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4.8 out of 5 stars
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
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Showing 1-4 of 4 reviews(4 star)show all reviews
Very informative, and very disturbing. I am thankful that the population of men that this book describes is in the minority. The book provides some important warnings to women who see signs of abuse from their significant male partner. Hopefully, before they decide to make a life-long commitment they read this book.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on June 18, 2014
OH had I known then, what I know now. I was unaware of my father being an abuser, but as an adult always sought his approval and feared disappointing him, which was and is inevitable. I grew up to marry an abuser and stayed with him for 22 years, always thinking if I changed things would be better. I finally got up the nerve to ask for a separation, but as mentioned in the book suggested it be a temporary situation. Once he was gone, I could breathe like I'd never breathed before... until my dad started to step in again as the self-professed male authority in my life after I made the separation permanent and filed for divorce.. I went on to date two more abusers. I stumbled across this book and found all of the male abusers in my life in it's pages. I am so grateful to have explained to me that it was them, not me who had the problem and that the life with an abuser is not normal... it doesn't go on in everyone's home. This book spoke my unspoken thoughts and dispelled lies that I believed. I am determined to begin living "free to be me" one day at a time. I am so grateful that I happened across this book. It will be an invaluable tool in my future life... I will not be abused again!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on September 23, 2013
This book was informative and gave me insight into these negative behaviours.
It opened my eyes into the oftentimes hopeless changes in some men who are caught up in these behaviours and the damage that results.
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4 of 7 people found the following review helpful
on December 11, 2003
I just want to echo all the positive reviews that have gone before. It is undoubtedly the best, most comprehensive book on abuse there is. No one would be wasting their money on this. It's a fascinating read even if you feel you have no reason to take an interest.
However, it is yet another book that seems to assume that it's always men doing the abusing. The author does comment on the fact that there are many men suffering abuse at the hands of their female partners, although, unfortunately, he then completely ignores this until a male reader, like myself, may actually start feeling guilty for simply being a man. I have no doubt that the abuse of women is a bigger issue within relationships, but this doesn't mean that men's suffering should be ignored. The author seems to imply that if there are some serious problems in a relationship, it's probably because the man is abusive. Why? Well, because he's a man.
Lundy says of abusive relationships between gay women that it is often difficult to determine who is the abuser and who is the victim. Why? Because there is no man to instantly blame? I was in an abusive relationship with a woman for two years and I recognise and feel validated by so much of what is described in this book. Much of it, namely the violence side of things, doesn't apply, but that's not to say it wasn't a horrible mind-bending experience for me. There were points in this book where I actually started doubting myself again, wondering if, being the man, I was the cause of the problems. Those are exactly the kind of thoughts that I need to rid myself of if I am ever going to fully recover. I'm a man, and was abused by a woman.
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