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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Read
I have been counselling women in abusive relationships for 11 years. Our program does have a lending library and recently ordered this book. It is by far the best book on abusive relationships written for not only survivors of abusive relationships, but also for secondary survivors (family,friends, co-workers), therapists and the general public.
It explains the...
Published on Feb. 24 2006 by Envision Counselling & Support...

versus
11 of 14 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars This book is biased and harmful
I come from an abusive family, in which my father was violently abusive toward my mother, myself and my siblings. My mother was also emotionally and verbally abusive, extremely manipulative and oftentimes cruel. Yet because my father's behaviour was explicit and my mother's more subtle, he was labeled as the scapegoat 'abuser' by society and she was treated as pure and...
Published on Aug. 8 2011 by Sam Iam


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5.0 out of 5 stars Very Helpful, April 12 2014
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This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
I would recommend this book to Everyone. To truly understand the confusion, cycle and ultimate sadness that results from abusiveness this book is necessary. It explains why abuse happens and why the behaviour usually doesn't change (why change it when there are so many benefits for the abuser). All lawyers should read this too, how can the cycle of abuse end when "the system" doesn't acknowledge the severity of these situations?
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5.0 out of 5 stars A MUST READ for abused women!, Jan. 21 2014
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This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
This book answered every question I had in my mind when it came to an abusive relationship. It is amazing how accurate and thorough the author is in his descriptions of the abuser type. I could talk a lot about this book but if you are a woman who is experiencing some kind of abuse from her husband, bf, father, or whoever else please READ this book asap! It will help you to understand what you have not been able to for so long, due to the games that have been played with you so well.

Thanks for writing this book.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Be prepared to have the wool completely removed from your eyes!!, Jan. 8 2014
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This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
Why Does he do That? was the book that stripped the wool completely and permanently from my dim eyes, and sent me into shock! It's not an easy book to read, but it's almost impssible to put down once you start. FINALLY, everything about my marriage made sense! We women can be so in the dark about what is really happening, and we need to know the truth, so we can be set free. But don't think it'll be an easy road! Quite the contrary!! As soon as you begin to see the truth, and walk in it, life gets tough, but with that teensy ray of hope gleaming in, there is something inside that just wants to be free, no matter what the cost!! Because this book is written primarily for partners of abusive men, I seriously recommend this book to them, but also to anybody who would like to get a better understanding of abuse. If this outrage against our own society is to be brought to an end, people are going to have to educate themselves as to what is really going on behind closed doors! This book is a good place to begin...
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5.0 out of 5 stars Most Important Book of 21st Century in Subject, June 15 2013
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L. Desmond (California) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
This book is such a breakthrough at last in that Author Bancroft concisely describes the problem of abuse, places responsibility on abuser, and how he thinks, not how he feels. There is no "blaming the victim", a tactic which only focus attention away from the perpetrator. Clinical data reported from his experience treating offenders in his professional practice supports a wealth of insight into how and why angry and controlling men operate and whether and how they might behave in kinder ways. I'm so grateful to Dr. Bancroft for this work. This book has helped me more than anything in many years.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing, April 20 2013
I have read a few books on this topic, and this is hands-down the best one. As a woman recovering from abuse, I highly recommend this book. As far as I'm concerned, it should be required reading for all women.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful, March 27 2013
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This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
This book was recommended to me when a friend was struggling with an abusive partner. It helped me understand and provide strong support to her, and to get a very realistic picture of what was possible for him.
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening!, March 21 2009
By 
Robin Rozel (Victoria, B.C.) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
This book has given me the peace of mind I have been missing. It opened my eyes to how angry, controlling and abusive men think. It released some of the self blame I had felt that was keeping me from trusting and risking entering into a new relationship. I now feel more empowered to recognize the signs of this type of man and the strength to break free if an involvement has already started.
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3 of 5 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Great book, without a doubt, Dec 11 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
I just want to echo all the positive reviews that have gone before. It is undoubtedly the best, most comprehensive book on abuse there is. No one would be wasting their money on this. It's a fascinating read even if you feel you have no reason to take an interest.
However, it is yet another book that seems to assume that it's always men doing the abusing. The author does comment on the fact that there are many men suffering abuse at the hands of their female partners, although, unfortunately, he then completely ignores this until a male reader, like myself, may actually start feeling guilty for simply being a man. I have no doubt that the abuse of women is a bigger issue within relationships, but this doesn't mean that men's suffering should be ignored. The author seems to imply that if there are some serious problems in a relationship, it's probably because the man is abusive. Why? Well, because he's a man.
Lundy says of abusive relationships between gay women that it is often difficult to determine who is the abuser and who is the victim. Why? Because there is no man to instantly blame? I was in an abusive relationship with a woman for two years and I recognise and feel validated by so much of what is described in this book. Much of it, namely the violence side of things, doesn't apply, but that's not to say it wasn't a horrible mind-bending experience for me. There were points in this book where I actually started doubting myself again, wondering if, being the man, I was the cause of the problems. Those are exactly the kind of thoughts that I need to rid myself of if I am ever going to fully recover. I'm a man, and was abused by a woman.
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3 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Because he can!, March 25 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Does He Do That (Hardcover)
When most women ask "why does he do that," they are searching for an answer that will help them to make an abusive relationship better. This book makes it very clear that the answer to the question has nothing to do with the abusive man's partner, and everything to do with a sick and destructive need for complete control over another human being.
I have read a number of books about abuse and control, and many of them are very good at deconstructing the dynamic between a controller and his victim. The difference for me is that many of those books have been by women who treat victims. This is a book by a man who has worked with batterers. I am not disparaging the work of women (and men) who work with victims--I was once one of them. What I am saying is that, as I read this, I felt a deep sense of validation, that the "other side" of the story, which many books get at through stories with victims, isn't something imagined or theorized. Controllers do know what they are doing. They understand that it hurts. They don't want to change. And I and other victims cannot change them. An outline of the specifics of abusive and controlling men makes it very clear that the "circle of influence" for women does not extend to the abuser. It may sound cliche to say you must save yourself, but after reading the many facets of abuse and the way they surface, a victim will understand will great clarity that her precious energy must be used to care for herself and her children. And pulling back that energy, for me, has been a critical step in surviving.
And for going through the family court system, if that is what a woman chooses to do. The other unique and invaluable aspect of this book is the way in which it pinpoints how the family court system--law enforcement, judges, lawywers, GALs--can and often does revisit the trauma of abuse on the victim by becoming triangulated with the offender. A woman who thinks she will find accountability in the family court system may be in for a big surprise. This book can prepare a woman for the reality of the process and help her anticipate what tactics her abuser may engage in. It is daunting, but had I had this book several years ago, my own experience might have been different.
This book is easy to read but I have underlining and notes on every page. Even after the fact it has helped me to understand my own situation better, and to give me hope for the life I can give my child. I recommend it strongly.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Candid Book, March 17 2005
This review is from: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (Paperback)
This is a very candid book, and one that has been needed for a long time. To look in to a difficult subject, domestic abuse-violence and speak to the masses that need to hear and need to know.
Recommending: NIGHTMARES ECHO and LITTLE PRISONER
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Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft (Paperback - Sept. 2 2003)
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