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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Jay Thank You A Bunch!!!!
on February 6, 2004
I almost died in joy when I read this book. My spouse has been living all his life with his invalidator mom. He is a polite and nice guy but he can't stand on his own. He had to discuss everything with her. When we were married, his mom always tried to control our life and he agreed with her. His mom said things bad to me (in front of me or behind my back) but NEVER in front of her son. Sometimes I told him about all these things, he wouldn't believe me cause 'how can a mom do such a things?' conversation. She is the "1%" Jay describes in his book. And I was the typical 'victim' in his book. I got into car accident cause I was frustrated with my marriage and later I developed a chronic illness. Finally, I had the guts with the support of my family and friends to finally leave the marriage and let him observe his mom's behaviour.
Then one day he went to a bookstore and saw this book. Cause I always called his mom 'nasty' person. So he read and called me right away. Of course he believes a psychologist than me! Then he finally realized that he has been living with bunch of invalidators (his mom and his siblings) and his mom's friends!
After difficult marriage and a separation, I finally feeeellll good and liberated! Of course, Jay's book doesn't tell you to hit the road. I've decided to end the relationship cause it really ate my body away and I'm afrad that I go bitter and pass it on to people subcontiously.
To Jay, thank you very much. Though my marriage didnt work, but at least, my ex now realizes that an invalidator can exist in a sweet person (this happens to be his mom) and he really understood now how I really felt during our marriage.