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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Read
I have been counselling women in abusive relationships for 11 years. Our program does have a lending library and recently ordered this book. It is by far the best book on abusive relationships written for not only survivors of abusive relationships, but also for secondary survivors (family,friends, co-workers), therapists and the general public.
It explains the...
Published on Feb. 24 2006 by Envision Counselling & Support...

versus
11 of 15 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars This book is biased and harmful
I come from an abusive family, in which my father was violently abusive toward my mother, myself and my siblings. My mother was also emotionally and verbally abusive, extremely manipulative and oftentimes cruel. Yet because my father's behaviour was explicit and my mother's more subtle, he was labeled as the scapegoat 'abuser' by society and she was treated as pure and...
Published on Aug. 8 2011 by Sam Iam


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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Read, Feb. 24 2006
This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
I have been counselling women in abusive relationships for 11 years. Our program does have a lending library and recently ordered this book. It is by far the best book on abusive relationships written for not only survivors of abusive relationships, but also for secondary survivors (family,friends, co-workers), therapists and the general public.
It explains the abusive personality, dispells the myths about abusive men, gives the survivor solid ways to know if he is changing and reasons why he does not choose to change. It also includes reasons not to seek couple counselling, which is something that cannot be stressed enough.
I lend this book to all my clients and encourage them to purchase it.
Excellent resource!!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A must read for every young woman as she prepares for the life as a adult female life partner, June 18 2014
This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
OH had I known then, what I know now. I was unaware of my father being an abuser, but as an adult always sought his approval and feared disappointing him, which was and is inevitable. I grew up to marry an abuser and stayed with him for 22 years, always thinking if I changed things would be better. I finally got up the nerve to ask for a separation, but as mentioned in the book suggested it be a temporary situation. Once he was gone, I could breathe like I'd never breathed before... until my dad started to step in again as the self-professed male authority in my life after I made the separation permanent and filed for divorce.. I went on to date two more abusers. I stumbled across this book and found all of the male abusers in my life in it's pages. I am so grateful to have explained to me that it was them, not me who had the problem and that the life with an abuser is not normal... it doesn't go on in everyone's home. This book spoke my unspoken thoughts and dispelled lies that I believed. I am determined to begin living "free to be me" one day at a time. I am so grateful that I happened across this book. It will be an invaluable tool in my future life... I will not be abused again!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Read this book!, June 7 2004
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Does He Do That (Hardcover)
After 10 years in an abusive relationship, this book openend up my eyes like no other ever book has. Lundy is a master in explaining what an abusive man does. I am very grateful for this book and his work with men. Thank you Lundy. I recommend this book to everyone who feels abused or unhappy in their relationship. After reading this book I finally understood what had happend to me, why my relationship to my ex-husband (who I still love but choose not to be with)was not good for me because of his abuse. I thought we had a communication problem, but that was not true! He was out to have power over me, that was all. Once I understood what his game is, it was also very important for me to understand why I choose a man that is not capable of true loving, and why I got involved with him. I found that he was a reflection of what I felt about myself. Therefore I recommend you read a book on co-dependency as well. After all - it takes two to tango! I realized I could not blame him for who he was, I had see why I choose him. I pray that I will find a man who is truly capable of loving and respecting me, and that my beloved ex-husband will understand and overcome his pain as well.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars excellent book, July 31 2009
By 
karma (bc, canada) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
i was recommended this book by my psychologist. at first, i was hesitant to read it b/c i didn't want to spend one more ounce of energy on HIM but since my psychologist said it would help me and i trusted her, i decided to get it at the library. well, i couldn't put the book down and i ended up buying it and received it within a few days. having been in an abusive relationship for almost twenty years, and having been through counselling and the court system and all the ups and downs, having done a lot of research, i thought i wouldn't learn much from reading this book but i was wrong. i read much of the book with my jaws hanging open and head nodding. it was as if he put my experiences and thoughts in writing and it helped me to validate what i had gone through and helped me to reinforce that i wasn't crazy. my ex was arrested for assault years ago and last year was arrested again and this time convicted. i now have two young children in the mix and i have gone through a very very difficult year. my son esp. (now 7yrs) still has issues. not only have we had to deal with the physical, and emotional abuse but also financial, psychological, sexual abuse as well as infidelity, the awful family court system, access issues etc etc. the author has written another book titled "when dad hurts mom" and i have just gotten it from the library and will be reading that. for those of you undecided about purchasing this book, you can see if they have it at your local library first, like i did. i personally feel it is one of those books that should be on your shelf so you can have it to read over and over.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book Gave 10 steps to see if an abuser is Changing!, Nov. 12 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
I have been in a marriage less than four years, but it has been up, and down, back and forth the entire time. I kept thinking there is something I could do, something I could say... ANYTHING to help our relationship. All of my time and energy was being drained by my controlling and abusive, and yes, even Cheating husband!! Lundy Bancroft clearly states the 10 signs to look for, to see if he is truly changing. Mine did the first couple.. and then just as Mr. Bancroft mentions will happen, held onto his own sense of entitlement and refused to change any further. Why? Because he thought he could get away with it again! Without this book I would have stayed thinking he was trying to change. NOt anymore! With this book, I could see the abuser needs to take 10 full steps to change and become non controlling!! My Abuser still didn't allow me to be angry at him when he hurt me. Bancroft states that most abusers won't do this. My Abuser still didn't make me his true partner and equal. He acted like giving me just a teeny bit was more than fair, and expected me to believe his point of view. Because of this book I could clearly see that the small changes My husband was making were just that.. Small! And not what is needed for a healthy and real change. Bancroft also states the best way to get an abuser to change is to leave for awhile.. And then if you decide to go back, and he acts controlling again, leave again for a much longer time. It is true, most abusers won't change. I am divorcing my husband after giving him many chances to change and treat me better. This book has been a great relief... I highly recommend it. It says that abusers are not unable to change, they are unwilling to. That pretty much hits the nail on the head!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars My abuse counselor recommended that I read this., Sept. 21 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
I'm glad she did. Reading this book has answered so many questions I've had about my abusive husband's actions. How could it be that he loves me so much and yet treat me more like he despises me? How can he be so wonderful, charming, charismatic and abusive? Why does he verbally shred me to bits if I don't comply with his orders? Why does he have to bark orders, can't he understand that asking is much more effective? Why do I have so much fear?
Although I've been separated from my husband for 5 months now, I've been waffling back and forth between feeling like we can work this out and wanting to finalize the divorce. Then I read this book. The more I read, the more I understood and the less I wanted to reconcile. Now I see how lucky I am that I managed to get out safely (with the help of family and a restraining order).
If you are in an abusive relationship or think you might be, get this book. It might be wise to not let him know you have it. Even if you sit in a library or bookstore and just read the descriptions in Chapter 4, it will be helpful.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Healthy Techniques, June 21 2014
There are painful ways of getting drawn in time and time again by a polished manipulator.

For example, if you lose your temper, rage, accuse and get involved in a drama scene, then it's only a matter of time before you will feel guilty and ashamed of YOUR behavior and then off YOU go to apologize. Soon, with additional abuse, you're building up for your next rage scene...and on and on it goes.

This books provides excellent techniques to deal with the abusive personality in such a way that, guilt-free and proud of your own conduct, you can taking strong steps toward Freedom Street.

Eleanor Cowan, author of : A History of a Pedophile's Wife: Memoir of a Canadian Teacher and Writer
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Why This Books Addresses the Real Problem, May 29 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Does He Do That (Hardcover)
I have been involved in treating and researching spouse abuse since 1982. Not only have I conducted my own research in this field but I have reviewed most of the research published on spouse abuse treatment programs. While many treatments are somewhat effective, nowhere have I seen addressed the core cognitions that drive and perpetuate the aggressor's behavior in the partnership until now. The author has clearly laid out the thoughts and behaviors of the abuser in a way that is helpful not only to partners but also to professionals who have little experience in this area or who have inadvertently committed the errors that the author describes. By far the best book I have read on the subject.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A MUST READ for abused women!, Jan. 21 2014
By 
This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
This book answered every question I had in my mind when it came to an abusive relationship. It is amazing how accurate and thorough the author is in his descriptions of the abuser type. I could talk a lot about this book but if you are a woman who is experiencing some kind of abuse from her husband, bf, father, or whoever else please READ this book asap! It will help you to understand what you have not been able to for so long, due to the games that have been played with you so well.

Thanks for writing this book.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read, Dec 11 2013
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I would recommend this book to any woman who is going through turmoil and abuse. It isn't you. It isn't your fault. By reading this book you will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel and each day will be better.
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Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft (Paperback - Sept. 2 2003)
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