9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
on June 9, 2004
My doctor recommended this book to me and after having read it the first time, I went back to go and see her and said "this book completely doesn't apply to me". She said to pick it up again in about a month and read it again, but this time to open my mind a little bit more and try not to take her examples so literally or to that extreme but to try to find connections in my childhood that could relate and THEN think about it. After having read it the 2nd time, I really started to make the connections. The thing is that Norwood's examples are very precise in scenerios that...true...does not apply to everyone, but if you really take the time to try to grasp the concept and not so much the examples, you will be able to make those connections. So when people write reviews and say "this book didn't help me but maybe it will help someone else", those people should read the book a second time because maybe those childhood things that affect our adulthood are not so apparent, but are still there none-the-less!! In my own life, these things mentioned did not apply to me at all...not one of them, but some of them did apply to my parents (ex. a parent dying young and child having to step up) and it is those things that have indirectly bled down in to my own life. So the examples were obvious in my own parents lives, but not in my own. I really had to think on it a while, but I did find it. So if you think the book doesn't apply to you directly, read it again and open your mind to the examples and not the scenerios!!!! Once you see it, your life will change forever!!! I left a very bad 10 year relationship and it took me all of 2 months to get it together and do it. That was 6 months ago and still strong!!!
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
on December 7, 1998
I had been living in despair after I had broken up with my ex six months ago. Having suffered from serious depression and frustration, i luckily found this book in a local bookshop. I was so shocked as soon as i turned to read the Preface on which the author says "When being in love means being in pain we are loving too much"! Hey! this was exactly what i had been feeling about my love life! Quickly, i spent a week to finish this book and found that WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH is definitely the most powerful and wonderful book (not merely a self-help book!) i have ever read! Surprisingly insightful, powerfully written with style, i suggest every woman in the world, esp those who love too much like myself, should read it at least once in their life time, so that they can build up themselves and enjoy a healthier relationship with their partners and, most importantly, with themselves!
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
on June 30, 2002
I first read this book years ago after a painful divorce. Fast forward 8 years, and here I am in the same situation yet again with a different man. When I first read this book, I did not take the information in it to heart, probably because it struck too close to home for me so I denied the truth in it. This time, with two children to raise, my recovery is absolutely essential, so I forced myself to read it and remember and deal with it. This book is absolutely on target for any woman who endured a painful, demoralizing childhood. Robin Norwood explains exactly why it affects us into adulthood (and for us it's much different than for men -- she explains this, too), why we keep choosing painful, debilitating relationships and why we can't walk away from them even when the pain is literally destroying us. I highlighted so much of this book to re-read and study later that my highlighting pen almost gave out. The book explains how we actually get addicted to pain and chaos, and why we choose the types of men we do, and why we're terrified to lose even a disastrous relationship. It also looks at how we hide the truth from ourselves and why. If you fit the description of a woman whose childhood was shredded by the pain of a highly dysfunctional family, and now you keep landing in one unhealthy relationship after another with men, this book will definitely help you, but you also must find a good therapist. You WILL heal in time, but you have to step out into the unknown and stick with it. As Robin Norwood so beautifully points out, with this type of love addiction,your future is sure to be painful no matter what. But it can either be the temporary pain associated with dealing with your problems and your subsequent recovery, or it can be the same kind of pain you've got now, magnified over years and years. Identifying your problem is the first step in solving it. This book will help you do that.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on October 30, 2003
This book has had the MOST impact on my life of any one book I've ever read. Period. A MUST read for ANYONE who is unsatisfied with the relationships in their life.. be it family, lovers, friends. Do you always feel like you get the short end of the stick? Always dissatisfied? Always walked over? This book is a total MUST read. If I had more than two thumbs to put up, or 5 stars, it would get them all.
Of all the things parents need to teach their little girls, should they include "never love too much?"
A friend of the family recently went through a divorce and told me it was all thanks to this book. Her ex-husband was violent, distant, and a complete workaholic. It turned out they both had a problem. His behavior and her need to love too much.
Norwood lists several stories and then analyses why the women were attracted to men who had no interest in them as well as why the men had expressed short interest. It all came to one point "family." Women who are addicted to the wrong type of men do so unconsciously because of their upbringing. Norwood teaches them to view this as an addiction that requires several steps: first reading the book to understand you have a problem and then seek therapy do discuss the past and group therapy to control the future (yup, two kinds of therapy are needed).
I'm glad my friend was able to let go of her addiction and put herself first.
on July 12, 2001
Ms. Norwood's book does indeed have useful information, exercises and case scenarios for women in relationship crises (readers will probably relate better to the histories, even if they are fabricated) with self-absorbed, distant, emotional vampires and how to find the self-love and healing required to get rid of them: the problem is in getting past the dry, overly-worded, rambling text to glean out the lessons. Although I learned a lot and consider the book valuable, women who don't have a lot of free time or a long attention span will probably get too impatient to benefit from it and quit. For those who don't mind the excessive verbalizing, this is a good tool to re-vamp your life as you relate to your partner(s) and can help future relationships, but for those of us with jobs/kids/lives, please read "Men Who Hate Women" by Dr. Susan Forward, who is more succinct and includes truthful case scenarios with women and men that can lead to insight and ultimately, healing (hint: in future reprintings, could this get EDITED any better to help the next generation? Thanks!!).
on April 14, 2001
I am a 29 year old gay male.You may think to yourself "How can this book be of any help and use to him?" "Women Who Love Too Much" has been a life-saver for me,having recently come out of an unhealthy relationship.
I am unashamed to say that i was the more "unhealthy person" in that relationship but at the same time,the book gave me tremendous insight as to how unhealthy my partner was.
My therapist suggested that i read the book,explaining that the dynamics of relationship are much the same,whether they be homosexual or heterosexual.Please don`t ignore what i have said in this review because my lifestyle is alternative.
You who are reading this review,may know somebody close to you who is lesbian or gay.Do they "love too much",are they in an unhealthy relationship,are they in desperate need of help?Whatever their situation may be and most likely it is an unpleasant one,"Women Who Love Too Much" is a definite beginning to heal the pain.
I will forever be grateful for having read this book and with no doubt,will keep on reading it.The knowledge,understanding and insecurities i have gained about myself is the knowledge that will steer me in the direction of a truthful,happy and healthy relationship.
Thank you Robin Norwood,where-ever you may be in this world.
on February 22, 2001
As with many of the reviews I've read, this book changed my life as well. I kept choosing the same type of relationship over and over again, and didn't realize what I was doing. When I read this book I finally understood how I choose the people in my life, and it opened my eyes to an entirely new way of relating to myself and to others.
I was amazed at how my mind continued to recreate my childhood in order to 'fix' it, when that is not the healthy way to fix things. This started me on me on the road to recovering from codependency, and I realized that my happiness was in my own hands. I believe it's in her preface where she says "If being in love means being in pain, you are loving too much." That was my history, and it spurred me to read the rest of the book. I can spot these traits in other people so well now it's amazing. We chose our friends. We create our lives. And my happiness is dependent on no one but myself. No longer will I continue to blame my parnter for my unhappiness. Though I spent a great deal of time letting this concept sink in, now it is a part of my belief system, and I a grateful for it.
Excellent book, I cannot thank Robin Norwood enough, for I feel like she saved my life.
on August 24, 2000
... for women who can't understand how & why they keep getting stuck in relationships where they are taken for granted or abused. I was given a copy of this book in 1993 by the bank officer who helped me open my bank account when my marriage was falling apart and this book changed my life!
It had such an impact on me that ever since, as soon as I realize that any of my female associates & friends are in these types of destructive relationships, this is the book I buy for them. I've probably bought this book 20 times in the last 7 years . . . I gave up on lending it out, and just buy my friends a copy, because I never get mine back!
To Robin Norwood, thank you for putting into words what I needed to hear & opening my eyes 7 years ago. My life has totally changed for the better & I am now in a wonderful relationship. (Ladies, there are good ones out there! Don't settle for less!) There have been bumps along the way, but I will always have my trusty well-worn copy of the book to remind me that *I* can change this pattern forever!
on February 5, 2000
I received a copy of this book from an ex-boyfriend. He said he's never done much for me before but this will make up for all of it. He told me to read it and I thought I'd glance through it quickly. I sat down and read the first and second chapters and thought that Robin Norwood wrote about me. I was shocked that she knew so much about me! I got out a highlighter and started again. It seemed that almost every other sentence was being highlighted. It was frightening. This was my life and he wasn't an alcoholic! The problem was me. That was 15 years ago. I am still buying copies because I keep having to give mine away to other dear girlfriends (and a couple of guys too). It teaches you a new way of looking at yourself and treating yourself. I thought I didn't have the time to read it, but instead I know now that I cannot afford not to read it and cannot afford not to share it with other women and men. Yes, men also love too much too, in the way that Robin defines. I read the book in two days. I could not put it down. It was so wise. You cannot change your upbringing, but you can change your future. If Robin Norwood reads this, I want to thank her so much for all that she has done for me and for my friends.