Customer Reviews

If Not Now when: Reclaiming Ourselves at Midlife

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I was very pleased to read this book and find for myself a place where some positive spiritual energy is given on midlife. There are so many books out there outlining the changes of this time in our lives, and although every author declares midlife is not a disease, most literature reads like a textbook. This book was very empowering from a psychological standpoint. It outlined some of the changes, then showed how some women have made real, good, and lasting change in their lives as a result of this tumultuous period. I recommend it to anyone who's out there wondering what good will come of this time of our lives. It can.

I agree with Cathy Goodwin's observations about the shortcomings of this book. I simply couldn't relate to the women profiled and their comfortable lives. In fact, I found it all rather depressing. IMO, people who are financially well-off just don't seem to realize just how much having money gives them opportunities, choices and comforts that less well-off people will never have. Maybe Ms Goodwin should write a book for the rest of us!

Have you ever read a book that was really a lengthened magazine article? That's this book. I ordered it on the heels of reading Martha Beck's excellent North Star book, and in comparison this book has very little insight despite the many personal anecdotes. The big point of it is that women reaching mid-life in this decade face unique situations (probably true) and that we are unequipped to face them (also probably true). But what about strategies, tools, means to achieve insight? Nothing between these covers that fits the bill.

As a career coach who works with midlife career changers, I was hoping to get some insights from this book. I will put it on my website as a resource for midlife women. However, most of my female clients will not find themselves in this book.

Marston writes to women who are secure financially but not emotionally -- the ideal target market for a therapist. Yet many midlife women find themselves facing career dilemmas. They may be laid off or simply find their work unrewarding. They may be financially stressed, with college-bound children and divorce-bound husbands. Some are widowed, tragically, or faced with aging parents who demand time and money. Relatives crawl out of the woodwork, hoping for handouts.

Marston does describe one woman feels helpless when losing her job -- but a few pages later she's happily set up in a new business and already has her first large order! Stories like these can create unrealistic expectations. I talk to women who get laid off after twenty-plus years, blow through their severance, and start a business from necessity, not self-fulfillment. The corporate world is not kind to midlife women. And while a few do find orders flooding in, most struggle with marketing dilemmas. After living comfortably with a husband or corporate security blanket, many women are completely unprepared to take the big step to business ownership.

So, while I appreciated the insights of this book, I found myself thinking, "Who has time to do all this self-reflection?" And the section on beauty misses a key point. We can be as self-accepting as we please...

I also felt the book painted a rosy picture of friendships (not everyone has reached middle age with close "gal pals"). I find that many midlife women turn to family -- parents, siblings, grown children -- and have less time or interest in friendship. Others find they want to distance themselves from family but get calls for everything from money to signatures on cremation permission. I'd like to see more stories of conflict and resolution.

Don't get me wrong: I think the book has valuable insights for many women. It's well-written and the stories, despite their magical qualities, entertain. The chapters on sex and relationships seemed right on. But if you're not a comfortably-off aging yuppie, you might find many of these insights irrelevant.

I just finished reading If Not Now, When? and it is the best I have read about women and midlife and I've read a lot. As I read through the chapters, savoring them to make them last longer, I felt like I found myself in the stories of other women and that was truly comforting. I just turned 45 and I heard my inner voice saying "I'm doing something right." The presentation, the stories, the humor, the information were a perfect mix. This book spoke so deeply to me. I can't tell you how many women I have recommended it to.

I was somewhat disappointed in IF NOT NOW, WHEN? I suppose some folks may find this type of story-telling helpful. But, for me, it was too much story and not enough how-to. I was hoping, and expecting, some type of guide on how to get to what's next in this the second half of my life. It did not give any concrete instruction. If you are looking for a book that gets your heart racing and thinking about what you have to look forward to, and what you can do to get there, read WHAT'S NEXT: WOMEN REDEFINING THEIR DREAMS IN THE PRIME OF LIFE.

I loved this book. It is one of the most insightful and encouraging books I've read on how to make midlife a rich and meaningful time. I tend to think that what I experience in my life is just about me. This book has shown me that it's as much about "us" as "me." It has allowed me to see that midlife for women has some common themes that we all share. This book validated my experience. It's a book that inspires the renewal of lost promises with ourselves. It gives a clear and exciting voice to all the feelings we women struggle to express. I feel a sigh of relief-somebody gets it!! Each chapter was worth the price of admission.

The author of this book interviewed women in midlife about their experiences and efforts to live authentic lives, saying that midlife can be the most productive time of life. Though I appreciate her message and agree, I thought the author's presentation was too light and simple for the topic, so I was disappointed in the book. If you want to read some inspiring interviews about women in midlife by a psychologist who is an expert in midlife issues, I recommend Dr. Linda Edelstein's excellent book The Art of Midlife.

Stephanie Marston has become one of my newest and closest "best friends". Reading this book was reminiscent of having a long talk with my best friend, having her listen to my every word as I shared my inner most thoughts, then having her answer all my questions and take away any doubts that what I've been experiencing is common among women my age and I am not losing my mind. I was hooked and yearning for more after reading just the first chapter and you will be too! This is definitely a "must-read" for any woman past the age of 45.

I just finished reading If Not Now, When?. It rings clear and true! It is such a wonderful exploration of what I'm going through in my life. I'm 45 years old and this book speaks directly to my experience and is a clear articulation of my own process of rediscovering myself. It is so comforting to know that I have company as I go through this transition. In the course of reading this book I had new insights about myself and most of all it has filled me with renewed enthusiasm and courage to continue on my journey. If Not Now, When? lights the way for midlife women.