Customer Reviews

Im Grieving As Fast As I Can

5 star:		(15)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

My wife died of cancer in 2001. One thing I realized when reading this book was how lucky I have been to have missed most of the incredibly callous behavior and remarks that young widows and widowers often seem to be treated to (the most shocking example I found in the book was that of a young man who lost his wife and child in childbirth and was told by a well-meaning person how "lucky" he was not to have gotten "stuck" with the kid). With the exception of my in-laws, everyone I know has been very supportive and tactful, and reading this book taught me to be thankful for that.
Of course, everyone's experience is different, but I found a number of things in this book that I could identify with, and suspect that all young widows and widowers would too. One thing I'd like the author to consider adding if she writes a revised edition of this book at some point is a more extensive treatment of the problems that widows and widowers experience in new relationships. The book is primarily about coping with the early stages of grief, about how to get to the point at which one is ready for a new relationship. But it does not go beyond this point. There is a passing reference to the fears young widows and widowers have as a result of "gloom-and-doom" statistics about failed second marriages, but it would be very helpful to have some analysis of why these relationships so often fail. Understanding these problems would probably help many readers - both widows/widowers and their partners - deal with them more effectively.
Finally, a recommendation for further reading is Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's On Death and Dying. While this classic book is certainly more useful before than after a death, I think it may help many who have already suffered a bereavement to understand their own feelings as well as what spouses who died after a long illness went through.

I lost my husband when I was 33. It was 6 months after our wedding. I scanned several grief books, attended support groups, etc. All seemed geared to the "older" widow/widower. This book hits home. I found myself nodding in agreement on almost every page... about feelings, other people, etc. I felt this book was written directly for me. It also made me realize that there are other "young" people out there going through the same things I am. I recommend this book to any young person that has lost a spouse.

I bought this book, as well as several others on grieving for my daughter who just lost her 36 year old husband. By far and away this book is what she has leaned on for support. She constantly quotes chapter and verse to me. She has just begun to read it for the second time, knowing full well that she will derive even more benefit from the comfort and wisdom provided there. No one has helped my daughter through this tragedy more than the author, Linda Feinberg. As a mother, I can't thank her enough.

This book was the best thing that I ever bought. My partner was murdered in an anti-gay hate crime. I was 27 and he was 30. Read it cover to cover at least 7 times immediately following the murder and then used it as a reference book throughout the 5 year trial. It was great as it was written with the focus on the young widow, most books are targeted more for elderly folks. It has a great section called "It matters how the person died" with a homocide section which was spot on to the feelings that I was experiencing. I was also worried that I would need to "translate" through a hetrosexual taxonomy and bias, but I was pleasantly surprized. This type of experience is incredibly painful, gay or straight, and the entire book was written sensitively so that it would work for both audiences. There also is a nice section on "loss of a lover" which was most helpful to me. It covered loosing a lover or fiancee. If you or someone you know is dealing with loss this book can be a life-saver.

Reading this book helped me realize that I was "normal" where I thought I was crazy or the only one. Answers questions or at least discusses options associated with many issues which plague the young widow in a very easy to read manner (as you will know if you are in this situation, it is hard to focus).

Losing my wife to Breast Cancer at 31 and having to raise a 1 1/2 year old girl in a small mid southern town I was never at a loss for advice, judgment, or rumors. I was trapped in a group of well meaning people who had no idea what it was like to be a young widower. I felt guilt from people judging me, yet they had never walked in my shoes. I went to grief meetings and had nothing in common with the 60, 70, 80 year olds that were grieving their past. I was grieving my lost future and nobody could understand it. I wanted to start dating and people thought I was callous and snubbed me. I read books that were written for old widows with maybe a chapter on widowers and maybe a sentence about people under 50. A lot were spiritualy based and being in the spot I was my spiritual beliefs were a little ragged. Then I found this book and it truly CHANGED MY LIFE. I underlined half the book, nodded in agreement, cried, and even smiled. Perhaps other books have been written since but I never found another book that spoke to all of the issues that a young widow/er faces. I have given this book to others who have suffered a similar loss and they felt the same. The Author doesn't judge and the book is not a template. It gives you the permission to grieve any way you want to and lets you know that there are a select group of people that are in the same position as you and feel the same way you do. Four years after my wifes death I still cherish this book. If you are grieving and nobody seems to understand you or know someone in this horrible position this is THE book.

As a widower at the age of 30, I was clamoring for a "text-book" that would tell me exactly what to do next. How to feel, how to think, how to "recover".

This is one of the first books that I read, and I remember being frustrated that it did not have the "answers" I was looking for.

It was not until much later that I realized that nobody has those answers. The purpose of the book is to get you thinking in terms where YOU can come up with the answers that work for you.

So, at two and a half years removed from the event, I can look back and understand why this is a good book. But if you are new on this journey, don't expect this book to be your salvation. Expect this book to help you realize that the future is up to you.

Even as my wife was dying with cancer, I could not accept she was dying. After she died, I was torn apart with emotions that I could not understand nor that I could come to grips with. I had difficult time with groups because I was not "old" and did not have 30-40 years of with my wife, but we did spend half our adult lives together, and this is significant. I started to read this book and felt as if the author knew not only how I was feeling but how I was trying to deal with my loss. This book helps validate the feelings, explain why I am feeling this way, and what I can do to try to move on without being spiritual or condensending. In fact, the author even recognizes that a widower's experience is different from a widows and seems to consider that throughout the book.

If you are under 50 and have been widowed, buy this book, read it, then reread it again. It may provide as much help as a therapist!!

This book made me feel a lot better about being able to smile and have a good time after my 29 year old husband of a year died. I thought there was something wrong with me because I COULD have fun and laugh. In this book there was a part about when a spouse dies and the couple has nothing between them(no lies, arguements, unresolved things) that the surviving spouse has an easier time going on. Not that it has been easy for me but I know that my husband and I had nothing at all that we regretted during our time together, only that we didn't meet sooner. My husband & I had a once in a billion kind of love; we never fought, we liked all of the same things, we loved just talking and spending time together. We never got tired of each other's company. Thanks to this book now I realize WHY I am able to go out, have a good time & laugh. I miss him more than words could ever say but I know I'm going to be okay now.

I am 32 with three boys (11, 8, and 5) My husband was killed in a car accident two months ago by a tractor trailer driver who rearended him. I have been lost and I felt like I was spinning my wheels in my life with no direction. This book was hard to put down once i started reading it. It touches on all aspects of my emotions right now. I believe this will be a book I reread. All of the other books I have read up to this point were more geared for woman that have lost their husbands later in life. This was a book that I was able to take things from it and use them in my life. Thank you.