Customer Reviews

Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship

5 star:		(115)
4 star:		(14)
3 star:		(7)
2 star:		(7)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I was a bit skeptical about this one but I thought I'd give it a shot. I've been the doormat for too long and now I'm the dream girl. Thanks to this book and its rules, I'm already in a new relationship just 1 week after finishing the book! I'm passing this book along to all my friends!

Firstly, in this book BITCH means Babe In Total Control Of Herself.

She gives you priciples not 'rules' to transform from ignored or taken for granted doormat to relentlessly pursued dreamgirl, who is independent, strong, and not needy.

Initially, I wondered if Sherry is a guy, because she is so onto us. To her credit she did interview many men, to get these deep insights. In fact she has compiled our secret playbook.

I wonder if it is a good thing to have too many of our deep secrets in female hands, because it forces us to change our lazy relationship ways.

There is a self improvement principle - you teach people how to treat you. So do what you have always done, and get what you always got, or teach them how to treat you right.

So when Sherry suggests, acting a little aloof at first, this may seem counterintuitive, but it works. Staying out of relationship mode for a while, bypasses our natural defenses, and it works. Not giving away your personal power by being too much of a pleaser works. Communicating succinctly, I like that one.

Probably the most important lesson from this book is the importance of communication. A woman who calls a guy on his behavior, is showing several powerful things, she demonstrates higher value by not accepting bad behavior, she is not afraid to convey her feelings even if this might offend the guy, she is not timid and unassertive, she keeps the lines of communication honest, and open.

You will win some and lose some by following the advice in this book. Following this advice too rigidly will not work. It is a matter of finding a balance, and using what works for you. Think of this book as training wheels.

This book, is very good, and I probably should not recommend it but I do.

The bit about faking the orgasm, some reviewers don't like. As Sherry is a stand up comedian, this piece is just supposed to be humorous. In reality, you are teaching the guy that is he is already good enough, whereas some improvement might be required.

Some of the anecdotal advice is funny but extreme. The booty call guy left standing in the rain outside his apartment got his just desserts, but the red panties in the laundry tactic was too much.

My personal opinion, is we men are not that smart at non verbal communication, so things need to be spelled out more.

We also have a limited capacity for processing verbal information, in fact we go into safety shut down after about 30 seconds of talking. After that point, we just nod and grunt as if we are following along.

I hope you find this review helpful, and if you do, please click yes.

As a man, I like the advice the author gives to women about being independent, and "empowered" is great. There are a lot of women who get in to bad relationships because they have low self-esteem, and accept the abuse dealt to them. The problem is that this book takes this principle too far. I would suggest it to any woman who wants to avoid true intimacy for the rest of her life.

Two paradoxical things happen to someone who has been victimized in the past - it sets them up to become good victims again, and it makes them that much better at being an abuser. I don't think there is any doubt that this book is solely aimed at women who have been abused in the past and, instead of trying to figure out how not to be abused again, are interested in "revenge" - becoming the abuser. Again, an excellent way to avoid intimacy, and avoid dealing with all of the feelings that are at the root of this behavior.

This isn't to say that the methods in the book "won't work." There are plenty of men in the world with huge ego's to compensate for their own low self-esteem. Indeed, this book will help you find one and keep him under your thumb. But this isn't really what you want, is it?

This book has some very disturbing ideas.... yes, I can see that every single woman who has read this has given this loud praises for the most part. But why do men have to be portrayed as dumb ignorant brutes.

From the point of view of psychology it seems that the only message this book gives is one of deception, manipulation and trickery. Is this what women want from their relationship.

A lot of women go for jerks because they're constantly caught up in this struggle to have wild ravishing sex with the bad boy, but then when they fall in love and he doesn't they become bitter and then write books like this. They want to change him to a good puppy who'll buy them flowers. If that is what you want realize that the bad boy with the reputation of having had sex with dozens if not hundreds of women is not your best bet to that bouquet of flowers and blissful love.

Instead this book should have made women aware that they should be careful of who they date, who they choose to give their bodies to because yes, women are as involved in the sexual act as the man is. NOW BEFORE YOU ALL BLOW YOUR TOPS NO I AM NOT SAYING THIS APPLIES IN A RAPE SITUATION FOR WHICH MEN SHOULD BE SHAMED AND PUNISHED MOST SEVERLY... AGAIN, REREAD THIS, I AM SAYING RAPE IS NOT AT ALL JUSTIFIED AND THE PERPETRATORS SHOULD BE MOST SEVERELY PUNISHED.

This book caters more to women who've been burned who don't want to acknowledge that they made a stupid mistake dating the sexy hunky jerk and failed in trying to change the very thing that attracted them to him... and on top of that felt betrayed because he didn't fall in love with them the way they did with him.

First of all, the book is, as all previous reviewers remarked, written with great wit and a sense of humor which is as charming as the author's pose in her photo on the back cover. The book is full of perceptive remarks which will ring true and valid for many a woman...BUT...the author seems to try to create a coctail between two things that don't mix, a message like that of "The Rules" along with some "woman's lib" consciousness of "dancing to your very own tune". As a result, the book is loaded with outrageous contradictions:

The first two chapters are uplifting and "empowering" telling women why they should play by their own rules...but then, by Chapters 3 and 4, the message deteriorates; in chapter 3, Argov talks about what she defines as "women's sexual powers" with words like " the candy store", and women "exercising that power" by giving "one jujube at a time" and following some "jujube installment plan"...(?!) Women are not seen as creatures with their very own desires, but just as "owners of that which men want" with the whole point being in instructing them in how to "trade it" better...how could that possibly be called "empowering"?..Isn't that the oldest trick in the book?

Then, in chapter 4, there is a further deterioration, where the "empowered woman" of the first two chapters, proud owner of THE candy store in the third, is asked to act like a "dumb fox", and the entire chapter is about how she must PRETEND to be something she is not, and to play a DIFFERENT set of tricks in order to caress man's "poor fragile ego" and make him feel on top, while she tries to get her way with sneaky tactics.....that stuff "empowering"?!.....

Then, the book moves on to the upbeat "dance to your tune" and "be your own woman" bit again...

Then, throughout the book, men are constantly portrayed in an unflattering light that you can't help but wonder "why the trouble?" The unmistakable impression is either of jerks who think they are smart and whom Argov is teaching us how to "dupe"...alternately that of "wolves in disguise" and this is some "101 de-wolfing course" for the little red riding hoods of the world... and, while "instructing" women how-to tricks for the "taming" of men, repeating that the taming process does not stop, there seems to be no belief whatsoever in any inherent goodness that could possibly exist in men, but that such goodness could only come as a result of women's skill at "moulding" them, with a bit of manipulation here, calculation there, sneaky games here, sexual blackmail there...etc..etc..

And while women are told to calculate and manipulate, they are simultaneously told to "define themselves from within" , and to "follow their inner calling" while at the self same time "making the right impression"..That is where the book falters...the two just don't go together, at least not in any sane, balanced individual, and any attempts to convince otherwise is a bluff! Maybe a witty and funny bluff like this book, but a BLUFF nontheless!

For women who need a recipee to ensnare a man at all costs, as long as these women feel "cool" with a relationship founded on never-ending manipulation, as long as these women have no problem pretending to be one person then a complete other at different stages of "the game", as long as they don't mind putting their wits and energy into such a feat on a ongoing basis, and living from the outside in, constantly looking at themselves, checking and calculating that they are making the right impression....if these women don't mind all that, well, this book may well be their manifesto.

I was amused and both disgusted by this book.

It did NOT work with my boyfriend of 2 yrs...in fact, he picked up immediately that things had subtly changed, and said, "I can see through these games you're playing, so please stop it, because I don't appreciate it." And no, he's never had another girlfriend in his life, so no one else would have treated him like this. My mother had initially let me borrow it after she read it, and she's been happily married over 20 yrs...and she was not thrilled with the overall message of the book. She said, "If you have to play these games with anyone of the opposite gender, you shouldn't be with them." It's true. With the exception of gently reminding people what you've done for them when they pick what you've done apart, most of these techniques just seemed too abusive to me for everyday use.

Life isn't a corny teen flick where this stuff works -- if it was, I'd be living in a house worth $800,000, have a hot next door neighbor exactly my age, and my biggest problem would be the next time my nails were going to be done. However, this is not the case -- cut the drama and find some real problems in life to fix.

As a man who read this book, I have a new understanding of how and why my last girlfriend acted the way she did. She must have read this book!

I have to say, I chased after her, just like the book says a man will do if you follow the rules it describes. But, (and this is a big BUT), eventually, I got tired of chasing her. Eventually I came to the huge realization that I didn't want to live the rest of my life this way, under her thumb, with her making all the rules for our relationship.

Women have put up with men that act this way, and it drives you crazy, doesn't it? Don't you hate it when a guy doesn't call and acts like other things are more important than you are? This book could just as well have been written for men, and been titled, "Why Women Love Jerks."

As I read this book, I thought that if everyone, men and women alike, followed the rules contained in it, this world would be full of a lot of single people. Mainly because it's all about one person in the relationship (in this case, women) acting aloof, not chasing men, and not showing men that they're afraid to lose them. If both sexes acted this way, no one would get in a relationship because both would never chase the other. (In the hopes that the other one will first. It's not going to happen!)

All in all, this book seems to be written for women who have been hurt badly in the past and don't want to be hurt (or at least show that they're hurt) again. Anyone who has ever had the good fortune to have been in a GOOD relationship would never think of treating their mate like Sherry Argov suggests.

I gave this book 2 stars, because what's in it WILL work. But if you have to use "trickery" like this to get a man to chase you, you'll get a relationship to match. It's better to be honest with one another. If it doesn't work out, then move on until you find that NICE person who will treat you right, "games" or not!

Here's an interesting nuts & bolts dating book that people are going to be talking about a lot. Overall, this is a very impressive piece of work and probably the best of its kind (getting a man to fall in love with more respect and passion). For the woman looking for a more tactical approach to dating, this is your cup of tea.

"Why Men Love B!tches" does a great job of advising women on how to maintain more respect and dignity in their romantic relationships and gain the love of a man as a result. Her 100 Attraction Principles are extremely well thought out and offer the reader a great deal to chew on.

Not only does she have great principles, her book is loaded with interesting features like sample scenarios (The Spontaneous Guy Who Is Treating You Like a Backup vs. The Spontaneous Guy Who Adores You), "She says/He says" tables, and "The Nice Girl vs. The B!tch" comparisons.

My favorite principle of Sherry's is: Before sex a man isn't thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and the woman isn't.

Another good one is: Anytime a woman competes with another woman, she demeans herself.

And for good measure: Act like a prize and you'll turn him into a believer.

There are 97 more of these and all of them have something insightful to say regarding earning respect, maintaining dignity, being independent, gaining self-confidence, using humor effectively, the allure of feistiness, getting satisfying sex, creating a challenge, stirring up his desire, ending female neediness, getting rid of nagging, the effectiveness of action instead of words, and much, much more.

For "nice women" who have been treated as a doormat and don't know why, here's a book with virtually "all the answers." It is also written in a very humorous tone with examples from popular movies and personal stories of the author and her friends.

I also highly recommend "Why Men Love B!tches" for anyone who wants to recapture the passion and respect of the male partner who's gone romantically dormant.

The Bottom Line: This book gives the reader the "tactical edge" on many key love situations and is a fun read that women around the country are going to enjoy talking about. (Maybe even New York City's Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Amanda!)

Although I enjoyed reading this book and found it to be quite humorous, I have mixed feelings about it. I agree with the parts that talked about having self-respect and not bending over backwards for someone that continues to treat you like dirt, valuing yourself as a woman, and not be "needy" desperate, and clingy...but the parts I don't really agree with are her advice on games and trickery to keep a man or get him to long for you. If your interested in someone and he's interested in you (and it's a mutual thing) by all means give him a call or at least act interested! Now if he starts acting "funny" and uninterested, that's when you stop calling him or even trying to show interest (whether you're a man or a woman). I'm just wondering if this book really worked, then why is SHE still single.

I've read a lot of relationship self help books including "The Rules". This books is excellent. This book is for those women who have, yes...been burned or who have a tendency to lose themselves in a relationship. If you've been with someone for years and everything is fine..then you don't need help. If you've have a string of great relationships then you probably don't need this book either. Unfortunately for many women out there...they have been burned by a bad relationship or have a tendency to bend over backwards for a man and lose their self respect for the sake of their relationship. This book is for these women. I really want to internalize the helpful and real messages in the book...so I'm almost finished my second round of reading it. Its entertaining all the way. After reading it even the first time, I saw where I went wrong in many of my previous relationships.

Argov emphasies the time tested idea that you come first before anyone else. I've noticed that it is men who have given low marks to this book moreso than women. This is because men see the power it gives women to love and value themself before any man. There are specific "tactics" she explains. It is far from trickery though. And as even men have responded...her tactics work. Call them what you will, but there is little interaction between people which doesn't involved at least a little pre-planning, special manuvering, or cunning. Is this to say that when we read books about business...that those books are terrible because they use "trickery", manuvering and cunning to achieve company goals? Come on.

Someone else mentioned that they didn't agree with a chapter about "faking an orgasm". Don't listen to that. Obviously that person did not even read the book or is not very bright because in that chapter, Argov is cleary making fun of the concept. She writes "I don't recommend that a woman fake an orgasm. This little lesson is a satire on the pressures women feel to perform...It is much more of a turn-on to a man when a woman is able to be herself and she's honest about what she likes and dislikes."(71)

Finally, this book is NOT about playing games. Its about putting yourself first and taking responsibility for your own happiness, health, financial well-being, and rhythm. It is empowering and should be given to every woman who is having difficulty putting themself first and has a streak of nonfullfilling or short relationships.