Customer Reviews

Extraordinary Relationships: A New Way of Thinking About Human Interactions

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Whenever I'm asked to recommend a book on systems theory, I suggest Gilbert's book. She does an excellent job of accurately covering the theory, but an added bonus is her clear writing style, which makes often difficult concepts easier to digest. The book enjoys good organization. A good first choice for anyone needing an introduction to Bowen Family Systems Theory that focuses on relationships.

I was introduced to this book several years ago and it is a volume I turn to over and over. As the subtitle suggests, it offers a new way to help the reader look at his/her relationships and offers an innovative approach for reducing the quagmires we seem to keep getting into in them. If you are serious about improving your life and the quality of your relationships and want to invest some time and effort in yourself, you will want to read this book. I recommed it every chance I get!

This book is avery nice introduction to systems thinking applied to human relationships. I really liked how the author systematically oragnized the book. The book gives us not only a framework to enable us to understand how our relationships work, but also provides us with some helpful advice about what to do about the problems we encounter in our relationships. This book has not only helped me see how my family works, but also improve my relationships with the people in my family like my spouse, parents, and children. If you are interested in understanding and improving your relationships, I highly recommend this book. I also recommend "Rhythm, Relationships, and Transcendence" by Toru Sato. It is also a fabulous book about relationships partially from a systems theory perspective.

Roberta Gilbert's "Extraordinary Relationships" offers useful advice for dealing with family relationships couched amidst an examination of systems theory. Although it is more technical than a lot of self help, it can be used by a general audience.

Gilbert examines the theory of Murray Bowen, who countered notions of individual psychology (like those of Freud) with the theory that personality develops as a result of a family unit. The nuclear family, like a herd of amimals, reacts against each other, speaking a common language that is known only to them. Children raised in that family then detach from the family to form their own adult relationships, where dynamics may follow the family system.

In order to heal adult problems, the author offers some practical advice, like taking the time to observe old patterns as they crop up (family Christmas fights come to mind) with the dispassionate mind of an observer. The author states that individuals will better be able to understand family dynamics and their role in them by doing this.

I've read this book twice, and it has helped me better understand my family, and my role within it. I would recommend it for those who are seeking to better understand their family of origin, and what they can do to improve their present life through understanding the past.

If one is interested in learning about one's self, this is the book! It rings true throughout.

A seasoned psychiatrist, Dr. Gilbert has clear answers to many basic questions parents ask. A few parents may not care that Bowen theory may some day revolutionize psychiatry, Dr. Gilbert does. She makes the case for a move to a new paradigm as a necessity to aid families in today's fast changing world. Dr. Gilbert's stories about people carry us into their lives and we can momentarily become them. When they are us and we are them, then the theory comes alive. It is the human condition. No blame and little shame. Diagrams add clarity to difficult situations. The family process is seen as a river that can be understood. By increasing the ability to be a bit more seperate from the family anxiety people breathe easier. People see how they can rethink and rework old threats and new problems. There is a sense of relief when such new mental models can be applied to complicated challenges.

One comes away from reading the book with greater understanding and humor about the human condition. This is probably good for us all. In addition many people's ideas have contributed to the growth of Bowen Theory and Dr. Gilbert dots the landscape with other people's clinical research. It is not often when one writer strives so hard to give so many people credit for their unique contributions. Dr. Gilbert effort may make it possible for the word principle to be clarifying and freeing rather than stogy. Try one of her books, you might like it.

Gilbert presents us with a systems approach with supporting anecdotes. She takes us beyond shame. This reminded me of how Elise works through her anger in the novel Defenders of the Holy Grail, but of course that is fiction. However, Gilbert tries to give us tools. The key is will both you and your partner try to do this? That is the key.

This book was a revelation. Finally an approach which doesn't place blame and encourages individuals to take responsibility for themselves without blaming others. Relationships can only get better if you become your own, whole person first. This theory applies not only to the relationships in ones own family but for all interpersonal relationships. This theory is obviously not well accepted within the psychology/psychiatry community. I wish my therapist had discussed this process.

This book presents in easily understandable form the Bowen family system theory approach to human interaction. This is a "systems" approach to better relationships in which eight carefully researched principles show how groups of individuals, such as a nuclear family, interact and what governs those interactions. Rather than present a few "how to" examples, the author presents the theory and uses examples in the process of explaining the theory. The idea is to teach the principles. By understanding these principles and how individuals interact as a system, people can improve their own lives and better understand how to resolve or avoid problems in families and groups of people by understanding and treating the underlying causes rather than the superficial symptoms. The book is very well written by the author who is a practicing psychiatrist and specialist in family therapy and, in particular, in Bowen family system theory. Highly recommended for parents, leaders in organizations, and those in the helping professions.