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4.8 out of 5 stars
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on November 16, 2015
This is a great book for any woman who needs to process and grieve the death of their unborn child in miscarriage, whether early or late. It helped my husband and I to understand my thoughts and feelings, as chapters have information and then stories from a wide array of women and experiences. Yes, I cried when I started reading it, and I did have to put it down now and then and return to it the next day or so, but it was one of those necessary things that I had to do. I realized that like the book said, closure is not easy when there isn't someone to lay to rest in the ground. In addition, it was so comforting to read the feelings of other women who felt like I did. Overall, a great book and highly recommend for anyone going through this anguishing time.
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on July 8, 2004
This book really helped me deal with my grief and the emotional upheaval of miscarriage. It is designed for grief. There are no medical facts in this book, so if that is what you are looking for than this is the wrong book. But if you are trying to sort your emotions, this book is the best and will bring you to the tears, you so desperately need to cry.
I am a Christian, so I was a little disappointed that there wasn't any mention of the Bible, itself, which will help as well. They do talk a lot about spiritual things, which was nice. Great book.
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on June 28, 2004
If you have experienced a miscarriage, BUY THIS BOOK!
I lost my first pregnancy at 17 weeks after trying to conceive for 2 1/2 years. After the loss I was in a fog of despair I had never come close to experiencing. This book put into words so many of my feelings that I was too lost and raw with pain to even begin to explore. All of the books I had read only dealed with early loss or stillbirth. I felt like my feelings of mourning weren't normal and I felt completely alone--like I was the only person in the world to suffer a second trimester loss.
This book had accounts of women who had lost their babies at the same point in pregnancy I had and those accounts saved me. Also, some people have mentioned that the physical aspects aren't mentioned, but the most important physical aspects for me were talked about. My milk coming in, seeing my body no longer growing with life, etc. were some very physical aspects that no one had discussed with me but were touched on in the book.
Through reading this book I stopped feeling like I was crazy or losing it. I learned to honor my grief and allow myself to mourn the life of my child and the hopes and dreams that were dashed when we lost our baby.
This book also helped me deal with my mother. She kept getting upset when I'd cry. She would call my sisters and say "oh no, she's crying again" as if I was doing something criminal. I gave her the book finally and she read it and hasn't said one thing to me since to make me feel guilt over mourning my child.
Good luck to all of you out there that are so unfortunate to have to buy this book. And a huge thank you to the authors for providing a much needed bible for women dealing with loss.
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on February 27, 2004
many women are not aware how often miscarriage happens. this book helped me feel i was not alone and that my grief is valid and real. very helpful.
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on January 9, 2004
This is an excellent book to read following a miscarriage. After having a miscarriage, you may not know how to feel or if what you feel is normal. You may not know how to handle your grief. Others may make you feel that what you experienced is not a true loss. This book helps in all these aspects. It is also helpful for others close to someone that has miscarried such as spouse, family, friends and health care workers to read.
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on July 17, 2003
Having had a miscarriage myself recently, I wanted to read all the books I could about it. I found most of them to be pretty dry, very "fact based" and brushing over the emotional aspect of miscarriage. You see, miscarriage is much less a PHYSICAL experience but an EMOTIONAL one. The pain and grief you suffer is much like the death of a close family member. However with miscarriage there are no rituals--no burials, no supportive phone calls, most women don't even know if the baby was a boy or a girl. It is a very sad and lonely time and society certainly does not recognize the emotional aspect. No one can understand the devastation until they have gone through it themselves.
What I love about this book is that there are no medical facts--this book is about FEELINGS. There are hundreds of interviews with women who lost babies to miscarriage or stillbirth. They share their feelings, how they coped. Even "weird" things they did to help comfort themselves that many women (myself included!) could relate to. I felt less alone after reading this book. It made me realize that many women felt the same way I do after their miscarriages, and that it is ok to grieve. I absolutely LOVE this book and would highly recommend it to anyone who has suffered a miscarriage or knows someone who has.
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on December 2, 2002
After my miscarriage I went to the liabary and they didn't have any books, my doctor didn't have any, and as I am in South Korea I didn't have a store I could go too, to buy some. So I came online and of the four books I bought this one alone helped me.
This book is so well written and at times I was even brought to tears because these women had the same thoughts and feelings I was going through. reading what they each had written, how they had coped and grew stronger, was the best help I could have gotten. It made me relize that I will surive and that eventually I would be able to make it a whole day, then a week and now it has been a couple monthes without the pain.
If one of my friends has a miscarriage then this would the book I would pull off my shelf and tell them to read. It hurts to read but it feels good afterwards.
If you do need this book then let me tell you that from my heart I feel for you and it will get better. Trust me.
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on May 19, 2001
I don't know if I would ever have described a book as supportive before reading this. A friend of mine (who lost a pregancy in week 16) sent this to me right after I lost my baby. It really helped me during my grieving process, which lasted about 5-6 months. By reading this book, I realized that I was not alone, nor was I crazy or overreacting to what was a devastating loss for me. I read it, cried, scribbled notes in the margins, and grieved (and grieved and grieved). It felt like a support group in a book!
The book was also useful in helping my husband understand what it was I was going through. I was too angry, sad and exhausted to be able to explain myself to him and it helped me to be able to simply underline passages and have him read them.
It's important to note that this book deals almost exclusivley with the emotional side of miscarriage. It does not attempt to explain the physical components of loss. It is for that reason that I think it is so valuable. After all, most of us are fine physically after losing a pregnancy. It's the emotional scars that take so long to heal.
Sadly, I have bought four more copies of this to give to friends of mine who have also suffered miscarriages. While I am grateful that this resource exists, I wish so much that none of us needed it.
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on January 25, 2001
I found this book in the library after my second miscarriage. I read as much as I could right there and when my own emerging feelings of grief overwhelmed me, I headed home to read the rest. I felt remarkably reassured to be able to label my emotion, "grief", rather than thinking I was crazy.
The format allowed me to skim areas that I didn't identify with ("a need to name the baby", for instance) and delve into more deeply those emotions I was feeling ("grief").
I rushed to get it again after my third miscarriage. It helped me once again. I feel so grateful to the authors for their help - they saved my sanity! Now that I've had two successful pregnancies, I still think back on what a difference this book made to me at my darkest hours.
I highly recommend it to anyone who is dealing with this tragedy.
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on November 19, 2000
This book definitely helped. This book made me realize that miscarriage does make you feel crazy and I felt more crazy about my miscarriage because we had not told anyone about the pregancy. It also helped me to re-think our loss in some positive ways. I am buying it for a friend that now needs it but I don't want to give mine up--never know when you need to pull it back out.
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