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4.0 out of 5 stars Good but a bit outdated
Overall I like this book. On the plus side it has a lot of interesting and pertinent questions that help a couple explore things that have never been covered before. It's a great way to get to know each other better. In my case, I am in a serious relationship with my boyfriend and wanted us to get to know each other in depth before getting a place together. Moving in...
Published 16 months ago by K.A.

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2.0 out of 5 stars Only 4 months old; yet changed the lives of 7 people? As if!
I'm amazed how a book that is only four months old (published December 2000) magically has received seven 5-star reviews. [Could it be a plug by the authors? Heaven forbid!] I bought the book on the strength of these seven excellent reviews. Now, I'm quite disappointed. A few of these questions are good: especially when asked of ourselves. But for the most part, they're...
Published on May 18 2001


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4.0 out of 5 stars Good but a bit outdated, March 24 2013
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This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
Overall I like this book. On the plus side it has a lot of interesting and pertinent questions that help a couple explore things that have never been covered before. It's a great way to get to know each other better. In my case, I am in a serious relationship with my boyfriend and wanted us to get to know each other in depth before getting a place together. Moving in together is always a big adjustment, no matter how well two people know each other so I wanted to have some of the differences that would have inevitably come out on their own, laid out on the table beforehand in order to make the experience as pleasant as possible. This book was great for learning about each other's habits and deciding how to adapt before having to go about it the hard way, by butting heads. It's a really good book for couples in similar situations, who are serious and are at a point in their relationship where they are considering taking the next step. If you're about to move in together, get engaged, get married, have a baby or just want to know if you can get serious with someone, this book is good for that. I enjoy the short anecdotal stories at the beginning of each section. They give a real life example of how a lack of knowledge of your partner on that particular issue could create problems in the relationship.
The negative sides of this book would be the introduction for one. It is excessively long and repetitive. The author goes on and on about different ways this book can be used. I already bought the book, so I didn't think it was necessary for her to try and sell me in the intro. I knew why I bought the book, so I didn't need pages and pages telling me in what situations it would be applicable. Another downside is that the book is evidently written in a different time. There is a whole page dedicated to questions about taking messages and answering machines. It seldom acknowledges the existence of cell phones, and if so it's grouped along with pagers and e-mails. Social media doesn't seem to have been invented when this book was written. Having our own cell phones and no home phone seems to make questions of that type not applicable. There is also a section on spirituality that I didn't make use of since my boyfriend and I aren't very religious. I won't bash on this section since it would be important for couples who are religious. There aren't many religious undertones in this book but it's clear enough, by the choice of questions, that the author is religious. I was disappointed with sex section of the book. A few too many questions reflected christian values for my taste and I thought some more insightful questions about sex could have been addressed, but it did still have a lot of interesting questions.
Other than that I think that the book is full of some great questions for two people to get to know each other on a deeper level. I haven't read any other question books so I can't compare it to anything, but I definitely would recommend it. If it cut down the intro from 60 to maybe 10 pages and updated the content to reflect a more modern reality then I'd definitely give this book 5 stars.
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5.0 out of 5 stars You'll never be at a loss for conversational topics, Sept. 29 2003
By 
Randolph J. Stevens (Portland, Oregon United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
I used this book to flag questions to ask during my "looking around" phase. Sometimes we would just flip the book open to whatever page came up - and there were always questions to stimulate healthy discussion.
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4.0 out of 5 stars And You May Ask Yourself..., Dec 6 2002
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
Communication is a wonderful thing. It is more than just verbal volleying. It is the changing and exchanging of information between two parties. Are you ready for the hard questions? Many people are not. This is why premarital counseling rarely works. If only one person is interested in truth, the integrity of the relationship will likely be woefully unbalanced. Another question is how do you know they've answered truthfully? Like Doggiestyle's Storyteller questions, the Hogans have constructed a series of questions that once answered, will tell you the story of what type of relationship you're really in. The true value in this book is more in how you answer these questions for yourself, rather than how your lover answers theirs.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Beats "The Rules" hands-down., Dec 3 2002
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
The Rules is a great book on how to play the dating game.
However - when you're ready to stop playing games - buy THIS book.
In my opinion, it's the best ever about love and dating, it guides you to get to know your partner *as a human being*, but also teaches you how to be a great listener, and gets you in touch with yourself.
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1.0 out of 5 stars Trivial view of human nature. Complete waste of money., Aug. 2 2002
By A Customer
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
This book totally insults the reader's intelligence. The situations it describes and conclusions it draws are painfully obvious and simplistic. The authors have a 1-dimensional view of human nature. The questions we're to pose our prospective mate are either too obvious to need writing down or just plain silly. It seems to be written for the TV dating-game crowd - not for real people. There is certainly nothing new in this book. Buy it only if you have money to burn. I tried hard to see anything good about it but finally I closed the book forever.
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4.0 out of 5 stars You Better Ask, April 16 2002
By A Customer
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
In an effort to keep my relationship exciting and fresh I have bought several books of questions to go through with my sweetheart. This is one of the best in term of useful questions. There are a lot of books out there that are filled with fairly useless questions. However, the best book I've seen on the subject is at questionsforcouples . com It also comes with an ecourse so you can email your questions and answers to each other.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Before you make that next date...., Jan. 24 2002
By 
Mera Falcon (Minneapolis, MN) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
Buy this book. Read this book. Thoroughly. There are enough questions to spread out over several months, but asking them all the first week might scare your sweetie away! The goal is to get to know the person you're with, not to interrogate them. Take your time, weave them into the conversation. This is a wonderful book for people already in a relationship, but even BETTER if you buy it while you are still single, making that list of qualities you want to find in a partner. I agree with the reviewer who said it helped her map her value system. Some of the best advice given in this book is that in order to attract the type of person you want to be with, you must first BECOME the person you want to be with -- if you want to meet an outdoorsy type, then be an outdoorsy type. Sounds insanely simple, and it is. I am already ordering more copies for my friends.
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4.0 out of 5 stars Useful for all types of relationships, Sept. 16 2001
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
Sure, it OUGHT to be second nature, and we really SHOULD be asking most of these questions anyway. That's part of the beauty of this book: the questions are so simple and useful that it seems uneccessary to compile them into a book. However, many of us get caught up in a relationship before we have been able to ask more than just a few questions of our prospective partner, and by that time we are willing to overlook a lot of what we find out later.
This book is not only useful for "interviewing" prospective partners. As a tool for getting to know the people in your life better, this book provides questions that help you find commonalities with co-workers, friends, family, activity partners, etc. I found "Intellectual Foreplay" to also be a good way for me to know myself better- to evaluate my own goals and ideals - by asking myself some of the questions Eve Hogan has compiled.
Can you live life without this book? Do you already ask a lot of these questionsof people anyway? Sure. But a good book doesn't always rewrite everything we do - hopefully it simply improves it.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Eye Opening and Fun, July 7 2001
By 
OmSandi (Cliffside Park, NJ) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
I've been carrying this book around for two months straight, reading through it with my boyfriend of almost 2 years and discovering things about each other we took for granted. Although some of the questions may not apply because of each individual's preferences and lifestyles, there are many that are thought provoking and eye opening. They focus your mind on the qualities of the other person that matter to you, and help you put together a clearer, more detailed picture of who the other person is. One thing it did for me is it helped me map my value system. This is not the type of book you read once and file away on a bookshelf. As far as the (only) negative review this book received, I found it unreliable, coming from an obviously embittered cynic who thinks every question in the book should apply to her and provoke some kind of Buddhist enlightenment. Perhaps she needs to make a trip to Tibet. For those of us looking for a practical guide to discover more about our potential mates, I highly recommend this book.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Book!, June 25 2001
By 
Rev. Angelica Jayne (Vancouver, BC, Canada) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be (Paperback)
As a pastor, I counsel both single and married people. I find one of the greatest difficulties in relationship is assuming we know what the other is thinking. I have found Ms. Hogan's book to be of great value to creating open and honest communication, and to becoming more aware of one another's likes and dislikes. I highly recommend it to anyone in my congregation who wants to have a deep and committed relationship.
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