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18 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Best parenting book for frustrated parents
My mother-in-law, who is a child psychologist, introduced me to this book. She's been using it for years in her practice. I have been irritated by other books that seem to talk exclusively about how to help children while ignoring parents' needs. This book has great real-life examples and doesn't come down on stressed out parents for getting angry or saying dumb things...
Published on Nov. 13 2003 by aschroeder13

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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Not enough in this
I think that the communication ideas in this book are great for both children and adults. However, they can apply only to children who are old enough to have some ability to reason. Despite what authors of this type of program claim, you simply can't usually have a problem-solving discussion with a two-year old. Also, I was frustrated by the way the authors seem to think...
Published on March 25 2010 by RenLady


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18 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Best parenting book for frustrated parents, Nov. 13 2003
By 
"aschroeder13" (High Point, NC USA) - See all my reviews
My mother-in-law, who is a child psychologist, introduced me to this book. She's been using it for years in her practice. I have been irritated by other books that seem to talk exclusively about how to help children while ignoring parents' needs. This book has great real-life examples and doesn't come down on stressed out parents for getting angry or saying dumb things. Instead, it gives practical exercises and rules for helping your relationship. Some of them are hard to do. Habits are hard to change. But it has made a world of difference between me and my 3-year-old. I'm so glad to have read this book so early in her life. I think it will spare us some of the heartache my mother and I experienced, mostly due to poor communication skills.
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11 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Talking To Feelings With Just the Right Words...WORKS!, March 18 2004
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Although this best selling book was originally written more than 20 years ago, I find the advice and specific suggestions extremely on target in 2004. The main strategy that has made such a positive difference in my life is to acknowlege my child's feelings before I give the direction for compliance. Most of the time, I do try to give well-meaning, honest (not always calm) responses to my 3-year-old that unfortunately sometimes escalate into a raging tantrum or no win power struggle such as in the following example at bedtime...My son announced, "I'm really scared of the big closet monster, Mommy." I responded honestly, "There's nothing to be scared about, there is no such thing as a real monster. Monsters are just make believe."...This conversation was followed by a long screamimg and kicking fit from a very tired, frustrated little boy.
Now I have learned that by calmly talking to my son's feelings first, he knows that his point of view is understood and important to me. Then I have a better chance of getting him to stay in his bed. Because I chose to validate his feelings first, I got the cooperation I was after. I learned to say, "I see how worried you are...I've got a great idea...I'm getting the broom out to sweep the entire floor including every corner of your closet to make sure nothing is hiding in there...OK, it's completely empty, honey...only clothes in here. Hop in bed and I'll rub you back before our special good night kiss." ...It worked like a charm!
I also highly recommend another newer pocket-sized book to accompany this classic tome called "The Pocket Parent." It is based on the very same philosophy of Haim Ginott and is chock full of hundreds of quick read tips and funny, true, short anecdotes from moms and dads relating to the challenging behaviors of 2-5 year olds (anger, bad words, bedtime and mealtime refusals, sibling fights, interrupting, whining and many more). These 2 books have taught me and my husband so many techniques that have worked at least once. We continue to refer to them for specific sensible strategies (including the exact words to try on our son). We appreciate the upbeat tone and great sense of humor of both books. Additionally, FYI...both parenting books have been translated into Spanish and are both available through amazon.com.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Not enough in this, March 25 2010
I think that the communication ideas in this book are great for both children and adults. However, they can apply only to children who are old enough to have some ability to reason. Despite what authors of this type of program claim, you simply can't usually have a problem-solving discussion with a two-year old. Also, I was frustrated by the way the authors seem to think that if you just use the right words, your child will be able to discuss a solution to a problem and be happy about it. There is no advice for what to do in situations that are truly non-negotiable, or what to do if your child continues to be upset after trying these methods.

A book that explains better how to talk to your kids, and what to do when it isn't working, is "Connected Parenting" by Jennifer Kolari.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Excellent, Jan. 31 2012
Original book. The cartoons make the book an easy and quick read. Good information. The book covers many scenarios with your kids and provides insightfdul hints.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Life-saving!, Nov. 2 2010
By 
Angie Maksymetz (Alberta, Canada) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
I read chapter one in the morning before my 3-year-old son woke up and most of our problems were solved by lunchtime! I went from wondering why I became a mother to smooth sailing. I didn't realize that I was denying everything he said or thought because in my mind I was the reasonable adult and he was the difficult toddler and if he thinks that vegetables are gross then I'd have to correct him because he is wrong and they are healthy. After I began acknowledging his point of view with the techniques in the book, he seemed to trust me enough to listen to and cooperate with me, instead of resisting everything I told him to do because I was resisting and squashing all of his opinions. Great illustrative examples - it's my favourite parenting book ever.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Always Thankful For This Book,, Sept. 18 2010
By 
Reflection Haiku "Lily Wang, Author" (California, USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
Children are like computers - they can do great things but they speak their own language. This book teaches parents how to talk to their kids by first listening and acknowledging children's feelings. This 7-chaptered book is packed with scenarios that parents can relate to, comic strips to keep readers motivated and simple assignments and techniques that deliver results. From the methods you will learn to avoid turning simple conversations into argument, learn how to engage children's willing cooperation, use alternatives to punishment, set firm limits with goodwill, and encourage children's autonomy. Difficult concepts made easy through their effective writing and the recommended exercises make practice art of parenting perfect. A life-saver to many families including my own, HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN will benefit you and your family greatly. If you have more than one child, Faber and Mazlish's other book, SIBLING WITHOUT RIVALRY is also highly recommended.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An easy read, a difficult step, May 14 2003
By 
Maureen G. Burkhart (North Hollywood, CA United States) - See all my reviews
I have read this book from cover to cover several times - it's an easy read. But like chess - easy to learn, difficult to achieve mastery. Many of us need to learn methods to use in communication that were not modeled to us as children - a tough call. But with practice, this positive approach to communication will not only help you with your child, but with your spouse, your friends, co-workers, bosses, etc. As a friend, parent and educator, I've given this book away numerous times (and bought it numerous times!)
As for the first review above concerning the particular feedback "You must be so proud of yourself"... In using those words, you also acknowledge your positive feelings towards the child - a double whammy because children learn how to reflect on their own behaviour and give themselves the kudos they may not get in "real life".
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Divorced Father Uses Book With Mother and Stepfather, Nov. 8 1999
By A Customer
I see my son only 3-4 times per year but talk regularly with him, his mother, and stepfather regarding parenting issues. I've used this book for input into the telephone discussions we have. I've strongly encouraged his mother and stepfather to read and periodically review this important book. Our sixteen year old son is flexing his teen oats. We need to constantly work to find positive, growth-oriented solutions for and make him aware of the consequences of the negative situations he finds himself in. This book helps immensely.
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6 of 8 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Good for communication but not for discipline, Jan. 13 2009
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I bought this book along with others after my five-year old daughter was suspended from her school for one day. She tends to have tantrum and becomes uncontrollable. I like the first chapter on Listening and I try to apply the communication recommendations but I feel that this book is too permissive. We have three children and we can not let them run the house. If one applies "How to talk so kids will listen", the children will get fast the impression that any decision of their parents is negotiable. In particular, I did not like the passage on setting the time to get home. In this example, the child was systematically late but instead of punishing him, the parents decide to move his curfew time 15 min later. What will be his incentive to be on time? None! If you don't want to spend your days explaining your children why they should do what they have to do, you better read some more pragmatic book like "1-2-3 magic" or "Setting limits with your strong-willed child...". I also liked "A family of Value" that advocates the traditional child rearing approach where children are treated as children and not as little adults. It heavily criticizes the "child-centered" approach advocated by "How to talk...". It helped me to gain a different perspective. In conclusion, I think that "How to talk..." gives some useful communication tips but should be used in combination with another more pragmatic parenting books.
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3.0 out of 5 stars GOOD BOOK, May 11 2014
Good book however it would be more effective if written from a teen's perspective. Think and Grow Up does just that!

http://www.amazon.ca/Think-Grow-Up-Positive-Rebellion-ebook/dp/B00J49ZVXY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1399849219&sr=8-1&keywords=think+and+grow+up
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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Elaine Mazlish (Paperback - May 3 2001)
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