Customer Reviews

Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Disappointed in this book. Would not recommend it. Nothing in the book related to what I was looking for to help with my marriage.

"Sigmund told his longtime girlfriend Robin that he was willing to marry her if she would do 135 sit-ups a day to tighten her stomach muscles, allow him to buy her a more stylish wardrobe, read fewer novels so she could pay more attention to him...." Not all relationships start off this precariously. The authors state "Relationships can gradually run down. Early pleasures become commonplace and boring. Minor flaws become major flaws. Charming eccentricities become irritating."
Couple Skills is an excellent source for learning essential communication skills. If you can sidestep some erroneous theoretical explanations (e.g., behaviorist or systems theory explanations and occasional moral relativism), you can gain lifetime skills from this book. It includes realistic examples and useful exercises in each of its four sections: basic communication skills, advanced skills, managing anger and conflict, and understanding and changing what goes wrong.
You will learn to identify barriers to active listening (e.g., sparring, derailing, placating, mindreading, selective attention, rehearsing your response). You will also learn to give feedback that is immediate, honest and supportive rather than brutal (or camouflaged). You will learn how to identify and express your needs. Did your parents prohibit the expression of anger? ...or of pride? Learn how to overcome ingrained repression of your genuine feelings.
The authors emphasize "clean communication" (i.e., how to give whole messages, not half-truths or disguised messages). They cover negotiation skills including seven classic methods of compromise. The section on anger and conflict helps you identify aversive strategies such as threatening to leave, guilt-tripping, derailing the conversation, belittling or blaming. The authors offer an alternative "key attitude" to help you deal with inevitable conflicts. They cover methods of assertively responding to criticism. As stated in this excellent book, "...(A)ssertive behavior allows you to stand up for your rights, express personal likes and dislikes, accept compliments comfortably, disagree with someone openly, and say no." Couple Skills can help strengthen, improve or rescue your relationship.

This book offers suggestions and advice from a "panel" of authors. They have insightful techniques and point out how many times so many problems that can result in divorce or breakups can be attributed to a lack of communication. I highly recommend reading this book if you are single or involved, it's useful for everyone.

This book is one that I go back to over again. It is solid and helpful with practical suggestions that are explained well. I recommend this book to couples, and people that work with couples.

I use this book when I do therapy with couples. It is very practical and it has really helped.