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on June 4, 2004
Being a former researcher, I was really pleased when I noted the profusely documented background, which supports every fact in the book.
It took me one day to read the book and another day to go through all the footnotes!! Consistently referred to updated statistical sources of recognised prestige, every single item mentioned is footnoted and factually accurate.
I am sadly surprised as some reviewers can dismiss this fine piece of research work just due a tactless comparison made by the author between rape and male unemployment.
If someone doesn't want to face the reality, I think that any silly excuse is good enough for him or her.
But if you dare, this book will reward you.
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on April 14, 2003
Men have been recieving negative reputation for decades and face claims that they have it all in our society. Society believes that men have everything handed to them on a silver platter and want for nothing.
This book does a great job of revealing the truth. To summarize, since the begining of humanity, males and females have *both* had their roles in society and *both* genders had to follow a plan in order for the race to merely SURVIVE. In the age we are in, pure survival itself is not as important in everyday life. So, women have taken the steps to break free of their previous "roles" as women and demanded that society allow them to do what they *want* to do, not what they *have* to do.
Unfortunately, the same is not true for men. While women have found liberation, men are still forced into their old "survival" roles of provider and protector at the expense of freedom. Men are still expected to be "men", while women are free to pursue the goals that they want to.
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on March 15, 2003
So much has changed over the last 40 years through the women's movement. And at the same time men in our society have never felt so isolated, so hurt, and in many cases, so worthless and depressed. But we as men continually do our best to keep up our mask to the outside world and make it look like everything is really just OK.
While the advancement of women's rights has definitely been something that has been good for our society the women's movement in recent years has moved far beyond the original goals and intentions of its founders and has taken on a more bitter, hurtful approach in how they treat men. We as men have become so shell-shocked with all the change that has become expected of us that oftentimes we're very concerned about how we act in the presence of women. We've been accused of being sexist and chauvinistic so often that we simply try to guide our conversations with women away from any arenas where once again we may get these accusations thrown at us. We're always trying to do our best in this area but our best rarely seems to be good enough. As a result this kills deep, meaningful communication with women from occurring with any real consistency.
In this book Warren Farrell discusses the great injustice that we as men feel directed towards us in our society today. While much has been said over the decades about a double-standard in our society that favors men, we as men feel that there are so many double standards today that favor women over us. And we know that we cannot have the ideal relationships with women that we would like to have until all of this is resolved for both men and women.
Our usual response to all of this is just to suck it all up and once again try to look like everything is OK. The idea of expressing to others that we feel like the victim in some situations in our society is one of the most embarrassing, un-manly things that most of us could ever imagine doing. And yet we continually see and feel the quiet desperation of so many men in our lives.
If you are a man you may find this book to be a great relief. You may find yourself reading it and saying to yourself, "Finally there is someone out there who understands how I feel." The truth is that there are a lot of men who feel exactly the same way you do in our society.
This book will probably have you feel like you've finally found a long lost friend.
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on October 7, 2003
Warren Farrell does an excellent job in highlighting legitimate men's issues such as: domestic violence against men, Men's health ( it is MEN'S health that is underfunded ), Female chauvinism (belief that women are morally superior to men, as opposed to male chauvinism which is the belief that women are too irrational to fend for themselves), negative male stereotypes and violence againsst men in the media, the neglect paid to attrocities inflicted on non-combatant males (non-combatant men are civilians and deserve the same protection as women!) ...etc.
Farrell also exposes feminist duplicity on many issues such as making excuses for violent behavior (there is no excuse for violence against WOMEN but feminists come up with tones of excuses for violence committed BY women against men), the draft, and sexism and discrimination. Also worth reading is Farrell's debunking of the notion that war is all men's fault and that women are more peace loving. Although most combatants in war are male most WOMEN have supported the causes that thier countries were fighting for and encouraged the men to fight and shamed those that did not.
Where Farrell's book loses points however is that it advocates too much gender conformity. Farrell claims that traditional roles for Men and Women are destined to bring tham psychological harm and therefore must be socialized away from them. Thier is much evidence to refute those claims. That being said i believe that Men and Women have the right to be Feminine or Masculine and to seek partners with either one of those characteristics if they choose. Thier is nothing wrong with a man paying for a date... as long as the woman does something special to deserve it (like being sweet, gentle...etc). Farrell risks alienating many people who may be somewhat more conservative than him from the Men's movement.
Another weakness of the book is it's focus on trivial issues such as male circumcision, paying for dates...etc. and the comparison between a raped woman and a terminated man are ludicrous. Men's activists should stick to important issues.
Finally Warren Farrell is too soft on feminism. He claims that feminism started out as a benevolent movement of women who just want equality. If that were true then there would be no need for a men's movement as someone who really believes in "equality" would give equal consideration to issues where men are at a disadvantage. To date this simply has not happened. With honorable but few exceptions feminists tend to pound thier fists for women's issues but fence sit when it comes to men's issues. Thus they cannot claim to beleive in equality, the feminist movement represents selfish identity politics. Which is why in the 1960's they claimed that women were being oppressed because they had to make coffee a jobs no law required them to take while men were being drafted against thier will and sent to vietnam.
Buy the book read it, and absorb the material on the real important stuff, but ignore the rest.
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on March 14, 2003
First introduced to Mr. Farrell's books at the age of 18 I responded with righteous indignation, "just a man making excuses" for his behavior and discarded the book. Now age 35 I have read every book he has written. His writings changed my relationship with myself (as a man), every man in my life (father, brothers grandfathers, friends and strangers) and woman in my life. I consider my vocabulary inadequate to accurately articulate the quality and integrity of Mr. Ferrell's thoughts and conclusions. Although many of Warren Farrell's ideas are contrary to common thinking --- 100 percent of his conclusions are consistent with my experience as a growing man. Purchase this book for yourself and all others that you love.
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on January 14, 2004
Nor THEM. The enemy is insanity which has a momentum of its own.
Nevertheless, I suppose there really are feminazis who sincerely believe that men have no feelings other than rage or hysteria(!) and whose principal source of amusement other than rape or murder is watching re runs of The Three Stooges while getting drunk on cheap beer.
If you're THAT far gone down stereotype alley, this book is not for you. Neither will it prove good reading to men who wish to see women as 'the enemy' , the source of all their problems. Here's a male secret: Most of us who have come in contact with such men regard them as worse than whiners; they're BORING whiners.
This is for those of us who have a shreed of sanity left and who are under the impression that something in our culture has gone very, very wrong.
Item: Men are 10 times more likely to commit suicide as a result of the death of a spouse. Strange odds for the unfeeling gender,who is suposed to be a member of the priviliged class.
Item: Garbagemen (there are no 'garbagepersons') are 2.5 times more likely to be killed than police officers. Fire fighting, construction, heavy trucking , coal mining, in short nearly all of the back breaking low paying jobs are done by males. 94% of occupational deaths occur to men. Every workday hour a construction worker loses his life. Same horrible statistics when it comes to catastrophic injuries. Secretaries may be underpaid but they can rise on the social scale without fear of amputations
Item: No comic would make jokes about the feelings of women who are raped, such as being humiliated, violated, helpless, angry, guitly, self-blaming, depressive, etc. But Farrel argues that the same feelings can occur to men who are unemployed and who have identified themselves and their self worth with their jobs. women suffer from unemployment but it is the unemployed man who is the subject of ridicule.
Why have men identified their self worth with their wallets? Here Farrel launches into an interesting argument: In order to get "love" men must excell in the persuits (football player in high school to CEO in adulthood) that MOST SEPARATE THEM from intimacy with women. Not too many parents consel their daughters to be on the lookout for a sensitive dishwasher or a poetic cabdriver, as opposed to a doctor, lawyer or indian chief---who MUST spend most of his time and energy on his job, not his family.
If you're not a provider, you're a burden. Suicide city, once again.
Farrel was on the board of directors for NOW. There's a joke that a conservative is a liberal who has been mugged and Dr Farrel seems to fit this mold when his former women friends turned against him. Thus he does go a bit overboard in his presentation. eg; to 'prove' that men are not more inherently aggressive than women he cites Margaret Thatcher and Queen Mary. This is very selective. Ditto for biology. " Bulls obviously do not behave as cows"--Darwin.
Neither history nor science are Farrel's forte.
Still, in the country of the P.C. blind, the one eyed man has written a 5 star book.
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on May 20, 2013
If you thought you were on the right path to being a progressive, open and fair minded individual and felt that the way to balance the power struggles between powerful men and oppressed women, read this eye opener.

Warren Farrell does an awesome job in explaining a current hypothesis and then arguing how it is absolutely ill-conceived. He uses facts and figures, reason and research.

I can open this book at almost any page and before I finish the page will understand the topic and find a new way of viewing the relationship between men and women.
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on January 26, 2003
What a powerful, well organized and useful book Warren Farrell has written! Its an eye opening account of the ways in which men are discriminated against, and all this coming from a man who used to serve on the board of directors of the National Organization for Women (USA). It's helped me more than any book I've ever read! For the first time, I've started to question why it is only men are conscripted during war time, why I've chosen a career in business when my real interest always lay in art and literature, why it is that men have to take the initiative and deal with the consequent rejection in relationships, and why it is that men live far shorter lives than women (yet many women claim to be the "oppressed" sex?!)!! It has shattered many other assumptions too. I cannot recommend this and other works by Farrell highly enough...just a hint from personal experience - when you've read this, you will want to change the world in a hurry and it won't happen all at once. As a friend says, try to see yourself as "the sun". That is, don't burn others with too much information at once, but rather lightly tan them with bits of information and repetition over time, and they'll appreciate you much more for it. And they will be more receptive to your message. Of course, you won't be able to persuade everyone to acknowledge discrimination against men either. But this is a staggering and important book so do YOURSELF a huge favor! Buy it.
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on February 21, 2003
I'm really interested in this book,just curious to see how powerful American women are to make men cry for equality. But nowhere to buy this book in this country, nor will it be popular or have any market in this country. Because no men believe women are truly powerful here. They are all very proud to be men. We also work full day, but if there's any chores or boring and repetitive work, it goes to women first. Because they are believed to be simple-minded, careful and patient. And that's the reason I've jumped work for two times. Still men in my company who comes from outside the city said women here have too many rights, because in the rural areas, women should take all the housework at home no matter she works outside or not. So they can't think comfortably of women in city who puts career as important as family.
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on January 1, 2013
Dr. Farrell's demonstrates the value of science-based analysis to add great clarify to a murky political issue; gender politics.

Die hard feminists reject the data and keep spewing out cliched nonsense: e.g., "the problem is PATRIARCHY". Thankfully, social scientists like Dr. Farrell the scientific data forms a solid foundation for his conclusions rather that so many "feminists" who rely on emotion-filled hyperbole. (Note that there are many reasonable feminists, but they always appear to be drown out by the unreasonable ones.)

The bottom line is that Dr. Farrell opens up lines of dialogue between the genders that is much needed.
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