Customer Reviews

Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today's Blended Family

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In "Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today's Blended Family," Susan Wisdom and Jennifer Green focus on strengthening the bond between spouses after the newlywed reverie has worn off and they wake up after the honeymoon to find themselves in a stepfamily. They encourage newly-married couples to focus on their relationship and carve out couple time. They also urge couples to draw boundaries and find one-on-one time to spend with the kids. Real stepfamily situations are considered and discussed by the authors and provide practical advice to thorny situations. Unlike a lot of self-help books, the authors realize that one standard answer doesn't always work in every situation and they recommend a variety of options for some situations. Questions guide the reader to ponder his/her own situation but without forcing you to stop turning pages for too long.

Although there are many outstanding books on stepparenting, this is the first book that focuses exclusively on stepcouples. With the use of excellent case examples, the authors present sound advice and strategies for dealing with the innumerable, difficult issues faced by these couples. While this is clearly a "remarriage manual", it is more useful than most because it integrates theory in a quite readable, understandable way. For example, family of origin theory is used to demonstrate how unresolved, early life issues can further complicate stepcoupling relationships. I strongly recommend this book to those who are contemplating or currently in stepcoupling relationships, as well as counselors and therapists who see these couples in their practice.

If you want Dr.Phil, feel-good sound bites, look elsewhere. But if you are serious about wanting to have a successful step-family, this book offers both a realistic and hopeful guide for creating a strong step couple relationship. The core premise bucks the trend of all those step-parenting manuals by persuasively arguing that the step COUPLE is the real key to creating a step family that works. The chapters are peppered with anecdotes from real step-couples, and Wisdom's combination of clinical expertise and first-hand experience comes through - a hopeful, yet honest and realistic guide to surviving and even thriving amidst the challenges of the step family.

I married a man quite a lot older than me -- he had children and I did not. I had no idea the sudden imapact having four stepchildren would have on me -- and my marriage! Reading Stepcoupling was the first step to saving my marriage and my sanity. Susan Wisdom clearly understands all the complicated dynamics of the stepfamily -- from an uncooporative ex-spouse to angry stepchildren. She offers useful discussion guides, questionaires, exercises, and tried-and-true strategies to help parnters cope with the new responsibilities and challenges. Knowing that if the stepcouple remains strong and presents a unified position, then all the other challenges can be resolved made all the difference. My husband read the book too and from that point on we began the process of building a strong family.

I found this book to be an amazing resource and so very affirming. The information was presented in a "down to earth" style that made sense. Relationship dynamics that in the past had seemed complicated and overwhelming were made quite clear and understandable - especially in the use of the real life couples experiences as examples. This book is a great resource for all non traditional families. It is packed with loving, relationship affirming strategies and tools. It even helped with working out the issues around our "step pets"! I had many "light bulb" moments and highly recommend this book!

I read this book in 48 hours and now use it to refer to whenever a crisis hits our stepcoupling relationship. Susan Wisdom dares to tell the straight facts about being a stepcouple while affirming that you can feel all the difficulties and still be considered normal. My children are all grown and at 50 I never expected to raise small children again but here I am in a love relationship that includes five year old twins and I need help. This book clarified the feelings that are associated with forming a stepcouple and allowed me to understand how it all takes time. An excellent book that I highly reccomend!

Here is the encouragement and advice many of us need to move forward in our lives along with the techniques and instructions to successfully deal with what faces us on a daily basis. There are so many factors that can complicate the life of a stepparent and 'Stepcoupling' addresses many of these problems head-on with real life stories and straightforward advice by ultimately proving that your marriage, as the foundation of your stepfamily, is the most important relationship you have.

The book labels itself as a "manual" and if ever there was a stepfamily 'How-To', this is it! After you follow several couples' experiences throughout the book, you will find a great surprise in the last chapter that rounds out this book perfectly. The 'How-To' flows through 'Stepcoupling' not only through the authors' life experiences and stories from stepcouples, but also by letting you fill in the blanks with your own life by allowing you to share honesty about your feelings between the pages of the book and yourself.

In this straightforward book, the authors coin the term stepcoupling to mean the "ongoing process of forming and maintaining a marriage when children are involved." We all know that we have to pay attention to our marriages to sustain our stepfamilies, and the authors tell us that our success "hinges on the willingness and ability of the partners to grapple with personal and family issues." Then they offer help.

The entire book discusses various personal and family issues that can threaten a stepfamily marriage. Instead of a lot of hard to understand theory, you'll find accessible advice that hits home with so many common problems. Gray boxes throughout provide questions for yourself and for discussions to have with your spouse. Autonomous questions pepper the text, and the authors follow them with practical solutions. Real stepparents, too, contribute their stories and feelings. You'll probably see yourself in several places in these comforting pages.

The book discusses a stepparent's expections of herself and her family. And in the very helpful section on boundaries, the authors discuss not only physical boundaries but also boundaries on relationships, including the need to sever the ties with former spouses and how to expand your boundaries to include your stepchildren. The section on "family acrobatics" tackles the issue of finding everyone's place in the family. You'll also learn how to strike a balance when your styles and values on parenting, money or anything else differ from your spouse's.

The final chapter is one stepcouple's story in their words, how they've survived twenty-nine years to become the close family they are. You'll find encouragement, advice and compassion in this book that truly understands stepfamilies.

This book is a soothing and practical guide for those of us in stepcouples, yet it faces head on some of the more difficult challenges faced by stepcouples, in a caring and constructive way. I would love to have had this book when we first started out more than 10 years ago! I can't think of any situation covered in this book that we haven't experienced at some point or in some form or another in our remarriage. It is a comfort to see that a lot of what we learned the hard way is right there in "Stepcoupling." I would recommend it very highly to anyone in a remarriage, contemplating remarriage or supporting remarried couples. Maybe even older stepchildren and children born into blended families should read this for some insights as to what their parents and stepparents are struggling with. Marriage takes effort no matter what, but stepcouples face so many surprising issues that usually have no pat answers. This book is a tremendous help to anyone navigating "step" territory.

Finally, here is a book that speaks directly to the step COUPLE! The stories and insights shared by this book are inspiring. It is so validating to know my fears and struggles to open my heart to my partner's children and his past relationships are normal and shared by others. It is so clear that if I don't focus on and put energy into the health of my relationship with my partner, then our ability to survive and thrive together is threatened and weakened. I love the questions offered to provoke thoughful, insightful talks. Thanks to this book, I've learned more about myself, some more helpful relationship tools, and a new, healthy perspective on the issues that come with merging lives.