Customer Reviews

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child

5 star:		(357)
4 star:		(75)
3 star:		(18)
2 star:		(22)
1 star:		(56)

 

 

I consider this book to be the "bible" for sleep-deprived parents. It gives you all the background info you need to understand children's sleep problems and how to fix them. I would not hesitate to recommend it to anyone with a child who is not sleeping well.

However, be prepared for a long, cumbersome read. Like many other reviewers have stated, this book needs some good editing. It is difficult to understand in parts, contradictory at times, and just an overall boring read! Difficult to get through the whole thing when you're a tired mom!

Despite all that, I'd still consider the book worth buying. But for those of you who just want to get to the facts and solutions, and only have a couple of hours to spend reading, there is an even better book out there. It's called the Sleep Sense Program, by Dana Obleman. You can order it at wwww.sleepsense.net

We were following Healthy Sleep Habits to the letter, but our son was still not sleeping through the night consistently. When we came across Sleep Sense, we quickly ordered the book and devoured it. We found that Dana's techniques were very similar to Mark Weissbluth's. The difference we found in Dana's book was removing the soother from our son's bedtime routine. As soon as we did that, no more night wakings!

If you have to pick one book, I'd pick Sleep Sense for its quick, no-nonsense read, easy to implement, effective tips as well as the extras it comes with (workbook, electronic sleep log and audio interview with Dana). But if you really want to get in-depth and truly understand how children sleep, what causes sleep problems, different types of sleep problems and how to fix them - Healthy Sleep Habits is the book for you. Personally, I'm glad I have both, and refer back to them whenever my son enters a new sleep pattern.

I began reading this book in bits on the third day of my daughter's life. A new mum, already sleep-deprived and feeling desperate I switched to the relevant section dealing with newborns. The news that newborns do not have sleep patterns provided a lot of relief. It didn't solve my immediate problems, but it helped me realize that I wasn't alone (grin and bear it).

At six weeks of age I began introducing a schedule for my daughter, and it worked. I had a fabulous, happy, well-rested baby who at 6 months began to sleep throught the night (7pm-7am). She is now 5 years old and still does. What is more, her younger brother (now 2 years old) has the same sleep habits - despite being a VERY different person. He is much more stubborn and strong-willed than my daughter and was a much more challenging baby. The techniques worked on him too.

So many friends gape in disbelief when they witness our early bedtimes, and the lack of hassle with which my children go to sleep. The fact that my husband and I can enjoy nuturing our own relationship in the evenings while the kids are in bed is very important to our growth and commitment as a couple.

Do everyone in your family a favour and read this book. Don't feel the need to read it cover to cover - hit the points that are pertinent to your own child's age and situation. I still refer to mine as my kids grow. It not only helps your children be healthy, it helps you maintain some time for yourself. If the parents are not happy, healthy and well-rested then the kiddies won't be either.

I read this, every word. I couldn't believe some of the things Weissbluth was suggesting. At one point, he advocated leaving a baby alone after he had vomited: Don't clean him up, just leave him be. Basically he said leave your child alone to scream as long as it takes. It makes me sick just thinking about it. I would have given this less than a one star rating, but it isn't possible.

The whole philosophy of the book is that children's need for sleep takes precedence over all other needs of the child: need for security, (Maslow), need to develop trust (Erickson), and other basic needs like breastmilk and water.

Weissbluth's definition of a sleep problem is when the child not sleeping becomes a problem for the parent. His solution is that up to four months, parents should meet the babies' needs for cuddles, feeding, etc. After four months, he advocates letting the baby cry it out for however long it takes until the baby stops crying and goes to sleep. The parents are not to check on the baby or pat it's back or talk. When asked "How long should I let my baby cry?", he replies, "to establish regular naps, and consolidated sleep overnight, there is no time limit." p.134 "We are leaving the baby alone to forget the expection to be picked up."

The most offensive part of the book in on page 157 in the 4 month to 12 month age, where he replies to a mother whose baby is so upset, she vomits: "If the vomiting always occurs, I think you will want to always go in to clean her promptly and then leave her again. If the vomiting is irregular and occasional, you should try waiting until after you think she is deeply asleep before checking, and then quickly clean her if needed."

The parents are not to check to see if the baby choked? They are advised to make her fall asleep in her vomit? What if her body is dangling from the crib slats? What if she has a tummyache, or is hungry or has a thread wrapped around her toe? The parents are just supposed to ignore it until she gives up sobbing in desparation?

Weissbluth also makes statements in the book that are not backed by studies:

Letting a baby cry for hours on end without soothing, reassuring, or picking up, does no emotional damage in the long term.

Kids become independent by being ignored and learning to meet their own needs by self soothing, rahter then by being nurtured ny parents and having their needs met quickly.

Kids that demand more emotional/social time with parents are called "bratty".

Temperment can be changed by sleep increases. A child's behaviour is not linked to temperment, but is linked to the amount of rest they get.

Parents have ultimate *control* over their child's sleep. They are not just facilitators of sleep, but can make their children go to sleep.

Breastmilk and formula are just as satiating because of the similar calorie count. (He discounts that breastmilk is easier to digest and therefore breastfed babies can be hungrier through the night. )

Adults who are addicted to their lovers, probably had Mothers who couldn't allow them to separate, self soothe, or grow. p.236

A nine month old baby has the cognitive ability to "stick it to his Mother" and planned out ways to manipulate her. p.218

Infants that have every need met are left with "undischarged aggression". The infant is robbed of desire because his every need is anticipated and met before being experienced. p.78

"Two and a half hours of crying is normal during a sleep training program. " (The baby is two months old.) P. 97 to 99

The need for attention and soothing at night is not a need, but a want, like the desire for candy. p. 164

This book is not only cruel but dangerous. A parent who can ignore her babies crys in the midst of vomit for hours on end, is not going to be a nurturing, responsive parent during the day. The need for attention, food, soothing, cuddles and security are basic needs of babies and children. Sleep is also a need. As a responsible parent you can find ways to give your child both.

While the doctor is a specialist in the area of sleep the book fails to appreciate that babies are people with feelings.

To give you an understanding of what I mean here are a few EXACT quotes.

Page 177 "Use thick layers of zinc oxide paste in the diaper region so that no rash will develop when you do not go to your baby at night to change diapers."

How long to let your baby cry? Page 159 for naps "no more than one hour" for bedtime "there is no time limit at night if the child is not hungry or ill"

Why do you let him cry? Page 159 "We are leaving him alone to forget the expectation to be picked up."

To answer "Isn't crying harmful" he says: "Not necessarily." "When a child cries she may more quickly unlearn to expect to be picked up."

And if your baby cries so hard she vomits? Page 176 "If the vomiting is irregular and occasional you should try waiting until after you think she is deeply asleep before checking, and then quickly clean her if needed."
(Wait until she's ASLEEP before checking? Clean her IF NEEDED?)

In response to a parent who says she wants to respond to her crying baby at night, Page 178 "Letting your baby cry is not doing nothing. You are activily encouraging the development of independence" He then says you may not want to hear your baby cry because you have Page 179 "Working mother's guilt. You may feel guilty about being away from your child so much."

What if your baby climbs out of the crib? Page 193 "A crib tent will prevent your child from getting out of the crib, and it allows you to remove yourself from his protest crying" And if you don't want to use a crib tent because he says "some parents feel that the crib tent locks their child in the crib like an animal caged in the zoo" then "lock the door instead."

To keep a 3 year old from getting up too early in the morning "Place a digital clock in her room and set the alarm for 6 or 7" "You do not respond to her cries before this wake-up time."

Enough said. Not only are the ideas harsh and the grammer terrible, I much prefer the sensitive approach in The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley where you don't have to deal with vomiting, crying or crib tents.

I read this book and wasn't comfortable with the techniques, so I visted a sleep training support message board of mothers using his ideas. I was amazed to see that so many of them were making their babies cry endlessly for weeks, sometimes months, and one mother complained that she had been doing it for almost a year. This book makes it sound like every baby will sleep after a night of two of crying but that obviously isn't true. I also bought The No-Cry Sleep Solution which covers much of the same sleep data but then provides gentle non-crying solutions, which I am more comfortable with.

May baby cried endlessless. There was no sleeping for any of us. I found the ideas to be harsh and mean. I feel guilty for even trying this. My baby is clingy and fearful and hates her crib now and we're worse off than we were before we started. I wish I never would have bought this book.

We had a couple of recommendations for this book since my 2 year old son has never slept all night and will only fall asleep by nursing him or driving him around. This book set us back - way back. Before trying this "cry it out" method, I had my son almost completely weened from nursing. I approached the method open minded and tried it the way he recommends. Now my son is clingy and wants to be nursed constanly, he is scared to death of his crib and won't even go into his bedroom. He has never been so insecure. We feel as though we have broken his little spirit. The scientifics on why sleep is necessary makes perfect sense, however, the method is too cruel for us. The author does contradict himself over and over as stated in other reviews. I'll keep searching for a gentler approach to our problem as I do not believe letting a child cry himslef to pure exhaustion is the way to go.

I had heard so many good thing about this book that I had to check it out. I must say I was shocked.

Here is MY experience. I have 2 healthy, happy, secure, and independent children. Many people have commented on how cheerful, friendly, and adaptable my children are. They have been assessed by professionals in child development, and have consistently scored higher than the norm for their age - both in emotional, and intellectual development. My oldest was reading several words before she was 2, and my youngest, at 22 mos, would sit for 20+ minutes absorbed in her task. I have NEVER followed any of the recommendations in this book.

The arguement: according to this book, my children should be "brats" (Weissbluth's word - not mine) and fussy because they stopped having daytime naps at 2 (rather than 3-4). My children should have short attention spans, and lower I.Q's because they didn't sleep the recommended hours in a day. They should be 'clingy' and dependent', and should have sleep problems because they were never 'taught' how to sleep on their own. (They go to sleep easily, and sleep through the night.)

Many of the claims on this book are not backed by recent research, and have actually been disproven (McKenna). The theory which tells parents not to hold or comfort babies originated in the late 18oo's, (Holt, J.B. Watson) at which time infant mortality rose dramatically.

My experience alone disproves most of the claims in this book - and there are many studies done RECENTLY (not in the early 1900's - like the ones Weissbluth seems to like to quote) which also disprove these theories.

I am not saying there is NOTHING good in this book, but, please don't take everything it says at face value. Please do your research before you submit your children to this type of treatment. It is not necessary to do so, as the book suggests, in order to have happy, healthy and intelligent children.

Here's what I learned from Weissbluth:

* Make sure your kid isn't overtired. If he already is, use whatever methods work to get him rested up. For us, this meant a family bed and me lying down with him at nap times for several days. After that, my baby was pretty well rested.

* Once the kid is well rested, institute an age-appropriate wake-up time, nap schedule, and early bedtime, and stick to the plan. The first few days I did this, my son did "fuss" a little when I put him down, but much less than before I'd gotten him well-rested. I did not have to let him "cry it out." Before reading this book, he was too overtired to sleep, so he did a lot of crying when I'd put him down. Now we're on about day 8 of following the schedule (we're flexible, it's gotten a bit messed up on a few days) and he goes to sleep very quickly and is finally taking two naps a day.

*It is reasonable for babies to wake up to be fed after 4-6 hours of sleep until they are about 9 months old. So many people make out like if your baby isn't sleeping through the night by six months, you've got a spoiled baby who needs to be left alone to cry it out. Weissbluth refutes that.

*It's OK to nurse the baby to sleep. Weissbluth says putting the baby down drowsy but awake is desirable, but not absolutely necessary. He's the first "expert" other than Dr. Sears who didn't make me feel EVIL for nursing the baby to sleep. ;-)

So as you can see, Weissbluth is not just about leaving your baby to cry, although that recommendation is in there for some situations (mostly post-colic babies). Following his advice, I have been able to significantly improve my son's sleep habits without leaving him to cry.

A word of caution: this is one of the most poorly written and organized books I've ever read. I can't believe someone of his stature couldn't produce something written in a more professional manner! Nevertheless, it's worth slogging through. Then take the info that's useful to you and develop your own sleep plan.