Customer Reviews

The Highly Sensitive Person

5 star:		(44)
4 star:		(19)
3 star:		(9)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

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Answer true or false to these ten statements as they apply to you:

1. I find myself needing to withdraw during busy days to any place where I can have some privacy and relief from stimulation.
2. I am easily overwhelmed by things such as bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens close by.
3. I get rattled when I have a lot to do in a short amount of time.
4. I startle easily.
5. I make it a point to avoid violent movies or TV shows.
6. Changes in my life shake me up.
7. When I must compete or be observed while performing a task, I become so nervous and shaky that I do much worse than I would otherwise.
8. I am very conscientious.
9. When I was a child, my parents or teachers seemed to see me as sensitive or shy.
10. I tend to be very sensitive to pain.

If you answered true to five or more of these statements or if any one or two statements are extremely true of you, then this book may be for you.

This easy-to-read, non-technical book (first published in 1996) by Dr. Elaine Aron, deals with the highly sensitive person (of which Aron is one). Such a person is one that has a very sensitive nervous system and thus has a trait of greater receptivity to stimulation that may cause over stimulation. This trait should not be confused with such things as introversion, shyness, inhibition, anxiety, or fear. (Interestingly, there are also extroverted highly sensitive people.)

This book provides basic, detailed information about this trait, data that is difficult to obtain elsewhere. According to the author, "[This book] is the product of five years of research, in-depth interviews, clinical experience, courses, and individual consultations with hundreds of highly sensitive persons."

If you feel that you are a highly sensitive person, this book will help you understand yourself better and show you how to thrive in today's not-so-sensitive world. Also, this book is written for those seeking to understand those that are highly sensitive, such as a friend, relative, employer, or educator.

This book consists of ten chapters:

*Chapter one helps one learn the basic facts about this trait and how it makes one different (not flawed) from others.
*Chapter two helps you understand your trait.
*In the third chapter, you'll learn to appreciate your highly sensitive body's needs.
*In the fourth chapter, you'll learn ways to rethink your past experiences in a positive light and gain greater self-esteem in the process.
*Chapter five gives insight of how high sensitivity affects non-intimate social relationships.
*Chapter six gives insight of how high sensitivity affects work relationships.
*In the seventh chapter, you'll find insight of how high sensitivity affects close intimate relationships.
*The eighth chapter deals with ways to heal the sometimes deep adult psychological wounds caused when one was a highly sensitive child or adolescent.
*Chapter nine gives information on medications and when to seek help. (The author advocates caution if you desire to use medication.)
*In the last chapter, you are introduced to techniques to enrich the soul and spirit.

Near the beginning of this book is a self-test to help you decide if you are highly sensitive. It consists of twenty-three statements (ten selected ones are presented above) of which you answer true or false. (I felt that some of these statements were too general.)

Throughout this book are voluntary activities that the author has found useful for highly sensitive people. As well, there are tips throughout on how to deal with over arousal.

Finally, there are three appendices that consist of tips for health-care providers, teachers, and employers who work with or employ highly sensitive people.

In conclusion, if you are highly sensitive or want to learn about this trait, then this is the groundbreaking book for you!!

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I picked this book up at the library yesterday by accident. I was hoping that the book would help me understand my emotionally sensitive neighbor. Well, after opening the book and reading only two pages, I realized that Dr. Aron was describing me. Dr. Aron, in her book, is not describing emotionally sensitive people (although some of you may be as well) but rather she desribes those who have sensitive nervous systems. I have always misinterperated my blushing, heart racing, and foggy mind to a mysterious fear, or neurosis, even though I didn't really feal afraid. Now I know that being in an arousal state is not the same as being afraid or shy. I read the book in three hours and have cried tears of joy ever since (and I am not a very emotional person!). Throughout my life, I have felt so oddly out of place and only have one friend that I would say really knows me. After reading this book I cry just knowing that it's not my fault, that I am not a weak person, that I am valuable just as I am. After a lifetime of avoiding people, avoiding driving, and always needing time alone to "think" I am renewed and literally reborn!

Being a highly sensitive person, I started to understand my traits through the years, but here in this book is where it all comes together and is acknowledged in a way like never before. For anyone who is highly sensitive, this book let's you know that it's perfectly ok to be exactly who you are, in the clearest way imaginable. I am very grateful that it is here. It is a very validating thing.

For those reviewers who found this book to be off the mark or a bad thing, then it was probably not written for you. I'll echo the many who have said that if you are the kind of sensitive person that this book speaks for, it will resonate within you deeply. It brings peace to me, and if anything, it gives me more courage and strength to thrive in this world. Those who said that this book does more harm than good by "sinking you into your sensitivity" are truly missing the point. That is like telling someone not to be themselves, and is the very thing that sensitive people have been painfully dealing with in this culture for a long while. When I become more of who I am, I will only be better for myself and better for the world. Being more accepting of myself within, is something that will bring me more comfortably out into the world, not push me further back from it.

One reader thought that this book was written from the "female perspective" and therefore not as useful to males. I am a male and find that it was very fitting to the person I am, so it may just depend on the individual.

If you are a sensitive person and you have ever compared yourself to most others in the society we live in, you understand that you do not fit the mold. What this book delivers is the point - "it's ok" and in doing so it helps one to deal with oneself in a much kinder and constructive way in the world. I don't think this book is a miracle worker, it does take personal steps to be fully accepting of self, but this writing is a big help to the sensitive soul. My wish is that everyone who needs it, finds it.

To all those gentle, kindred spirits out there, I offer my heartfelt best wishes for much happiness and peace. I plan to order a couple of copies of this great book for friends whom I know will surely love it.

Thank you very much, Dr. Elaine Aron. Great job.

This work is generally a good read in helping one understand the highly sensitive person (HSP). While the first half of the text is well written and useful, in my opinion, the latter half is a slide downhill into not only strategies intended to work with one's sensitivity, but avenues to subdue one's sensitivity. Some of the strengths of the book include the attempt of the author to differentiate the highly sensitive from the introvert and the shy (many modern psychologists are rightly coming to like conclusions that these three personality attributes are not synonymous, although some therapists unfortunately still group these three types of individuals together), her explanation of how sensitivity in many ways is a strength because the HSP is much more aware of what is going on around them than the non-HSP, and the many case studies distributed throughout the text. As with most works of this nature, there are also weaknesses that need to be mentioned. Despite the book's strengths, and my recommendation that you read this book if there is an HSP in your life, there are two weaknesses in this book that should not go unnoticed, contained within the last two chapters in the book: the author's discussions on medications and spirituality. In my opinion, medication for any purpose, including both physical and mental health, should be used in only limited circumstances - drugs should not be used as much as they are in the United States to treat people. Although people have a right to disagree with this assertion, I must say that the second and greatest weakness of this book, constrained to chapter 10, is large enough that most would probably agree with me (even if the only reason for this agreement is the fact that the content is far removed from the thesis of the book, i.e. the content digresses in a long, unrelated tangent). Aron explains that HSPs tend to be more spiritual than non-HSPs, but she goes far beyond this research finding to say that HSPs as a general rule are against "organized religion", without explaining her definition of organized religion. She includes almost two full pages of quotes by supposed HSPs, which together form "almost a poem", in her opinion. Included within this "poem" is a quote from an HSP who says that one should "have fun at all costs", and another which says "you get what you pray for". There is simply too much hostility in this "poem", which many readers will probably categorize as a tragedy. Amid periodic bursts of insight, this "Soul and Spirit" chapter gets stranger, reminiscent of the book "Communion" by Whitley Strieber, where the author goes on a tangent about guardian angels which sound more like demons. In a related case study, a woman recalls waking up at night, seeing "at the bottom of [her] bed a creature about four feet tall, hairless, not naked but in a sort of skinsuit, with minimalist features...[the creature] thought-transmitted to [her], 'Don't be afraid. I'm only here to observe you'". The woman notes that she "was not the least bit afraid". For future printings of this book, this last chapter simply needs to be cut-and-pasted into a book categorized in the "New Age" bookshelf of your local bookstore.

I'm not very keen on popular psychology and self-help books. But it was interesting to find book written about a character of people into which I fit very well. I never knew there was such a group before.

Ive found some things in this book that don't fit me specifically (and a few things I don't like), but I score very high on the self-test on page xvii and many parts of the book describe my personality very well. The book goes a long way in helping the reader understand what makes sensitive people tick and in dispelling the negative stereotypes of "shy" or "introverted" people. If you are an "HSP", the book will help you live with yourself, understand your limitations and value your uncommon abilities. If you're not the sensitive type, you may find in this book a tremendous help in understanding such people.

Not all of the book was helpful for me. The first two chapters, describing the trait of an HSP, were very interesting and convinced me that I belong in this category of personality. Chapters three and four, however, did not interest me very much. The idea of managing the reactions of one's body to worldly stimuli as if you were caring for an infant seems a bit strained to me. I also have no desire to "reparent myself". Thankfully, my own parents did a good enough job of that the first time. I don't want to spend a large part of my life trying to repair any mistakes that may have been made back there. I've found God to be a good father to me now, and I have two great kids on which I want to spend all of my fathering energies.

Chapter six, on "Thriving at Work", was probably the most helpful since I have a strong desire to do creative, meaningful and productive work. Yet it's also the place where most conflicts arise. When I read the page of "Tips for Employers of Highly Sensitive People" at the end of the book, it seemed to describe the ideal work environment for me.

The chapter on medications (nine) was interesting for the insight it gave on how antidepressants work. I have no experience with such drugs and I am now more certain that I want none. I think Dr. Aron's perspective on their use as a last resort or short-term measure is very sensible.

I was also very interested in the last chapter on spirituality, but found it disappointing for its lack of depth. Its main observation is that HSPs tend to place more importance on spirituality than others, but we're a mixed bag when it comes to the forms that takes (as would be expected). Dr. Aron is a Jungian Psychologist and spirituality is taken seriously by that discipline. Yet the things I have heard and read about the nature and practice of Jung's spirituality greatly disturb me. Not that Dr. Aron is advocating a particular form of spirituality. In line with the opinion of most of her profession, hers seems to be that anything that helps is good.

If you think you are an HSP, check out Elaine's website, www.hsperson.com and take the self-test. I you find out you are, buy this book. After 35 years of questioning my HSP traits, I finally found a book that helps me manage and develop my traits as well as accept that I'm a pretty neat person. Labeled as "gifted" and "sensitive" since birth, I can finally use my gifts to enhance my life rather than detract from it. I usually detest labels, but I find this one, HSP, to aid in my expansion as an individual rather than my receding from the world due to "too much information, runnin' through my brain" (thanks, Sting.)

Reading this book has also helped me understand my niece and her HSP traits. Maybe we can both breathe easier now that we have each other and these books as a place to rest. Peace to all!

Veo

Until picking up this book, I had always felt different from others, but didn't understand why. I reacted "strangely" to normal situations, deeply appreciated alone time, and was bothered by things others didn't even notice. My high sensitivity was a joke with my friends. I mean, who "needs" to sleep on flannel or 300+ thread count sheets, with ear plugs, and block all light just to get a decent nights sleep? This book has helped me to understand that my reaction to the world around me is not something to be ashamed of. Now that I understand what the difference is I am learning, not to ignore my "strange" way of reacting, but to be sensitive to it and respond in a positive way. Thank you, Elaine, for helping me understand myself more deeply.

I'm not a huge fan of self-help books, but something told me to read this one. I'm glad I did. It really helped me to understand things about myself that I'd struggled with for years. Before, I didn't understand why I'd freak out in crowds, why I'd often find myself retreating to stairwells or restrooms for solitude at work or school, or why large social gatherings often exhausted me when other people seemed energized by them. This book explains that highly sensitive people (HSPs) are simply a significant segment of the population born with a sensitive nervous system, and as a result are easily overstimulated and overwhelmed. It covers the pros and cons of being an HSP, and helps HSPs understand, accept and embrace who they are. If you suspect you are an HSP (or are married to or are the parent of one), I'd highly recommend this book.

Through solid research and observations made in her own therapy practice, Dr. Aron uncovers the facts about being highly sensitive. It does not mean being a crybaby, a 90-pound weakling or a scaredy-cat but rather possessing a sensitive nervous system -- an inherited biological trait. This book is about the 15 to 20f us who experience life at one end of the human spectrum. Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) process sensory input more finely and to deeper levels than average.Being aware of subtleties in your surroundings can be a great advantage. It may also mean that stimulating environments can bombard an HSP's system until s/he is exhausted. This trait, like any other, clearly has advantages and disadvantages.Dr. Aron addresses the impact of cultural ideals on the life experiences of HSPs by examining learned coping behaviors, common experiences and the self esteem struggles of those who have been constantly chastised to "toughen up." While providing practical advice on crafting a lifestyle that is suited to helping an HSP thrive, this book covers social interaction, career choices, personal health, gender issues and spiritual matters. For those struggling to survive in an aggressive culture that devalues the subtle abilities so central to the nature of an HSP, Dr. Aron has written an thoughtful, helpful, non-judgmental examination of ourselves. Parents, teachers and therapy professionals should also read this book. Don't despair, The Highly Sensitive Person is scheduled to be reprinted in paperback by the end of 1996.

I am a HSP/HSS, finally someone who has an explanation for my Pesonality. I always felt different and knew I wasn't like anyone else but just thought I was Nuts, Depressed, ADD, Anxious etc. Now I completley understand why I am the way I am. Now I can do the things I need to do in order to not become overwhelmed and Anxious. Give myself time alone, don't become too involved with every elses problems, stay away from negative people, take care of my health.

Great book to read if you have ever felt these things!