Customer Reviews

Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
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This is Melody Beattie's second book and is the sequel to the hugely successful CODEPENDENT NO MORE. If it was the job of the first book to introduce that word - "codependent" - then it is the job of this book to elaborate on the condition and what we are supposed to do with our lives once we are no longer afflicted by it. The result, of course, is that this book does not have quite the "sway" that the first book does. But it is still worth reading if you are a fan of Beattie or are interested in this topic.

A lot of insults have been hurled at the concept of "codependent" over the last several years, and I suspect that most of it has to do with the fuzzy definition of the word itself, and the somewhat "vague" nature of recovery from this condition. In other words, you know an alcoholic has "recovered" when they stop drinking, a drug addict has recovered when they stop taking drugs, a kleptomaniac has recovered when they stop stealing, and so on. . . . But what exactly is a codependent and how do you know when you have recovered from it? What *observable affects* can be measured? Basically, a "codependent" is a person who believes their happiness lies in another person and then becomes obsessed with controlling that other person. That is the definition Beattie provides in her first book, and if you weren't satisfied with that definition or explanation, then you won't be satisfied with this book either. BEYOND CODEPENDENCY is geared toward people who have accepted the author's premise, and who are ready to follow her toward her description of what recovery means. The author indicates that one knows they have recovered from codependency when they stop seeking for approval in others and are content with their own appraisals of their self-worth.

Suffice it to say that this is not exactly "scientific" in that it cannot be observed and replicated in a lab, and even I, a lover of Beattie's work for years, still find the whole category a little fuzzy and am not sure if it is the main problem to be focused on (I believe "codependency" is only one aspect of other more vital issues, and is not the main issue itself). But this book is uplifting and I find Melody Beattie inspiring. If you enjoyed her first book, and you enjoy books that feel supportive in a rhetorical sense, then you will probably enjoy this book.

This book explains to us that, unfortunately we are not in our relationships just for the sake of "love". There is a lot more that explains why we are together with the people we are together with. It tells us about he "Hows" and "Whys" of ourselves and our relationships. It is painful to learn these things, but learning these things is the only way we can shed our next layer of skin and more on with our personal development. If you are in tune with your real self, many of these things the authors says in this book will click inside. If you'd like another great book on this topic, I suggest you read "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato. It is even better in the way it explains the patterns we develop both in our minds and in our relationships. I'm sure you will love it if you like to really learn about relationships.

Once Melody Beattie's Codependent No More has been "digested", Beyond Codependency helps to move the recovering codependent past the hurt and on to the business of literally changing behaviors and making a better life. I absolutely recommend this book above any others to recovering codependents.

Wonderful book. It pointed out so many things that I wasn't aware were co-dependant issues that I have. Helped put the answers of why I do the things I do that for so long I lacked. She helps you no longer feel alone. Good book for anyone who is ready to face this and stop it.

The woman who narrates this book is terrible. The author's actual writing is good, poignant, therapeutic, and comforting, but I had to constantly try to tune out the narrator's obnoxious and melodramatic rendition of the text. Her voice goes from condescending, cloying and excessively pitying to inappropriately downright nasty for quotes from "real stories" the author has encountered. I started dreading the real-life quotes because I knew the narrator would switch to the rude, mocking voice she used for the quotes. Perhaps the worst part is her incessant laughing and sighing during the reading when it isn't called for as she interminably tried to "act out" every written word. It's really a shame, because much of what is written in this book is valuable, even if it should be common sense (common sense, after all, isn't so common). I recommend the BOOK, but avoid the audio version if you possibly can - or spare yourself and get the abridged one because hearing this woman's melodrama is truly a trial all by itself.

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."
"Ooops, better take an inventory..."
"Ooops, better own my worth..."
"Ooops, I made a mistake, but that's...okay."

This book will succeed only in attaching a myriad of labels to your persona which will only further one's irrational beliefs that something is "wrong" with them.
Personal strength is only found within your self, not any book, not this one.
The only question I would ever ask Ms. Beatty is if she's actually CONTROLLING people by making suggestions and giving unsolicited advice in her books. Of course, if she didn't have a ton of labels to slap on you, she'd sell no more books.

Caring is not a disease. Find other who care also, and avoid this codependency noise.
- Stuart

The woman who narrates this book is terrible. The author's actual writing is good, poignant, therapeutic, and comforting, but I had to constantly try to tune out the narrator's obnoxious and melodramatic rendition of the text. Her voice changes from a condescending, cloying and excessively pitying tone during most of the text to an inappropriate and downright nasty one for most quotes the author has included from "real stories" she has encountered. I started dreading the real-life quotes because I knew the narrator would switch to the rude, mocking voice she used for the quotes. It's really a shame, because much of what is written in this book is valuable information, even if it probably should be common sense (common sense, after all, isn't so common). I recommend the BOOK, but avoid the audio version if you possibly can - or spare yourself and get the abridged one because hearing this woman's melodrama is truly a trial all by itself.