Customer Reviews

How To Win Friends And Influence People

5 star:		(292)
4 star:		(30)
3 star:		(11)
2 star:		(9)
1 star:		(13)

 

 

A classic (originally published in the 30's) and a must-have, this timeless piece of work can help just about anybody get along better with others and win them over to their way of thinking. Don't have a lot of time to spare? Don't worry. The book is divided into short sections, each one devoted to a particular principle that is well illustrated with many practical examples. In this way, you can read a chapter quickly, stop and do other things you have to do if necessary, and get back to the book when you have time- all without losing continuity.

Thoroughly entertaining by using fun and interesting examples, I don't think many readers will regret checking this one out and I like to think of this book as a kind of Human Relations 101 of sorts. Also recommend The Sixty-Second Motivator for further reading on motivational principles.

I normally don't write reviews, but after reading the shockingly cynical comments I had to add my 2 cents.

This book is great for people who have trouble communicating, it gives valuable tips for improving self confidence when speaking, initiating conversation, remembering names and getting buy in.

While it is meant primarily to help in business relationships, I found it has been helpful in my personal life. A normally shy person, the book has helped me start conversations and meet new people. Speaking in terms of people's interests is about getting that conversation started, not about faking an interest and pretending to have the same interests.

Even though the book is titled "How to win friends .." the purpose of the book is not to literally win you friends, it's about improving communication, sales and presentation skills. There is nothing ground breaking in this book and in fact all the principles are simply principles of common sense but it helps you put them into action day-to-day.

I highly recommend this book for people who need help breaking out of their shell, for people who work in sales or give presentations, or for anyone who wants to move up in their job.

This book could easily be re-titled "How to Manipulate People and Act Phony," or perhaps, "The True Selfishness of the Human Ego and How to Harness to it for Your Own Personal Gain." I first found this book when I was 19 and thought, "Wow, I'll read this book and finally everyone will recognize me as the good-hearted person I am." The "Gandhian" in me still thought so naïve an objective was possible.

This book was written in 1930s vernacular for a more wide-eyed and trusting America, complete with plenty Norman Rockwellesque "good golly gee" anecdotes where everything works out happily in the end. At times such a writing style can be endearing, in some places, particularly in the chapter where the author uses the resolution of a labor strike as illustration of the effectiveness of his principles, it can verge on offensive. It is somewhat amazing that this book has not been re-written completely because, despite the resent "revision," the style and format remains quite dated and stale. If not for the CD recordings I would have never made it through, as the inflection and dramatization of the narrator brings it a bit more to life. I also bought and read an old participant handbook from the Carnegie seminar as well as the biography, "Dale Carnegie: The Man Who Influenced Millions." This helped to put this book in the appropriate historical and social context.

Though Mr. Carnegie quotes from many people in this book, including the Buddha, and the revised edition even includes a few reflections on the wisdom of Martin Luther King Jr., there really is nothing "transcendent" to be found, and such quotations are often taken garishly out of context. This is not a book about how to deepen relationships or how to broaden our worldview, nor does it teach us how to become genuinely compassionate and remove our prejudices, nor does it aim us in the direction of any kind of true self-realization. Least of all is this a book about putting an end to the futility of looking for happiness outside oneself. This book is about sales. In fact, this book was primarily developed as a text for Mr. Carnegie's class on salesmanship. At the point in American history in which this book was written, there was great need for training and educating in business management. Dale Carnegie stepped into that role and has remained the archetype of corporate (i.e., insincere) niceness ever since. All those clerks, phone solicitors, even used car salesmen, you can thank Mr. Carnegie for having taught them everything they know about hooking the customer by pretending to care. I would not, therefore, suggest anyone use any of these techniques on those they truly love because, like I said, this is a book about manipulation.

The unfortunate thing about this book is that it works. This manipulation is so effective and so brilliantly obvious that it is amazing people still "fall" for it after more than 50 years in print. Perhaps the most manipulative bits of advice, also being the most painfully truthful, are: to every person the most beautiful word in any language is their own name; the greatest desire of all people is to feel important; never forget that everyone you meet considers themselves your superior in some way; a person's headache means more to them than the death of a million people in an African famine; when dealing with people we are not dealing with animals of reason, but beings swayed by emotion, bigotry, prejudice, and vanity. The Gandhian in me sees that all of the above-described, obviously selfish, traits are actually the cause of great loneliness and sorrow in this world, and is therefore frustrated that rather than teaching us to overcome these traits Mr. Carnegie simply teaches us how to harness them and use them for our own personal gain. Are we to believe the key to fulfillment is to manipulate others' feelings of lack of fulfillment? The result is simply a reinforcement of selfishness in others and oneself, and perhaps the resulting loneliness, frustration, and isolation. Mr. Carnegie claims that this is not the case and that this book is teaching compassion and seeing things from the other person's perspective, but even I am not that naïve anymore.

And that is my main problem with this book: the terribly shallow definition it implies for the word "friend." Is a friend someone you manipulate for the sake for making the sale? Or is a friend someone you can be honest with, even if that honesty means revealing how selfish us human beings can be? I am grateful to Dale Carnegie for helping me realize just how selfish and egotistical people often are (myself included), but I am frustrated with him for implying that manipulating that selfishness is what constitutes a friendship.

I refuse to fool myself as to the true nature of this book. I use these techniques consciously when I feel I am at the mercy of people who do not care about me and would rather have me out of their face as soon as possible. But this is not friendship; this is desperation. If I were to fool myself and internalize these techniques and convince myself that this was friendship, I wouldn't know how to have a real honest and loving relationship with anyone - I would live the life of the plastic smile you see on employees in department stores and fast food chains.

I use these techniques to influence people when I have to, but I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who would fall for it.

I read this book over 20 years ago. I bought 2 copies as gifts for Christmas. There are some passages in the book, that I remember almost word for word because they are just as relevent today as when they were first written 75 years ago! Its the practical application of the Golden Rule re-written for every day life.

You will either love this book or despise it with every fiber of your being. I lean toward the latter. A common word describing these behaviors is "phony" and I think it fits. Reading it made me feel so disgusted, that I can't begin to imagine how I would feel actually doing some of these things. I know this book is popular and that a lot of what it has to say is used by a lot of people. It is very discouraging to know that these techniques are used by the majority of "successful" people, but alas, they are.

I used to like this book. I did... really! For some reason I kept it all these years. In reality, this book suffers from its conversational style. The advice offered comes down to manipulative maneuvers like "Smile" and "Appreciate other people"
For those looking for a success-type book, I recommend these titles:
_7 Habits of Highly Effective People_
_Greatest Networker in the World_
_Successful Intelligence_

It is too bad this book is largely read by sales and business types, and not the average joe.

Since the fact is, that even now, whenever one is engaged in a sales or business situation, in a store or at work, one can be 95% confident that the salesman/manager is operating according to the principles in this book, and if one, as a consumer or employee, is ignorant of these principles, one is literally a puppet in their hands.

No doubt Mr. Carnegie was a nice person, and sincerely meant well, and no doubt his book has actually helped millions.

Yet, I feel that the principles in this book can just as easily serve the sociopathic predator/hustler, as much as the ordinary business person. There seems to be a subtle form of hypocrisy involved in acting according to these principles that may be quite natural for sociopaths.

But if one is aware of these techniques of subtle manipulation, one can at least know when one is being manipulated. Since, of course, they DO work!

Hyperbolically speaking, it wouldnt surprise me in the least if even Hitler hadnt borrowed a few tips from Mr. Carnegie as he polished his techniques of persuasion in the early 1940's. I wonder ... ?

I did not like this book. I acknowledge it is a smart book, full of practical advice to go up the ladder and get what you want. And, most of all, people still find it useful for their careers. But the title is misleading: it doesn't teach how to make friends (no book could be useful at that), but how to make good business deals. The anecdotes are fine, but the overall feeling I was left with is that the book tries to teach how to manipulate people without the others ever noticing. The message is cynical and extremely cheap: "Cheat and deceive, and you'll get a better position in an American corporation". There are better, deeper and funnier books to read.

I bought this book. I read it. But still, no one listens to me. I just sit there. I tried doing what the book said. Smiling. Shouting. Gladhanding. Patting men on the back. But I'm no good at it. This book is premised on the suggestion that it will help you. Well it sure didn't help me. I am so sad and lonely. The book made me feel even more isolated. Maybe this book will help you, but it didn't help me. Worse than before. Sad. Lost.

Having noticed that this work is once again popular, I could not resist commenting.

Dale Carnegie's work has nothing whatever to do with cultivating genuine friendship. It is based mainly on giving the appearance of being interested in others, solely in order to use them to attain some personal goal. There is some valuable advice (for example, how one gains nothing from contradicting others), but the general tone is completely self-centered.

I suppose my many years in purchasing management flavour my assessment here, because the techniques Dale Carnegie recommends still are widely used in sales (though long-term customers are seldom deceived, it is an understood game). This book may be useful to those who have only business gain in mind. However, its total emphasis on furthering one's own interests, and basically insincere approach, rules out any value for those who have true friendship in mind.