disheartening.
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2.0 out of 5 stars No "Support" for the Partner, Nov. 17 2000
By A Customer
This review is from: Allies In Healing (Paperback)
This book was recommended by our marriage counselor, along with Courage to Heal. While it contains lots of useful information, it is basically a rehash of Courage, and there's little point in a partner reading both books. The author is a survivor, and the tone of this book reflects it. For example, in writing of her partner's departure, she alludes to her growth, sense of loss, etc. following the separation, but says little of her partner's thinking, feelings or experience. She also fails to properly prepare partners for the misdirected anger and other hurtful behavior.
A partner would be much better served by Ken Graber's Ghosts in the Bedroom, followed by a reading of Courage to Heal (if only to learn what the survivor is probably being told). Incidentally, Graber's book is listed in the back of Allies in Healing, but the description hardly does the book justice.
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5.0 out of 5 stars A must read.., Sept. 29 2000
By 
"_billy_" (Boston, MA USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Allies In Healing (Paperback)
When your lovers past is so upseting that you are to the point of loosing it. Or dealing with what happend is killing both of you and your relationship. This book is a bible that will help make sence of ones partner who has been sexually abused. It also helps with how to cope with the situation that is best for the both of you. This is the only book that I have ever read where I can relate to the author so well that it seems that the book is about me.
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Allies In Healing
Allies In Healing by Laura Davis (Paperback - Aug. 2 1991)
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