Customer Reviews

How to Win Friends and Influence People

5 star:		(299)
4 star:		(32)
3 star:		(11)
2 star:		(9)
1 star:		(13)

 

 

This book is about making people like you. However, most of the techniques tought are much too simple and ineffective.

When I was reading the book, I was surprised to recognize many little tricks people were using in order to have their way with me. These tricks were so obvious that I always wanted to ask the people: "Just how stupid you think I am? Do you really think I'm not seeing what you're really up to?" Most of the techniques Mr. Carnegie suggested were very easy to recognize and there was no chance anybody could make me like him by using'em.

At that time, I was everything but advanced in psychology. What I'm saying is that when you use Mr. Carnegie's tricks, there's a great chance that people you're dealing with will recognize them and react negatively. The book is easy to read and can certainly give you some good basics on human psychology, but if you want to be really successful in your communication, you'll need much more than Mr. Carnegie's ancient wisdom. (Besides - I can't let it be unmentioned - on a few occasions, the good old Dale Carnegie is simply wrong.)

There is one more thing you should know. When Mr. Carnegie talks about "friends", he means "customers". You might make customers with his techniques, but you probably won't make any friends. In fact, you should be careful with using some of Mr. Carnegies tricks on your friends if you don't want to lose them.

I'm not saying the book is bad. I'm not saying it's good either. It's mediocre, no more, no less - that's what the 3 stars're for.

In my humble opinion the best self-help book ever published along with `Think and Grow Rich' of Napoleon Hill. I must confess that I don't like the title (which I believe sends the wrong idea), but Dale's insights are real, and you just have to put it into practice. While some critics think that it's manipulative, I believe that Dale's insights are nothing more than careful observations of the human mind and behaviour - in other words, the rules of the game. If you pay attention to it, you will understand yours and other people's nature. Applying it will not only help you to be more successful in your life but also how to become a better person. You will see that most of the things that you are suggested to do are simply things you wished others were doing to you. Thus, the book is not about how to coerce others to do things that they don't want. In contrary, it is about principle, balance and respect. Dale instructs you that just with a little bit of consideration, all parts can gain and you could still have your ideas/wishes going through.

What follows are the books' 6 major sections and core points. Keep it close with you because, although simple, they are easy to forget:

* Fundamental techniques in handling people:
1) Don't criticize, condemn, or complain
2) Give honest and sincere appreciation
3) Arouse in the other person an eager want

* Why some people are very likeable (or 6 ways to make people like you):
1) They are genuinely interested in other people
2) They are often smiling
3) They remember people's name. For them, this is the sweetest and most important sound in any language
4) They are great listeners. Often encourage others to talk about themselves
5) They always talk in the terms of the other person's interest
6) They make the other person feel important and do it sincerely

* 12 Ways to convince people to your way of thinking:
1) Avoid arguments
2) Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never tell someone that he or she is wrong
3) If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
4) Begin in a friendly way
5) Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes
6) Let the other person do the talking
7) Let the other person feel the idea is his/hers
8) Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view
9) Sympathize with the other person
10) Appeal to noble motives
11) Dramatize your ideas
12) Throw down a challenge; don't talk negatively when a person is absent; talk only about the positive

* Be a Leader: how to stimulate change in people without giving offense or arousing resentment:
1) Begin with praise and honest appreciation
2) Talk about your own mistakes first
3) Call attention to other people's mistakes indirectly
4) Ask questions instead of directly giving orders
5) Let the other person save face
6) Praise every improvement
7) Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
8) Encourage them by making their faults seem easy to correct
9) Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest

* 7 Rules for making your home life happier:
1) Don't nag
2) Don't try to make your partner over
3) Don't criticize
4) Give honest appreciation
5) Pay little attentions
6) Be courteous
7) Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage

Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends & Influence People" is said to have been the first book to have ever influenced a generation and subsequent generations to the vast extent of collecting successes and making successes of its readers with every copy sold. If so, it is still the best book of its kind. Now, you might ask why. Well, here's why: The book reads like your own personal guide for achieving successes on all three most important fronts in your life: social, personal, and professional.

Divided into four parts, the text comprises of four titled sections by the names of "Fundamental Techniques of Handling People," "Six Ways to Make People Like You," "How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking," and "Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment." Be forewarned, however, that the author is not just talking about applying these techniques to appropriate occasions but is asking of its readers to center their lifestyle on application of these techniques. To be sure, a good, avid, and interested reader will be able to finish reading this book within a space of a day or two. But only a reader willing to make a lifetime habit of utilizing these studied techniques will be able to achieve maximum results and is sure to continue rereading this many times for aforesaid purpose.

Penned in a simple way, the concepts offered in this book are extremely easy to understand. Amazing though the ideas are, it seems to me that the novelty lies not in the ideas itself but in its presentation and its easy translation from abstraction into action by any persons. Whenever a concept is introduced, it is reiterated by historical and modern-day examples of leaders and working men and women who have applied these methods to sure-fire successes. Of course, some of these concepts will have you thinking "Oh, I know this," but you are sure to be amazed at how much the difference is between knowing something and understanding it for purpose of its utilization.

Come to think of it, you can say that this book in some ways acts as a substitute guru from whom you are to relearn U. Thant's observation, "Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves." It sounds simple, doesn't it? Of course, many of us do not remember this when we see a co-worker make a blunder, a child not complete his or her list of chores, a life partner nagging at us to take out the garbage, or a boss criticizing our supposedly slipshod work, or a friend disagreeing with us a subject, now do we? But the lesson to remember is that we must respect them irrespective of whatever their feelings, opinions, or actions are in contradiction to our own. Why? Well, because, with the presence of respect between any two individuals, coming to an understanding will not be as difficult and Carnegie's techniques will help us reach a positive conclusion with positive methods.

Furthermore, this book will also help you to be a better person in life and to be better liked for it. Let's face it: we all, to some degree if not more, covet approval and popularity. Now, we can get it with mastery of concepts as simple as a smile or withholding our tongue to avoid an argument. Though this is a great book for any occupation, people in customer service and sales will especially appreciate the value of concepts stressed here. For those of you who have to work in groups, you will love the constructive methods listed here to better help you with tricky situations that might arise.

For those of you who are refraining from buying this book due to the suggestive title of the book, you will be surprised to find that techniques written here do not involve manipulation but genuine interest in improving relations with people in general. In fact, Carnegie is asking us to practice and adopt sincerity in our methods to find successes; for example, he describes the dangers of flattery and proposes its substitution with genuine appreciation. He asks us not to underestimate the estimation of other people where insincerity is concerned; no body is a fool and will see you coming a mile away if you reek of artificiality.

Moreover, the tone of the author is that of a mentor and friend having an intimate chat with you for all the problems in your life characteristic of those seeking improvement in themselves for betterment of their relations with other humans. For a book that has all the qualities I look for in a great book, I was stupefied by the fact that it not only surpassed by expectations but gave me a new perspective on life and relations. I have given the book a five-star rating because I think any less would not have adequately expressed the high esteem in which I hold this book and the author which wrote it with such human insight. So, what are you waiting for? Wasted energy is wasted time. Get your own guide to "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE is founded on the theory that everyone longs to feel important. Others are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves. Mr. Carnegie then expounds on this theory, describing how we should remember others' names, talk in terms of others' interests, let the other person think the idea was his, and always allow the other person to save face. The reason this all seemed phoney to me at first is because I had spent most of my childhood and teen years in a business that often contradicts each of these principles: show business. The performer's job is to make others interested in the performer. But making others interested in oneself is very stressful. It requires constant revision and search for what's new on the horizon. Fashions change; the latest music genre often becomes a laughing stock to the next generation. Styles become passé. Audiences' tastes shift from season to season. But Carnegie has identified one thing that has never changed throughout all of human history: the individual's desire to be important, the fact that the individual is more interested in himself than anyone else.

After years of struggling with this book, I finally realize that, in fact, Carnegie is advocating that I be myself. I am genuinely interested in other people. However, this doesn't mean that Carnegie's techniques are always used in humanitarian ways. Many phone solicitors, debt collectors, and salesmen, use these techniques as means of making the sale. This is not how one "makes friends." That is called manipulation. I recall a story of Mother Teresa being granted a large donation of money with instructions on how to spend it. She reportedly returned the donation, saying that the giver should give freely with no attachment to the outcome. I think that that is truly the only way one can be sure that one is coming from a positive place: if you have no investment, no attachment, in the outcome. To that end, I focus more on Carnegie's techniques for getting along with others than on his techniques for trying to get things from people.(...)

Anyone who reads this classic self help book will find it beneficial. It wouldn't have lasted as long as it has if it weren't helpful.

However, the first time I attempted to systematically put this book into practice, I was working with a domineering, loud, opinionated and outspoken person who subsequently stamped all over me and my "Carnegie" principles. True, many people (maybe a majority) will respond positively when you practice Dale Carnegie's plan, but there is a sizeable minority who will walk all over you regardless.

And a person who has self-image problems? I hate to say it, but Dale Carnegie's book can set them up to be mowed over.

I have balanced Dale Carnegie with Manuel J. Smith's book WHEN I SAY NO I FEEL GUILTY. I found it more effective when I built a good, healthy respect for myself first. Then guess what! I found myself winning more friends and influencing more people!

Take two handfuls of dazzling writing, then mix it with pure brilliance and you have one of the greatest books of all phases. This book stood and will continue to stand the test of time. This is chiefly because of the universal thoughts expressed by Carnegie. All readers will be able to relate to it, no matter how their popularity rates. No wonder it went on to sell over fifteen million copies in a space of sixty odd years. There have been countless editions of this book and particularly, the Harper Collins Business Classic edition, is the most prominent.

The primary reason why I admire Carnegie's writing is because he always, always backs up his ideas with examples and past accomplishments based on the same specific thoughts. This makes it easier for the reader to understand the principles which are conveyed. True, the book could have been shortened to half its size, but what good would that have done?

Carnegie has laced his incredible thoughts with quotes from well-known individuals and this assists to make the book far more interesting than others in its self-help category. I can't begin to tell you how many connections Carnegie had in his existence.

It's interesting to note that the author wasn't a pure success in his early days. He explains that his family were at the bottom of the economical scale and it took him years to discover what he so eloquently writes about. In fact, it took him around fifteen years to write, "How to Win Friends and Influence People." In that time he interviewed hundreds of successful people and accumulated knowledge of their sensational victories. A reader tends to gain more from self-help books knowing that the author wasn't always a genuine success and that he essentially had to work his way up the ladder of achievement. It conveys the message that accomplishments can be carried out by almost anyone and at anytime of their lives.

Some people attempt to read the book thinking that it will be an easy journey, so it's imperative to note that a person cannot change without persistence and diligence. Carnegie mentions early on that to get the most out of his words, you will need to have a "deep desire" to learn. Everything we do in our existence goes hand in hand with how much passion we have. This book will not change your life, unless, you willingly make it change your life. The principles he outlines are difficult to carry out in reality. But with practice and continued determination, it will almost inevitably help you on your odyssey.

Common sense? Well, maybe. But most people don't realise the true meaning of courtesy and lack essential people skills.

Grossly insincere! Actually, you can read this book and figure out how someone is trying to manipulate you! Yuck. Morally slimey. I hate those sales people who must've read this book and say your name 5 times per sentence thinking it will somehow make you buy their product! Idiots!
My opposing advice - be sincere!!! Stop manipulating people!!!

I read this book 20 years ago and still find it fascinating. I've used the lessons in this book throughout my life and still have not found another book as useful as this regarding building relationships with people in business and my personal life. I highly recommend it. I also recommend Stop Working by Rohan Hall. It utilizes many of the concepts in this book regarding building global relationships and business strategies.

This book tells you the truth about life. "People are generally interested only in themselves, so if you act interested in them they will like you better". There's no denying that and if you apply these principles you will probably be more succesful in a business sense. The fact is that we can't force ourselves to be interested in someone else, so this book encourages you to be deceptive with a fake smile and flattering words. I would advise going to a local college and taking a few acting classes before attempting to apply these principles.

A Truly amazing book, you will simply wont need to take any more courses or read books about communication after reading this.

Not only will it help you in communicating and negotiating more effectively, but you will enjoy your time reading it with all real life examples and stories.

I've prepared a summary for my daily reference, I believe you will benefit from it too:

PART I
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People:
1. Don't Criticize, condemn or complain
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want

PART II
Principles of making people like you
1. Become genuinely interested in the other people.
2. Smile
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language, so remember names
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests
6. Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely

PART III

Principles for winning people to your way of thinking
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions, never say, "you are wronge"
3. If you are wrong admit it quickly and emphatically
4. Begin in a friendly way
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately by asking them questions that they would probably answer by yes.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires
10. Appeal to the nobler motives like saying: As a gentleman who is known for his kindness, I believe you would do this or that.
11. Dramatize your ideas, use visual aids.
12. Throw down a challenge, I know you are capable of doing this or that.

PART IV
Be a leader, how to change people without arousing resentment
1. Begin with a praise and honest appreciation
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
3. Talk about your mistakes before criticizing the other person
4. Ask question instead of giving direct orders. Like what do you think about doing this or that, instead of saying do this or don't do that.
5. Let the other person save face
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
9. Make the other person happy about doing the think you suggest