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17 of 17 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Critics are missing the point -- read the book!
Having just heard Ms. Coloroso speak, I can say with certainty that her critics here online who claim she teaches kids new-age ideas and is anti-family discipline are wrong. Her emphasis is emphatically on teaching kids to be respectful of themselves, people in authority, and their communities. She says that if you teach kids to do what you say just because you say so,...
Published on Feb. 17 2001

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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Good and bad
The main message in this book as I remember it is:

If a situation is not immoral, unhealthy or life threatening, let it be!
If your kids screw up, give them responsibility of the problem by letting find a solution for themselves.

This is good advice indeed. Teach the kids how to be responsible for their actions and hopefully, make better...
Published on Jan. 26 2009 by J. Graham


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17 of 17 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Critics are missing the point -- read the book!, Feb. 17 2001
By A Customer
Having just heard Ms. Coloroso speak, I can say with certainty that her critics here online who claim she teaches kids new-age ideas and is anti-family discipline are wrong. Her emphasis is emphatically on teaching kids to be respectful of themselves, people in authority, and their communities. She says that if you teach kids to do what you say just because you say so, they'll grow up to do what people in their peer groups do because they can't think for themselves. But you're still the parent and the one who draws the line in matters of security, morality, and legality. One of her shorthand references shows the differences between punishment and discipline. Her idea of discipline is to show kids what they've done wrong, and give them ways to solve the problems they've created, but allow them to keep their dignity. If your idea of traditional discipline involves shaming children when they make honest mistakes or "explaining" decisions by saying, "Because I said so, that's why," then she's not your kind of disciplinarian. But if you want to teach your children to think for themselves so that they can grow up to be less influenced by their peer groups and work well with other people at home and in their communities, her theories are worth a look. And as for the London reader who says the book is "Typically American," I suggest that person spend some time familiarizing himself or herself with the styles of parenting that actually prevail in this country. If her attitude were typically American, there'd be no need for this book.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Good and bad, Jan. 26 2009
By 
J. Graham - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
The main message in this book as I remember it is:

If a situation is not immoral, unhealthy or life threatening, let it be!
If your kids screw up, give them responsibility of the problem by letting find a solution for themselves.

This is good advice indeed. Teach the kids how to be responsible for their actions and hopefully, make better choices.

The author divides families in 3 categories. The Jellyfish and brickwall families have the wrong approach according to this book. I did not think that it was useful to tell us how the jellyfish and brickwall parents will react to situations in every chapters. After a few examples, you get the point. Repeating how the Jellyfish and brickwall parents would react to a situation over and over again is bothersome. The backbone families have the right approach. This is what parents are intested in. The book could have been much shorter by skipping the repetition.

Too much repetition but good message overall. Still worth reading.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book!, June 29 2000
By 
Ms Diva "cycworker" (Nanaimo, B.C. Canada) - See all my reviews
Although the book is focussed on parenting, the ideas and philosophies the author promotes apply to anyone who works with kids. I have found that using the techniques suggested in this book as made me 100 times more effective in my job. Colorosso understands the value of self-awareness and an internal locus on control in healthy development. The book not only helped me in work with kids, it also gave me insight into myself, my experiences, and my relationships in general. I believe that the 3 types of families - backbone, brickwall, or jellyfish - also can be seen as 3 personality styles, so that we are not only brickwall, jellyfish, or backbone people with kids, we are that way in general, where our relationships are concerned. If you look at it this way the book will go a long way to giving you tools to deal with all sorts of conflicts in your life.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is NOT for lazy parents, Dec 8 2000
By 
"kangarex" (Keokuk, IA United States) - See all my reviews
If you don't want to put effort into raising your kids, this is not the book for you. But if you want clear-thinking, responsible kids, and don't mind some effort getting there, you can't have a better reference. Ms Coloroso's advice is clear, and should make you think hard about how you interact with your children. Yes my son is 3 and I'm 30. Yes I'm the parent, but he still has opinions about his life, and some are worth paying attention to. And sometimes I'm wrong. Being the parent doesn't make me God. Also note, I'm usually in the right, listening means that I pay attention to my sons' opinions and wants, not that I cave in to them every time.
Believe me it's much, much harder making a 3 year old take the consequence of a misbehavior, and helping him try to fix his problem himself than it would be to punish him for it and fix things myself, but oh boy does he learn more when I put in the effort.
This is not minimum effort parenting, and it's not about letting your kids always having their own way. It's about teaching them how to think rather than what to think.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars exhausting but worth it, Dec 11 1999
It takes much longer to follow the advice given in this book than it does to slap a child - but I think the results are excellent. My 4 and 3 year olds hit each other significantly less now that I have told them that the rule in this house is "we don't hit". But boy, it can be seriously exhausting with 2 very stubborn children to carry out her theories. We're carrying on with it because I seriously believe she is right and the children learn to think for themselves - go for it, take the plunge too and learn how to treat your children how you were probably not treated yourself! I have already recommended this book to two friends and, after hearing the tape, they have been converted!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Something to build a better parent, June 30 2000
By A Customer
I liked this book so well that I am actually replacing a copy I didn't get to finish reading since, of all things, I left it out in the rain. (Any parent who is trying to get their child to get all their toys in during a freak cloud burst will understand how you sometimes forget your own stuff!) My parents did a pretty good job of raising me to think for myself but only after I had made it through the preschool years. Before that it was "because I said so". My hope is this book will erase those words from my mind so my four year old will never hear that or any other controlling statements. The book gives sound advice on how to keep from overdisciplining, too.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars By far the best parenting book I have ever read, March 16 2001
Barbara Coloroso is right on target. This book has helped me understand and respect my son more. Yes, I am still the adult and he the child but I know that I will be able to raise him into a competent, caring, and contributing member of society with my own skills and the guidance of this book. IF only we could all treat each other the way Ms. Coloroso recommends treating our children. I also found this to be one of the few parenting books out there that explained how to apply these principles to the youngest children (even toddlers). Thank you for this book!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Understandable presentation of current parenting paradigm, July 17 1998
By A Customer
A couple of decades ago we figured out that hitting kids is NOT good for them. However, many parents did not know what TO do. Barbara Coloroso writes an easy-to-read as well as entertaining presentation of what to do to give the "gift of inner discipline." Every parent should read this book first to grasp the basic concepts of the best-so-far paradigm for parenting.
As a parent, counselor and parenting teacher, this is the basic book that I recommend. Most parents learn more each time they read it.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This is a book no parent should be without!, May 15 1999
This book changed my life as a parent. The most important thing it taught me is how to stay calm, and not escalate with my children. I also learned how to teach my children to become problem solvers. My 8 year old son complimented me after I started using these techniques! I use to yell and carry on now I never raise my voice and our dignity, both theirs and mine, are left in tact! Anyone working with kids needs the solid advice this book has to give.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is worth every cent, Nov. 22 1999
I just picked this book up in a grocery store and I can not believe how excellent it is. It has completely changed how I deal with my kids. I am not yelling anymore. I wish some of the parents I know were reading it. Everything she says makes perfect sense and that's why it's so easy to change. I recommend it to anyone who wants to quit being their child's conscience and instead give them the gift of developing and using their own.
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Kids Are Worth It! Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline
Kids Are Worth It! Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline by Barbara Coloroso (Paperback - Oct. 11 2001)
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