Customer Reviews

It's a Guy Thing: An Owner's Manual for Women

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2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

While most of David's books present his deep understanding of the female in all her radiant beauty, he also sees the masculine with equal clarity. In some of David's books there seems to be an overactive need to write with a sense of poetic distraction. Fortunately his writing style is perfect in It's a Guy Thing. He has also found a perfect balance between sensitivity and the harshness of the male/female reality.

Lately, I see David as an intuitively aware individual who has observed the world with a keen sense of spontaneous creativity. When he discovers a new idea, he pounces on it and weaves it into his writing. He also seems to be living his own experiment and seems to be a mystery seeker. He also loves to answer questions and he has many inspiring answers.

You may be asking:

Will I ever stop fearing that I will lose him?
Why does he say I'm too emotional when he seems so rigid?
How do I create intimacy?
Why does it seem to make things worse when I try to help him?

If you read any book on Guys, this should be the book. Not only will you discover what men truly want, you will become more aware of how men show love. I had no idea that masculine love was so silent, unwavering and discriminative. David also delves into "polarity," which is truly fascinating. It is interesting to see how women view their intimate relationship as the center of their life and how men view their quest, purpose or mission as the core of their life.

Freedom to a man is what love is to a woman. ~David Deida

The topic of "Why Talking Doesn't Work" was truly an enlightening moment. David explores the reasons men are less emotional during sex and explains how a woman can be a tantrika. He then explores the possibilities of trusting a man to bring you into a state of deeply desired sexual ecstasy.

If you are happy in your relationship and you feel that you understand men and everything is working, this book will give you a few tips and tricks to make your relationship even more fulfilling. If you are frustrated, struggling and want some quick fixes, David has some interesting ideas about how you can use your body to awaken your partners instincts and distract him from less desired behavior. I'm all for the massage vs. talking about all the details of a bad day at work. Once I read the list of what men truly want, I felt I had a few magic formulas, and truly, you can make them work for you.

The main topics include:

Understanding Men
Thank God Women Are Not Men
The Snap, Crackle and Pop of Sex
Ungiven Sexual Gifts
Culture Is the Enemy of Sex
Understanding the Drama of Woman and Man
Dealing with a Difficult Man
Money, Sex and the Workplace
Why Talking Doesn't Work
How to Prepare a Man for Intimacy
The Ups and Downs of Masculine Sexuality
How to Attract Your Perfect Partner
Reclaiming Your Native Feminine Force
Deciding If He Is the Right Man
Succeeding in the Real Practice of Intimacy
Practical Exercises for Healing Your Relationship
Surrendering into Ecstasy

I did have to laugh at the comment about men fearing emotional roller-coaster rides and how they see these irrational outbreaks of energy as chaotic storms. I've been known to let my wrath be known. I've also felt the power of a man's love as he fights for a peaceful resolution. David is right in this, for sure. I can't understand why any woman would not want her man to fight for the relationship. I must be the "I just slammed the door, come get me now" woman. I like that idea and feel rather rejected if I'm left to pout on my own for too long. I do get the feeling that David's books will be more accepted by women on the slightly more submissive side and who radiate more feminine energy.

David's books make me laugh, cry and feel moments of enlightenment. This book is especially interesting because it gives hope for relationships that might feel more like hell than heaven. David understands relationships and this knowledge seems to be his gift to the world.

Living with a man on a full-time basis can be a rather challenging experience for any woman. When David explained how men are "weary warriors," I finally understood the heart of men. I've recently realized how important a woman's loving encouragement can be and how it can transform a man's life. Everyone needs one person to truly believe they have unlimited potential.

I can also recommend:

The Way of the Superior Man
Dear Lover
Intimate Communion
Naked Buddhism
Finding God Through Sex

David Deida is highly educated and has completed advanced graduate work in psychobiology, sexual evolution and theoretical neuroscience. He also has training in hatha yoga, tai chi, meditation and tantra. I'd like to give credit where credit is due. The man has done his research.

~TheRebeccaReview.com

I agree with previous reviewers who say this perpetuates stereotypes. The stuff about how women dress getting their male co-workers turned on was especially silly. And I am probably one of those masculine women who likes men in touch with their feminine.

However, I read selected parts to my teenage son and he said "I hate that book, it explains too much!" And there are parts of it that make clear some male behaviors I have seen repeatedly and wondered about.

So ,as with any book, just a little more so,use your judgement, make use of what makes sense, discard the garbage.

I recently picked up a copy of this book after hearing about it at a seminar. There are certainly, some valuable insights in here on American male psychology, but explaining this within the "new age" constructs of "masculine vs. feminine energies", misrepresents the eastern traditions these beliefs are based on and excuses pretty unenlightened male behavior as "just boys being boys". Honestly, my overwhelming sense while reading this book was. "Wow, men have a pretty fragile grasp on their sexuality if they find women with these traits threatening, unattractive, unfeminine, and upsetting to their masculine energy".

Don't get me wrong, I think the author's insights into why men and women, particularly American men and women, have difficulties getting along have merit. I've dated men who demonstrate the behaviors he discusses, so his "insider" perspective is interesting.

At the same time, however, it does seem to be primarily applicable to American gender relations. How American men express their masculinity is pretty unique, I mean we are the land that brought the world ultra violent video games, blow'em to smithereens action movies, and extreme football. It seems disingenious to suggest that the behaviors he mentions are about "masculine energy". Rather it's about the way America socializes men to be men.

More troubling, at times this book reads like a justification for pretty bad male behavior and then, to add insult to injury, justifies it with the quasi-spiritual notion of balance between male and female energies.

For example, here's an example of male energy at work in conflict. Let's say you and your man are in the midst of a heated argument. You retreat to another room and ask for some time to be by yourself. If your man honors this request and leaves you alone, he's engaging his "feminine energies" and the implication is that he is being uncaring. But if he bursts in the room, grabs you against his chest and refuses to let go until you talk to him, even if you hit him, why that's just a manly man showing his love for you. I find the notion of a man bodily forcing you to deal with him on his terms and on his time schedule morally offensive. This isn't about masculine energy, this is about disrespect and disregard for a partner's wishes.

Here's another winner. Deida suggests that men's male energies will really surge if women are willing to engage them in a game of "let's pretend I'm a virgin". I'm not kidding. I can't believe any self respecting guy wouldn't find this just weird (but then again, I've never understood the guys who had the girl scout and pigtails fantasy either)

Moreover, at no point does he indicate that maybe, just maybe, it's not all about women "gifting" men with their love. Mutual, loving partnerships are about compromise and acceptance on both ends.

That said, I did learn a lot about men from this book. So if you're in a relationship or just looking for one, it's useful for understanding the "beast" you're looking to entice, and why he may find you intimidating.

We all know at least one man who when faced with a question he can't rationally answer will say "it's a guy thing" in response. I, being a modern liberated woman (not to mention having been married and the mother of a son) bought this book thinking it would explain some of the mysteries of the male mind...ones that bring forth the 'guy thing' answer. The author did throw in a few tidbits in the book from being patently offensive to any woman with more then two brains cells. His basic premise seems to be: In a relationship there has to be a balance of the feminine and masculine essences. If you are a woman who is in touch with her femine side (a good thing), in contrast with women who are too in touch with their masculine side (a bad thing), you will put up with men behaving badly (complaining is not feminine) otherwise you risk emasculating him..turning him into a wimp (the feminine role)...and...after all, you love him...so you should put up with it. Think I'll use it to get the fireplace at my boyfriend's going this weekend.

To David Deida's credit, there is clearly some very useful and revolutionary information in this book. But I think one must read the book with a critical and skeptical mind from the outset. In other words, take what you can use and leave the rest. Deida speaks as if his word is gospel, and what I find scary in this is that much of his message is black and white...it's either this way, or it's that way...no in between. I find him shaming of both men and women in his message, especially in his reference to the mediocre man. I am very disappointed in this book, and would absolutely not recommend it.

It made me feel as if men are supposed to do whatever it is they want to do while their female companion continually "gifts" them. I'm tired of "gifting" all the time, just to receive zilch!

The book took old stereotypes of male-female characteristics, couched them in new age terminology, and tried to pass them off as new, original ideas. The suggestions ever perpetuate behaviors that men SAY they find irritating about women, such as being indirect. Not only are the concepts here uninspired, but often inaccurate. There is no indication of what Mr. Dieda bases his theories on. I could find no research cited, or even a mention that this is based on his exxperience after counseling X number of couples in X number of years. And if I see the word "gift" used as a verb one more time, I might scream!

This is the second book of Mr. Deida's that I have read. I found "The Way of the Superior Man" to be more powerful, more direct, and more challenging. (Oh yeah, the disclaimer: I'm a guy...) I imagine he meant it to be, since it was aimed more at men.

I have found his observations to be quite accurate. Seeing things from the woman's side, in this book, has been very helpful. Thinking about my past relationships from the point-of-view of masculine vs. feminine energy (and the way in which I fell into the less-than-helpful patterns he points out) has definitely opened up new solutions to old problems for me.

Having said that, I think his books are really only for those who understand that romantic relationships are processes that change and require work and adjustment, and not static links to one's partner. If you're not willing to work at it, and to work through your own problems, then you'd be better off getting some less challenging "relationship" books. He makes it clear over and over that only by working through and from love can we get to a true embrace of our partner, and of life. It's not always easy, and maybe it's not supposed to be, but it's certainly wonderful when love works....

I'll add that I've not yet read any of John Gray's work (he seems about as masculine as Richard Simmons, and I wasn't interested), but I'm now curious to see how much of what John Gray says agrees with Mr. Deida....

I have read The Way of the Superior Man and I've also seen David Deida speak. This book captures the essence of who men and women are. No matter how we try to deny it, men and women are different and these differences can be a source of celebration because through the union of the two, we can access all that we desire. This book really explained to me why men and women do the things they do. There is nothing wrong with expressing your true feminine or masculine energy. Although we have a balance of the two energies inside of us, one of them is more dominant than the other. This book shows how to express those energies out in the world.

As a guy I found myself resonating with many of things David states about male behavior and fundemental needs. He cuts through the fluff of political correctness to get at the core of the masculine essence. For those who are ready to transcend trying to force masculine and feminine to be satisfied by the same needs, and live from a center of love , this book will make sense.