13 of 13 people found the following review helpful
on July 9, 2003
This book set me free from false, self-imprisoning beliefs I didn't even know I had!
Dr. Jeffers talks about no-lose decisions. Either way you go, you win. You get "goodies," meaning the experience of life, either way. I had always thought that one had to agonize, think, pray, talk to people, get advice and finally make the absolutely right decision or else all would be lost. How freeing it is to realize I can't go wrong. I get to experience life in all it's fullness either way.
Another section of the book teaches us to make connections in at least nine areas of our life. So many of us connect with just our work, or with our mate, or with a child. When we lose our one and only connection, we are devastated. She teaches us to have and nurture connections in several areas. That way when we lose one, we are hurt, but we can still move on.
Finally, I always thought that when I felt fear it was a sign that perhaps I should back off. Dr. Jeffers teaches that if you're not feeling fear, you're not growing. Fear is just part of life. We all have an internal "chatterbox" that talks at us constantly and tells us all the reasons why we can't do something. Our job is to overcome the chatterbox and she effectively teaches us how to do so.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
on August 28, 2012
I see mixed reviews for this book but I credit the author for helping reshape my thinking. I read it at the age of 23. I had just quit a job in PR that had completely dominated my life for 2 years. I had a significant amount of cash in the bank, lived at home, was single and was essentially free from any responsibility. Family suggested I take some time off to date or travel, try living in another city, or buy a home here. Everyone kept telling me how I had the world in the palm of my hand, but I was completely frozen, depressed, and terrified to make any decision. My confidence was at a low, I felt like a failure and my friends had all but disappeared after years of choosing my job over them.
Then I read this book, suggested to me by one of my few remaining friends. It was a quick, simple read but you get the real impact by reading it a second, or third time. So many areas helped me reshape my thinking. Her question of "do you know someone in your life who think of as fearless?" resonated with me. Helping me understand that everyone feels fear and it's a person's interpretation of fear that makes all the difference, really hit home. Also encouraging me to view my life from a third person's point of view - like reading a book - really sprung me in to action. Taking away the expectation of a specific outcome to 'read on' motivated me to start dating... a lot! I detached myself from the outcome and just put things in to action. It was liberating, and I met an amazing guy (several actually, but one stuck:).
I'm now 31 and I use the lessons from this book, and Susan's book Embracing Uncertainty, everyday. I public speak regularly, I'm bolder in my dealings with people, I take financial and career risks, all with the confidence that I can handle whatever result may come of my actions. How do I know I can handle what comes my way? Because I've handled everything that's ever come my way in life. This book helped me realize that.
If you can take one or two lessons from a counselling book, it's worth a read. I promise, this one will give you many more than that!
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
on July 15, 2003
This book takes a common-sense approach to fear. I read it about seven years ago, and have found some of its ideas and concepts very helpful:
- Fear doesn't go away until you do what you fear. If you're afraid to place an important phone call, the only way to lose that fear is to go ahead and call.
- There's no such thing as people who are afraid to fly, but people who refuse to board a plane. Many who fear flying board planes all the time - they don't let an unreasonable fear control their lives.
- To avoid debilitating fear in any area we should make sure our lives are well-rounded. Her 'grid' is very useful in this.
- Making a decision will always involve giving something up, i.e. what you would have gained if you had made another or the opposite decision.
Jeffers also urges us to lighten up, and for a society of drama queens that's sound advice!
Worth reading if you're plagued by self-doubts and are feeling unhappy with your decisions.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on November 20, 2000
I am ordering 3 copies of this book as holiday gifts for my loved ones. This book is one of the most powerful, life changing books available. I had read it a few years ago, then re-read it recently and it caused me to rethink my perspective on my own personal circumstances.
My husband and I have been on the verge of divorcing after 21 years and several years of strife. This book helped me to see what the real payoff has been for me to act as "victim" in the marriage. The marital distress is working in my husband's favor as well, soliciting love and care from friends and family members. I no longer need to be a victim in order to be loved. I am watching for that telltale sign of anger that Jeffers mentions, letting us know that we have handed control of our lives to another. This change in my mental attitude is working wonders toward reconciliation with my spouse. I have urged him to read the book as well.
This book gives us the tools to live freely from the emotional prisons where we sometimes (unknowingly and unwillingly) place ourselves. We have choices that we are often not even aware of. If one really wants to change and is willing to admit what part they play in their own problems, this book is an excellent tool to set them free. I thank the author so much for teaching us all of this simply and with clarity.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
on April 18, 2000
This is a truly wonderful book. I don't know how she did it. Conversationally speaking, did you know that the fears we carry in our pockets or purses that are not dealt with cause excruciating anxiety. What do we do? Add Vitamin B to our diet? Put crystals in our pockets? Become a yogi like me and levitate until your head hits the ceiling? OR...we could do what we fear. How about that for an idea. I think they spell that C-O-U-R-A-G-E. We don't need courage anymore. We have tranquilizers and self-help books. I want to give you a beautiful quote from this lady's infinite wisdom (she's incredible!). PUSHING THROUGH FEAR IS LESS FRIGHTENING THAN LIVING WITH THE UNDERLYING FEAR THAT COMES FROM A FEELING OF HELPLESSNESS. This book is just beautiful. The book advocates COURAGE. But she she shows you how to be courageous. Postive thinking, the understanding between Pain and Power, the Real truth about RISKS and GROWTH. You have to buy this book. It is a true gemstone. Throw all your other self-help books away except this one and "Self-Help Stuff That Works" by Adam Khan. Since I am a Self-Realizationist (Yogananda), this book interfaces with it quite beautifully. But this book is all you need for your fears. Go ahead. And stop looking at whether you had a traumatic childhood or not as Father Bradshaw advises. You destroy the past by what you do in the future. And this book will help you do it. Good luck. And I'm not afraid of you anymore! HA!
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on March 27, 2004
Again..."The best self-help book I ever read" but this time I truly mean it. This book has changed my life for good. Can't say more because I have no time. I am going out to confront my fears and enjoy my life to maximum without breaking someone's heart or breaking the law.
Hope to meet as many of you as possible, there.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
on August 27, 2003
So much about achieving anything worthwhile isn't just about "doing." It's also about "being" -- the understanding of where we are now, the sensing of ourselves in the moment. This is probably the toughest thing to understand when moving forward on a goal. On the other side of fear is exhilaration, great power. Once we get this concept of "feeling the fear," and sense it deep within our bones, the transformation can be spectacular as we rise to battle and defeat a most scary foe. So what's the downside of feeling the fear? Absolutely nothing. It's a good thing. It helps us know when we are most aware and whether we're on track. Like sadness and pain, it's an integral part of a well-lived life.
on August 30, 2001
Facing a tough situation in life? Maybe you're not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel? This book will get you through. Susan Jeffers has a lot of experience dealing with clients both one-on-one and in groups and it shows. Because of all of her experience and ability to understand people she is able to make all the presented info in this book very easy to apply. Ms. Jeffers makes many references to real people and their experiences, making the book realistic and useful.
My favorite chapter discusses the topic of making a no-lose decision. It has helped me MANY times when I have felt frozen by an inability to make a decision. The author frames such a situation in the light that, no matter which way you go, you will be rewarded with "goodies" in the end. It is not so much a focus on helping the reader iron out the details of a situation to figure out the most perfect answer or solution (which I so often TRY to do) but is about realizing that no matter what you decide, things will work out! It is refreshing for me as I can go crazy with over analyzing.
This book focuses not so much on changing your life circumstances but on changing how you VIEW things in your life. You are not a prisoner of life but just of how you view things. This is not new, I know, it certainly was not Ms. Jeffers original idea. BUT, what I love about this book is that the reader is given the TOOLS, or the how-to, on how to change his or her view. This is not just about soul-searching but, for me, provides instant relief time and time again.
The idea is that the more you FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY, the less you will be frozen by future fear. Ms. Jeffers also makes it clear that the reader is not alone in his or her fear. She states that even the people one might label as "successful" have felt fearful. These people have not, however, allowed that fear to stop them. They feel the fear but keep moving forward.
on July 1, 2000
Self-improvement is necessarily about finding some secret formula, getting the right therapist, or moving to a new city. It's about being told those thing you know to be true over and over until they sink in. Feel the Fear is about those things we know to be true yet seem to forget: Blaming others for our failures, blaming ourselves for things we should have done better, listening to that "little voice" that tells us what we shouldn't do.
It's not the kind of book you read once only to emerge a changed person, rather, it gets your mind going. After one reading, you'll find yourself quoting passages as if someone has "found you out". You will catch yourself in conversation when you say weak phrases like "I can't, I should, It's a problem" only to change them mid-sentance to empowering words such as "I won't, I could, and It's an opportunity".
Read it twice. It will impact you deeply. It will teach you to take responsibility. There is no silver bullet. Self-awareness is the real path to self-improvement. I loved it.
on July 4, 1999
I was given this book by my older sister when I had reached an impasse in my life, where I felt that noone could understand what I was experiencing internally, and I could not seem to move on to the next "chapter." Too much in my life seemed out of my control. It was fear that kept me from reaching outside of this zone of powerlessness. Once I began to read this book, I began to clearly see that my fears were not unfounded, yet I had allowed them to assert too much influence on my outward behavior. I not only finished the book in two days, I dedicated my life to Christ and I have not allowed myself remain stagnant in any area of my life for very long. I allowed a former friend to borrow my book and he has made excuse after excuse for not returning it! Obviously the information contained is of great value to him as well! This is a MUST HAVE book for us all, to be re-read occasionally for reinforcement of the principles contained therein, to combat and destroy those "inner voices" and demonic entities that attempt to convince us that "WE CAN'T" reach our goals. BUY IT TODAY! Thank you Cynthia, for giving me such a gem. And to Mr. Faulk, cough up my property pronto, because you've monopolized it for too long!