Customer Reviews


66 Reviews
5 star:
 (47)
4 star:
 (6)
3 star:
 (2)
2 star:
 (4)
1 star:
 (7)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
Share your thoughts with other customers
Create your own review
 
 

The most helpful favourable review
The most helpful critical review


5.0 out of 5 stars A sorely needed perspective
This book offers a sorely needed perspective of the children's. It's for parents who are divorced or considering it, children whose parents are divorced and spouses of children of divorce. Our divorce culture inadvertently places the emphasis on the parents, on their rights and their time with kids, their feelings and their perspectives. Few people are able to...
Published on Sept. 2 2003 by Cameron Alverson

versus
3.0 out of 5 stars Interesting...but there's more to the story
Case studies make for compelling reading, and you can't helpbut be moved by the experiences of these children of divorce. But thisbook will not give you point by point advice, even though it can behelpful if you are able to learn by example. I see another reviewerrecommends Relationship Rescue, and I agree that couples need to makemore effort in getting back to what...
Published on Nov. 3 2000 by lucy7272


‹ Previous | 1 27 | Next ›
Most Helpful First | Newest First

5.0 out of 5 stars A sorely needed perspective, Sept. 2 2003
By 
Cameron Alverson (Mesa, AZ United States) - See all my reviews
This book offers a sorely needed perspective of the children's. It's for parents who are divorced or considering it, children whose parents are divorced and spouses of children of divorce. Our divorce culture inadvertently places the emphasis on the parents, on their rights and their time with kids, their feelings and their perspectives. Few people are able to understand what the children really feel and go through unless they have been through it themselves.
Here, Wallerstein does a masterful job of describing how divorce affects children both immediately after the divorce and 25 years later based on first-hand accounts. She also compares those children to their neighbors and friends who grew up in intact families. She points out what struggles they have in relationships and life afterward and what they need to mend properly.
A must read for anybody involved with or affected by divorce!
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


5.0 out of 5 stars Divorce Culture's Lies Revealed!!, July 24 2003
This review is from: The Unexpected Legecy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study (Hardcover)
The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce is an important book. Using a twenty-five year study the author debunks all of the myths of the divorce culture in which we now live. These lies: that children are resilient and will 'bounce back', that little children don't know what's going on, that when parents are happy their children will be happy, that not fighting in front of children shields them from the effects of divorce, that divorce is a temporary crisis in the child's life, and that as soon as the splitting parents stabalize their lives the children will recover, are demolished point by point.
The author demonstrates, through examples in her case studies, that: very little children experience very big feelings about divorce (including rage and fear), that each lifestage a child goes through causes them to re-live the divorce again in some new way, that divorce causes personal and relationship issues for the children well into adulthood, and that the divorce culture is creating a new generation of people who choose not to marry and risk reliving their parents mistakes.
The author also takes on the important, if uncomfortable, truth that parents do not usually want to do the work of taking on the issues that their divorce creates for their children. Not fighting in front of the children isn't enough. Children need to be given opportunities to express their anger at having their lives torn apart, their homes and friends snatched away, and time with their parents disappear. The author points out that parents are usually more concerned with dealing with their own issues surrounding the divorce, working on new relationships, and rebuilding their personal social lives. The children of divorce are typically left on their own emotionally, sometimes literally. She also addresses the issue of children having to adjust to new step-parents, lovers, and step-siblings.
The problem of competition between children and step parents is also treated with frankness. Children are far too often given short shrift when a new step-parent feels threatened or that the child is taking up too much: time, space, money, attention, etc. The author is admirably blunt in stating that if forced to choose, parents more often than not choose the new spouse over their child.
This is an important work that should serve as a wake-up call. Divorce hurts children. Children of divorce are more likely to get divorced, creating more hurt children. Our society cannot survive too many more generations of this cycle before we implode upon ourselves. Read this book.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


3.0 out of 5 stars Interesting...but there's more to the story, Nov. 3 2000
This review is from: The Unexpected Legecy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study (Hardcover)
Case studies make for compelling reading, and you can't helpbut be moved by the experiences of these children of divorce. But thisbook will not give you point by point advice, even though it can behelpful if you are able to learn by example. I see another reviewerrecommends Relationship Rescue, and I agree that couples need to makemore effort in getting back to what brought them together. ... We allknow, however, that every story is unique; it's another of thosethreshold situations.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


1.0 out of 5 stars Nothing New!, Oct. 4 2000
By 
This review is from: The Unexpected Legecy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study (Hardcover)
This is just another book filled with data that we've been reading in magazines for decades, with the same biased slant.
Wallerstein fails to disclose that the cause for 90% of divorces is that judges guarantee that the mothers will get custody!
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars be careful with reviews, May 30 2003
By A Customer
I mostly decided to write this review to warn others not to trust reviews by people they don't know...
For example, martinlady from Pennsylvania rated this book two stars, although it is plainly obvious that she did not read the entire book because otherwise she would understand that the book was written in such a way that each TYPE of family was REPRESENTED by the "story of one child of divorce's life" (ie. Karen, Larry, etc.). The author makes clear in the beginning of the book that these are her best/extreme/generalized cases. They are not real people, but a conglomerate of many children's lives who were all raised in similar familes. Obviously, there are divorced families in which one or both of the parents aren't emotionally unhealthy and/or don't slack on parenting after divorce. The author recognizes this, and states numerous times that children of divorce who had one parent who recovered well and kept parenting as their main concern did indeed adjust better as adults. People who skim books should not write reviews.
I did read the book cover to cover, and I in fact am a child of divorce who had a WONDERFUL childhood. Even though I didn't have to take over as caretaker as "Karen" did, or witness violence/disrespect between my parents as "Larry" and "Paula" did, I still found the book to be extremely comforting and eye-opening. I also found it to be very well-written - the idea to personify different types of extreme divorce situations in separate characters makes the book very easy to read. How else would you put together and generalize the results of a 25 year study on over 100 unique individuals from over 100 different families? A must read for all children of divorce.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Phenomenal!!, May 18 2004
By A Customer
Like many others who have read this book, I always wondered what was wrong with me. I connected with this book and was in tears by the end of the first page. I finally had answers for the reasons that I did so many of the things that I did to sabotage relationships. This is an honest look at how my parents divorce 27 years ago is still affecting me, and my relationships with others.
I agree with other reviews that have stated the demographics of the test group are skewed, but as someone who grew up in this affluent area of California, it made my connection to the book even stronger.
I also agree that not all children are as negatively affected as the book states, but there are always exceptions to the rule, and I think that this book takes a look at how the majority of children are affected.
It may not be the most scientific study on the subject, but it is fabulous in what it does offer. I highly suggest it as a must read for any child of divorce, and as a guide for their parents to help them overcome some of the negative psychological effects of divorce which affect the majority of children.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Important for EVERYONE - schools, parents, judges, kids, May 7 2004
By A Customer
I stumbled upon this book while doing research for a paper I was writing about the advantages and disadvantages of single parenting. So many people quoted this book that I decided to buy it and read it for myself. It came yesterday and once I opened it, I could not put it down and read the entire thing in one evening. The book has been criticed as unscientific because it only followed about 100 people for the full 25 years of the study. However, I'm 25 now, and I can safely say that the book was right on target with absolutely everything. Wallerstein described her findings of following children from divorced families from the time of divorce through their adulthood - a full 25 years! I never thought I was affected by the divorce of my own parents - just really accepted my reality as quite normal. I identified with each section of the book and was shocked to find myself crying on many pages. Most psychological studies use statistics and questionaires withe check-boxes to compile data. Wallerstein got to actually KNOW each child/adult and was able to share their experiences with the world. Usually, I find "self-help" books to be corny, and not really useful in any way. This book was definitely not a self-help book. It is written with several audiences in mind. Any parent contemplating a divorce should read it. Period. If they do get divorced, they will have a MUCH better understanding of how it might affect their children and will therefore have a basis for mitigating those problems. ALL adult children of divorce shoudl read it. We've got a nation of 20-and30-somethings that are figuring out that they all have strange quirks when it comes to life and relationships, and can't imagine the connection to thier parents. This book goes a long way in explaining those things, and showing several "happy-ending" stories that came from rough starts. Anyone working in the legal profession (lawyers, judges, mediators, spouses) should read it because this book is written mostly for one purpose: to describe how divorce affects the CHILD in the long-term. Despite my own personal experiences, I was surprised to learn how much could be accomplished that benefits children (in the short and long-term) if the people in the legal system just had a deeper understanding of the effects of their actions. Finally, anyone married or seriously invovled with a person whose parents were divorced shoudl read this book to understand "where they're coming from". Only then, when tiny issues and larger issues are recognized, can they be dealt with. As I said, I'm not a particulary troubled person by any means, but this book was helpful beyond what I could have imagined- despite the other great reviews on this site!
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


5.0 out of 5 stars Heart-rending, Moving, July 30 2011
Though not strictly "scientific", i.e., based on large samples, the book covers each case history in depth, and revisits each person over a time-span of decades. The resulting richness of detail is more convincing than bland statistics.

The marketing blurbs say this book should be read by children of divorce and by anyone contemplating divorce. Here's a bigger and more useful market: everyone who is married or plans to get married.

Why do I say this? As an engaged or married person, you will be so moved and horrified by what divorce did to the subject children, throughout their lives, that you will go to much greater lengths to ensure that your marriage succeeds, before any idea of divorce even arises. Most "relationship" books lack bite, and talk about various strategies for creating a happy marriage and/or avoiding divorce without really bringing to life the pain that a failed marriage inflicts on the children. By all means get those relationship books, plus this one, to scare you into actually following the relationship advice.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


5.0 out of 5 stars Thinking Of Getting Divorced?, March 14 2011
If you are, you may want to (should, MUST!) read this book first. Even if you are divorced, it is a great source of information for dealing with all the "stuff" that getting divorced generates. Identifies collateral damage & "blind spots" & thereby allows you to handle them before they become big huge disasters. Shatters the "perfect divorce" myth... Like the "perfect marriage" it doesn't exist. Especially good for those who think you & you ex are just going to naturally become "friends" after splitting & that things will just evolve into becoming "better" by themselves, without massive effort from both of you. A great contribution to the sad of of marriage in the new millenium.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book, Oct. 4 2003
By A Customer
I would strongly suggest anyone going through a divorce or anyone being a child of divorce to read this book.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


‹ Previous | 1 27 | Next ›
Most Helpful First | Newest First

This product

The Unexpected Legecy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study
The Unexpected Legecy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study by Julia M. Lewis (Hardcover - Sept. 6 2000)
Used & New from: CDN$ 0.02
Add to wishlist See buying options
Only search this product's reviews