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52 of 53 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended
Well-written; the best book I've read on the subject. The commentary on the social aspects of narcissism makes this author's approach relevant to every reader. Practical, realistic coping strategies as well as models for good-enough parenting. Great book for parents and teenagers to read together!
Synopsis: Narcissism is a healthy, necessary stage twice in a...
Published on Oct. 30 2003

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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars good overview
I admit to being disappointed in this book. Even so, it was a useful overview of a pervasive problem, one that faces most of us much of the time: how do we deal with self-absorbed narrcisists without being untrue to ourselves?
Things I liked about the book include the use of illuminating examples, the checklists and suggested courses of action in dealing with...
Published on Aug. 27 2002 by Marcy L. Thompson


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52 of 53 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended, Oct. 30 2003
By A Customer
Ce commentaire est de: Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism (Paperback)
Well-written; the best book I've read on the subject. The commentary on the social aspects of narcissism makes this author's approach relevant to every reader. Practical, realistic coping strategies as well as models for good-enough parenting. Great book for parents and teenagers to read together!
Synopsis: Narcissism is a healthy, necessary stage twice in a person's life, during the toddler and teen years, and gives an individual an inflated sense of confidence that enables him or her to leave the security of the parental bond to explore the world with newly acquired abilities. If children receive good-enough parenting when reality deflates this bubble of omnipotence, they reach the end of their narcissistic explorations with a newly integrated sense of self and awareness of the separateness of other people. If they are traumatized or are insecure in their attachment to primary caregivers at these crucial stages, they never "graduate" from the school of narcissism, and become "toxic people," viewing others merely as extensions of themselves and therefore without separate needs and feelings. You probably encounter narcissistic people every day without understanding why they are so rude, have an unfounded sense of entitlement, poor boundaries, or seem to be more "special" than other people. Many of us have been raised in families that pass down narcissitic vulnerabilities, leaving us prey to narcissists, who are always on the lookout for people who can be manipulated into supplying external validation of their "specialness," either by annexing you and your talents to serve them or by deflating you so as to inflate themselves. The current cultural endorsement and social approval of narcissistic traits also prepares us to be victims, even if we are otherwise psychologically healthy.
An encounter with a narcissist can disrupt your life and leave you wondering what on earth you could possibly have done to have earned such abuse. This book will explain who it's really about.
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33 of 34 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A life changer, May 15 2004
By A Customer
Ce commentaire est de: Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism (Paperback)
I had reached rock-bottom when a friend recommended this book to me: I found myself on my knees, begging my husband not to be angry at me. This book had everything I needed to pull myself out of the gutter: clarity, insight, intelligence, and page after page of perfect descriptions of what I had been living with for many years. Then came strong, simple advice on how to live a sane life. The descriptions helped me let go of my fantasy that he could change; the advice helped me turn my own path into one of optimism and strength. Thank you, SH.
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22 of 23 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars One of the great unexplored areas of the mind, Aug. 6 2004
Ce commentaire est de: Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism (Paperback)
I once worked for a boss who had the following sign on his desk: "People who think they know everything are particularly irritating to those of us who do." I laughed. Six months later, while still working for the same man I had stopped laughing. It wasn't a joke--the guy meant it. If only I had had this book then. It seems to me that far too much energy and time is spent on the "bigger" mental problems of society and not enough on this one. For really, most of these other problems seem to stem from narcissism. Most narcissistics see themselves as "healthy," so what can you do? This book is a must for those interested in toxic people and if you're older than the age of five, you know just how many there are. Highly, highly recommended. Would also recommend an interesting read (fiction) that deals with MAJOR personality disordererd individuals, family dysfunction, and definitely narcissism: "The Bark of the Dogwood" by Jackson McCrae.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Finally an answer, June 9 2003
By A Customer
Ms. Hotchkiss's insight into Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) finally gave a voice to what I have been thinking for many years. After attracting narcissists of varying degrees into my life, I always found myself in the end either in complete disbelief at the behaviour I had encountered and tolerated, or believing there was something deeply wrong with me. When I began reading "The Seven Deadly Sins" as she puts it which outline some of the major personality flaws of those affected by NPD, I just wanted to shout out "Yes!, Yes!, this makes it all clear!". While this book primarily focuses on how to identify NPDs, it does provide some insight as to why you may be the personality type that attracts these damaged people into your life and how to manage them. Ms. Hotchkiss writes with, and I certainly believe that she has, empathy for those troubled with NPD, however, she also is very firm in that they most often do not change, and in order to save yourself from a lifetime of being used and emotionally sucked dry, you have to distance yourself. This may not be the most in depth writing on the subject but, for those of you like me who know in your heart that there is something wrong with someone in your life, this book can be a real eye opener, give voice to what you know is there, and set you on a road to recovery. Highly recommend.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Why is it Always about you, May 28 2003
This book help me more than any theraphy could have helped me. If you want validation for the difficult people (Personality disorder) you have to deal with, this is the book. It describes Narcissism for what it is. Narcissist prey on those who have been shamed, so they can take on their disowned shame that their ego can not tolerate. Most of us are walking around with projections that don't even belong to us, they belong to them!!!!!! Best book on the subject. Best line in the book is - Narcissism breeds a new narcissist generation-- as well as people who seem to be magnets for this personality type.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Don't Try to Cope---Just Be One Step Ahead, Dec 26 2002
By 
Virginia C. Selanik "Virginia Selanik "li... (Indian River. Michigan) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
Understanding a narcissist is not an easy task, and living with one or working with one can be most difficult.Sandy Hotchkiss has written a most helpful book on dealing with narcissists who will only use and abuse you if you fail to give them their narcissistic supply of praise or adulation. This book has helped me in finding the reasons for my doubts and wonderings about family members who are difficult to deal with. I had considered consulting a therapist to ease the pain of conflict. Perhaps I shall, but I will have a better handle on the egocentric behavior of the narcissists in my life. This book is well worth its price, and may in fact be more helpful than a therapist.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars weLEAD Book Review by the Editor of leadingtoday, Oct. 29 2003
By 
Greg L. Thomas (Litchfield, Ohio United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
Ce commentaire est de: Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism (Paperback)
In classical mythology, Narcissus was a young man who fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water and wasted away from unsatisfied desire. In modern terms a narcissist is a vain, self-absorbed, arrogant individual with a grand sense of entitlement. Narcissistic tendencies include the need to be perfect or in control at all times.
Narcissistic attitudes and behaviors are epidemic in our society. The American Psychiatric Association estimates that one out of every one hundred persons meets the criteria of severe narcissism.
According to the author, "our culture is full of narcissistic influences that numb us to the reality of the problems we face." In fact, unreality is the hallmark of narcissism. Their distortions of reality can cause others to question themselves and doubt their own perceptions.
Narcissists will go to great lengths to promote fantasies that sustain their grandiosity and omnipotence. Many prominent elected officials, sports idols, and entertainment figures are narcissists. They also head large corporations and lead flocks of the faithful. Many of us encounter unhealthy narcissism in some form every day.
Narcissists see themselves as "special people." They know better than you do. They are also very shame-sensitive. They avoid shame at all costs. They are unlikely to self-correct their intrusive or inconsiderate behavior just because you call attention to it. When failures occur, they portray themselves as victims and blame others for their misfortune. Gossip, backbiting, and bootlicking are prevalent in work environments dominated by a narcissist.
The narcissist sees power as his due. This is why many achieve management positions. In such positions they practice stretching employees until they break and then get rid of them. This is called "rubber band management." Narcissists are also very aware of shifts in the balance of power.
In this book author Sandy Hotchkiss presents an excellent general description of narcissism and covers how to deal with the narcissists in our lives. Knowing the narcissist's weaknesses and tendencies will help you effectively deal with narcissism.
Chapter 16 is titled "Narcissists at Work: The Abuse of Power." This chapter is well worth the price of the book. It covers the narcissistic problems of poor interpersonal boundaries, scapegoating, shameless exploitation, envy in the workplace, and ways narcissists seduce us. The chapter ends by providing four guidelines for survival with a narcissist in power.
If you find yourself working in a toxic environment headed by a narcissistic manager, you will want to read Why is it Always About YOU?.
Review By Dr. J. Howard Baker
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars So many light bulbs came on I felt like a Christmas tree!, Sept. 3 2003
By A Customer
Not one but both of my parents were flaming Narcissistic. This book describes what I went through and explains so much that I can accept myself more and understand how I now can make different, positive choices now in my life. After five years of reading many good self help or codependency books that helped a little, this book gives me the underlying reasons for behaviors that caused codependency and other negative behaviors/thoughts. I was finally diagnosed narcissistic by my counselor last year after several other counselors never even mentioned the "n" word to me. This book alone has helped me to change from narcissistic tendencies more than anything else. It is also a wonderful explanation to people who have suffered so long from extremely self-centered people. Thank you Sandy.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Knowledge is Strength!, May 9 2002
By A Customer
It was less than a year ago that I realized that the numerous and nameless issues I had with my parents, particularly my mother, did in fact have a name - narcissism. Since then, I have read a number of books, trying to get a handle on what this all means. Most of them were quite good and provided insights on their behavior and motivations. This one, however, was the best in terms of explaining how some individuals get this way, how it might affect those around them (all too many ways), and how to protect yourself from all of the emotional hits they will throw at you. The explanations were down to earth, indicating that the author has probably had all too much experience dealing with this problem. Her insights and understanding of the problems those around narcissists experience, both in family and work situations, is phenomenal. I just wish I had had these insights 15 years ago.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Provide understanding of the narcissistic mind, Dec 2 2002
By 
Richard Menard (Montreal, Canada) - See all my reviews
This is the best written and useful book I have read on narcissistic personality disorder. This book is written for the non-specialist reader that has to deal with such people in everyday life. In simple and clear terms the author reveals the mind of such people, and covers a lot of ground although only briefly from how to identify them, its origin in childhood, how to defend ourselves and in particular at work, in love relationships, with our adolescents and with aging parents. It also gives a few words of how our modern society contributes to it. This book is written in an entirely non aggressive tone, although I have seen some authors trapped in negative reaction to such people, and which makes this book even more valuable. This book helped me greatly understand narcissistic people in my family.
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Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism
Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss (Paperback - Aug. 7 2003)
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