on February 26, 2001
This book, written by a 33 year old self-described "former shrew" with "a superiority complex," attempts to give some valuable relationship advice. However, it fails to do so on many counts.
First, the book is based on the author's experiences with her own marriage as well as the advice she collected from her friends. In short, before she leaned to "surrender" to her husband, she bossed him around, nagged him, criticized his ideas, insulted him, and took over in many situations because she simply didn't trust him. In time, she discovered that these behaviors weren't enhancing her marriage (surprise, surprise!), so, on the advice of friends, she decided to cut down on her criticism. And guess what? Her husband warmed to her up a bit. Now she's preaching these revelations and other suggestions in this book and in a series of seminars.
It's disturbing that she is dishing out relationship advice to a wide audience, especially since she does NOT have any background in the field of relationships. Although her method obviously worked for her and may perhaps work for other women who are also self-confessed "control freaks" it's hard to imagine that the advice she gives could be valid for everyone in today's world. The fact that she has a degree in journalism, not psychology, and worked as a copywriter, not a counselor, doesn't add to the book's credibility.
Also, the use of the word "surrendered" in the book's title is very misleading. She explains that she "adopted the word "surrender" as [her] mantra, because it was shorter and more to the point than saying, "stop trying to control everything"". To me, "surrender" implies some kind of battle for command in her marriage; she never acknowledges any middle ground between "surrendering" and being a "control-freak", and the possibility of a relationship between equals who communicate, negotiate when necessary, and respect each other's relative strengths isn't even hinted at.
This book may sell millions of copies to people who want to see what the controversy surrounding it is all about. If you're reading this, though, I hope you won't be one of those people. However, if you DO want some quality relationship advice based on sound scientific research by trained professionals....
on May 10, 2002
I bought this book and read it simply because I wanted to see if it really was the biggest load of horse hockey that it had been described as being... and it was.
Please allow me to tell you where these principles, as described in this book will lead you:
You'll lose your soul and become someone you're not. Better to end up divorced and happily alone than to become the automaton of someone else. No matter how well meaning that husband is, you're still a slave... slavery of the human spirit, whether inflicted by ourselves on ourselves or on others is one of the worst crimes to commit.
Don't buy this book... if you're looking for a way to be happy, buy Seat of the Soul or Callings instead. Don't follow this complete cow pat of a book... you'll regret it.
on April 24, 2001
If you wonder why this book is an amazon.com mover and shaker, it is because its principles are sound, Biblical and the consistent with instructions from the Lord. When we are open to and respect the differences betewen husbands and wives, we will be awed by the foresight God had in creating a union such as this; a critical principle to making God's plan for marriage work. Critics will say this book exploits and demeans the intellect and conscience will of women--yet this narrow and short-sighted. This is not only about a wife 'surrendering' to her husband, but a husband surrendering to the needs of a wife. In 2Peter 3 God's word states that husbands and wives should submit to each other, serve each other and put the other first. Who can argue with the Lord?
on June 29, 2009
I am very thankful for this book[search the book name in Wikipedia, then there see the video "60 Minutes Australia: Under the thumb"], and for all ladies who like it, Don't ever let other people/society tell you what you should like or what you shouldn't want!!
TRUE women's FREEDOM and LIBERATION is to be able to choose her own happiness WITHOUT SOCIETY'S JUDGEMENT or BEING LOOKED DOWN UPON, which is fear or Discrimination/Intimidation tactics that FORCE other happy women into Submissive attitude toward feminism and OBEY their Doctrine/Ideology!!!
Feminists movement nowdays is not about love, forgiving or having fun at all, it's about equal rights, competition, keep record of wrongs/mistakes, ultimately it's dislike, distrust or separation of daily lives, not love.
Do you OWN your own Freedom? Then do you have All the Rights to trade/give up your freedom? A FORCED upon Freedom is not freedom at all, it's Slavery!
How can TWO people[a man and a woman] make ONE decision??? HOW???
Can TWO CEO run ONE company?
on December 14, 2002
Ying and Yang together make a whole, and until they make a whole they will not have complete success. Men and women are different, and we marry our opposites for a purpose (to fulfill us, to complete us, to make the new "one" created in marriage complete.) Without understanding the science behind the teamwork of surrendering, Laura Doyle has simply and compellingly described the benefits she achieved when she and her friends decided to try something new and chose to follow "the rules of success" and the design of marriage.
In every team environment, there has to be one leader; any other decision-making arrangement will only lead to conflict and diminished results. Mrs. Doyle recognized this when she discovered that her attempts to covertly and/or overtly control the free-will of her husband (who continued to act upon his own will and understanding: he could not do otherwise), and usurp his leadership position.
One must lead, and the other must choose to follow. That's the way it is when any two work together. Discussion, analysis, and opinion can and probably should be shared with those affected by the decisions to be made, but the bottom line is that ONE person must eventually make the final decision - usually we call the person who fills that role the leader. The 50/50 marriage, is not: as the joke goes, you show me a 50/50 marriage and I'll show you a marriage where the woman is in charge. The proof is in the results. No matter how forcefully or repeatedly feminist lie and distort the concept of "equality" in marriage, the truth is spouses, just as team members in any other teaming environment, get more (money, peace of mind, harmony and intimacy) when they choose to submit (surrender) their own free-will to the decisions of the leader and do their part to make the team leader successful.
Success comes when all members of a team apply their maximum potential toward a common goal. You cannot reach your maximum potential doing someone else's job, and Laura found that trying to do her husband's job diminished his willingness and capacity to do it himself, and created a financial want and lack of intimacy that can only come from a struggle for control (energy is not being spent on the goal, but on fighting instead). Surrendering is really about leadership. What Laura Doyle found through the "credential-free anachronism" of her and other women's experience, is that when they gave up attempts to control their husbands, their husbands gave them what they wanted, and more.
I'm glad that Mrs. Doyle pointed out that husbands WANT to "give the world" to their wives, and are stopped from doing so by constantly fighting with their wives for control over their marriage. Too many feminists try to paint control, submission, surrendering, and the like as negative and demeaning; it's a lie. Is it negative and demeaning for your leader to lead you at work? Why so at home? The manager at work or the husband at home, are both fulfilling their proper roles as leaders of their teams. Just as profit-sharing and bonuses are commonly rewards for successful teamwork at work; harmony, financial success, and intimacy are the rewards for successful teamwork at home.
Just as Ying and Ying, or Yang and Yang do not make wholes, neither do husband and husband nor wife and wife. We are different, and marriage has been designed to benefit from those differences. Surrendering is choosing to make a whole of your marriage - from whence success comes. It's not Biblical mumbo-jumbo, or slave woman mentality. It's not about dominance and control; it's about teamwork and role assignment. It's the practical application of the science of teamwork within the construct of marriage.
To call Mrs. Doyle's approach an anachronism is to demonstrate one's adherence to dogma over scientific inquiry and historical fact. I have known many marriages of both types, and my experience reinforces Mrs. Doyle's discovery - harmony resulting from surrendered wives always produces greater results than conflict over control (leadership) does from "liberated" wives. True liberation comes from being the best you can be, you cannot be that if you are trying to be someone else.
As this book so eloquently points out: if you don't like the results in your marriage; if doing what you've done hasn't gotten you what you want - what harm is there I trying something else - what do you have to lose? How much worse can it get? Conversely, if these women are correct - what do you have to gain? This book provides a practical approach to harmony and success in a marriage through surrendering and teamwork.
on April 24, 2001
If you wonder why this book is a mover and shaker, it is because its principles are sound, Biblical and the consistent with instructions from the Lord. When we are open to and respect the differences betewen husbands and wives, we will be awed by the foresight God had in creating a union such as this; a critical principle to making God's plan for marriage work. Critics will say this book exploits and demeans the intellect and conscience will of women--yet this narrow and short-sighted. This is not only about a wife 'surrendering' to her husband, but a husband surrendering to the needs of a wife. In 2Peter 3 God's word states that husbands and wives should submit to each other, serve each other and put the other first. Who can argue with the Lord?