Customer Reviews

Safe Haven Marriage

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My wife and I lead the marriage ministry in our church and do much of the marriage counseling. We have used a number of Christian resources to help couples. Our approach is focused around Emotional Focused Therapy. This is the best resource we have found that captures the "process" of how to apply this concept to a realtionship. (works with kids, co-workers, etc as well) If a couple is committed to healing the marriage, and will learn and apply the skills outlined in the book--the marriage can be healed.

I have read many books on marriage but found this one to be different and most helpful. It outlined how my wife and i fight, and then showed us a way out of our fight cycle. We are beginning to learn how to stay emotionally connected, despite our differences. I highly recommend it. We are reading through this book at our monthly couples group - and find the questions at the end of each chapter very helpful.

When you get married, your partner becomes a secure base, a safe haven; someone you can trust to listen and care about your concerns. The secure base is at the heart of your marriage. Whenever this is shattered, the marriage begins failing and, if the wound is not repaired, the relationship can eventually fall apart. This book does a wonderful job of explaining how to identify the wounds in your marriage and how to--practically--go about healing them. I have recommended it to many of my clients and they simply love it. If your marriage is struggling, you may want to check this book out.

This book is about how the arguments between you and your spouse keep you both from emotionally connecting. This book helped my wife and I realize that our conversations focused on trying to get each other to see our own side. We never stopped to understand each other. I defended myself against her accusations until I finally emotionally withdrew and put my emotional energy into work and my own interests. She kept at me saying that if she didn't I would never pay attention to her. My wife and I have been fighting like this for years. Safe Haven Marriage has helped us understand our fight cycle, why we fight and what we can do to change the way we share our views. It helped me see that when my wife's 'porcupine quills' come out and she is mad at me, underneath she is trying to get me to understand her and draw me in. 'Safe Haven Marriage' has helped us understand each other. A great book with great stories. I highly recommend it. It has helped us 'emotionally connect' for the first time in a long time.

"Safe Haven" marriage. Sounds good. Hart appears to understand the need for Christian marriages to be safe places for both spouses. Unfortunately, there is at least one group of women to whom he denies the right to(or privilege of) a safe haven marriage: Those whose husbands are involved in porn or other lustful pursuits. These wives are exhorted to forego a safe haven -- to continue to subject themselves to the anguish of repeated betrayal -- in order to play Florence Nightingale to their biologically-challenged husbands. Sure, Hart encourages the women to tell their men how much it hurts (without being judgmental, mind you), but other than that, they are to take bullet after bullet to their hearts, and not bleed to death. So much for a safe haven. Great concept. Too bad he denies safety to those who need it most. If you are a woman in the situation I described, please know that Hart's response to you is not Jesus' response. Jesus loves you more than that.

a fantastic book. i could not put it down. This is a realistic look at marriage and how to emotionally re-connect with your spouse. It touched right where i live in my marriage, and spoke to my real needs in my marriage. I don't want to learn how to 'communicate', i want to be more than friends with my spouse, i want to emotionally connect. This is the first book that outlined how i can do that. This is the only book i know that blends a Christian perspective with the emotionally focused therapy approach. The stories were informative and very realistic. I highly recommend the book.