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on February 8, 2004
"Show me a couple who has a mutually satisfying sexual relationship and I'll show you a couple I can pick out of a crowd. There's an almost visible bond between them-the gentle touches, knowing glances, laughter and warmth when their eyes meet. You can feel the connection between them." (Davis, p. 32)
How many couples miss this with their partner? Sex becomes a chronic source of tension in too many relationships. One partner has a high drive; the other one has a "leave me alone" attitude. Michele Davis offers excellent advice for those wanting to rekindle their sexual relationship and strengthen their marriage. She makes astute observations, such as noting the assumption many woman have that their husbands want sex because "having sex is like scratching an itch; it's a purely physical need." She continues,"I am convinced that one of the grossest misunderstandings about sex is the belief many women have that men desire sex because they just want, or better yet, need a physical release. It's true that men (and some women) love an occasional quickie without much emotional hoopla. However I've been privileged to hear men describe the way they really feel when their wives aren't' interested. And if you've assumed that your husband wants sex just to "get off," what I've heard will undoubtedly surprise you." (David, p. 56-7)
This book is an easy read, with plenty of relatable examples and excellent tips, i.e., sexy solutions. Davis has an excellent understanding of both partner's dilemmas and she bridges the understanding and communication gap that so often leads couples to divorce or to suffer unhappy marriages. She helps you recapture that mutually satisfying sexual relationship, and more broadly, that soulmate relationship, you may have lost with your partner.
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on April 23, 2003
I am a skeptical, "glass half empty" kind of guy who has absolutely no use for self-help psychobabble written by "experts" for people who can't think or feel for themselves, or who don't have friends to talk to. These books are for people who call psychic hotlines. So could I really have had tears in my eyes as I read this book? Nah, must have been the allergies.
My marriage has been floundering for a while, and I have tried everything to fix it. I am not one of those people who thinks that problems in a relationship are the other person's fault, nor am I emotionally bottled up and unable to (more or less articulately) express my feelings. Yet my efforts, and my issues with my marriage, have consistently been ignored, dismissed and minimized. I was at the point of giving up and accepting that my marriage was just a loveless partnership for raising kids. Ever more distant from my wife, she finally started to recognise that there was a serious problem, but she thought that it was mostly with me. Then I found out about this book.
I don't know whether it will save my marriage, but it has definitely saved my sanity. If you are a person who needs way more sex than your spouse, or are the low desire spouse frustrated with constant badgering from your favorite sex maniac, this book will be like waking up from a bad dream. It will ring so true to you that it will feel like you've been spied on. You will hear your exact thoughts, as well as those of your spouse, precisely articulated. This book prescribes hard work and behavior changes for both spouses, and getting there requires commitment and persistence, but even if it doesn't save your marriage, it will make you feel so much better just knowing that someone understands.
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on June 5, 2016
Loved the down to earth approach and all of the stories she uses as examples. Looking forward to bridging the gap with my spouse and reconnecting again.

Thanks! I will defiantly recommend this book!
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on February 22, 2003
The Sex-Starved Marriage does an excellent job of explaining each partner's position in a sexually mis-matched marriage. The book was a real eye-opener and provided insight from each partner's perspective. As a low-desire partner, it helped me gain an understanding of how my rejections over the years have affected my spouse. It made me see that as the low-desire partner, I am always setting the pace. How fair is that? I disagree with the Editorial Review which stated that Michelle got too personal in the last chapter disclosing information about her own marriage. Her disclosure made her words have more meaning because she is not only speaking from experience of dealing with couples who faced this issue, but from her experience in her own marriage. I recommend this book for any couple interested in improving their relationship, both in bed and out. Don't wait till you have a problem to read it. If you are engaged to be married, read this book now to help you prevent problems later.
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on June 9, 2003
It's nice to have a book that addresses BOTH sides of the issue. So many other books I've consulted speak only to the partner with the lower desire. It may not be a perfect book, but it gives a more balanced approach than much of the other books that attempt to speak to the disparities in sexual desire.
This is a good starting place for a discussion between the partners in a relationship struggling with differences in their needs for physical intimacy.
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on June 1, 2003
i am a 28 year old, reasonably attractive, successful woman. i've been married for less than a year. but for the past three years, my husband has been uninterested in sex with me. i assumed that once we got married and things settled down, he would feel enough trust to be intimate. i was wrong. because i've been thinking about this more and more, i bought this book in the hopes it might actually help out. i don't want to give up my marriage.
while i think the book provides excellent insight into the low sex drive female, advertisements to the contrary, it really does not provide enough helpful information to those of us women who are "over-sexed". i have already tried many of the suggestions given. they have not worked. i will say that this book did help me identity several unhelpful behaviors, which i will stop. but i realize my husband, who will not go to counseling and doesn't want to talk about it, will not change.
all in all, well-written, friendly, easy to read. also, great info for the higher sex drive man in terms of how to deal with a wife who is not so inclined. some of these points are transferable to the higher sexed woman. some are not. my sense from the book is that if you are a higher sex drive woman (or man really), your best bet is to try not to think about, find some hobbies and forget the sex stuff... even this book essentially argues that it is up to the lower sex partner to change. good luck.
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on August 31, 2003
I thought the problems were all my husband's because he was the one who was un-interested in sex. I thought everything was fine in our relationship except for our sex life. But when I read this book, I realized it was MY behaviors that caused our problems. I related to so many passages, and was frequently enlightened. I was so quick to blame him, but it was really myself who was to blame. I had never attributed the problems in our reltionship to the problems in the bedroom. Since reading this book, I have made many changes in my behavior and in my actions. My husband has commented several times about the changes I've made, and I can feel all the love and attraction coming back. We made love recently for the first time in months! I truly belive this book has been a vital step in saving my marriage and rekindling the love. THANK YOU Ms. Weiner Davis! I definintely recommend this book to others, and I will also shop for other books by this author.
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on May 16, 2011
Hey y'all. I'm the first to admit I didn't think a book could change one's perspective but the short answer is this one did for me. My wife and I have a good marriage except in the bedroom, BTW she does not know I bought the book. Work/kids/day to day stress...we have it all, not that it's a bad thing. I had a lot of 'ah ha' moments reading this book, as if the author was sitting in our living room taking notes before she wrote it. That surprised me a little, in fact it was so bang on sometimes that I found myself laughing out loud! Long story short, I stopped getting mad and feeling rejected. Started being more attentive and romantic(I was pretty good already)and just plain happier. I've already noticed a change in my wife. Coincidence? Could be. But I like to think my own change of attitude and approach from the advice in the book has helped put things on a more agreeable track.
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on August 4, 2003
This book will help any couple faced with different levels of sexual desires. No matter which side you are on there is relevant and useful information that will help put your life back in perspective. You will both stop playing the blame game and work together at a solution. I'm not going to say that this is an easy read, there are some things that will be like bitter medicine to swallow. But like any medicine it will help you in the end.
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on June 5, 2003
I am a 38 year-old, attractive woman whose husband could care less about touching, caressing or making love to me. Until I read this book, I thought I had the only marriage in America that was a pretty much platonic. It's not that we have no sex, it's just that it is so infrequent (and always me that has to initiate) - that this makes me feel less than womanly. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in this kind of a marriage.
Now, after reading this book, I've learned that I am not alone and I am forever grateful for that. Even though other men still seem to be attracted to me, I had convinced myself that there must be something wrong with me. Now I don't think so anymore. I also learned that I've probably been doing all the wrong things to change the situation. I plan on changing my approach immediately. I get very angry and critical and I can now see how that turns my husband away. I feel much better already knowing that I have a plan. I highly recommend that anyone dealing with this issue in their marriage read this book. It's well-written and it will make you feel that the author has been hanging around your bedroom. For me, this book is a Godsend.
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