Customer Reviews

Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too

5 star:		(24)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This book contains excellent ideas, but it's obvious that its 13 years old. The examples are most useful for the traditional family with at-home mom. I found the cartoons and text a little too simple for my tastes. The concept bothered me a bit because the authors assume that all siblings hate each other. My kids do fight, but they are friends, too. For good ideas on raising siblings try these books: Loving Each One Best and Kid Cooperation (There's a chapter about siblings, but the whole book has ideas that are helpful when it comes to raising more than one.)and The 10 Greatest Gifts to Give Your Children (Not about siblings, but all the ideas covered do apply.)

This book has so many ideas to try with children of all ages. I'm sure I will continue to consult it as my children get older. I really like the "How To Step In So You Can Step Out" strategy that teaches parents how to intervene by acknowledging the feelings of both kids in the heat of the moment which defuses the situation so the kids can work it out themselves. I like the simple cartoons that clearly illustrate the communication "do's" and "donï¿ts" with quibbling siblings. I also like the way the discipline tips maintain the dignity of both the parent and the child. When I am able to resist "automatic parenting" reactions like yelling and threatening, and use some of the great techniques I've learned, I feel so much more competent as a parent. Because I have three young children (5, 3, and 2 months), I would like to also recommend a new pocket-sized book that has been very helpful addressing my specific current sibling issues. Appropriately entitled "The Pocket Parent", the entire book is written for parents with normal, but often challenging preschoolers. There are hundreds of short bulleted suggestions addressing sibling issues such as: "the new baby", "comparing and labeling", "sibling rivalry", "hitting and hurting others", "biting", "bad words", "I hate you's", "listening", "power struggles", and "traveling with the kids". These two books with exactly the same discipline philosophy compliment each other--both having great examples of the exact words to try in many sibling situations.

One of the strategies suggested in both books that has really reduced my frustration level is to redefine being "fair" as "meeting each child's needs" rather than focusing on being totally "equal" at all times. This thought is very helpful because my kids seem to always keep score...and I, no matter how hard I try--will often lose! Although it doesn't come naturally, I am learning to change my behavior to address needs. For example, Sunday morning I painstakingly tried to serve the exact same pancake presentation to each of the kids--and my son whined, "Mommy, that's not fa-a-ir!" and he continued to scream that his sister's pancakes were much bigger and browner than his (...in his mind, proof that I love her more). Instead of really losing it and yelling back that he was absolutely wrong, lunging for my ruler to prove it...I PAUSED...And, before I responded, I took a deep breath (...maybe 2 deep breaths) and focused my response on solving the jealousy problem. In total control of the situation, I looked my son directly in his eyes, put my hand gently on his shoulder as I replied in a very calm voice, "Hmmmmmmm. It sounds like you're still hungry, Brian...Here are two more delicious pancakes just for you!" GREAT ADVICE...and it worked!! Bad news...It does take practice, but feels so good when your thoughtful response avoids a no-win power struggle.

This book was EXACTLY what I was looking for. In dealing with my two stepsons as well as my own two daughters, ranging in age from one to seven, I felt there HAD to be a way to prevent some of this fierce competitive and unkind nature between kids. I refused to believe there was nothing much we parents could do about it. The perspective it gave in how to treat the children each as individuals, without reference or comparison to their siblings in any way seemed obvious, yet for most of us parents, we do these things unconsciously in various daily situations. I began realizing how even the smallest comments, however well-intended, could induce rivalry between the kids and have found the ideas and suggestions in this book to be of immeasurable value to my family. In some areas, I do feel that it gets a little too extreme to be realistic, however, the main concept behind the advice and suggestions is very helpful.

I love this book! It is filled with practical advice complete with sketches of common arguements and how to respond. I re-read a chapter every six months as problems arise. You will refer to it again and again. I give it as a "second baby" shower gift and have received RAVE reviews!

This book was so good. It was very easy and quick to read. It outlines problems that occur between siblings and gives straightforward suggestions. You couldn't get more helpful or insightful than this book. I definitely feel like I can attend to sibling rivalry in my house with much more confidence and effectiveness as a result of reading this book.

I loved this book. It provides a series on concrete examples and detailed rationales to diffuse (or prevent) sibling rivalry. It's probably most useful for parents raising children, but I have already applied some of the concepts to my own adult sibling relationships.
I loved the other books by these authors and highly recommend them for those looking to enhance their positive parenting skills.

This book is useful not only for dealing with sibling rivalry, but also with diffusing conflicts between any children. It is valuable not only for parents but also for those adults who regularly deal with children avocationally (as in Scouts, or AWANA Clubs) as well as professionally (school teachers). This book refrains from dry theory. To the contrary: It contains many cartoons that depict a common response to childrens' conflicts versus a much better way of handling these conflicts. The conflicts dealt with range from children's feelings of adult favoritism all the way to open fighting.

I love this book... My kids are now 5 & 3 and there is another on the way. I have read this book cover to cover & keep it handy for quick references when I feel I need a "refresher".

What I like about this book is it is easy to read, easy to follow, easy to understand. My copy is dog earred, highlighted and has pencil marks in the margins.

The advice is easy to follow and does not need lots of 'analysis' to get started. It covers basic topics, but once you 'get the gest of what to do' it's easy to apply the theories to just about every situation you may encounter as a parent.

Authors Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish has published books like Siblings Without Rivalry & How to Talk so kids will Listen & Listen so kids will Talk. However, my in-depth study on the psychology of childrens' minds reveal the facts that their attitudes are solely dependent on their circumstances and their upbringing levels at home & school. It's one thing sure any kid require is 'Love, patience & Self Esteem.'

Psychologists caution against casting children in specific roles: the quiet one, athletic one, smart one, clumsy one and even a negative type can provide harmful self image that a child may carry throughout his life. Sibling rivalry is a competition for the affection and attention of their parents. Two best known Bible stories deal with bitter feuds between brothers-The Cain and Abel and the rivalry of Joseph and hisbrothers.Even in fairy tales - in 112 of the Grimm's' fairy tales, it is found that the youngest child came out a winner in battles with everything from evil gnomes to jealous siblings 92 percent of the times.

Psychologists authors of 'Siblings without Rivalry' suggest that instead of thinking of equality in everything from parental attention to music lessons, parents should be sensitive to each child's individual needs.Self esteem of a child plays a major role. Comparisons should be avoided as each child is born with a difference. The authors have very valuable tips telling parents to adopt various methods and outcome with cartoons illustrating key points. The book reflects on the inner instincts of kids like jealousy and selfishness. Parents need to be aware of their attitude which become homegrown sibling rivalry. Communication is also important part that a parent miss out and impatiently tackles the sibling rivalry which only worsens things. Demonstrating love is very important and telling the child that he is so special. "I enjoy your friendship' or 'I can always count on your support' or 'You make me feents with + 2 & above kids.

I am in love with this book. When my second child was first
born, I read the first chapter or two of this book and found it
very useful for dealing with my older child's jealous behavior.
Now that my second is 1 1/2 and the two children are playing
together and having so many conflicts, I picked the book back
up and read it from cover to cover. There are so many helpful
anecdotes. The book has given me words to handle so many
frustrating situations. It is one of my favorite
books on child-raising!