Customer Reviews

Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(4)
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2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Dr. Albert Bernstein's book Emotional Vampires gives strategies for managing these personality types. Sometimes it's not practical to run away. It might mean living in a very small world if you are on the lookout to avoid these traits in people. Everyone has these traits to some degree on a continuum, from mild to extreme. The main tool is knowing yourself, esp. in regards to these behaviors. I'm re-reading it slowly.

A second benefit is trying to not inflict pain on others by MY personality.

He describes what it's like inside their minds. In extremes, the best thing he says MAY be to avoid them, especially if you're not willing to manage them in your life. They may represent either gifted and talented people or cranks, depending on the person or situation. He describes the usual reactions people use to deal with them, and why that doesn't work.

He offers a BALANCED viewpoint that seems to carry credibility.

Bernstein had definite strategies for managing my paranoid, jealous ex-girlfriend that would have worked, had I known and not tried to address her fears for her.

I see that I have always been attracted to extreme (and immature) personalities in friendships, and am one myself, though I think I have my own stuff completely repaired and managed by now. (yeah, right)

This book addresses some confusion about people that has baffled me forever. I laughed out loud several times.

The only way I was able to gain insight from this book is by taking it with a grain of salt. I started becoming sceptical of the claims in this book when I read the following statement on page 97:

"Histrionic vampires invented sexual harassment, both doing it and suing for it."

This is unbelievably offensive to anyone who has ever been sexually harassed, which is considered a form of abuse. This claim is similar to the myth that victims of rape were "asking for it."

Apart from making such offensive statements, the author also insults various professions. For example, in the chapter on Narcissism, he states on page 146-147:

"To begin with, the process is called `creativity' only when it generates ideas that are useful, convenient, and cost-effective. The rest of the time it's called `being weird' or `having a bad attitude' ... Creativity means seeing things differently than other people, and it means believing that your vision is better than what's already there. Nothing could be more insensitive, irreverent, annoying, threatening, and well, Narcissistic."

To Albert J. Bernstein, everyone in the creative professions such as artists, inventors, and writers are narcissists. Not only is his definition of creativity full of errors - for example, lots of talented, creative people such as Agatha Christie and Vincent Van Gogh actually think their work isn't any good - but the Narcissists I've known were the LEAST creative people in the world! They spent more time trying to project an image that society would accept and admire, judging the quality of things by the standards of society, and criticizing anything unique and creative than actually doing or developing anything creative.

If I had to guess, I would say that this author is either jealous of people in the professions he criticises, or deeply misunderstands them and has no desire to truly understand them, and thus feels the need to "diagnose" them. Two books that are far more helpful are for dealing with Narcissists are "The Wizard of Oz And Other Narcissists" and "The Object of My Affection Is In My Reflection." I would recommend those books far more than "Emotional Vampires."

Other than the occasional advice on how to respond to "emotional vampires," I think the best thing about this book is the illustrations - I would like to see more of the artist's work, but oddly I cannot find the name of the illustrator anywhere in the book. Could this be due to Dr. Albert J. Bernstein's obvious dislike of creative people?

Normally, you would like to deal with people nicely, kindly and sometimes go out of the way to make others comfortable. It works with most people. However, with some people you always come out of a transaction feeling cheated and violated. This is a book to deal with such people.

A wonderful book, that provides you solid insight into the behavior of "vampires" those self-seeking, immature individuals. Has solid advise and some life guiding principles like - Do not attempt to change people, attempt to change their behaviour.

If I was forced to hold onto only 3 books in my library, this one would be among them. A persons education is incomplete without reading this book. This advice works! The best part is that you regain your peace of mind.

Thanks a million Albert Bernstein for encapsulating a lifetime's experience into a small and easy to read book.

I wish I had this book years ago! The book is practical and very easy to read. Although the vampire references are numerous, the point is well taken. Special care is given to clarify that the purpose of the book is not to diagnose, judge or label people. It provides practical techniques for the layman to recognize and deal with people that can literally drain a person. Also, it can be used to recognize traits in our own selves that have the potential to drain others emotionally. In short, Thanks Dr. Berstein!

Gee, I work with two vampire personalities but I have to tell you that this book by Bernstein has to be, by far, the finest non-technical description of personality disorders that I've ever encountered. It's for both the layman and the psychologist and, best of all, it's self-help. I can't say enough about it. It reads like deja vu for anyone who has ever suffered the attentions of self-promoting, self-worshipping, narcissistic psychopaths. His advice is sound but they're so crazy you can't always use it--yet you will feel better after reading his work.

I love self-help books and this ranks with the best: entertaining, highly accessible, and most surprisingly BASED IN SCIENTIFIC FACT! Without giving the clinical complexities of personality disorders short shrift, Bernstein provides an instant guide to identifying people suffering from them, as well as sound guidelines for understanding and coping with them. Knowing myself how confused and helpless one can feel when trying to deal with these "vampires", I highly recommend this book to anyone. Forewarned is forearmed!

If I hadn't read this book at the precise moment that I did, I would have quit my job. My boss is THAT obnoxious. The most important thing that helped me transcend my constant annoyance is this: you will NEVER NEVER NEVER be able to change these vampires or make them understand why they are wrong. Or that they are wrong at all, or at fault for anything. This book gives you tips on how to get around people's personality disorders and even work them to your advantage. And the best part is, you'll get out alive!

Are you wondering if you are being taken advantage of? If so, read this book. The moment of recognition - when you find not only your tormentor's personality type but the systematic process he has followed to mess with your mind is an eerie, revealing, and ultimately liberating thing .

The tone is tongue-in-cheek, but the criteria the author lays out surprisingly spot on! For anyone who's been emotionally drained (as I've been for the past few years), you'll recognize the diagnosis immediately. What I like about the book is the author's pro-active stand in offering solutions to present problems, rather than pleading with us (as most self-help books tend to do) to empathise with the aforesaid vampire's emotional problems. Understanding their problems is one thing, allowing yourself to be trapped by those very problems is another. Worth the investment, if only to know that you're not mean or mad by wanting to get rid of these (apparently) sweet and loving creatures.

Emotional Vampires teaches you how to protect yourself from people who emotionally and materially drain you for their own gain and at your expense. These "vampires" prey on colleagues, friends, and family. They are especially dangerous because their self-absorption prevents them from seeing that they are harming others, and even makes them think they are helping others. "Vampires" are especially gifted at finding the most vulnerable victims. With Dr. Bernstein's help, these vampires will see you as no easy prey and move on to others. You recognize Emotional Vampires by the emotional aftermath: they "take a lot out of you," they leave you feeling "drained," they "pushed your buttons," they are "high maintenance," etc. Dr. Bernstein is right on the money with "vampire bite" as a metaphorical diagnosis for the real harm these types cause, but beware: the fangs seldom show, and emotional vampires can seem as harmless and ineffectual as Aunt Bea, or as affable as Will Rogers. Each chapter is a recognizance of different "vampire" personality types. I realized I was particularly vulnerable to the "histrionics" who thrive on drama for its own sake. I used Bernstein's techniques on a certain "histrionic" vampire in my life, and now I'm thankfully out of her perpetual soap opera. I urge everybody to buy this book. It's a funny and easy read, but the subject is serious and the insights ring deeply true. Once you have read it you will have the power to protect yourself from a lot of hard times and wasted hours.