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on October 7, 2003
Chapman, with co-writer Ross Campbell, M.D., have written The Five Love Languages Of Children, which applies the love language theory to children. How can you tell your child's main love language? Chapman offers these suggestions:
1. Observe how your child expresses love to you.
Chapman and Campbell: Watch your child; he may well be speaking his own language. This is particularly true of a young child, who is very likely to express love to you in the language he desires most to receive.
I've seen this with my own 4 1/2 year old. Noah will come up to me or my husband, and try to engage us in a wrestling match. Or he'll pat our arms, give us a hug, etc. He has shown us that his main love language is that of Physical Touch!
2. Observe how your child expresses love to others.
If you notice your child making crafts for relatives, or wanting to take presents to classmates or teacher, this may indicate that her primary love language is Gifts.
3. Listen to what your child requests most often.
If your child often asks you questions like "How do I look, Mommy?", "What do you think of my drawing?", or "Did you think I did well at practice today?", this pattern may indicate that his love language is Words of Affirmation.
4. Notice what your child most frequently complains about.
Frequent complaints such as "You never have time for me", "Why don't you play games with me?", or "We never do things together" would be indicative of the need for Quality Time.
5. Give your child a choice between two options.
Chapman and Campbell suggests to lead your child to make choices between two love language. For example, a Dad might say to his son, "I have some free time Saturday. Would you like me to fix your bike, or would you rather go to the park together and shoot some hoops?". The choice is between Acts of Service and Quality Time. A mother may say, "I have some time tonight. Would you like to go shopping, and I'll help you pick out a new outfit, or would you rather stay home and we'll do a puzzle together?" You've given her the choice between Gifts and Quality Time.
Chapman and Campbell explain: As you give options for several weeks, keep a record of your child's choices. If most of them tend to cluster around one of the five love languages, you have likely discovered which one makes your child feel most loved. At times, your child will not want either option, and will suggest something else. You should keep a record of those requests also, since they may give you clues.
Of course, the choices you offer your child will depend on age and interest.
I highly recommend this book for understanding your child's own unique love languages, and how you can better fill his or her "love tank"!
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The 5 Love Languages of Children takes the concepts originally written about in the original 5 Love Languages book, and seeks to apply them to parenting children. Dr. Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell describe the emotional need of a child to have a full "love tank" where they feel unconditionally loved, and then they describe the 5 basic ways that a child needs to be loved to achieve that full tank. These languages include physical touch (i.e. hugging or kissing a child); words of affirmation (telling a child how appreciated or beautiful they are); quality time (a child receiving focused, undivided attention from their parent); acts of service (a parent serving their child with an attitude of love, such as helping a child fix their bike); and gifts (giving a child a gift as an expression of love). Although children need to be loved using all of these languages in different ways, each child will primarily give and receive love using one of these languages.

I found that this book was very well-written, laid out in an easy-to-read manner, and incredibly useful to me as a parent. The authors clearly explain the concept of the love languages and how they apply to children, and as I was reading I was able to consider my own children and how they need to be loved. For example, I know that my oldest daughter's love language is physical touch, and that nothing tells her she's special so much as having a hug from dad or a snuggle with mom. I really appreciated how the end of each chapter on a certain love language lists specific ideas for how to convey a particular love language to your child. These ideas are practical and doable, and I will definitely be consulting these lists many times over the years. The authors have also done an excellent job of explaining the concept of the languages throughout the developmental stages of children, such as how they may apply when children are young as opposed to when they are teenagers. This book contains valuable concepts that are not only helpful to me as a parent, but are also important for my children to learn and apply in their own relationships as they grow up.

I highly recommend this book and give it 5 out of 5 stars.

Disclosure of Material Connection:

I received this book free from Moody Publishers as part of their Blogger Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
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on January 24, 2004
Gary Chapman identifies 5 ways children experience love. He suggests that each child has one or two primary ways of feeling loved. The book can therefore help people maximize their emotional impact with children by employing those primary areas during interactions with the children in their lives.
The redundant nature of the description of the 5 "languages" and excessive story telling force me to give this book 4 stars. Otherwise the information and examples are helpful to those willing to make the effort to improve their relationships with children.
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on July 11, 2001
In his previous book "The Five Love Languages," best-selling author Gary Chapman contends that there are five major methods of love-giving ("love languages"), and each person responds differently to each type. Each person also "speaks" a primary love language, and responds strongly to one of the types of love-giving. Chapman identifies these love languages as: physical touch, gifts, quality time, acts of service, and words of affirmation. In order to best make someone feel loved, you must "speak" their primary love language to them.
In this book, Chapman is teamed up with best-selling author Ross Campbell, who has written some very successful books on relationships with children. The premise of this book is that the love languages are not only applicable to the adults in your life, but to your children as well, and can in fact have a major effect on their behavior and happiness.
The book begins with a general discussion of love languages, some stories illustrating the dramatic difference that utilizing the knowledge of love languages has made in some parents' relationships with their children, and an overview of the book. Chapman and Campbell then discuss each love language in a chapter of its own, complete with real-life examples of each love language in the lives of parents and children.
The book then launches into a discussion of discipline (do NOT use a form of discipline related to your child's love language, warn the authors), as well as a brief discussion of the effect that the love language theory can have on your adult relationships (for a more in-depth discussion, see Chapman's "The Five Love Languages"). There is also quite a long discussion of "passive agressiveness" which I thought to be a bit overkill, but I'm sure is very important in the treatment of the topic (I have a feeling that this is co-author Ross Campbell's pet subject).
The information in this book is very powerful and has the potential to radically alter your relationships with your children, as well as anyone else in your life. The testamonials are very convincing, and the fact that this book, as well as others in the "Love Languages" series have enjoyed such wild success is a testimony to their effectiveness. My only complaint really was that some of the writing occasionally tended toward the cheesy side, and that often I was aware of the differences in the voices of the two authors. These are unimportant complaints, however, and do not deter me from recommending the book highly!
This book would be useful reading for any parent, no matter the quality of relationships within the family, as well as anyone else who is dealing with children on a regular basis (teachers, grandparents, babysitters, etc.).
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on July 20, 2003
I can't speak of the emotion that fills my heart when thinking of this book. It is saving my family! My husband and I now know how to satisfy our children in the most basic of ways...Love!! And I will tell you a secret: They do their chores now with no complaints!! Their "love tanks" are full, and they are happier than I have ever seen them! I think it should be handed out to every parent at the arrival of their new baby.
I also have "The Five Love Languages" and it is just as worthy! This book should be a MUST for every married/dating couple in the world! Actually, I think maybe it should be handed out at birth! LOL It saved my marriage! I kid you not! Our whole family has been reborn because of these books.
I have shared the "love language" books with many people, married, dating, and parents alike, and hope that you choose it too! Your life will be changed for the better. Guaranteed!!
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TOP 500 REVIEWERon March 16, 2014
Many good books have adaptations for different audiences/circumstances. This adaptation about children is a must read. I know extrapolating ideas from the original piece works but you would miss the examples in this this book that are about children specifically rather than romance. How you relate with your children affects how they relate to you and others. If your child is going through rough changes, this book can help. (an amazon company for audio books) at the time of this review is also selling the audio book for under $4 CAD. Many reviews detail the content, so I'm not going to waste time covering it but I do have a companion suggestion:

"A Perfect Pet for Peyton" is Chapman's children's book that uses examples how different animals relate to children demonstrate the love languages to children. Each child's love language is related to their multiple loving actions and how their perfect pet expresses love. The examples include a helping border collie dog for acts of service, a giving monkey for gifts, a cuddly bunny for touch, a cat that loves following and spending time with people for quality time, and a sweet parrot for words of affirmation. Why each pet is paired with that child is explained in a way for kids to grasp the concept. This book not only was enjoyable time spent with my kids, it ended up giving me a strong visual of the 5 love languages. My children (3.5 and 5 years old) loved it and enjoyed discussing it as we read. They also liked the mini activities on each page (simple seek and finds). I have read this book off of my iphone, ipad and computer (the only issue was the insects were to small to find on the iphone).
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on March 14, 2000
This book has revolutionised the way I communicate with, and discipline my children. Within the space of three days my three year old has gone from being difficult for me to deal with to being a pleasant child who responds to discipline in a positive manner. Our home has become more of a haven than a battlefield! Learning to communicate with my children in their primary love language has been the BEST thing that has happened to my parenting, and to their self esteem. I would highly recommend this book to any parent of young children. I will certainly be re-reading it through the years of their lives.
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on February 6, 2001
This wonderful book as transformed my realtionship with my son. Reading this book made me realize that I have spent most of my time loving my child in the wrong way. It was very hurtful to me that my 5 year old son and I didn't have that mother-son bond that I longed for, and that I knew he was missing it too. Once I learned how to love him using his very own love language our relationship improved on every level, and for every day that goes by it improves in new ways. Thanks to the The Five Love Languages I now know what to do and what not to do to make him feel truly loved.
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on October 1, 2013
Wow, I have a newfound outlook and respect on how love is felt by each individual child. And it is so individual it's unbelievable! Worked wonders for my 2 year old (she's even a bit young but I still find their advice to work). If she is cranky, I usually reflect on how the day has gone and more often than not I can track it to the fact that she didn't have enough of her love language that day. Then, I can work on fixing it so that we have a better rest of the day/evening. Will read again and again as she grows.
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This outstanding book addresses how each child (adults as well) expresses and receives love best through one of five primary "languages" - quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. Although children need to be spoken to in each of these love languages, there's one love language that meets their deepest emotional needs and should be used often with them (and authors caution how you use that language for discipline). The information in this book complements books that address communicating with children based on their temperament (such as "Raising your Spirited Child" and "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka). I also appreciate that the author included an informative chapter on "love languages in marriage", instead of just a one-liner encouraging readers to buy his book dedicated to that subject.
Bottom line - Even if you've read tons of parenting books, you will truly learn something new from this one - something to enhance your relationship with your child and adults in your life. You'll probably even learn something about yourself.
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