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5.0 out of 5 stars Very eye opening
There were so many light bulbs going off in my head that I lit up the room! I am about half way through and looking forward to the rest. I have recently read other books on dating but they were not as informative about the physical, psychological and emotional things that go on with men and women during dating. Then there is what we say and what they hear...
Published 15 months ago by Sherri H Brideau

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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Dating advice for traditional men and women
I borrowed this book from my brother about four years ago. Four years later I have been married for three years and decided to finally read the book.
Summary:
The basic idea of the book is that there are five stages to the dating process:
1. Attraction
2. Uncertainty
3. Exclusivity
4. Intimacy
5. Engagement
The rest of the book is...
Published on Jan. 28 2003


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4.0 out of 5 stars A must!, April 12 2014
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I've read this book numerous times and each time I learn something useful. Although redundant at times, this is a must read for any young couple.

Can't live with them, can't live without them....
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5.0 out of 5 stars Very eye opening, Dec 23 2012
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There were so many light bulbs going off in my head that I lit up the room! I am about half way through and looking forward to the rest. I have recently read other books on dating but they were not as informative about the physical, psychological and emotional things that go on with men and women during dating. Then there is what we say and what they hear..... Everyone should read this book.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Dating advice for traditional men and women, Jan. 28 2003
I borrowed this book from my brother about four years ago. Four years later I have been married for three years and decided to finally read the book.
Summary:
The basic idea of the book is that there are five stages to the dating process:
1. Attraction
2. Uncertainty
3. Exclusivity
4. Intimacy
5. Engagement
The rest of the book is a collection of insights on how to make relationships successful or how to recognize when it is time to end a relationship.
My Comments:
First, I must admit that being involved in a traditional relationship (I am a married heterosexual) the insights in the book seemed fairly relevant and well designed. But, this is also one of the problems I see with the book. The book is designed exclusively for traditional, heterosexual relationships. If you are not a man or a woman looking for someone of the opposite sex to marry, then this isn't the book for you. The ultimate goal, as defined in the book, is marriage. If you are not looking to get married, then this isn't the book for you.
The book is written from a very traditional perspective. With the increase in non-traditional relationships (homosexuality, bisexuality, cohabitation, etc.) this book could alienate a lot of people. Also, there are continual references to God throughout the book. These references often coincide with a concept the author calls 'soul mates'. There is a trend in American society away from the traditional view of God, specifically seeing God as an active force in people's lives. As a result, this book could also alienate those people that don't believe in God or don't feel that God is active in their lives. And the idea of soul mates (as Dr. Gray outlines it in the book it is the idea that there is one special person for you out there) is, in my humble opinion, very outdated. Perhaps Dr. Gray isn't arguing that there is only ONE person that you could marry, but he seems to think that there aren't very many - if there is more than one - and that they are hard to find.
Another major problem with this approach to relationships is that Dr. Gray presents relationships in a very functional sense. Let me explain... Instead of saying that perhaps the way people approached romantic relationships in the past (pre 1990) may not have been the best way to do it (men calling women, being responsible for everything that takes place, women being receptive rather than aggressive, etc.), Dr. Gray incorporates all of these things into his theory about how relationships and dating are supposed to work. He seems to argue that because these behaviors exist they must be necessary. This is a circular argument from which one cannot escape. They are necessary so they must exist. They exist because they are necessary. I would argue that the traditional dating patterns of bygone ages are outdated and anti-modal. Sure, he offers ideas and thoughts where men and women can change, but he also seems to be arguing that a lot of things should just plain stay the same. I disagree out right with this idea. We live in a different time.
I should also mention that the version I read is 370 pages long. It could have been condensed to about 150 pages and still covered everything he wanted to say adequately.
On the positive side, because I am in a heterosexual relationship, I did find some of Dr. Gray's insights helpful. However, the one's that I found applicable to my relationship I found by sifting through the broad, sweeping claims he makes about genders and in between comments about how God will help us find our partner and how we can find a soul mate; all of which I thought was worthless trash.
Overall, this book would be useful to someone that firmly believes in God, wants a traditional relationship with a woman, and believes that the old way of dating/courting is still the right way. If this describes you (it probably describes over 60% of the U.S. population, meaning Dr. Gray understands there is a market for this type of stuff) then this would be a good book. If you don't meet this criteria, look elsewhere.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Always a good one to have on the bookshelf, Aug. 15 2011
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Even though I take all of John Gray's books with a grain of salt, they most certainly have come in handy. They DO make some things clear. I've tried to understand my man, and this book book have been very helpful. Sometimes, in some ways, people ARE the same. Ain't popular psychology great!

This book is a basic. Male or female, I can see this book being of assistance to anyone trying to understand why their significant other is like THIS and like THAT. Sure, sometimes it doesn't make sense, and never will. But this book will give you an explanation and a way to work around it, through it, seriously, it's helped a lot of people.

I can't complain about the condition it arrived in. For a used book, it looked pretty pristine! Timely delivery.
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5.0 out of 5 stars THE BEST RELATIONSHIP BOOK, March 18 2011
By 
If you are not a believer of this psychology, all I can say is give it two months of honest 100% trial, and you will be amazed at the results. John Gray really understands male/female relationship dynamics that are part of our DNA, cultures and history. Like him, I got a second chance at love and am now happily engaged. Thank you for writing this book - truly inspiring.
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1.0 out of 5 stars OK at first, then offensive, May 15 2004
By A Customer
The first 2/3 of the book was OK, with balanced "points of view" and "how-to's" for both men and women. Some of the information was interesting, explanatory, and useful; some was not.
But then the author began giving unbalanced treatment, primarily telling women how they ought to behave and what they ought to say. The message was that a man has a large and fragile ego, and that a woman should support his ego. She should never disagree with him, except "playfully". In public, she should paint him as a white knight, regardless of what really happened.
Perhaps it was just the author's writing style, but most of his examples, supposedly of real couples he'd observed or counseled, seemed made-up.
Finally, at the end of the book, the author insults the reader's intelligence with an idiotic, redundant, and unnecessary list of 101 places to look for a mate. Very patronizing.
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3.0 out of 5 stars Solid, but a minor warning to shy readers, April 10 2004
By 
DBW (Chicago, IL USA) - See all my reviews
John Gray's "Mars and Venus On a Date" is a solid piece of work, with well-reasoned insights into the dynamics of male-female romantic relationships.
One note, though, to men who are shy, and might see the book as a guide to learning how to get dates more easily. Shyness is not really addressed here. This is by no means meant as a criticism, but given the notoriety of the "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" books, many men may wonder if this kind of help is being offered here.
The closest Gray comes to touching on shyness is when he says that many men get tongue-tied when approaching women they're attracted to, and that usually the best advice is to say the most simple thing ("Hi, I'm John," etc.). He also briefly touches on the various ways women might flirt, and the ways to tastefully send out non-verbal cues that you're interested. This territory is covered in a total of maybe three paragraphs, at different points in the book. One of the last sections touches on dozens of places to meet your soulmate.
The book is great for people who don't have any trouble in the initial, attraction phase. But for those who can't get to that first approach, this may not be the best place to start.
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5.0 out of 5 stars SUCCESS FOR FINDING YOUR SOULMATE..THIS BOOK IS THE TRUTH, March 1 2004
By A Customer
A year ago,I didn't want to believe this book was the truth.I wanted to believe I could be the agressor in dating and relationships.Newflash ladies being the agressor never works.The one who invest the most is the one who leads and wears the pants.Do you want a puppie for a man???This book is healthy for women and men.One thing will never change and that's the sex of the female and male.Some rules remain..one of them are masculine and feminine energy.IF YOUR HAVING TROUBLE HAVING SUCCESS IN RELATIONSHIPS..DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND READ THIS BOOK AND EXAMINE THE TIMES YOU HAD SUCCESS AND FAILURE IN DATING.AFTER READING AND APPLYING THE ADVICE IN THIS BOOK..I JUST WANT TO WISH YOU A BEAUTIFUL LIFE LONG MARRIAGE...HAPPINESS AND BLESSINGS TO ALL!!!!!!!!
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5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book, Good Points, Dec 26 2003
By A Customer
I heard about this book and decided to check it out at the library. I really enjoyed it. This book is easy to read, insightful and funny. There are good tips, mostly common sense stuff, that are organized in a manner that will help everyone understand the opposite sex a little better. For the most part, though, the books is motvational and interesting. I bought my own copy and refer to it often. Well worth the read.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening, Dec 3 2003
By A Customer
I am a skeptic and I usually do not like relationship self help books, but this one offers such practical advice, and is such a fun and easy read that I was immediately sold.
Rather than telling men and women how they should act/what games they should play, Gray just offers some observations about how men and women ARE -- ie Men are like rubber bands -- they don't pull away because they are manipulative or control freaks, rather it is just the way they are programmed. If you leave them alone, they'll bounce back. This is the kind of insight I could have used in my twenties. Now a just-divorced thirtysomething who has jumped back into the dating scene ("Meeting, Mating and Cheating" by author Orr is another book I highly recommend for a true picture of the online dating world) I am finding John Gray's book a useful resource that helps me keep my head together, and stay cool through the process. I think John Gray is brilliant and I am sure he has saved many relationships.
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