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on October 5, 2000
Bower and Bower put the problem of non-assertiveness into perspective, relating it to self-esteem and anxiety. They then lay out a systematic program for increasing assertive behavior. They make extensive use of probing questions to help you work out a plan of action that is personally relevant. They also provide sample verbal scripts for numerous common situations that typically call for assertive behavior. Among situations they cover are requesting a raise, saying "no" to unreasonable demands, protesting unjust criticism, dealing with a substance abuser, pointing out annoying habits, and dealing with the silent treatment. They devote a full chapter to the role of assertive behavior in developing friendships -- initiating and ending conversations, keeping conversations going, making dates, self-disclosure, listening, and coping with social anxieties. The book is smoothly written in a nonpatronizing tone. Overall, a great read.
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on June 21, 2002
in many ways it's interchangeable with alot of other books on the topic of assertiveness out there. It's worth reading, certainly, I just wouldn't pay full price for it. The DESC model, and the quiz at the beginning to help the reader determine how assertive s/he currently is are great. The material on self esteem and stress were boring to me; I'd seen it before with other sources. Chapters 4 and 5 were the best; they got into the exercises/activities and the DESC model. The remaining chapters weren't as strong. The book started to drag at that point. That said, I do like that the author gave the reader alot of opportunity for practice; the exercises themselves are good. I just wish that there'd been more actual content and information. She could've done a supplemental workbook to include all the extra exercises.
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on October 24, 2001
This book is extremely useful. I can truly say that it has changed the quality of my relationships in a profound way. The authors teach you how to solve problems with people in relationships ranging from strangers to friends to family. I found answers to problem situations that had frustrated me for years. It taught me how to stand up for myself and ask people to change their undesirable behavior in a way that they are willing to cooperate with. (Most of the time). I am amazed at how well their techniques work. This is not about how to control people. It is about how to control your self. There is an alternative to fighting or giving in. If you want to have happier relationships with people and feel much better about yourself, buy this book.
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on June 30, 2003
Being assertive was never easy for me, either I was too assertive or not assertive enough. By implementing some of the changes offered in this book, I have been able to stand my ground at work without seeming confrontational. The book has also helped me determine who is with me or against me. I found this book in the suggested reading section of Rat Race Relaxer: Your Potential & The Maze of Life by JoAnna Carey.
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on January 4, 2003
Take control of your life. In order to get what you want out of life you have to be able to communicate what you want out of life. If you would like to make changes but find that it is difficult for you to convey your ideas to others then this book should provide a map for your journey.
Practical tips and easy to reference chapters make this book a great resource to have in the office or at home. Asserting yourself in a manner that is beneficial to your goals takes training, practice and finesse. This book will provide retraining or a headstart for anyone who is interested in developing better communication.
I liked the message so much that I included this book in the suggested reading list of my own book titled, Rat Race Relaxer: Your Potential & The Maze of Life.
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on July 13, 2002
This is a very good book. Unlike other books in this category which dish out a lot of advice, this book gives practical step-by-step instructions that can be easily implemented in real life. The authors have used some innovative techniques from the fields of acting and theatre into assertiveness training. Reading and rereading this book often will definitely help everybody to improve their own lives as well as the lives of people whom they interact with.
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on February 23, 1999
change in actitud
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on April 23, 2002
Using the techniques of this book, I no longer am. I haven't
been for five years. And my family has not been homeless or
hungry for five years. We live in a beautiful apartment with
a pool and cable TV (one channel showing the front gate so that
homeless people won't bother US). HA! According to Joseph Wolpe
(pronounced WOOL-PEE), the father of Behavior Therapy, the point
of these books is to inhibit fear around people through Affection
or Anger just as relaxation is used to inhibit fear of bugs,
heights, or crowds in systematic desensitization (psychotherapy
through reciprocal inhibition). This particular text is the
favorite of the greatest researcher on depression of this or the last century (Dr. Martin Seligman, author of "Learned Optimism").
While homeless, I would use it in a free-floating style of going
nuts and then de-fusing my rage through positive action. This positive action. In this book. Strangely, while writing this review, I got a call from a bill collector. I am still hot.
I broke up her manipulative skills by just saying, "Go to the next step. I have no money right now. Cut off the big toe on
my right foot. Or whatever your next step is. Just do it. I
have no money right now. Goodbye." Voice was kept at a firm
range without any rage. I have been slipping back into the people-pleasing modality style. Don't do it. But the book
and save your life, your money, your sanity. Thank You.
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on July 31, 2002
I'm practising being assertive.
If you feel I've been successful, show it by voting "Yes" in the box below this review.
If not, then kindly keep your opinion to yourself.
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on October 6, 2003
'Asserting Yourself: A Practical Guide for Positive Change' is the ideal gift for anyone who lacks confidence. I read the book and greatly enjoyed it, but as I have charisma, potency and a well-developed sense of 'self', it was not immediately applicable to my situation. So I called David Caruso and told him he should buy it. A month later he sent me this email:
'Schwarz, thanks for tipping me off. What a book! I only wish it had been around when I was in senior high. Being a slow learner, every day was toture. I was bullied, laughed at, locked in the toilet, glued to my chair, buried in the longjump pit and even mooned. And it was always by the same teacher. But since reading Sharon Anthony Bower's wonderful words, I can now assert myself. For instance, last week I went back to the bookshop and asked for a new copy because the one I'd been sold was stained. The woman behind the counter inspected the stains, looked at me and said, "Hey, I remember you from high school. The dumb kid who couldn't even read alphabet soup. Everyone! Look who it is... 'Cabbage' Caruso." Laughing hysterically as she superglued the book to the top of my head, she then said, "Get out of here, you pathetic little creep!" Recalling Sharon Bower's advice about 'controlling your time', I replied, "Okay, I'm going now." Schwarz, you have no idea how good I feel about myself. I'll see you at the Golden Globe Awards. They've put me behind the giant pillar in the back row, but that's fine. At least I'm INSIDE the theater this year. Regards, David.'
'Asserting Yourself: A Practical Guide for Positive Change' will give those 'jellyback muscles' a real workout.
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