Customer Reviews

Emotional Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap

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Read 'em all - Women Who Love Too Much, Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them, Love Addictions, etc. - but Bryn Collins' book is the end-all, be-all for identifying, avoiding, and healing from emotionally devastating "relationships." Without distracting psychobabble, Collins nails emotional unavailability, in all its forms, precisely on the head. Book contains clear examples, explanations, instructions - and practical (and do-able) solutions, with Bombeck-like wit and insights. Emotional Unavailability is the advice your mother and all your friends would have given you, if only they'd been blessed with Bryn Collins' ability to spark understanding and activate your light bulb. Best book EVER for emotionally-starved lovers past and present, this book should be required reading for entering into an intimate relationship.

This was a really good book. When I broke up with my boyfriend, I told him he was "emotionally unavailable". I didn't know there was ACTUALLY a book about it. Anyhow, while I read it, I realized that I was just as emotionally unavailable as he was. I realized I had poor communication skills and was constantly "blaming" him. Anyhow, it's a great book at not only looking at your partner, but looking at yourself to see what kind of self-growth changes need to be made.

I read Dr. Collins' book just after the break-up of a major and important relationship in my life. Once I came up for air and started wanting to live again, I had to take an honest look at my life - seems I was into a pattern of selecting men who fell into the "emotionally unavailable" category. I could have gone on and on to all my friends (and anyone who'd listen) about how awful men are, but I decided instead to accept some responsibility for myself and learn what it is/was about ME that fell for the emotionally unavailable man. Wow. Thank you, Dr. Collins, for mapping out why I was attracted to the unhealthy behaviors. I discovered just HOW and WHY I went from a relationship with an intellectually emotionally unavailable man to one who is narcissistic, controlling, manipulative, and ... well, I daresay toxic. (He rated 109 on the final test!) Talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire! The one common denominator in all of my relationships is/was me. And finding out why I chose the emotionally vacant man (no matter what form those vacancies took and how the men exhibited those behaviors), has given me a new understanding and powerful place to begin my life from here! Starting with oneself is ALWAYS the best place to begin, and I feel very good about who I'm now becoming. I'm trusting myself, my soul, and my instincts. My belief system is strengthening and I feel a new value in life - that of knowing and listening to who I am, and defining myself without the assistance of someone else because of an unhealthy need of mine to be accepted. Yes, as you can guess, a lot of this goes back to childhood experiences, and Dr. Collins gives her readers a way to look back without blame, to see the truth, and move forward in a new, healthy, and productive way. Thank you, Dr. Collins! You shed the light and showed me a new path!

Dr Bryn Collins has written a marvellous book about recognising patterns and styles of people who are emotionally unavailable. She writes a very descriptive picture at the start about what it really is like to be with an emotionally unavailable person - and it's just so "spot-on". Dr Collins describes each of the types of emotionally unavailable people using very real examples for each type. Dr Collins also goes on to give you tools for changing and growing and helping you recognise the ways you may be emotionally unavailable. I *love* this book. It should be part of all school's curriculum!! Great work Dr Collins - this is one of the best book's I have read. And I did read it from cover to cover; something I have never done with any other book!

For many years now I have been driving myself wild in a relationship with an 'intellectualizer'who never dares bare a hint of genuine reaction.

Then, searching for yet another source of answers, this book jumped right off the shelf. Emotional unavailability...Could any other phrasing describe the situation better? The contents did not let me down. I read the entire book in a single sitting; not that I had time for such things, but it was so well written, said so much, and flowed so easily, that I felt as if Bryn Collins was there in person. She really speaks from heart as well as the mind; there was no hint of arrogance or hidden agendas for her writing, moreso a desire to enlighten those seeking answers.

I must admit, I started reading this book with the idea of "Ah hah! Here is his problem. This fits him perfectly." What really surprised me was to see myself in there as well, in some ways benefiting from the distancing. This time however I was left with the feeling that things really are not hopeless; though the author goes into depth about which types of relationships are fixable and which are not, and how people and relationships evolve to be as they are.

The biggest surprise was seeing my husband pick up the book of his own accord, actually read it, and then comment about what a great book this is. This was definitely a first.

I read this book a few years back when it came out in hardcover, but it is always right on the money when I compare it to other books that focus on specific personality disorders. This book is very good at giving you a quick, intermediate level overview of different problem character types. Armed with the overview information, you can seek out other resources for more in-depth research. For example, her chapter on the narcissist was a very good overview and many of the traits overlapped with what was spelled out in Scott Wexler's book on passive aggressive behavior.

If you're clueless about your companion, this book is a good place to start looking for answers.

This is one of the finest self-help books I've ever read. It helped me to identify and leave an emotionally unavailable person. However, I am struck by the similarities in the reviews for both the paperback and hardcover versions of this book. They sound amazingly alike! Perhaps the author attracts the same kind of reader.

I loved this book. It was like sitting down and talking with her ... I finished the book and felt as though I'd had the benefit of therapy. Wish I lived in Minneapolis so I could go see her. If you want to figure out what hasn't been going on in your relationship, or what you do to make things in your relatonship go badly, this is the book to read.

I have read many books on relationships, but this is the first one I took notes from. Dr. Collins gets to the heart of the matter for people who are in emotionally disconnected relationships. This explains their behavior without making excuses for it. A must read if you are unhappy.

I bought this book without expecting anything much different than others I'd read, but it's totally different. This therapist explains how people get into poor or ineffective or abusive relationships and how to avoid them. She talks about emotions and trust and boundaries with real examples of other people who have messed up and, this was the best thing, how they changed to make it better. I finished reading it with lots of new tools and with a feeling that maybe my relationships could be better and I could be happier. Her advice even works with friends, my boss and my kids. Now, that's a good book!