15 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Love and Respect
I am a man who normally does not read or enjoy reading "inspirational" or "relational" books. My wife is the reader in these areas and is very wise and self-developed in these areas. Unfortunately, I usually don't read the books she recommends. However, this book is different. I liked it. It hits home to my basic needs. I think many women don't realize the importance to...
Published on March 22 2008 by Marshall
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Love & Respect Indeed
Two years ago, before I was married, I read this same book by Dr. Eggerich. At the time, I thought 'well, this sounds reasonable', and continued along my merry way after closing the front cover. I remember now that, at the time I'd picked the book up at the store, a woman mentioned to me 'this book saved my marriage, honestly... pay attention and you won't regret it'...
Published on Dec 7 2009 by dark_phoenix
Most Helpful First | Newest First
15 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Love and Respect,
I am a man who normally does not read or enjoy reading "inspirational" or "relational" books. My wife is the reader in these areas and is very wise and self-developed in these areas. Unfortunately, I usually don't read the books she recommends. However, this book is different. I liked it. It hits home to my basic needs. I think many women don't realize the importance to men of unconditional respect as described in this book. I'd recommend it strongly to any husband and wife who want to deepen their relationship. If you are a wife who can't get your husband to read inspirational books, relational books or marriage books, you might be pleasantly surprised to find him reading along with you and discussing this book with you.
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Love & Respect Indeed,
Two years ago, before I was married, I read this same book by Dr. Eggerich. At the time, I thought 'well, this sounds reasonable', and continued along my merry way after closing the front cover. I remember now that, at the time I'd picked the book up at the store, a woman mentioned to me 'this book saved my marriage, honestly... pay attention and you won't regret it'. Reading it through for a second time, after being married for a year and a half? Dr. Eggerich has it right.
Women need love, and men need respect. Both are mutually inclusive, because when a woman receives love she feels respected, and when a man is respected, it's a sign of love to him. Eliminate either love or respect, and couples start on what he terms 'the Crazy Cycle'. How do you stop the crazy cycle? It's all based on love and respect. Dr. Eggerich outlines what this means for both husbands and wives, what they can do to increase love and respect (and maintain it!), and how to prevent getting back on the Crazy Cycle in the future.
Whether you're dating, engaged, or married for any length of time, the Dr. speaks the truth... and it's worth a listen!
9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Book Shows Husband's Side,
Love and Respect, though seemingly just another self-help, pop-psychology book, offers a potentially ground-breaking view of marriage. Rather than calling for the typical sissification of the man by getting him to talk about his feelings and in general see things through a woman's eyes, Dr. Eggerichs asks women to see men differently as well. For once, an author does not assume that women's ways of doing things are normative and morally superior, and that men must conform.
Central to the argument, Eggerich asserts that men and women are not the same, and that the Bible's teachings on marriage are as valid as ever because it shows how men and women have different needs. While women are verbal beings in need of assurance that they are loved and safe, men are action-oriented, and would rather silently share an experience than talk about feelings. Men communicate through words, but more than that, through their actions.
Feminists have indoctrinated women to look down on men and not to understand men. They no longer meet their husband's deepest need, which is to feel respected. When they cut down their husband, he shuts off, and she feels unloved. In order to get that love, she becomes more rude and cutting so that he will be able to see just how desperately unloved she feels. This leads the husband to distance himself even more. Thus the couple has entered a vicious cycle.
For this cycle to be broken, wives need to respect their husbands unconditionally, even when they don't feel respect for their man. The husband must unconditionally love his wife, even when he doesn't feel it. This love and respect is actually not about feelings, but about responding to God's call.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars So simple yet so profound,
The idea of love and respect seems almost trivial but has an immense impact in more relationships than we even are aware of. The book is really useful in helping couples better understand each others language and to treat each other in a way that they deserve. Love & respect are fundamental to strong friendships, and its strange why marriage should be exempt and still expected to thrive. Overall, this book got me thinking about how so much damage and emotional pain occurs when we do things out of ignorance of such a simple concept. Disclaimer would be that there are certainly other factors involved that make or break relationships, but this is one that needs to be addressed.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Great insights and advice for all relationships,
This marriage book is aimed at helping couples break free from their dysfunctional patterns and communication breakdowns. The book calls it 'the crazy cycle' when couples enter into a lose-lose argument with both parties left feeling confused and hurt. In order to breakout of this pattern, Eggerichs applies a biblical based framework for recognizing the needs of men and women. Man's biggest need according to Eggerichs is his need for respect and a woman's greatest need to be loved.
Now after reading the book, I have a better understanding of how I inadvertently trigger something in my wife, leaving her feeling like I'm withdrawing my love. And she too, had begun to be more aware when she stumbles into language that disrespects me and sends me running. Knowledge of how each of us operates based on language of love and respect can easily turn arguments around making them shorter in duration and less intense than before.
A while back my wife and I also attended a conference called Love and Respect put on by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife and it has made this book come more alive than perhaps it may have by simply reading it. The stories were helpful in this book, but having a real person in front of you sharing a personal story, as opposed to the story about 'Sarah' in the book, would make the experience and understanding of he topic more real. As it were, the books stories were helpful, but they were hard to totally identify with.
On the whole, I think my wife has benefited more from this book than I have. She is using words of respect that I really feel encouraged by. However, I've been left feeling still a little unclear of how to reframe my words of love towards her. Love is such an overly used word in our culture and it feels as if I'm left not knowing which words really hit home with her and which one's sound like a cheesy soap opera. This is my homework I guess to ask her when my words connect with her and when they don't.
5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful Book on Marriage,
Your marriage is one of the most important relationships of your life. And everyone strives to make his or her marriage better and better. The book Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is a widely known book that teaches the Biblically based concepts of love and respect in marriage. Eggerichs says that when these concepts are practiced in a marriage, a couple can experience marriage as God intended it.
I found this to be one of the most practical, clear and well supported books on marriage I have read. Eggerichs gives both real life examples and Biblical evidence for the points he makes. The basic premise is that a man desires to be respected and a woman desires to be loved. When this does not happen in a marriage, the couple gets on the 'Crazy Cycle,' leading to a break down in the marriage. Eggerichs gives concrete and practical tips on how to reenergize your marriage and get off the crazy cycle.
I found that what Eggerichs says women desire rang true with me. And while I know I have a pretty good marriage, I was convicted to respect my husband more. Our marriage can be even better, and I now have some great tools to use to make that happen.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to make his or her marriage better.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the [...] book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255
5.0 out of 5 stars A Very Useful Tool,
Like other reviewers, I found this book to be a very useful guide in supplying me with fresh insight to my marriage of thirty-two years. Eggerichs sets up "Love and Respect" to help his readers ascertain what are the important strengths and potential weaknesses of their marital relationship. In the course of over twenty chapters, Eggerichs works with his readers to probe, analyze, discuss and redefine the critical nature of what makes for a solid husband-wife team. Here are some of the tips and Christian truths my wife and I gleaned from this very thorough and methodical study:
A. That husbands and wives are emotionally wired differently: one to love the other to respect;
B. Marriages can flounder when either or both partners feel they are not being emotionally recognized or supported;
C. Closeness and openness in a marriage are two forces that don't have to be mutually exclusive in a marriage;
D. Saying sorry is not a bad thing for either side if it breaks the emotional logjam or crazy cycle and heals the discord;
E. Listening and responding positively to the feelings of the other side is often all it takes to strengthen a marriage;
F. That decisions in a relationship, while reflective of a mutual regard and respect, ultimately fall to one person to make;
G. The worlds of husband and wife are often tinted differently with respect to how they see and value things. That is just how we are made so start adjusting your sights!
H. Reconciliation comes when partners learn the importance of taking the first step. Setting aside one's ego, while hard and risky, often results in great reward and improved understanding;
I. Everything Eggerichs shares with us in this book is bible-based, indicating that this is the plan God wants for our lives and not some patchwork theory dreamt up in the halls of academia. The essence of a good marriage is one that is filled with the fruits of the Spirit - love, joy, and peace - that encourage its partners to grow together in Him;
J. As a realist, Eggerich does consider the possibilities of the love and respect concept not working for some. Instead of simply dismissing it as the exception to the rule, he discusses the importance of having a close relationship with Christ as the essential precondition and starting point in rebuilding a failing marriage. If the other side does not respond to increased love or respect, God is still able to bless that marriage because one partner has decided to break the crazy cycle of 'He won't, I won't" attitudes. Overall, a great learning experience, especially for couples going through it together.
5.0 out of 5 stars The Best Book Ever,
This is an answer to prayer. I wanted the best way to make my marriage better. This book is based on Scriptures. It's God's will for a couple to live peacefully together and to grow in every aspects of their life.
It's not good to fight or argue... there's a way to work our problems without all the crazyness...
This book ia a great help for all who really want to save or make their marriage better.
7 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars refreshing and timely,
Exceptional new look at the marriage relationship. A vital guide to what it means to love AND respect. So often respect is ignored, taken right from the scriptures, it is clear this is how we are to relate. A very rich spiritual element, hones in on our obedience to God.
5.0 out of 5 stars Sound Advice to Men and Women in Relationships,
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs (Paperback)
Excellent book from a Christian perspective but most of the principles are applicable to anyone in a relationship. My husband read this book before I did (he's not into self-help books at all) and he highly recommended it. I read it after he did and I would have to agree; the book helps each person in a relationship understand the other's viewpoint. The basic premise is this: Husbands, love your wives unconditionally. Wives, respect your husband unconditionally. Emerson Eggerich's book gives very sound advice as to how this can be done whether or not a significant other actually 'deserves' special treatment. The author also defines instances when principles do not apply, which is good, as there are times when it is wise to leave a relationship that destroys trust. It is easy to understand why this book is a best seller.
Most Helpful First | Newest First
Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs (Paperback - Sept. 1 2006)
CDN$ 18.25 CDN$ 13.18