Customer Reviews

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty

5 star:		(27)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I am a psychologist working in a college counseling center, and this is the number one book on assertiveness that I recommend to my clients. Dr. Smith begins by describing "Your 10 Assertive Rights," a reminder that we all have a right do such human things as say "I don't know" and change our minds. He then introduces various assertiveness strategies one by one, starting with the very basic skill of persistence (AKA the "broken record" technique). For each strategy, Dr. Smith presents a short dialogue vignette to help you better understand how to apply that technique to real life. Once he has thoroughly taught all of the individual techniques, Dr. Smith puts them all together and addresses assertiveness in different types of situations--ie, with your family members versus with your boss. This is a great book for anyone who is tired of not being able to say "no" and ready to learn how to change their behavior.

This is a great book. This is not only for people who are not assertive, but also for people who get offended by criticism.
This will help you to have good freinds and great relationships. You might lose some manipulative ones but what is the fun in being manipulated.

Even though the book's title is very catchy, it should be renamed "Relationship Bible" because this helps you to be a straight shooter and no BS. This book also helps you develop integrity and honesty, because once you understand your assertive rights you dont need to lie to people.

As a therapist I frequently make use of bibliotherapy - lending or referring clients to books I think would be helpful. Whenever I direct a client to 'When I say no, I feel guilty' I invariably am told by them later what a great resource they found it to be. Its ideas, principles and strategies are timeless (although an updated version would be great ...hint, hint). It is empowering just to read, with many clients experiencing AHA moments or realizations that they've been operating under a bunch of other people's arbitrary rules that only benefits the other.

The Assertive Right that most find helpful is the one that says 'You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behaviour', particularly powerful for those brought up in critical environments.

This book was also of enormous benefit to me personally - and I've made tremendous use of the broken record (or would that be jammed CD now?) over my lifetime.

I hardly ever take the time to review books here but this is one I can heartily recommend.

This book goes far beyond theoretical principles on how to be more assertive. It gives numerous sample dialogues which reflect everyday situations. One practical method is the use of fogging. You implicitly agree with the critic in order to simultaneously deflect the criticism without resorting to hostility. In this book, you learn how to be assertive in relatively impersonal situations (such as dealing with a persistent salesman) as well as closer ones (such as negotiating with an employer, or conversing with a dissatisfied spouse). A teacher can learn, using this book, how to cope with students who try to manipulate her into changing their grades on an "unfair" test.

This book contains everything you need to know in order to survive in the «outside world». I can't believe I spent only 10$ or so to get this complete reference book. It is the perfect book to bring with you and consult right after experiencing a difficult situation. A must have.

This is the best self-help book I have ever read. The title may or may not apply to you, but nevertheless, the insights contained within can be valuable and practical to just about anyone.

This book explains assertiveness and manipulation in opposition of each other. It explains manipulation as the act of indirectly asking for what you want by making others feel guilty. And it explains assertiveness as the act of firmly asking for what you want without feeling guilty and without making others feel guilty.

It gives examples of transcripts throughout the book. And the main technique is so simple ("fogging" and refusing the implied guilt) -- it's been very easy to apply in real life.

Excellent book! Teaches the goal of communicating your feelings & needs, regardless of what someone else wants you to do. The teachings in this book, if used, can disable someone's ability to manipulate. This is a classic.

This book is great. I first read it in the 1970s when going through some relationship difficulties. It certainly assisted me during those most tough times. Since then, the things I have learned in that book have assisted me again and again through various life situations that have come and gone. I am homeschooling my eighth-grade son now, and have purchased the book again. The role-playing and basic advice that come with this book are superlative, and in class he and I find it a great vehicle for learning to adopt an assertive approach to general living as well as dealing with specific situations that crop up from time to time. This book is excellent, a real gem. I most highly recommend it to any and all.

The most concise, direct, and organized way to learn assertiveness. Anyone can use the book to learn the techniques by practicing the dialogues with a friend, and then using them in real life situations. If anyone disagrees, well . . .

        "I'm sure you feel that way!"
   
   

While based on solid theory, this book teaches practical skills that you can use immediately. You'll find yourself comfortably using some techniques well before you even finish the book.

This book impressed me when I first read it 25 years ago. And it has stood the test of time: I felt amazed at how much more useful the techniques seemed when I reread it recently.

A couple of points deserve emphasis:
1. In addition to teaching you how to say "no" without feeling guilty, the author masterfully teaches you simple, powerful techniques for keeping your cool while you're under attack.
2. This book plays an important role in the set of cognitive, emotive, and behavioral skills taught by psychologists such as Albert Ellis and David Burns. While books such as "A New Guide to Rational Living" (Ellis) and "The Feeling Good Handbook" (Burns) contain tools that address a far wider range of problems, Smith's methods work far more rapidly, easily, and consistently for the challenges that this book addresses.

I strongly recommend this book for anyone wanting to quickly and easily learn to (i) say "no" without feeling guilty and/or (ii) react coolly to attacks by others.