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15 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Best self-help relationship book out there!
After my marriage suddenly ended I spent all my time in the self-help section of a major book store chain looking for the one book that would have the answers to help me get over the traumatic break up. I flipped through every book they had on the shelves. I went to through every section that was remotely related. 'Relationships', 'Self-help', 'Divorce' 'Loss',...
Published on July 14 2005 by bananafreak888

versus
2.0 out of 5 stars not good at all
it was in really bad shape it looks like it was pulled from a flood....i can read it but not sure i want to touch it.
Published 15 months ago by Lynn Jackson


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15 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Best self-help relationship book out there!, July 14 2005
By 
bananafreak888 (Vancouver Canada) - See all my reviews
After my marriage suddenly ended I spent all my time in the self-help section of a major book store chain looking for the one book that would have the answers to help me get over the traumatic break up. I flipped through every book they had on the shelves. I went to through every section that was remotely related. 'Relationships', 'Self-help', 'Divorce' 'Loss', 'Grieving', 'Psychology', etc. I wanted to find that 'quick fix'.
After purchasing a few books that did really nothing for me, a friend recommended this book to me.
I wished that I had found this book earlier. This book is like a relationship bible. It has practical steps on how to get through the pain, talks about the different feelings that you will go through and coming through the other side into your new life just to name a few. There will be times when you read it and will totally identify with what's being said. This book contains many little 'gold nuggets' of information. Little gems of wisdowm sprinkled throughout the book.
This book was the best one out there that I found and it was very much worth the money. This is the only book that you will need. You won't be disappointed.
Have faith and trust that you will recover. I did.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Outstanding for the dumpees of the world, Sept. 29 2003
By 
Paul Skinner (Manassas, Virginia United States) - See all my reviews
This book gives excellent, practical advice for toiling through 19 stages of recovery in a divorce. Each chapter is unique, and gives homework for the person to work through topics like anger, loneliness, grieving, etc. I found the chapter on dumper/dumpee relationships (grief vs. guilt) and the chapter on love to be the most valuable. Fisher describes many types of love, and allows a confused person to sort out where they and their spouse actually stood with each other, both during and after a marriage. Unravelling confusion is important to anybody going through a divorce. I cannot more strongly recommend this book to anybody who has been dumped by their spouse. Buy it, keep it, and go back to it many times over the months you may be trying to "climb your mountain".
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An Anchor During the Storms of Heartbreak, May 29 2004
By 
W. Foley (Canandaigua NY) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
Years ago, when my first marriage ended, a friend loaned me this book and I'm so grateful that he did. Well, I need it again. So I picked up another copy of this book. Divorce and separation is an excruciatingly painful experience. The author gives straight forward and practical advise on how to cope with this type of loss. When your heart is breaking and you feel as if you will drown in your grief, having this book will help anchor you when you might not be thinking very straight. The book "Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends," will not only comfort you, it will be your own personal guide to aid in the healing process and starting your life over.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Bless the authors for this!!, Feb. 18 2003
A close friend, a survivor of divorce, gave me this book when I started my divorce and I am thankful for that, as well as the authors. When I first read it, it felt as if someone is peering into my mind and picking my thoughts and feelings, it's almost unreal how the authors know EXACTLY what I feel and what help I need. The book is remarkably easy to read and understand but please do not be fooled. It's not as easy to do the exercises because it's A LOT of pain, but the exercises are really useful and totally essential. All you need is to be totally honest with yourself and how you feel. This is a wonderful companion to take on your journey in singlehood. You will survive singlehood.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Climbing the mountain to peace of mind, May 1 2002
By A Customer
This book is a very helpful tool for anyone who is experiencing the pain and emotional turmoil of a break-up, whether you were married or not, whether you were the "Dumper" or "Dumpee." I especially liked the comparison of climbing the moutain, taking each level and learning those lessons at each level - and that sometimes you would come to an understanding at one level and as you moved up to the next, you may realize there was still more to learn "back there" where you had just left, at a lower level of the mountain. But the book ALLOWS you to understand that these feelings are a process, that there is no easy or orderly way to experience them, and that it's perfectly OK to step up the moutain and then back down a couple of steps, up again, down again - until you come to understand it all and allow yourself to experience that understanding. Each step helps you to deal with the last, and you don't have to "finish" in one area before you move onto the next. You learn in your own way and your own time, yet the words are always there to comfort, encourage and teach you. This book put it all in perspective for me, gave me permission to feel pain and confusion, and helped me through each phase of my struggle, reminding me of my worth and teaching me the most important lesson of all - which is to take care of and value myself. I recommend it highly.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely shows how to thrive thru the divorce challenge, Nov. 8 2001
By 
Terri J. Cornish "Intuition & Business Coach ... (Reno NV United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
The book "Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends" was one of the things that really helped me get thru my own divorce process and create a whole new wonderful life. It truly showed me that my feelings and reactions were normal and that they could be worked thru. After all Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti worked with people who were rebuilding their lives after divorce for over 25 years and they ought to know. The book has a style that is very very readable. You can begin at the beginning and read it straight thru or open it to just the chapter that is appropriate for you at that moment, like "Loneliness", "Anger". "Self-Worth", or "Sex". The book is built around the metaphor of climbing a mountain, and you are shown just how achievable it is to successfully rebuild your life one doable step at a time. Once you reach the top of the mountain you experience a wonderful sight of a new you and a new life. As Alberti says, "So prepare yourself for a journey. Pack up your optimism, your hopes for the future. Discard your excess baggage. ---- And the Rebuilding mountain lies ahead for you." If you are only going to buy one book to get yourself thru the divorce process this is the one. I can't recommend this book more highly. Other books I would recommend are "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" by Colgrove, Bloomfield, and McWilliams, "Spiritual Divorce" by Debbie Ford, "Life after Divorce" by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse, and "Finding Love (Again!)" by Connie Merritt.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends, Aug. 20 2000
This book is a self-help manual for those trying to recover from a divorce, or going through the process of divorce. "Rebuilding" is the feelings that surface during this trying and stressful period of your life are identified. It is comforting to read that we are not alone in our pain and confusion and that given the circumstances, the turmoil you are experiencing is quite normal. As each emotion is explored, the reasons for them are also examined. An example from another who has suffered the same misery is given, then the best part--what we can do with and about those upsetting, hurtful and sometimes hateful feelings that want to pull us under and drown us. The chapter continues to describe the emotional cycles the "dumpers" (the one ending the relationship) and the "Dumpee" (the one being rejected) go through. Fisher and Alberti acknowledge not everyone is going to react the same, but no one escapes the pain. No matter how we are affected, though, we must remember guilt and rejection are tied to feelings of self-worth and self-love. Build up these two areas, and we will be less devastated by life's inevitable rejections. The end of each chapter has a "How Are You Doing?" section. A list of questions will help us think our way through our dilemmas and offer ideas with which we can rebuild our lives. I like this book because it forces us to do something besides sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves. There are ways to work through relationships that end, and we have the power and the tools to do it. We don't have to feel helpless. I like this book because it acknowledges we are not alone with our feelings. There is light at the end of the tunnel. We can go on to live a normal, happy life. It gives us hope.
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5.0 out of 5 stars This book is your best friend through the hurt, March 2 2000
By 
Inga W. Holmquist (Washington State, USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
A friend lent me this book when my husband left me and I was in the depths of dispair. I was reading anything I could to try and understand, but this is the one book that really helped. I latched onto it like a life-preserver to a drowning person. I have read each chapter serveral times now, and keep getting more out of it as I progress in my healing. I returned my friend's copy and bought my own (which I have now in turn lent to a friend in need.)
One of the revelations I found comforting was simply to know what the physical symptoms of grief are - that my sore throat my aching chest and my dry mouth were all manifestations of my emotional trauma.
This book felt like I was talking to a friend who had been there and back, and could take me by the hand through the healing process and help me find my way back to joy. Please read it if you are hurting from the loss of a relationship - it will comfort you a great deal and help you more forward constructively. Then lend it to someone you know who could be helped by it.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends, Feb. 23 2000
By 
Marilyn Dalrymple "MaLing" (Lancaster, CA United States) - See all my reviews
In its third printing, this book is a self-help manual for those trying to recover from a divorce, or going through the process of divorce. The first thing I noticed about Rebuilding is the feelings that surface during this trying and stressful period of your life are identified. When we are really suffering, it is hard sometimes, to analyze what we are feeling. Is it pain? Depression? Self-hate? All of the above? It is comforting to read that you learn we are not alone in our pain and confusion and that given the circumstances, the turmoil you are experiencing is quite normal. As each emotion is explored, the reasons for them are also examined. An example from another who has suffered the same misery is given, then the best part--what we can do with and about those upsetting, hurtful and sometimes hateful feelings that want to pull us under and drown us. For example, Chapter 7 looks at the two, " . . . very strong feelings which accompany the trauma of divorce--guilt and rejection. Advice given is to do a self-examination. Do we need to learn new ways of relating to people? Do we realize that feeling rejected is a part of ending any relationship? It's normal. It's natural. There is nothing wrong with us. Whew! If you are the one leaving the relationship, you are probably feeling guilt. You don't want to hurt someone you do or did love. However, say Fisher and Alberti, "To end a love relationship may be appropriate because it has been destructive for both people." Leaving can be a good thing for both people in the relationship. The chapter continues to describe the emotional cycles the "dumpers" (the one ending the relationship) and the "Dumpee" (the one being rejected) go through. Fisher and Alberti acknowledge not everyone is going to react the same, but no one escapes the pain. No matter how we are affected, though, we must remember guilt and rejection are tied to feelings of self- worth and self-love. Build up these two areas and we will be less devastated by life's inevitable rejections. And how do we go about building our self-worth. Chapter 11 tells us how to go about that. The end of each chapter has a "How Are You Doing?" section. A list of questions will help us think our way through our dilemmas and offer ideas with which we can rebuild our lives. I like this book because it forces us to do something besides sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves. There are ways to work through relationships that end, and we have the power and the tools to do it. We don't have to feel helpless. I like this book because it acknowledges we are not alone with our feelings. There is light at the end of the tunnel. We can go on to live a normal, happy life. It gives us hope. Bruce Fisher, Ed.D., (1931-1998) was the founder and director of the Family Relations Learning Center in Boulder, Colorado. He was a divorce therapist, author, teacher and a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Robert E. Alberti, Ph.D., is a psychologist marriage & family therapist, Fellow of the American Psychological Association, clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and author/coauthor of several books. A 287-page volume that demands us to do some work, but it is well worth the effort.
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5.0 out of 5 stars A life saver! In a time of need...., Oct. 12 2003
By A Customer
This book guides the reader through the process and stages that one inevitably faces when going through a divorce. Even if you read it 10 times, each time you will get a different message/insight as important as the first time. It shows the reader at what stage he/she is in the process of healing which is very comforting, knowing that the time of divorce everything is so unsure. It is not a heavy book and can easily be grasped by anyone who puts a little time each day to see where he/she is in this hard yet fulfilling journey. Personally, I found it to be SO VERY TRUE in every step of the way!! I think the best thing that this book can give to every reader is HOPE and the tools not to become cynical in such a trying time. I would suggest it to every one even those people who are not undergoing a divorce because it is rich every page you turn! Can't say enough good things about it!.... A true life saver!
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Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends
Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends by Robert Alberti (Paperback - Nov. 1 1999)
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