Customer Reviews

The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

The thing that stands out most clearly when reading this book is how sensible it is. There is insight here that reaches beyond the obvious, but there are also moments that are simple, shining, wonderful good common sense. Keller diagnoses much of what is wrong with modern marriage and modern attitudes about marriage. Paradoxically, people are both too idealistic (in their idea of a suitable marriage partner) and too pessimistic (in their belief in the viability of marriage) resulting in a toxic and destructive atmosphere.

Keller uses Ephesians 5 as a bedrock, showing how Paul ideas about marriage are not only challenging in our time, but would have disturbed Paul's contemporary audience. The Bible is a guide to all times, challenging contemporary norms with its timeless guiding principles.

Early on, Keller identifies self-centeredness as the main threat to the viability of a marriage. This is rightly established first - then he goes on to bring in other ideas which are helpful once centered on this principle, such as "love languages" or as Keller neatly refers to them, "currencies".

Among other things, Keller tackles singleness as a viable way of life, gender issues (with the help of his wife), and of course, a right view of sex.

This is definitely the sort of book you can read twice or five times, take notes and use to make your own approach to marriage much, much better.

This is an extremely helpful and practical book that addresses the issue of marriage and commitment within a Christian perspective, while taking into account the common objections, misconceptions and realities that marriage entails. The common thread in this book concerns the definition of marriage as complementariness between man and woman characterized by service and support of one to the other. This idea of relationship as service, as a form of sacrifice really, should not be surprising to readers of Keller. Service and sacrifice have defined the walk of the Christian across history and throughout the world. Keller has often referred to this basic notion. In a world that is broken, yet has the promise of redemption, witnessed by the work on the cross, the Christian imitates his/her chief - one who gives all, one who forgives and who leaves healing in his/her wake.

So it is only logical that in this relationship that most closely mirrors God's own relationship to humans, there is the idea of service of one to the other, for the good, for the happiness and fulfillment of the other. Marriage is about what I will do to make the other more themselves. It is not about what I can get out of the other. The subtle reflection is made that marriage, even blissfully happy marriage, is not complete. It is a signpost, pointing in another direction, in a direction where there is the greatest joy.

I particularly appreciated the ease with which the Kellers (written by Tim and Kathy Keller) were able to address the issue of the husband-wife relationship within the traditional questions of gender roles. These have been very painful issues in the church, often visible to non-christian observers. I found the transparent, thought out approach very refreshing and cause for reflection by everyone who has to deal with marriage either personally or within a counselling context. The book definitely does not paint the common stereotypes of Christian male/womanhood that is often part of evangelical christian descriptions of marriage.

Finally, one comes away with the idea that marriage can be fun, that there is much happiness, a profound happiness, that comes from walking through this sometimes very difficult life with someone who is walking with you, in the same direction, who takes part in your adventure, and vice versa. When the challenges come, there is comfort in being two. The Kellers say much when they describe marriage as a very strong friendship that grows into a romantic relationship. It is always better to face the world and to build with someone by your side, no? Perhaps this is something we have lost in our time and place in history. The Kellers do a nice job of restating this idea as a critical part of the foundation of marital relationships.

Not a self-help book, nor a deep theological study, this book is a sound explanation of, and a principled, practical guide to marriage based on Ephesians 5. After reading it, my wife and I enjoyed it so much that we decided to gift a copy to a newly engaged couple we know. If this book was given to all newly engaged couples, along with solid premarital counseling, I think it would solve a lot of problems before they got started. It is refreshing to see the institution of marriage lifted high in a time that so many are throwing it away.

I enjoyed it quite a bit. I found it a very helpful treatment of the why, how, and whats of marriage from a Christian perspective.

In his review of the book, Tim Challies said "It must be intimidating to write a book on marriage". Challies is right. It takes a lot of guts to write a book on marriage. There are already so many voices out there speaking on this subject. And there are so many strong feelings and personal histories that people bring to the table when it comes to this subject!

Tim and Kathy Keller, who co-authored this book, are quite pragmatic in their approach. Their tone is personal and warm. They share a lot of personal anecdotes, but the book isn't "personal" in a gushy sort of way. They are very concerned to show the connection between marriage and something greater than themselves, the gospel. And it is this that makes the book so searching and challenging.

Overall, they do a great job of blending the theoretical and practical. The book is very readable and I highly recommend it as an important resource for those who are married or are pursuing marriage.

Dr Keller is a remarkable author. As a husband and wife team, their relational and biblical insights are often stunning. Thank God for this healthy couple to mentor so many people looking for lasting relationship and covenant commitment.

Ed Hird+
[...]