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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Read
I have been counselling women in abusive relationships for 11 years. Our program does have a lending library and recently ordered this book. It is by far the best book on abusive relationships written for not only survivors of abusive relationships, but also for secondary survivors (family,friends, co-workers), therapists and the general public.
It explains the...
Published on Feb. 24 2006 by Envision Counselling & Support...

versus
11 of 14 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars This book is biased and harmful
I come from an abusive family, in which my father was violently abusive toward my mother, myself and my siblings. My mother was also emotionally and verbally abusive, extremely manipulative and oftentimes cruel. Yet because my father's behaviour was explicit and my mother's more subtle, he was labeled as the scapegoat 'abuser' by society and she was treated as pure and...
Published on Aug. 8 2011 by Sam Iam


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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Read, Feb. 24 2006
This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
I have been counselling women in abusive relationships for 11 years. Our program does have a lending library and recently ordered this book. It is by far the best book on abusive relationships written for not only survivors of abusive relationships, but also for secondary survivors (family,friends, co-workers), therapists and the general public.
It explains the abusive personality, dispells the myths about abusive men, gives the survivor solid ways to know if he is changing and reasons why he does not choose to change. It also includes reasons not to seek couple counselling, which is something that cannot be stressed enough.
I lend this book to all my clients and encourage them to purchase it.
Excellent resource!!
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars excellent book, July 31 2009
By 
karma (bc, canada) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
i was recommended this book by my psychologist. at first, i was hesitant to read it b/c i didn't want to spend one more ounce of energy on HIM but since my psychologist said it would help me and i trusted her, i decided to get it at the library. well, i couldn't put the book down and i ended up buying it and received it within a few days. having been in an abusive relationship for almost twenty years, and having been through counselling and the court system and all the ups and downs, having done a lot of research, i thought i wouldn't learn much from reading this book but i was wrong. i read much of the book with my jaws hanging open and head nodding. it was as if he put my experiences and thoughts in writing and it helped me to validate what i had gone through and helped me to reinforce that i wasn't crazy. my ex was arrested for assault years ago and last year was arrested again and this time convicted. i now have two young children in the mix and i have gone through a very very difficult year. my son esp. (now 7yrs) still has issues. not only have we had to deal with the physical, and emotional abuse but also financial, psychological, sexual abuse as well as infidelity, the awful family court system, access issues etc etc. the author has written another book titled "when dad hurts mom" and i have just gotten it from the library and will be reading that. for those of you undecided about purchasing this book, you can see if they have it at your local library first, like i did. i personally feel it is one of those books that should be on your shelf so you can have it to read over and over.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read, Dec 11 2013
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I would recommend this book to any woman who is going through turmoil and abuse. It isn't you. It isn't your fault. By reading this book you will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel and each day will be better.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars An eye-opener, Sept. 23 2013
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This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
This book was informative and gave me insight into these negative behaviours.
It opened my eyes into the oftentimes hopeless changes in some men who are caught up in these behaviours and the damage that results.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Eye-opening, Jan. 19 2014
By 
S. Nievaart "Anthro Artist" (Amsterdam, Netherlands) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
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This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
This book has changed my life. If you ever have doubts about your relationship and what is normal and what is abusive, read this book. Well-researched, and over 15 years of professional experience inform this analysis.
A must-read for anyone involved in a (potentially) abuse relationship or otherwise affected by one.
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5.0 out of 5 stars It was my best friend and counsel in the weeks leading up to ..., July 29 2014
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I charged my ex after he escalated in his behaviour last weekend and choked me several times, threatened to push me out a 6th floor window. Run if your guy exhibits the traits mentioned in this book. Lundy knows his stuff. It was my best friend and counsel in the weeks leading up to his escalated and near deadly behaviour. Best help in understanding partner abusers by far. Even just to dispel the myths about them - a must read.
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11 of 14 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars This book is biased and harmful, Aug. 8 2011
This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
I come from an abusive family, in which my father was violently abusive toward my mother, myself and my siblings. My mother was also emotionally and verbally abusive, extremely manipulative and oftentimes cruel. Yet because my father's behaviour was explicit and my mother's more subtle, he was labeled as the scapegoat 'abuser' by society and she was treated as pure and innocent. While recognizing the faults and failings of my father I resent the biased way society looks at the breakdown of our family. This book continues the tradition of blaming the man for all abusive behaviour in dysfunctional marriages. While the man should be held 100% responsible for his actions, in almost all messed up relationships BOTH partners have behaved abusively toward each other and both need to take responsibility before healing can occur.

While this book may be useful in helping to understand/recognize when one is in an abusive relationship, Bancroft does not offer effective solutions to transform such relationships into healthy ones and admits his methods usually fail. After reading this book I believe it is ultimately harmful.

Bancroft states he works largely with clients on probation who have no choice but to attend his sessions. He has no formal training in psychology or psychiatry and yet he dismisses all evidence-based therapies. Instead he introduces his own techniques, cites no studies demonstrating the methods work, and admits on p357 that the majority of his attempts to change clients in his program fail. He repeatedly blames the clients for this rather than his own methods.

In addition the book is full of inaccurate and misleading statements. For example Bancroft states on p45 that only men abuse women, and it is a 'myth' that women abuse men. This contradicts hundreds of studies by psychologists and psychiatrists showing that both men and women can be abusive in relationships. Bancroft offers no scientific studies to back up his claims. He goes on to make the bizarre assertion that while women can abuse each other in lesbian relationships, they do not abuse men while in heterosexual relationships.

The fact that Bancroft does not follow evidence-based therapeutic practices hurts both men and women who follow his advice. Many couples in abusive relationships love each other and sincerely want things to change. By using dubious methods, Bancroft often makes the situation worse.

Much better books are out there, for example The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Great Healthy Techniques, June 21 2014
There are painful ways of getting drawn in time and time again by a polished manipulator.

For example, if you lose your temper, rage, accuse and get involved in a drama scene, then it's only a matter of time before you will feel guilty and ashamed of YOUR behavior and then off YOU go to apologize. Soon, with additional abuse, you're building up for your next rage scene...and on and on it goes.

This books provides excellent techniques to deal with the abusive personality in such a way that, guilt-free and proud of your own conduct, you can taking strong steps toward Freedom Street.

Eleanor Cowan, author of : A History of a Pedophile's Wife: Memoir of a Canadian Teacher and Writer
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4.0 out of 5 stars A must read for every young woman as she prepares for the life as a adult female life partner, June 18 2014
This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
OH had I known then, what I know now. I was unaware of my father being an abuser, but as an adult always sought his approval and feared disappointing him, which was and is inevitable. I grew up to marry an abuser and stayed with him for 22 years, always thinking if I changed things would be better. I finally got up the nerve to ask for a separation, but as mentioned in the book suggested it be a temporary situation. Once he was gone, I could breathe like I'd never breathed before... until my dad started to step in again as the self-professed male authority in my life after I made the separation permanent and filed for divorce.. I went on to date two more abusers. I stumbled across this book and found all of the male abusers in my life in it's pages. I am so grateful to have explained to me that it was them, not me who had the problem and that the life with an abuser is not normal... it doesn't go on in everyone's home. This book spoke my unspoken thoughts and dispelled lies that I believed. I am determined to begin living "free to be me" one day at a time. I am so grateful that I happened across this book. It will be an invaluable tool in my future life... I will not be abused again!
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5.0 out of 5 stars A really great book, June 11 2014
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This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
Here's another great book I've been reading...I'm simply amazed and at as I read through page by page, I am relieved that I had left my situation I was in! Thank you amazon for having this book!
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Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft (Paperback - Sept. 2 2003)
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