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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Good but a bit outdated
Overall I like this book. On the plus side it has a lot of interesting and pertinent questions that help a couple explore things that have never been covered before. It's a great way to get to know each other better. In my case, I am in a serious relationship with my boyfriend and wanted us to get to know each other in depth before getting a place together. Moving in...
Published on March 24 2013 by K.A.

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2.0 out of 5 stars Only 4 months old; yet changed the lives of 7 people? As if!
I'm amazed how a book that is only four months old (published December 2000) magically has received seven 5-star reviews. [Could it be a plug by the authors? Heaven forbid!] I bought the book on the strength of these seven excellent reviews. Now, I'm quite disappointed. A few of these questions are good: especially when asked of ourselves. But for the most part, they're...
Published on May 18 2001


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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Good but a bit outdated, March 24 2013
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This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
Overall I like this book. On the plus side it has a lot of interesting and pertinent questions that help a couple explore things that have never been covered before. It's a great way to get to know each other better. In my case, I am in a serious relationship with my boyfriend and wanted us to get to know each other in depth before getting a place together. Moving in together is always a big adjustment, no matter how well two people know each other so I wanted to have some of the differences that would have inevitably come out on their own, laid out on the table beforehand in order to make the experience as pleasant as possible. This book was great for learning about each other's habits and deciding how to adapt before having to go about it the hard way, by butting heads. It's a really good book for couples in similar situations, who are serious and are at a point in their relationship where they are considering taking the next step. If you're about to move in together, get engaged, get married, have a baby or just want to know if you can get serious with someone, this book is good for that. I enjoy the short anecdotal stories at the beginning of each section. They give a real life example of how a lack of knowledge of your partner on that particular issue could create problems in the relationship.
The negative sides of this book would be the introduction for one. It is excessively long and repetitive. The author goes on and on about different ways this book can be used. I already bought the book, so I didn't think it was necessary for her to try and sell me in the intro. I knew why I bought the book, so I didn't need pages and pages telling me in what situations it would be applicable. Another downside is that the book is evidently written in a different time. There is a whole page dedicated to questions about taking messages and answering machines. It seldom acknowledges the existence of cell phones, and if so it's grouped along with pagers and e-mails. Social media doesn't seem to have been invented when this book was written. Having our own cell phones and no home phone seems to make questions of that type not applicable. There is also a section on spirituality that I didn't make use of since my boyfriend and I aren't very religious. I won't bash on this section since it would be important for couples who are religious. There aren't many religious undertones in this book but it's clear enough, by the choice of questions, that the author is religious. I was disappointed with sex section of the book. A few too many questions reflected christian values for my taste and I thought some more insightful questions about sex could have been addressed, but it did still have a lot of interesting questions.
Other than that I think that the book is full of some great questions for two people to get to know each other on a deeper level. I haven't read any other question books so I can't compare it to anything, but I definitely would recommend it. If it cut down the intro from 60 to maybe 10 pages and updated the content to reflect a more modern reality then I'd definitely give this book 5 stars.
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4.0 out of 5 stars Useful for all types of relationships, Sept. 16 2001
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
Sure, it OUGHT to be second nature, and we really SHOULD be asking most of these questions anyway. That's part of the beauty of this book: the questions are so simple and useful that it seems uneccessary to compile them into a book. However, many of us get caught up in a relationship before we have been able to ask more than just a few questions of our prospective partner, and by that time we are willing to overlook a lot of what we find out later.
This book is not only useful for "interviewing" prospective partners. As a tool for getting to know the people in your life better, this book provides questions that help you find commonalities with co-workers, friends, family, activity partners, etc. I found "Intellectual Foreplay" to also be a good way for me to know myself better- to evaluate my own goals and ideals - by asking myself some of the questions Eve Hogan has compiled.
Can you live life without this book? Do you already ask a lot of these questionsof people anyway? Sure. But a good book doesn't always rewrite everything we do - hopefully it simply improves it.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Eye Opening and Fun, July 7 2001
By 
OmSandi (Cliffside Park, NJ) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
I've been carrying this book around for two months straight, reading through it with my boyfriend of almost 2 years and discovering things about each other we took for granted. Although some of the questions may not apply because of each individual's preferences and lifestyles, there are many that are thought provoking and eye opening. They focus your mind on the qualities of the other person that matter to you, and help you put together a clearer, more detailed picture of who the other person is. One thing it did for me is it helped me map my value system. This is not the type of book you read once and file away on a bookshelf. As far as the (only) negative review this book received, I found it unreliable, coming from an obviously embittered cynic who thinks every question in the book should apply to her and provoke some kind of Buddhist enlightenment. Perhaps she needs to make a trip to Tibet. For those of us looking for a practical guide to discover more about our potential mates, I highly recommend this book.
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4.0 out of 5 stars It's A Jungle Out There!!!, May 22 2001
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This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
I've never written something like this before but felt compelled to. I've enjoyed Ms. Hogan's 45-second e-zine on dating tidbits for the past couple of months. I found her advise to be creative and refreshing. When I discovered she was the author of a book on this subject I felt confident that it would be a terrific way to approach this daunting subject. Yes daunting! Having been a part of the singles scene for longer then I care to remember, I only wish I would have had a reference book such as this many years ago. Literally, after just skimming through the book for the first 10 minutes I realized how much a person can supress ones life choices for the sake of pleasing a significant other. The reality is, it never works. As I sat and read each chapter, my past relationships passed before my minds eye in a blur. I had to smile as I realized how some of these relationships could have been all together avoided. Pain and or regret didn't have to be a part of my past. Others definately could have had a more solid footing. Thankfully I now know! This book gives a non threatening road map that will empower not only women, but anyone in the dating scene to realize that asking the right questions in the beginning of a relationship will set the tone for potential triumph versus continual emotional tragedy! As the mother of a teenage son, it's something I can see him reading. The title is fun and creates a sense of ah ha! More importantly, this book will give him the vantage point of both the man and the woman and what a healthy relationship can and should be. Thanks for the read, it was well worth it!
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5.0 out of 5 stars Note from the author, May 21 2001
By 
Eve Hogan "Author of "Intellectual Forepl... (Kihei, HI United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
This is in response to the person who rated Intellectual Foreplay poorly primarily because he/she felt that it was not possible for seven customers to review the book in the course of four months. First, I'm sorry if you did not find value in the book. However, I would like to assure you that all of the seven "customers" were real customers and users of the book. Secondly, the book came out in January of 2000 not December 2000. However, what you probably saw that confused you was the REPRINT date, as the book's first printing entirely SOLD OUT! I invite you to revisit the book and CAREFULLY read the first four chapters rather than skipping to the questions, as your very valid issues of honesty and such are addressed in the content found there. In addition, in the first chapters I speak to the importance of carefully reading the material in order, rather than taking it out of context, so that you will be able to truly benefit from the questions and understand how to use them. Ironically, a retired friend of ours has just started dating someone and one of the first topics of importance to him was whether or not she would be interested in traveling the country in a recreational vehicle. So while that particular question was not of interest to you, there are millions of people dating with different interests-hence the importance of asking! Bless you on your search for love!
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2.0 out of 5 stars Only 4 months old; yet changed the lives of 7 people? As if!, May 18 2001
By A Customer
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
I'm amazed how a book that is only four months old (published December 2000) magically has received seven 5-star reviews. [Could it be a plug by the authors? Heaven forbid!] I bought the book on the strength of these seven excellent reviews. Now, I'm quite disappointed. A few of these questions are good: especially when asked of ourselves. But for the most part, they're questions we would naturally ask of a prospective partner anyway; we certainly don't need to spend time and money reading this book to dream them up.
One of the great flaws of the book is the naivete of the underlying assumption: "If I ask this question, I will get an honest answer". This is rubbish. As an extreme example, consider the following questions, quoted verbatim from the book: "Are you honest?" "Have you ever stolen anything?" "Are you willing to be monogamous?" Think about it: do you really think that liars and thieves would answer honestly? -And in the usual, less extreme case, there is always the tendency for us to "put our best foot forward". We may not intend to mislead, but isn't a consequence of being in love to idealize ourselves and our loved one?
Here's a really useful question the authors give (be sure to use this one on your first date!): "Do you own, or do you want to own, any recreational vehicles?"
Perhaps others will find it useful. I didn't. Sorry folks, this book did nothing for me. I really do NOT believe the seven perfect reviews, all from people whose lives were changed by the book (only four months after first printing!!). Perhaps I wouldn't be so harsh on the book if it wasn't for these "customer reviews".
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5.0 out of 5 stars Before you make that next date...., Jan. 24 2002
By 
Mera Falcon (Minneapolis, MN) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
Buy this book. Read this book. Thoroughly. There are enough questions to spread out over several months, but asking them all the first week might scare your sweetie away! The goal is to get to know the person you're with, not to interrogate them. Take your time, weave them into the conversation. This is a wonderful book for people already in a relationship, but even BETTER if you buy it while you are still single, making that list of qualities you want to find in a partner. I agree with the reviewer who said it helped her map her value system. Some of the best advice given in this book is that in order to attract the type of person you want to be with, you must first BECOME the person you want to be with -- if you want to meet an outdoorsy type, then be an outdoorsy type. Sounds insanely simple, and it is. I am already ordering more copies for my friends.
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4.0 out of 5 stars And You May Ask Yourself..., Dec 5 2002
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
Communication is a wonderful thing. It is more than just verbal volleying. It is the changing and exchanging of information between two parties. Are you ready for the hard questions? Many people are not. This is why premarital counseling rarely works. If only one person is interested in truth, the integrity of the relationship will likely be woefully unbalanced. Another question is how do you know they've answered truthfully? Like Doggiestyle's Storyteller questions, the Hogans have constructed a series of questions that once answered, will tell you the story of what type of relationship you're really in. The true value in this book is more in how you answer these questions for yourself, rather than how your lover answers theirs.
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5.0 out of 5 stars The "Love Bible", March 1 2000
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This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
I've been reading Intellectual Foreplay a lot...and it's amazingly accurate. I'm in a long-distance relationship and since we don't see eachother that often, we've been talking to eachother a lot, and we asked eachother the exact same questions that are in this book. I was stunned when I saw that. It's a really easy-to-read book with tons of deep-going questions that really make you think about relationships. It's not just a book telling you to do this or that, or telling you what's good or bad. It's a book that's open to a lot of thoughts and makes you aware that everyone's different and that there's more than one path to choose from.
If there would be something like a "Love Bible", this would be it...trust me.
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5.0 out of 5 stars INTELLECTUAL FOREPLAY, Feb. 2 2000
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
WOW! FINIALLY A BOOK THAT GUIDES AND INSTRUCTS US ON MAKING AN INFORMED CHOICE IN A POTENTIAL PARTNER.THE THING I LOVE THE MOST ABOUT THIS BOOK IS THAT IT NOT ONLY HELPS YOU GET TO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND A POTENTIAL PARTNER,BUT BEST OF ALL IT HELPS YOU UNDERSTAND HOW TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF. EVE MAKES SURE WE ALL KNOW, UNDERSTANDING OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OURSELVES IS KEY TO ALL SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS. I WOULD RECOMEND THIS BOOK TO MARRIED OR SINGLES AND I ESPECIALLY RECOMEND THIS BOOK TO YOUNG ADULTS. (I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD IT IN MY YOUNGER DAYS.) I THINK INTELLECTUAL FOREPLAY WILL BE MY STANDARD HIGH SCHOOL OR COLLEGE GRADUATION PRESENT FROM NOW ON.
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