Customer Reviews

Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

5 star:		(182)
4 star:		(10)
3 star:		(5)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

I bought this book as an additional aid to a University class that I'm taking. The message of it is very simple, and likely things that people have always noted before. I don't think that it really took a Doctor to write it. Anyone that thinks, feels, and observes their mate, can figure this stuff out. That being said, some people are oblivious, or perhaps don't realize something until it's said and the light bulb goes off.

People have different things that makes their heart tick. Each of us respond to love in different ways, and have different needs. The author boils seeing love displayed in five different ways, and when one identifies the language of love their mate speaks, then it will be easier to please them. For quite sometime I have been aware that I'm a "gift" person. I tend to give gifts to those I love, because I myself feel the most love from receiving them.

Keep in mind this book is highly Bible based. Some references are very obvious, others are going to be known only by those familiar with the Bible. Some Biblical passages are discussed by the author through the words "an ancient sage once wrote." Nearly everything quoted, including C.S Lewis, is because of their spiritual content. However, even if you aren't one for believing in the Bible, the passages used are still of value since they display common sense.

This is a great book that reminds us to go back to the basics which further promotes mutual respect between a couple that can easily lose sight of these facets amongst life's other demands, all to yield a result that we all desire.

Whilst I am currently single, I have been on a search for a partner this year. In somewhat of a state of confusion in a 2-month relationship, I was recommended this book to help me understand the man I was dating. I was feeling that his "heart wasn't in it" & I couldn't work out how we could be in a relationship without emotional involvement. We both seemed to want the same things. When I suggested that to him, he was terribly hurt as he thought he was acting in a loving manner.
After reading this book, I now know why. We were speaking different love languages & I wasn't receiving what he was sending.
This book has changed the way I think about all of my relationships - intimate, family, friends, even flatmates! I recommend this book to everyone - those married recently, those single, those married for a long time, those with children - in fact, I can't imagine someone not getting something out of this book.
The book is an easy & hugely beneficial read & will no doubt impact your life as much as it did mine.
Enjoy reaping the benefits!

Dr. Chapman has cristalised his theory of the 5 love languages in a simple and easy-to-understand way. I started wondering why my husband didn't seem impressed with the fact that I am buying him ties and shirts. He wondered why I always wanted him to take the rubbish out. We read the book together and it solved our mysteries. My love language are words of affirmation, acts of service and receiving gifts and his are acts of service and physical touch. I had realised that he would be very upset if I didn't iron his shirts anymore or prepare him his breakfast bag to the office so he would get his bite in the morning. These meant more to him as acts of love than buying him things. And since then, we have always spoken in our 'love-tank' language: We ask each other 'How does your love tank look like today?' He surprised me with flowers when I got my job interview now that I am looking for employment. He would tell me more often now how much he appreciates a good meal cooked by me or the fact that I dress well for him. Sometimes it takes a big effort to do things you don't like to do but if it is the love language of your mate, you would love him or her enough to want to fill up that love tank. At times even if I don't feel like being intimate with my husband, I take the time to prepare myself and pamper him because I know this is his love language. We have since recommended the book to my sister-in-law. I am ordering a copy as a gift for her. I recommend this book to all couples, even if your relationship is doing very well, because it helps you to understand why your relationsip is doing so well!

I learned a very practical lesson from this book: I need to love people in ways they will perceive as love. It sounds simple: I don't give a T-bone steak to my six-month old boy, and I don't give books on engineering to my wife, who loves romantic novels. Yet I am often too selfish to learn what really communicates love.

The main point of the book is that "real" love is a choice, and when exercising that choice, it needs to be done wisely, by loving someone in the manner ("love language") that communicates love best to that person. And then the feelings will follow, Chapman says, since "feelings follow choice." In contrast, he says, "falling in love" is spontaneous and often irrational. So the only real romantic love proceeds from choices grounded in duty.

I call this book unromantic, and do not mean that completely as criticism. Relationships have significant components of work and sacrifice that are not always romantic.

But perhaps Chapman has gone too far.

He has de-emphasized the romantic aspects of love so much that he has in effect denied what romantic literature for centuries has taught us, and in fact, what the only Biblical book about romantic love teaches us, too: that falling in love is not an irrational response, but a choice and response based on the qualities perceived in the beloved; that it need not be temporary, but can last, in various forms, through a lifetime; and that it is a reflection of the nature of God and also his relationship to us.

The Biblical book to which I refer, of course, is the Song of Solomon. The lovers fall in love because of the qualities they perceive in each other, and the completeness they feel together. That is why the Song is filled with so much mutual praise. It is also filled with feelings of wonder and delight. When the lovers of the Song display such delight on their wedding night, the Creator Himself endorses their feelings, encouraging them to celebrate this love and enjoy it. What Chapman disdains, the Creator embraces.

Chapman says that falling in love is illusory, unreal because it is spontaneous, not arising from duty. The Song of Solomon shows quite the opposite: that romantic love is a wonderful reality; that spontaneity is part of its beauty; and that devotion arises from love, rather than love from duty. Love gives birth to acts of love like "grace" gives birth to "works" from love. And neither the acts nor works are diminished because they arise spontaneously and joyfully, with all the feelings lovers have always described.

Chapman also says that the beginning of romantic love is mostly self-centered, evidenced in part by no concern for the personal growth of the other. But nothing could be further from the truth. "In one high bound," C.S. Lewis writes, "it has overleaped the massive wall of our selfhood. It has made appetite itself altruistic, tossed personal happiness aside as a triviality, and planted the interests of another in the center of our being."

Imagine two people with no possibility of a natural attraction between themselves reading Chapman's book. Are they to believe that by following his instructions they can create romantic love for each other --not the love God asks us to show towards all, but the romantic love shared only by two? Will romantic love follow their romantic choices?

I like some of Chapman's book, but I like the Song of Solomon better. In the final analysis, it is simply more realistic. It doesn't ask me to believe that any two people, unsuitable or not, have the power to create romantic love for each other, if they so choose. On the contrary, the Song encourages us to patiently wait for its arrival, and the special person with whom we will best experience it. And it suggests that behind my joyful choice of a partner is the Songwriter's choice of a gift; that love finds me as much as I find it.

For the distinction between Christian love for all and romantic love shared by two, The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis is helpful. For the romantic aspects of love, Solomon's Song of Love by Glickman is quite refreshing.

The number one thing I learned from this book is that people receive and interpret love in varying ways. Just because I intend to show love, doesn't always mean that the other person feels loved when they receive my action or gift.

This book instructs readers in identifying, understanding, and learning the ways that the other people in our lives (mainly our spouse) receive love and loving messages best. This information can then be used to actually show them love in their way...and that translates into them really, deeply, and sincerely feeling love and loved.

This is a must read for:

- married couples who have celebrated many, many years together

- newly married couples

- engaged couples

- people thinking of getting engaged

- anyone who counsels married or engaged couples

- anyone who wants to learn to show more love to their spouse

- anyone who wants to learn to show more love to their children, friends, or other relatives.

*You don't need to wait until your marriage/relationship is in turmoil to implement the principles in this book (although it would be a help if that's where you're at)

...it's a great resource to make a good thing better!

This book is so incredibly helpful and practical...I highly recommend this book to men and women who are thinking of marrying. It is also a great help in other close relationships with children, friends, or extended relatives.

I thought I already knew how to show love to my husband...but this book revealed to me ways I could show even more love ... and best of all ... I learned how to show love in a way that he receives a 'love message' best. In turn, he is showing me more love (even though I already felt pretty loved) ... and he didn't even read the book yet!!

This book was so good that I bought an extra copy to circulate among my friends. I am hoping to do a couples' study using this book in the fall of 2006!

This is simply one of the best relationship books ever written. Both my wife and I read the book and completed the action items, and it has helped our marriage immensely. Chapman's insight into how to keep your partner's "love tank" full is innovative and practical. The book is written in easy to read chapters, and Chapman cites his work with other couples to illustrate specific points. By doing so, he gives the reader a "real world" examples of how understanding your partner's love language will strengthen your relationship and open communication. The reader can easily relate to these examples and identify with their challenges, and subsequent victories. My wife and I recommend this book to every couple we know, whether their relationship is good, bad or other.

I lucked up on this book. I didn't read it page by page. I thumbed through the book and got the basis of the book which is simple. I do believe that many times people are thinking they are being loving but not actually giving what their partner needs. I personally believe that every couple needs all of the 5 love languages in their relationship, but some may be more important than others. It was a reminder to me to try to make a choice to give the type of love I know my partner desires. I believe that if your mate is happy and their love tank is full, they will be less likely to stray in the relationship. It is a pretty good book. It is not the bible, where every word can be held to truth, but it is good and practical. I just checked out The Five Languages of Children today. I think we should all take time to read books that will strenghthen our minds to make us better mates and better parents.

I agree with the reviewer who says this book is "helpful but unromantic." I can't express it as well as that review does, but I agree that Chapman is too critical of romantic love. He is also unrealistic about the ability of any two people to create it between them, simply by choice. I read recently the book that review recommends, Solomon's Song of Love, and find, too, that it is a healthier approach to romantic love. I intend to read C.S. Lewis' The Four Loves, too, which was also recommended.

...that would have made an excellent essay.